Have you ever tried sleeping in bendy rollers? I had to sleep like i was balancing my head on boners all night. I’m also currently trying to convince ‘Dreamboat’ that he doesn’t need to buy the ‘Magic Saw’ on the Shopping channel, which will aid him in the art of jigsaw making and bamboo flute carving. Like i need a bamboo flute. Isn’t that racist?? (‘Yeah, hi i’m Chrissie Wunna, i like coconut rice, fortune cookies and playing my bamboo fucking flute!’) Be Gone!
So last night, i had date 3 with ‘Dreamboat.’ It’s a bit awkward writing it whilst he’s here, but i don’t really have much choice, as work is a calling and well…i don’t really care. He stayed over. (Always always good!) As i’m writing this i’m being poked and teased…but unfortunately not the good kind. Instead of ‘willies and winks,’ i’m getting ‘elbows and spacker faces.’ He’s getting a little too comfortable with me. Where the hell are my gifts!!!!
Last night he drove over and we went to dinner. It was beautiful and champagne flowing. He came armed with peach roses, tiny kisses and seemed a lot more relaxed then before. We both have this slaggy reputation, but it seems we just work. We get each other and he’s the most affectionate man (alongside ‘latin lover’…oops) that i have ever met. Dinner was wonderful. I wore my pre-bought letter ‘C’ diamonds and i ridiculed him all night. I’m loving his accent. It’s so refreshing and fools me into believing i’m in some exotic land. (I’m missing LA right now, so i’m seem to be dating boys of that look, or with English as their second tongue, just to get we away from Yorkshire.)
Okay, what i haven’t told you is that he is quite well known, and i am quite Z-list, but think i’m A-list. So last night was one of those nights where along with romance, laughter and karate chops, we decided to use our powers of ‘fame’ to see who could get the most attention, free stuff and waves…just to mainly take the piss out of ourselves and each other. I won because he’s shy and i resorted to standing up, throwing my arms in the air and shouting, ‘I’m Chrissie off the telly!!!!’ He pissed himself so much that we actually had to leave due to to his watery eyes. Everyone thought he was crying and started staring at him weird. (Hahah!)
Went for drinks and just figured we’d rather be at hone snuggling. So we sauntered back to mine, with him singing ‘Sexy Back’ all the way back. He sounded more ‘Borat’ than he did Timberlake.’ But i did the polite thing and said, ‘You have the worst voice i have ever heard in my life.’ We get home, he kicks off his shoes, like he’s a regular old house husband and whist drinking more home made umbrella drinks, and eating brazil nuts we watch ‘American Idol’ together on the sofa! How amazing is American Idol!!!!! (I wanted the other guy to win though. They always pick the worn gone, because it’s fixed!)
Lots of chit chat, lots of cuddling, lots of giggles, then the tone changes in 2 seonds flat and all of a sudden we’re in ‘sexy’ mode. It’s funny how that happens right and we start visicous making out all over the living room. Being the slut that i am, i immediately take my shirt off, so i’m all fake boobies and cocky sucky lips. He ‘likes to be dominated’ so the rest was simple for a bitch like me.. He’s an easy floozy and should be ashamed of himself. (Haha!) We messed all over the living room and lets just say he ate more than a romantic dinner. Then afterward he oddly works out a bit, and showers and i put my bendy rollers in and we venture to bed, like it never even happened and spoon all night.
This morning when i woke up, i look to my ‘other side’ and he wasn’t there!! WASN’T FUCKING THERE!!’ I leapt up all huffy puffy, pulling faces and stomping my feet. I get downstairs and he has MADE breakfast, and made it all beautiful. I got another gift box. This time it was a diamond watch. It seems i like gifts when i haven’t ‘put out’ first! Haha!