All i remember about yesterday..which was August 5th 2010, is argueing with Loverboy. The day took a detour from ‘Happy land’ to ‘stress city,’ (not my favourite diversion…sober.)
I can’t even remember why i was so angry at him, or why i was mildy hurt? Yet i do remember feeling hugely hormonal, lying on my bed, feeling poorly and having to listen to my dear ‘Handsome’ say all the wrong things. He kept stumbling into reasons for me to yell at him. I do feel abd. But i just can’t help the hormonal wave. It’s like a mexican wave, but no-one’s smiling. You take the ethusiasm out of it and all that’s left is a bunch of body waving idiots. It ended in stern words, crying (on my part) and hang ups. He has 6 months of this behaviour to put up with! I am Pregasarusrex!
Anyway, the ‘handsome’ wanted to see me. I felt all morning sicknessed and horrific. He agreed with the suggestion that i get showered, out of bed and get ready to see him. I did, after a long hard battle with my bed sheets and get this…only to find out that when i called him…once ready, eyelashed and boobied…he’d instead decided to go hang out with his mates. Erm…like HOW RUDE!!! (‘Oh well…i’m kinda with my friend Jay at the White Rose Center now.’) Like is he DUMB?
Anyway, after more shouting, threats, love 🙂 , and crying. (If in doubt *tantrum* out.) I ended up slipping into a far more comfy outfit and he ended up driving to mine, within the hour to tend to ‘hanging out’ with his glamour puss. He had really pissed me off and that’s twice this week. I’m enjoying it though, because as i always say, people can’t *pretend* to be something for very long. Who he really is will slowly creep up on him and explode. He’s started to not put me first and i don’t like that. My hormones, (due to my current state of ‘Ooh yeah baby,’ but literally) especially don’t like his new bit of swagger, he is tumbling towards me. This is why it is always better to be your true self right from the very beginning. If you begin by worshipping a girl, then she will expect you to do so forever. If you have always paid for everything for your partner, they will expect you to do it always. If you have always been a moron…well then your love bunny,will always be shocked if you are lovely for one day. It’s how it works! Get with it!
Pete doesn’t like to be alone. If i’m not going to hang out with him, then he’ll immediately need to find a friend to chill with.When he hangs out with his mates, he comes back to me with a bit more ego than usual. We’ve actually made up right now, but my head just hurts! I just want to pop out this ‘Puss’ and get back to being lovely, once more.
We hung out last night and we were our normal chipper selves. Cute, cuddly, telly watching lovelies. He made me a cheese plate for dinner, because i can’t eat ANYTHING that might stir on a vomit and we enjoyed the night…being calm, happy and cosy. He was infact lovely. The night sailed through to Friday, our 5 month anniversary purrfectly..and with grapes. It’s our 5 month anniversary and i’m 3 months preganant. 🙂 Champion!
Okay, at around 3am. Loverboy’s decided that he can’t take me home…which doesn’t bother me. I’ve already fallen asleep by this time (I can drift off anywhere. I once woke up on a puppy) and so he’s made a bed out of various pillows, duvets and cushions on the floor..so we can cuddle.
I open my eyes, (ugh, if i must) because i could here him shuffling around. I spy him, get up all a giggle and a smile. Then I snuggle in with him, on his floor duvet bed invention, because i’m cutsie like that and the thought of another reclining chair ‘wake up,’ was terrifying me. He does have an actual bed, but sometimes a floor bed, made up of bundles and love… is just cute!
He begins to make out with me, like a saucy time is on his agenda. I’m half up for it, half so/so. Yet anyway, the floozey in me, gets the better of me…and we end up having a bit of rumpy. (This is why you shouldn’t be a slag.) He hasn’t had *panky* in a rather long time, due to me not feeling up to it (helloo..i have a person living inside me) and well because he hasn’t seen me in a week.
By the end of the rumpy…(I started ontop and it was fine. We flipped over and i was on my back and it got a bit rough,) bad things happened. I guess my bits are a bit tender right now? My boobs are jumbo, my body is delicious, but my ‘Poppins’ is fragile. If i’m being honest towards the end it kind of felt like i was being butchered. Like i was a pretty rag doll, in the pitchness of black. It was soooo dark, i couldn’t even see his face or body. I HATE that, because in order for me to have good sex, i need to see their eyes, i need a connection. Plus, what’s the point in him not being able to see me, when i have jumbo boobs much? Makes no sense! I don’t like sex in the pitch dark. It creeps me out…and makes me think i’m humping a fugly.
There was a moment where all the senusality had disappeared and he was just going at me and poking me forcefully with his meat stick and fingers. (Sorry, for the openess..but i need you to get the whole picture.) It was almost as if i was sleeping with a school boy, who was wanting to impress, but doing everything wrong. I’m a kitty cat that needs tender loving care right now. It was a bit harsh and well i had never felt so much older than him, than i did at that point.
In the end he finally *gushes,* as i like to say. He could’ve ages ago…but he didn’t want to. He had also tried to talk really dirty all the way through sex, but it just didn’t seem real. Yet he scores points for the effort. He wanted mad sex. I wanted tender loving ‘ooh’- ness. *Sighs* I even had to stop him towards the end, due to the roughage. Where did it all go wrong? I mean, men get all excited and forget to hump me like they worship every inch of me. Instead they just attempt to make me cum as fast as possible, so that they can *shoot* off their little victory. They do this because it makes them feel all manly and they don’t feel bad for a four pump sexy *spurt.*Poor me! being easy on the old eyes…can sometimes be a hinderance. It’s quality rather than quantity fellas. I’d rather enjoy four perfect pumps, than a rough finger bang and god knows what else! Hahaha! Crude, i know! You have my apologies.
That isn’t even the terrifying part…after the big event had reached a spunk finale (no glitter, just mess.) I immediately jumped up and naked tottered to the bathroom to do my usual wipe up. I’ like a comedic boobied, ‘Carry On Camping ‘character when i naked totter. All innoccent and giggly, like a juicy clock work doll. But what did i wipe up? Yeah…not just ‘man juice.‘ But flipping BLOOD! Yes, dude!!! BLOOD!!! UGH!
So i’m almost 3 months pregnant right now. The last thing you ever want to do, is to go to the toilet and find yourself bleeding in ANY way. It’s bad bad, very baaad! It didn’t continue…so i put on his comfy bottoms and went to bed. This blood, was not only in my tissue, but all over his willy, his stomach, his face, his hand…everywhere! (It kinda makes me laugh that he had it in his mouth. Serves himself right! 🙂 )
Woke up this morning, no blood in sight, which is a good thing. As soon as i got home, i called the midwife to tell her what had happened. You have to, if you ever bleed. I kept getting put through to the wrong department, which is not good in your hour of need. (‘Hello, it’s Christina Wunna. I’m bleeding. Oh wrong number? Sorry!’)
I finally get through to the correct people, after about 7 different wrong calls and in an emergency they have booked me in for a scan on Monday at 1.30pm. My actual first trimester scan is on Friday! I was that close to perfection!!
See! Nothing in my life, ever goes smoothly. It had all been going dandily until now. I was almost at the end of my first trimester and what happens, a week before my actual proper scan..my vagina decides to bleed. Niice! Thankyou baby gods! UGH!!! So mad!
Now, i’m all worried, even though i’ve been told it could be nothing and normal for a pregnant girl to bleed, after sex. However, saying that the midwife did not sound too chipper. More panicked than anything. If there was a time for false enthusiasm..it was then. I needed it. . It was almost as if she was trying to tell me, this bleeding marlarky was not going to be good. UGH! Fuck!
So..Monday..1.30pm. I go find out if i’m actually still pregnant or whether i have actually begun to miscarry. Just what i need. I’m terrified. It’s like a circus of emotions. It’s Awful! If i have miscarried..(and i hope i haven’t) i am never having sex again. Plus, i’ll quite possibly feel bad for Pete as, he’ll feel responsible for every single rough moment of it. I mean, i wish i never commited to the *rumpy* now. *Hits head against hard wall.*
I’ve told my dad..who’s passive and doesn’t like to hear bad news. He pretends i haven’t mentioned it. He told me to just wait for the scan and that he really loves liquorice. I need to tell my mum, but as always..story of my life, she away working..so i can’t reach her yet. She’s worked her whole entire life for us, ever since i was 6 weeks old. I appreciate the hard work she has put in for her children..she’s an amazing woman. My closest friend. My idol. Yet at times, i wished she was just home, so when i needed her i could have direct access to her..without having to wait until her work day was over. But no matter what..I LOVE her. Saying that she’s just arrived home! There is a God! If there’s anyone who can up a smile back on my face, it’s the Great Wunna before me! I’ve never needed her more than i have during this time.
I’ve got a weekend of not knowing and i don’t really have anyone to share it with. I guess that’s why i blogged it out? Wish me luck! When will teh drama end!