It’s a jungle out there! Luckily, i’m made for it. Hopefully you are toooo, as life slowly sways it’s way ‘back to normal.’ The babies and I are booked into ‘Ego’ today for lunch, so things must surely be back on track?
We’re also armed with customized Wunna Land face masks, thanks to ‘Bags of Love Uk.’ Ruby’s excited about them because she thinks she has her own mask line? Haha.
Okay, so I’m happy, but i’m still learning lessons as I go along.
I’ve noticed that when I have something important to tend to, I HAVE TO make sure, that i’m completely closed away from outside ‘dramas’ and that i’m all snug and at peace, in the beautiful bubble that i’ve created, called ‘Wunna land,’ in order to focus. I’ve actually been really good at it, over the last couple months. That’s why i’ve done pretty well at work.
But the other day, before something really important Ruby’s dad… (I’m a single mum) decided to give me a little call and literally cause THE MOST drama EVER…within a ‘snippedy click’.
Ruby: ‘What is he even doing?’
Me: ‘Don’t worry. I’ll sort it for you. Just stay here and relax.’
Junior: ‘Can I have pancakes?’
So Ruby’s dad for some reason is starting to feel all lost, needy and well he just keeps showing up outside the house and staying their for ages? Eh?
He can see Ru whenever she wishes, so that’s not the problem. If she fancies it she goes. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t. Pretty normal. But it got the point where almost EVERY other day, in fact EVERY DAY, he’d park outside the house, demand Ruby would go outside (when she didn’t want too lol) and refuse to leave for ages. If Ruby didn’t want to go outside…(She’s 9. She just wanted to play with her brother)…He’d kick off?
Ru: ‘Why is he here again?’
Me: ‘I honestly don’t know?’
One day we had quite a lot of stuff to do and we had to reschedule it all because he refused to leave and Ruby didn’t want to walk by him because she felt awkward. UGh! (This was after his 4th day of doing it.)
Anyway, he came the other day and again Ru refused to speak to him because it’s just too much for her now and she just felt under pressure. I completely understand that because I’d feel the same way. I’d feel suffocated and harrassed.
It kinda made me sad because she looked at me, at the beginning of the week and said…
‘He’s not respecting me. I need space.’
(I didn’t like it. It felt wrong. At this point I hadn’t said anything to him about it…I didn’t know what he was thinking…But he’s not usually nuts & until this point they’ve had a really good relationship.)
In my mind….you can’t…well you can…But you shouldn’t just randomly show up unannounced outside someone’s home…..continuously….for days and days. It’s odd…and surely it’s rude? It’s intrusive.
Couple days ago he calls me…After he’d been calling my mum a few times and shouting at her?
I look at my phone. I see it ring. We’re about to start our movie afternoon…I didn’t want to pick up….UGH! But I did! If I didn’t….it wouldn’t stop.
THEN with his knickers in a full on twiddly TWIST, the tinkered in with his full on drama.
Safety FIRST. This is a tinker free zone!
Quit it or move on.
Behind the scenes, we have so much going on and we’re all really grateful for the love and opportunities that people are currently giving us. It’s a dream come true. Obviously, It takes work, time, respect and love. SOME People (Lol) aren’t realising that & it’s stressing us all out.
However, when people don’t tinker on the drama train, we’re all really chipper and our life is filled with loveliness.
On a personal note, during these LOVELY times, I kinda need to focus. There’s a big old career hat I need to tend to and it’s far MORE important than any little boy drama. I feel like he wants to be more important than that….But he’s just not.
So, I stated that. Politely at first. It was decorated with that divine British wit, that I seem to have mastered.
In the end, he wouldn’t go away….So I just had to shout at him…until he would because Ruby had had enough. The simple, yet effective method and well she looked at me like I should be nipping it in the bud, for her.
Me: ‘Why are you being so rude? I get that you’re not feeling good, but that’s not my fault. What are you actually mad at? You don’t even know what you’re saying or doing? You’re nuts. You actually sound like you’re jealous?’
(This was after he tried to make fun of me and belittle me, without the actual support of any truth. You don’t get to do that. Then said he was jealous of my son….Junior. Eh?????)
Pete: ‘YES!!! I AM JEALOUS…AND I AM…’
Me: ‘Right, I’m done now. I’m really bored of wasting my time on this conversation. It’s dull…Write me a letter or something, or watch a Youtube tutorial on how to be a…’
(Then i hung up.)
Ruby: ‘Thank God. Can you make pancakes now? Is he gonna do that thing where he waits outside for ages, until we do as he says???’
‘No. I don’t think so. I’m exhausted. I’m never sticking up for you again. Haha. You’re just sat there in your nighty, demanding pancakes like the Queen of Wunna Land.’
Then weirdly Ru, Ju and I just looked at each other…paused…and then laughed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE??
Pete’s usually so sane too? I don’t know what’s got into him? He turned all ‘Queeny,’ and yeah he’ll probably feel bad for it now, but in my book, that’s it… He’s joined the nuts club.
So…If i go online, i’m getting called names before 9am, just for doing well or being moderately attractive. When i chill offline at home, i’m picking up my phone to get SCREAMED AT, by old friends, who seem like strangers?
Hahaha. Yipppeeee! Some life!
It’s bonkers. Stop being bonkers. Just chill. Go do life. Get happy. Don’t bother me. I’m in a kimono most of the time, having a pretty sober blast!
When I began the phone conversation I was fully clothed. However, during the chat and because i was getting more and more passively frustrated, a layer of clothing kept being ripped off, simply because i was feeling emotionally suffocated. Haha.
In the end, I was STOOD, in just my non matching, bra and knickers… in the middle of my living room, in front of a window, with a ‘what has just happened’ face?
Then i made pancakes and got on with my audition. Half mad and half relieved to be free. I also read all my comments on Tiktok just to make me feel wonderful again, because they couldn’t be nicer.
My Tiktok crew are literally the most wonderful humans in the world of Wunna ever. Every minute they make me smile with love!
It kinda doesn’t matter that exes from a zillion years ago are grumpy because Dan From Texas, Will from Finland, a guy from Egypt, a girl in Japan, Colletee in Leeds, Sam from London, Mark from LA, Steve in NYC, Laura in Georgia…
I make all these people smile. I apparently make their day and I love it. I value it.
(Tiktok is pretty much my new booze. Everyone just thinks i’m dancing around and posting videos for entertainment and a bit of ‘look at me.’ I’m actually de-stressing and performing my way back to chill mode. I’ve noticed that i’ll always dance when i’m stressed. In the past i’d want a wine.)
The Santana video that I posted on my insta yesterday, was the tiktok i filmed immediately after that argument, JUST TO RELAX, before my audition.
Surely is why i’m single! There’s no stress. No compromise. No exes. Just happiness. Work. Bliss. Freedom. Hahaha.
All this drama that keeps popping up is making me not trust the art of ‘coupling up.’
Is it worth the stress, when I’m already so happy? I’m looking for a life enhancer. Not a ticket to drama city.
I went on to film an audition. In fact TWO. Then Ruby and I filmed a piece together, that you will shortly be seeing on the old telly box…It’s only a little bit, but it was just so much fun. It was wonderful.
But then, that evening…something lovely happened. After all that stress!
Tim, remember the guy who had asked if i preferred Thai or Turkish food online? Anyway…I see another notification on my phone and he’s sent me a video….
I love videos. So, obviously i’m intrigued. (A girl named Ashley also sent me a beautiful video this morning and i wanted to publicly thank you for that. You have a beautiful voice.)
But OH my gosh…
The video that I received from Tim…
It was the nicest and most thoughtful surprise ever. It was really kind. It was really sweet and i was really shocked. I was really happy. It was beautiful. I didn’t know what to say? It was lovely.
Tim hasn’t known me for years…personally. He found me on Tiktok and just liked my videos, which led him to my insta..which led him to Wunna land. He’s not scared of anything. He’s all ‘skin to the wind.’ I got a video. I love videos. I love letters. They’re my favourite.
I was really touched and after a really shitty day of people trying to ‘boomerang’ negativity into my world…It just felt like the most perfect ‘breeze.’
I love a ‘breeze.’
It was later that evening and I laid upon my bed, in my kimono.
‘Come look at this…’
(I always share moments like that WITH HER, just to show how kind people are or can be, so when she’s older and she ‘flash backs’ she’ll remember.)
She was filled with excitement. She laid next to me on my bed and we watched it….
I’m not gonna tell you what she said, but she looked up at me and her little asian eyes smiled. I smiled.
Then she dashed out the room to tell Junior, who didn’t care at all. Haha.
I feel like you’ll hear more of this story…
So, what i’m trying to tell you is that your day can start off really shitty , yet end on such a remarkable note.
If you’re living in the moment, the present like I am…it can feel pretty hideous, at the time.
But once it hits the past and becomes ‘yesterday,’ it’s over. It’s done. You can completely forget about it and wash ya hands of it.
However, in the moment,…it feels ridiculous. Almost like a circus.
It’s all mind over matter. Adjust appropriately and have a way of bouncing back to your happy place, at your own pace. It can be a thought, a break, a song, a dance, a word, a memory. Just find your way back.
Don’t let other’s burden you with their pain, if you did not welcome it into your world.
Be excited for tomorrow. You never know what’s going to happen?
I love you so much,