Drag Queens, Beige and Hot Joggers


Oh my dolly doo-daa’s! So, i’ve just got back from my morning buggy work out. It went better today and simply because I was in booty shorts, meaning that I felt sexier. Its not the fact that I was simply adorning ‘hardly any’ clothes that put a smile in my little pot of sizzle. Yet more the fact that if I can actually see the sun, look through my pile of ‘what to wears’ (and I’m untidy, so they’re all just heaped in a bundle of glittery creativity,) pull out a pair of booty shorts and think ‘yes,’ then darling’s we have victory. I’m back to feeling Glamour Puss.

So, there you have it,  the simple art of f being able to take part in the dance of ‘look at me’ that we call the art of the ‘booty short’ made me feel sexy. I don’t even feel too fat anymore. (There’s chub..but now i’m feel like i’m getting there.) I have my ‘ooh laa’ back and i’m gathering it in arm scoopfuls, so I can save it for a rainy day when I feel like  rum and I don’t have any. it wasn’t just the booty shorts that made my morning work out worth it. The odd whistle from a truck driver, holla from a bike boy, wave from a Grandad, or even the few ‘wow you’ve lost your baby weight fast,’ from the ladies…all summoned my ‘ooh laa’ back to function.

I feel great today and it’s all because of the sun..and the fit jogger who was actually handsome in Ackworth today. I’m quite picky with what I like to see in a man and usually when i’m out and about, doing life around Ponty, there is a distinct lack of totty.. that fit my label of ‘eye candy.’ Today, the young, handsome, Josh Duhamel jogging lookalike was fit! He even stopped to have a water break, whilst I was feeding Junior (with a bottle and not with my breast, as that would be creepy) and made polite conversation with me before asking where I lived and whether I was seeing anyone? Quick mover. I told him I was married and had just had a baby…and that I have a two year old little girl also. (Haha..hardly the best answer for the guy to hear.) He smiled, stated that if my daughter looked anything like me, then she was beautiful. *Line.* *Score.* Then I said ‘I better get off now and get the baby out of the sun,’ and I began walking. Then I told him that he was ruining my ‘buggy work out.’ So, with a ‘Yeah okay,’ he threw in a ‘…. hopefully i’ll see you again’ and after telling me that he had just moved ‘up the street,’ he jogged off and onward to his next bit of life. So, there you go ladies, hot boys around this area DO exist. He’s single, he’s jogging, so snatch him up girls…as he’s certainly someone’s future. Maybe yours?

So yeah…all that made me feel sexy this morning. I’m much better now and far less frustrated and maybe because Keiran’s been away, the children have been lovely, the sun has been out and i’ve had time to myself and in that time the i’ve been able to do whatever I’ve wanted!! Hurrah! I’ve felt free. The hubby gets back later on in the evening. I don’t know when, because he never tells me times (I mentioned that in an earlier blog.) But he’s still on ‘hold’ because he’s only back for a day and then off on his ‘work’ adventures again. I can’t get overly excited about a ‘stop off.’ It’s like a one night stand…only good when drunk and completely pointless at all other times. Life is has been so calm, filled with peace and love over the last week. Hopefully no drama will occur within the next evening and full day! Ugh! But i’m learning. I’ve learnt to just play ‘lovely’ and told actually moan to him because his ears don’t like to hear it. I already know what his arrival protocol will be, he’ll walk through the door, eye up the situation, then burst into ‘super happy,’ as he runs over to pick up Junior and adore him. If Ruby’s home, he too will gallop around with Rubes. Then he’ll go to kiss me and mention that he’s missed me..state how tired he is, how hot the weather’s been, then state how tired he is once again, how he’s injured something and how he has ‘sooooo much work to do/soooooooo sooooo much work to do.’ Then he’ll go upstairs after a brief break, beging organizing things and moving stuff into the living room and start doing work in the office…after maybe saying that he’s hungry. That’ll be it. Predictable. In fact so predictable that I simply see it as his ‘whirl’ in and upward. I don’t even pay attention to what he’s saying. I should actually mark him out of 10 on it. Then I’ll put the children to bed and go to sleep, leaving him on his own, when he’s about ready to chill with me downstairs.

I need to be more excited about his ‘stop off’ don’t i? I wonder why I’m not? I’m not displeased. I’m happy but because i’ve been happy..so the feeling has lingered and infused through my system. Yet, if I could describe it in a colour it would be ‘beige’ and I have no idea why? My mum says it’s always better to feel ‘beige,’ in these situations because in the past with relationships, whenever i’ve felt ‘passion red,’ it’s never ended well for me, even though at the time my world was flourishing with ‘non stop’ jazz hands of happiness. I’m learning to appreciate the feeling of ‘beige’ and refrain from barking on a troublesome adventure of excitement, when ‘beige’ occurs. I just think that when someone does something more and more you become immune to it. So when he’s away, i’m now so used to it, that the excitement of him getting home from that trip away no longer exists…it’s the norm. *Add wine here.* I’m saying this now, but as soon as he swaggers in, my heart will skip a jolly beat and I’ll be all ‘dolly love you,’ again. I have missed him. I love him.  My pride and ego just likes to make like it’s mad at him. His too.. 🙂

Anyway, other than all that, I still know my life is grand simply because in my inbox last night I read a subject heading saying, ‘Drag Queen Bingo Night.’ Thank God, I still have my sanity. 🙂 I was beginning to think the old me was drunk dancing in a never ending conga line somewhere, never to be seen again. But then the ‘Drag Queen Bingo’ alert reminded me that my life is still actually fabulous. I’m not going ofcourse, because i’m appreciating ‘beige’ and all that kahuna. (Haha..i’m getting a flash back of being at a KU bar in Soho, downstairs in the club part, going to the toilet quietly, due to there being a Drag Queen vocalist on, then when I had completed my pee-fest, dolling up, tottering out, slipping on GOD KNOWS WHAT and falling into her entire act. HAHAHAHA. Like actually on my bum falling. Most people would find that funny, right? But the drag queen thought i was trying to make fun of her and sabbotage her performance. LOL. I almost got beaten up…by a man in a wig…in London. (The Drag Queens in LA love me. The London ones…not so much.) The guy that I was dating at the time failed to come to my rescue and instead at in a corner pissing himself. He laughed so hard, he cried. It was hilarious. Then I dusted myself off, realized KU bar was not working for me anymore and went to Pre-Bar for blue drinks with my gays.

Okay, I must love you and leave you because Junior’s asleep and I want to grab some sun during his 40 winkies. I spent the entire morning chasing Ruby around the house, telling her that she couldn’t go to nursery dressed as a fairy. My baby newborn actually slept through the entire night, yet Rubes decided to SCREAM EVERY HOUR due to nightmares about Lord knows what? We were all up at 5am this morning because of this ‘hoo-haa.’ No wonder I’m losing weight fast. My body is living off coffee, without the time to refuel with food. I adore Rubes madly, yet each day is another day where she pulls the rug from under me, we chase, I manipulate her…but then she wins.


(The moment I lied and told her she could go as a fairy.)

Wunna land is manic, but I love it, I do. (One of my ex-husbands is currently Facebooking me. The Mexican one. He’s telling me that he’s broken up with his long term girlfriend because he found out  she used to be a hooker, or something? Hence the inbox. Boys always reach out to The Wunna, because they always think i’m the ‘one they lost. The reason…because i’m a pain and men love pains. It makes the ‘man’ in them have to work hard for love, so even though they moan…they sort of seep down love it. 🙂 Not really. I’m an awesome wife. Honest! Pahaha.

C x





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