DJ Talent, The Sampson & My 3rd Date With ‘Dreamboat’

I have so much work on right now and i can’t handle it. All i want to do is (direct eyes to above picture. ) I’m a sucker for a good time. So even though my ‘work’ is kind of a ‘good time.’ I’m quite aware that it is ‘work’ and the ‘play’ in me wants to break loose and run riot!!  I find it so hard to appreciate ‘work.’ I just want to jump up and down naked on ping pong sticks, whilst sipping cocktails and shimmi-ing my bazukas to the sounds of ‘Latin’ beats.

Instead, i have a choca-blocka schedule of boobie shoots, appearances, party appearances, burlesque dance classes, book writing, filming, spanish and meetings! I’m thumbing through my diary and i don’t see any ‘free time’ space. How am i supposed to fit ‘friends, sex or sleep’ in there?? But honestly who cares, i’m GREATNESS. My body and mind is just getting used to it all i think? (She winks and slowly strokes her thigh.) I CAN handle it. I WILL handle it and i’ll handle  it better than Fonzi!  (Purr…)

DJ Talent just called me again. He’s due to perform on Monday! So out of everyone in the world that he could’ve asked advice from…he asks ME! Little Chrissie Wunna! Yeah Bitches! The bird he wants to bone. (Over my dead body. Like you would seriously have to kill me.) God, i’m such a life coach. (Worship Me!) Okay, anyone with a single ounce of sense knows not to EVER take my advice. I’m a fucking whack job. I’m not well. I’m not normal. What i’ve achieved in this life (which is ..’to still be alive’) is all purely by accident. I’ve got by on a sex appeal, boobies and a sassy personality. Don’t ask me how to win shows. I just lost one.

Anyway, i told him that i can’t meet him and then i gave him the whole, just ‘get the audience on your side’ speech. Do anything you can to win. Make them ADORE you. Win them over. Be a character. (Same old bullshit.) I mean the key to success on these shows is always ‘talent’ and i honestly don’t think he has any. (Haha.) Yet i do feel for him. So i asked him who he’s was up against and he said ‘Susan Boyle!‘ He’s never gonna beat Susan Boyle and i’m not even a Susan Boyle fan. I don’t know what all the palavas about with her?? Yet, i was honest with him. Then he went on to ask me a million questions about George Sampson…which i just made up answers to, followed by lots of ‘i don’t really know’s??‘ I don’t why people keep asking me about Lil’ Sampz because i really know nothing …at all. Other than the fact that i once said he was ‘sexy’ and that i wanted to date him. Then i got visciously verbally abused by masses of teenage girls who kept calling me a ‘Slut.’ (Hahaha!) If you want to know anything about him, i’m sure the appropriate person to ask would be HIM. Right?  I don’t even know facts about myself, let alone anyone else. Malibu stole my memories.

I have a date with ‘Dreamboat’ tonight. Date 3! Just dinner before he flies off  for a couple days. I’m excited. (We’re not ‘dating,’ we’re just going on dates.) It’ll be good to unwind with delicious company in the form of  hot boy. I’ve worked hard all day. I deserve a treat. Right? (Well that’s what he says.)

10 thoughts on “DJ Talent, The Sampson & My 3rd Date With ‘Dreamboat’”

  1. Good luck with tonights date!
    How the he’ll did DJ Talent get your number!? Lmao. Poor guy against the Boyle. She annoys me 🙁

  2. She does me! I wasn’t even laughing at her, so its not my fault everyone else made fun of her. Now she’s meant to be the best thing ever. hahah.. I hope she shaves.

  3. i like dj talent people think i remend em of him i know not a compliment but the boyle she is butters buyt she will win the whole thing coz the bird can sing aint my music but i thought she would be pony. good luck tonight i hope it goes sweet me old muka me old fucker

  4. Hahaha! DJ Talent was funny, but he’s horrible looking (and rubbish) LOL.

    Boyle can sing, but i think she’s getting away with lots just cos she’s a bit frumpy and people made fun of her.

    I’d like Aidan to win. But my favourite has been that 60 yr old man who didn’t get through but did the swayey arm dance to Michael jackson. YES!! I fancy him. He needs some Wunna love.

    But they all do have balls for getting up there and ‘having a go’ so to speak and we all know, i love that in people! Its sexy x (Sometimes.)

  5. I forgot who Aidan is.
    I want the young ten year old who sang Alicia Keys last week to win.
    She’s a right little diva.
    Susan BoyleOnMaButt wouldn’t have had half the press she has had if she was good looking.

  6. Hahahah…totally! Its discrimination against the beautiful.

    Aidan was that 11 year old dancer boy, on the last episode, that Cowell (sexy bitch) was all excited about. But yeah i like that little Diva too. Natalie or something? There’s some good kids this year. All the grown ups are drunk after the age of 24.

  7. And he totally wears my flat caps. I love flat caps!

    Now i think about it, i also liked those people who were dancing like The Village People with Simon Cowell and Beckham masks on.


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