It’s around 8pm, UK time and not only am I having to eat oranges, in order to aid a rather uncomfortable *clump* of constipation, but i have also decided that i do not enjoy the idea of a Waterpark. Infact, i couldn’t think of anything more horrific then a Waterpark. I swim and all that…don’t get me wrong. I just don’t enjoy parks focused around water. I mean i can’t even cope with attempting to drink 8 glasses of it a day, without reaching for a wine.
I was moseying around a roundabout in Pontefract this afternoon. I was actually being driven, with a McChicken sandwich in my hand, with a smile on my face and whilst performing dance routines to any song that would have me. I think i was telling Loverboy, that i wished i was on The X-factor…but only to do the group song that they do on a
henever i got too hot, i’d get fanned down and passed a juicy beverage with a spritz. That’s my idea of bliss. Not bad watered down hair and middle aged, pie eating men in speedos, who think splashing me in the face and THROWING me in a public pool, against my will is flirting. TRY BUYING ME DINNER, in candlelight with diamonds in tiny Tiffany boxes, with words that go along the lines of ‘You are beautiful.’ Placing me on a ‘swimming’ date…will NOT get you laid. EVER. It’ll just make your ‘googlies’ shrink and therefore be the utter matter of my ‘next day’ blog for the entire world to read.
Anyway, talking about diamonds, my Mother has just this second sauntered in holding a glittery pink box. This glittery pink boxed, that also had a random elastic band around it, was filled with the diamonds she had bought at the weekend, whilst she was at the Buddhist temple. Lol. How very Buddhist of her. I’d do the same!!
It seems our family jeweller was there and presented my Mother with high quality goods of the DIAMOND variety. Braceletts, bangles, earrings and rings. Twinkling little pieces of ‘ooh laa’..all needing to be loved. My Mother, being My Mother, picked out a couple of tiny pieces that caught her merry eye and ended up spending £6000, in 4 minutes and before she even went to find total enlightenment.
Luckily for me, i am the daughter of such a woman. My IDOL. Therefore, i have also learnt her materialistic ways and have a Glamour pussy eye for all things extravagant. I’ve spent the last few moments trying on all her pieces of diamondy ‘ooh laa,’ turning my bare tan wrists into what we call ‘Princess’ wrists. Every piece was delicious. Every moment was magical. There’s something I find comforting and special with having a wrist delicately weighted down, by a thick and sturdy, chunky diamond piece of magic. It is a trait that i intend to pass on to my daughter. It’s actually a bonding moment that my Mother and i have on occasion…which is the thing that makes it not only important, but special to me. It’s a time of harmony, that we both enjoy with one another. I’ll never forget it.
Anyway, i’m still eating oranges and hoping that i poo soon. (Yay!) I have a another important meeting tomorrow at noon. A re-meet with the people that i met this time last week, that i thought wouldn’t get back to me. Luckily, they did at 10am this morning. Yippee!!! I’m excited…so i’m keeping everything all kinds of crossed. I’m nervous and hoping my charm sails me through.