Diamond Encrusted Naps

Found my pretty self slowly rising after an accidental preggo nap, on a bed of beige cuddly sheets, my Blackberry Torch in my left hand, that had the phones web browser on an Elizabeth Taylor interview. I had nothing on but diamonds hanging from my ears. I was all alone and for some reason felt like I didn’t have a baby in my belly? (Great, i’m officially losing my mind.)  That is what happens, when you’re the Ultimate Glamour Puss and you gracefully soak your tired body in delicious lavender baths. I’ve been working (and working ‘it’) soo hard, that i’ve run my body into the golden coined ground. Late afternoon and out of boredom and too much lipgloss going to my head, i filled our beautiful tub up to the brim with lavender bubbles. I looked at it and weirdly decided I didn’t want to delight in one anymore. (Oh, the trials & tribulations of being a Wunna.) It was almost as if i didn’t want to relax, or I was extremely sceptical about it’s powers of kitty cat *soothe.* I slowly laid in that bath of bubbly ‘ooh.‘ (Fuck it, i didn’t want to waste water and dancing to hip hop, after a Dr.Pepper had exhausted me. *Fans herself.*) And I had honestly never felt BETTER! [Do a slow motion strut to ‘sexy girl’ victory music here.]

Woke up an hour later naked, in diamonds on Loverboy’s bed. (Who has not been with me all day, but is finally on his way back into the arms of his little honey bunny. I’ve been instructed to order Chattanooga burgers again. Yay! We get to do a lot of extravagant things together. We love the fun and finer things in life. I’m a Hollywood girl at heart. I pretty much grew up there. Yet, there is nothing I love better…especially when we’re about to ‘give life’ together, than having jumbo Chattanooga burgers, with chilli sauce and chips on the sofa, infront of the telly. It’s the moments inbetween the bites, when we look at each other and I *scrunch* my nose at him affectionately, that makes it so special. I’m really emotional right now. I bizarrely really need him. To finally have the person that you really need, after always being the girl that everyone turns to, whenever they need that bit of Wunna strength and to have him not only BE THERE, ADORE ME & NEED ME right back, means the world to me. I couldn’t have chosen a more perfect person to (well as I always jokingly say) ‘build my legacy’ with. 🙂 God, i’m welling up. I need to stay away from this double strength, raspberry leaf tea. Infact, it’s kinda weirdly making my tummy do strange things?? (I can’t go into labour yet. I’m waiting for my tan to dry!!!)

Anyway yeah, i’m about to have a comfy night in. I’m happy, strong, as feisty as ever. I’ve just finished watching 3 episodes of ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.’ (I LOVE Kyle Richards!!) I enjoy that my late afternoon, sail into evening time, was simply arising from a comfy bed, that I found myself laid on top of, after accidentally falling asleep, after a gorgeous lavender bath, in nothing but diamonds. THEN thinking, ‘Hmm…what could i do with my life’ and instead of saving the world (or the whales :)…private joke… ) i decided to fully moisturize, then commit to a tan top up, do my hair, make herbal tea and then watch episodes of ‘Real Housewives..’ fully eyelashed! (My belly is still doing strange things?)

Anyway kittens. I love you. Thankyou very much for following the story of my life. Well done to those of you who have read this tragic blog and then been inspired to document your own. It’s truely the healthiest thing i’ve ever done and well luckily the ‘thing’ that made my name. (Ugh, Loverboy’s just called because the train he needed to get home on has just got cancelled due to chavs attempting to steal the train cables at Castleford. Why bother? I hate it when chavs, poop on my party. GREAT! I’m probably going to fly into labour now…and Pete won’t even BE HERE! He’s all annoyed and says he’s ‘hated today.’ 🙂 I’m gonna have to give him lots of Kitty cat love. )

My hospital bag is ACE! You already know it’s pink, leopard print and on wheels. But it also looks like the owner of it is quite frankly NOT about to have a baby, but is either related to Dame Edna, or is off to Benidorm for the weekend. Most decent people have extra scented nappy bags in there’s. I have a giant ‘backup‘ BBC camera in mine, for filming in mine and lipgloss. There’s a heck of a ‘hoo-haa’ going on around ‘The Wunna birth.’ However luckily, i’m the type of attention whorey floozy, who loves it. *Wink-Hair-toss.*

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