Dance on My Lap bitches

Just woke up feeling AMAZING because i dreamt i was being sexually abused by a whole overly tanned, overly buff american boyband, in speedos on a beach! I’m a perv when it comes to delicious ‘Himbos,’ (i am…i fall weak at the knees because i’m shallow) and yeah having to actually wake up and change my sheets says it all really! I need them in my life, for (to the) EVER! Those sexy little bitches! You’ve just got to love an LA boy. Purr….

Anyway more importantly, today is the day that I (Lil’ Miss. Wunna-Queen of fucking Greatness) goes out on a merry adventure with the sexy Harriet, where we will drink until we can see no more and make fun of minging strippers who respond to the name of ‘Sweaty.’ I’m quite fond of a lap dancing club, yet this one is quite a treat!! It’s called ‘Heaven’ it’s in Pontefract and it’s being toyed with this evening by my red haired raven and I. (Who is simply too sexy for her shirt, makes me drink cola cube drinks, once chewed on a glowstick, then drank it’s entire contents, and i believe she sold her body for a  £20 dare. I sold mine at the LA Hyatt for $250. Yet the funny thing is.. Harriet will only feed her kittens vegetables purchased from Marks & Spencers and paid £15 to do a wee in a toilet that didn’t have shit on it.) Can’t wait for tonight!! I have London tomorrow. Wunna loves ‘Faff!’ Ponty Rocks!

So yesterday ‘Boyband Jonny’ got felt up by 2 old drunk women who put their hands in his panties (oooh matron) and i’m extremely jealous because they managed to get a great deal further than i did. He must like it like that! Ugh!! He always wears his chastity belt around me…with padlocks and bolts & kung Fu midgets. I haven’t got felt up in ages and it’s driving me insania. I have sex appeal oozing out of every oraphis..i deserve at least a decent finger bang! He thinks he’s all ‘amazing’ now he’s been sexually abused. (How dare he!!) Yet if i had told him, that i came home and some guy had put his hands down my knickers..he would’ve gone APE-ness, thrown a ‘paddy,’ cried a little and probably have gone to Sainsbury’s. (Just the thought of it is making me wet.)

He also claims that most girls would be dead happy, if the boy didn’t try and bone them on the first date..they’d think he was sweet or something?? All i have to say to that is…EXACTLY!! Honey i was raised in HOLLYWOOD. We’re ‘putting out’ before we’re fucking walking. I’ve never started a relationship that hasn’t begun with an immediate sexual attraction, a desire and ‘ooh laa’…even before the dating part occurs! I’m just confused. He feels pressured..and well i’m okay with that, as it gives me the POWER! And i have a twisted sick attraction to Power and status.

Anyway can’t wait to go out tonight! If you’re in Pontefract please do join Harriet and I. Feel free to leave your various ‘Sweaty’ experiences as i am far too pure to have any ‘danders’ and because i don’t actually know any of them and need a little entertaining.

Chrissie (le fuck) Wunna