Circle of Life

All went well at the midwife. (You know it went well, when you’re confused and having to complain. 🙂 ) The baby in my belly is ready to *pop* all healthy, on time and delicious. I’m already doing a mild tango with my contractions and therefore by the end of this week, i’ll probably be a Mummy. Yay! Champagne! FINALLY! (We actually got to the midwife’s late and because Pete forgot to get out of bed on time. *Annoyed face.* He’s spent the day wrapped up in a sleeping bag, on the sofa being tenderly cute, yet grumbly and calling kittens ‘Knobheads‘ for standing on glass tables. He actually looked a little disabled, when he said it. Like he had no legs? I’ve been working from home and let me tell you…when you are AT WORK, there is far less DRAMA!!)

Okay, so incase you didn’t know, i’m having my birth filmed. Both by Pete (for our own collection of home videos) and so far by the BBC, who are filming a documentary on us and the baby. For some annoying reason (the hormones have kicked in 🙂 ) the midwives of Pontefract are refusing to let me have an epidural birth. EVEN THOUGH BY RIGHT, it is my entire CHOICE!!! They do their whole, we’ll help you through it. It’s really dangerous. It’s not as bad as you think to go through a natural birth.

Now, my Mother is a ‘Head honcho’ in the Family Planning medical field and has informed me that midwives only encourage new mums to attempt a natural birth, via scare tactics, in order to hit a target that’s been given to them by a management team, who wants to promote ‘natural births’ and ‘breast feeding.’ Plus to control a money issue and space issue that they’re having at the Wakefield hospital. (Where everyone pretty much need to go to have Doctor supervision.) They’re like a viscious sales team, who care more about a ‘brownie point’ and a bonus for getting a girl to refrain from having an epidural. In my mind they should be concentrating on the marvel of childbirth and not a paycheck. They actually get a ‘check‘ form, that they fill in every time a ‘new mum’ has opted for a natural birth, after their gently forceful persuasion. HOW BAD!!!! Phone calls have been made. I will be having my child at Pontefract…and i will if i ever so wish, be having a mobile epidural, (where you don’t go numb from the waist down, yet you do not feel the pain of the contractions. You feel the birth mildy and can walk and move around with a wiggle and a  swagga) as soon as I demand i need one. *Wink-Pout* Thankyou Mummy! (Fyi/ I was actually born via a cool, calm, epidural and look how wonderfully i turned out. Therefore to parents who think it will make your child retarded…it won’t. I’m a poor example of that, i know. Yet women do it every day! )

Anyway, away from all that…I’ve been on the phone to my agent. Life is all a go-go. I’m working from home today and it feels weird. I much rather BE at WORK and because i’m far less ‘drama queen’ when i’m in the office. When i’m at home, waiting to bring on the birth, i get all moody and tantrumy. It’s still sexy, but only when i’m in diamond and pearl twisted, dripping, necklace. Pete’s upset because i’m putting work before him. Lol. And i’m happy, because i’m getting my hair done in approximately 50 minutes, followed by my nails and a pedicure straight after. Having a baby rocks. You get time off work in order to ‘prepare.’ In my world that means groom, pamper and bubble baths! (I’ve actually just got shunned by a Korean man in a nail salon. They had no room at the inn, for me, until later. For some reason it made me grumpy and i got all bratty. Yipppeee! Don’t worry ‘bratty’ looks great on Me. However, the windy weather does NOT!!! OMG, i got thrown out into the ferocious wind, almost screaming because my eyelashes were blowing away! (I’m currently yelling at Pete for over feeding me. He always does it and it pisses me off. I’ve told him almost 79 times that i do not eat man-sized portions!! It grosses me out! It’s not even the food part of the ‘hoopla’ that bugs the jeebies out of me…it’s the manner of FORCE, that i’m not too partial to in anyway! Eww! Like how am i supposed to be a M.I.L.F if he’s trying to jam a pile on of carbs down my neck every 4.2 seconds! (‘Pete ya like a fricking force feeding granny, who has 22 Italian children!!! QUIT IT!!!!’ ) This is why i’d rather be at work. Drama FREE! (OMG he’s now trying to make me eat Rolo’s!! UGH!!! Madness! When i want one, i will have one!!! He’s under the misconception that the baby needs 22 meals a day. I’m going insane! No wonder i’m almost 10 stone! Can’t wait to get my hair done. I need a bit of calm, easy, hair stroking therapy. Then my nails polished in pink. Hot pink.)

On a lighter note 🙂 I’m really excited about the BBC travelling up north, to film the birth of our little girly. (We’re having the best baby in town. An ‘IT’ baby!) It’s really exciting and really wonderful that we can proudly have such a massive moment documented for the masses to celebrate! I’m already a shameful proud mummy to be and it really does go well with my outfit and wink! If i’m being honest..the ‘secret’ me (and there is one)  is half terrified and half utterly excited to see her. Just that single moment where we’re introduced for the very first time and she looks at me, like i’m the woman who is to love her and care for her forever. Teach her life, warmth and happiness. Give her strength, heart and…the best *strut* through life imaginable. 🙂 I’m a confident girl. Not remotely shy in the slightest and I have this wonderfully uncanny knack of making everyone around me feel comfortable, alive and filled with a shimmie of adventure. But away from the ‘show’ of being ‘Chrissie Wunna’ (and what a fine show that is ITV2..hint, hint, push) For the very first time in my ENTIRE life…i’m actually really really nervous to meet her. I think i’ll be so overwhelmed that i’ll either be completely silent, or burst into those tiny, quiet tears, that say everything, with every precious *roll.* I can’t wait to be a mum and by the end of this week, i’ll probably be one. Wow! The magic of life’s circle!

Petey’s doing quiet talking to my *bumpy.* Aww! He also pretends it’s a microwave at times and does a *tick-tick- ping* sound at her ( i love that my ‘bump‘ is a ‘her,’) meaning she’s ready to come out and ‘work’ life! Everything in Wunna Land is cute and quite quite perfect right now. I can’t even believe the journey i’m being travelled upon. All i can say is ‘Thankyou’ for coming with me. Enjoy the complimentary beverage..and nuts?

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