Summer Bants

Happy! Happy! Tuesday! I’m a in a good mood, because i’ve worked my arse off, the suns out, i’ve been so knackered, but I am panic tottering to the end of the tunnel, with a ‘yeee haa.’ (I’m not AT the end of the tunnel just yet, but i can see it…and it’s glitter gleaming baby.)

All’s good. Life is Wunnaful. Things are just ace in the Summer, aren’t they? I’m cocktailing more than necessary. But I’m fine with that. You should be too.

Everyone’s still asking me about my Facebook. AGAIN, I’m on a ban until June 8th. Everyone’s still asking me about my Twitter. It got hacked in March & Twitter did nothing to get it back for me after I reported it 100s of times (so did my friends and followers) & sent in ID. It’s an actual verified account, that someone else is now using, pretending to be me! They’re DM-ing people & because all anyone sees is a silly blue tick, they think it’s actually me!

I was going to do nothing about it. But then I felt the injustice of it was ridiculous, so a lawyer has now taken the reins…

‘It affects my brand, my earnings, my career & my character. They have access to personal photos of both my children and I.’

Anyway….(Y’know, I’ve managed to get through 38 years without ever having to buy a court outfit. However this year…ALL I seem to be doing, other than selfies…is COURT. I’ve noticed that when you do well…People go nuts and do silly things to disturb your well being…and also because they’re dickheads. Surely being one or the other is enough. You don’t need to be nuts AND a dickhead.)

That was a long ‘Anyway…’

Okay, i spent the weekend with the babies, shopping, bowling, lunching and everything in between. They were so happy, their souls were just filled with ‘ooh laa.’ I try to make the weekends magical, because obviously our lives are a changing and they’re working hard IN school AND OUT of school. Things may not be paper perfect, yet I go above and beyond to make sure that their time with ME is magical, because all we have, at the end of the day is each other and memory making. I want them to have beautiful childhoods.

Junior’s gaining confidence now. It’s like he’s woken up from this haze of insecurity & all of a sudden turned around and said, ‘I got dis…’ I’m impressed. He’s a really sensible & loving boy is Junior…so it’s good to finally see a bit of ‘gusto’ and ambition in him! He found his inner Wunna. When all the odds were against him, he stood up and showed everyone he was HERE & gonna champion it!

Ruby’s a whizz. One of those good at everything kinda beings. Shes smart, competitive and sassy. She’s tender and kind too…but she’s high maintenance.

Mum: ‘You say it like, YOU’RE not, when she’s actually JUST LIKE you???’

The odds are always on Ruby’s side. SHE puts unnecessary pressure on HERSELF to achieve. I spend my whole time taming it!

They’re both in school and doing school well. (Yet for example, straight after school on Friday, Junior then had to audition for a commercial and start filming. Sounds odd to some, but it’s now our normality. My job is to take away any stress, so it all just seems so easy, normal, fun and everyone’s happy. I make sure all is well & all is balanced.)

FYI/ He smashed it. (Ruby had already got the job.)

Junior: ‘Miss.Liddle is gonna be really happy, because she was excited that I was gonna be on the telly.’

Anyway. You get it. There’s a lot going on. My personal work schedule is insane, but I’m loving it. I’m so lucky!!!! I hope I it all goes from strength to strength now..

If i could tell you how busy I was, It’d actually relieve some stress. Haha. But I can’t. I’m just skimming things and thinking…

‘How the fuck am I gonna fit it all in?’ (That’s sounds rude. Haha)

But I always do and when I do, I feel over the moon!!

I told you that things were a changing in Wunna Land and you’re gonna see me do something that is gonna shock you. Still in entertainment. It’s not that much is a stretch. But you’re gonna be shocked…and i’m so excited.

DBear’s all good. He’s really cute. He’s all supportive and loving. He’s sexy. I like sexy people. But yes, I’m glad he’s back from his adventures for a while. But yes, He’s been a true sweetheart and well….i’m REALLY lucky to know him as a human. He is a really talented, yet a really beautiful person. My path crossing skills are amazing. Haha. No matter what, he always has my back. He’ll stand tall and adore appropriately. Haha. I like that! He’s actually a really inspiring person. He makes my eyes smile. I love to make him giggle. I can tell him everything and anything and he always finds a solution. Hot!!!

Life is actually cutting me some fucking slack!!! 38 has been ace!

And yes, i know i’ve been brief about the DBear stuff, but that is actually very deliberate.

I also got to banter with ‘TBone’ yesterday, which fills my evil soul with joy. ‘TBone’ is a really good friend of mine now and we literally CRACK EACH OTHER UP. I think you can know someone for ages, literally ages….but it takes a while for two people to properly figure each other out. We’re almost there now.

TBone: ‘You’re more filth than I am!!’

Me: ‘Stop trying to act like a Disney character. You’ve….Well this is you…’

TBone: ‘Haha. That’s brilliant!!’

He’s only lovely to me because during his own pressy ‘drama’ I was super supportive. I had his back fully!! I understood him. I never judged him. I could’ve. But I didn’t. We have a laugh and it’s just brilliant! We can be ourselves and the way we’ve grown up …in all of our industries we’re in…(this is including DBear) that is harder to find than you think!

I’ve got bored of writing this now. I’m outside and tanning. It just seems more pleasant than typing.

Ruby (yesterday): ‘I think I’m a lesbian because in secret I play with Juniors trucks.’

Me: ‘Girls can play with trucks, though?’ Being a lesbian is about who you fancy.’

Ruby: ‘Oh?’

I think I need to go enjoy the day and watch John Travolta thrust in Aerobics class.

Loving ya! Leaving ya!

Al my heart! Al?? I meant ‘ALL!!’ Haha.

Chrissie x

Working Days Off & Fun Fairs

Only I can go to the local fun fair with the babies after school and GET STUCK on a ride!! Not just ANY ride, but on the flipping GHOST TRAIN!!! (If you know me well, you KNOW that I am SHIT at anything ghosty! I screamed so much at Scare Kingdom, I fell and CRIED. Haha.) But, when there’s just you, the babies and ya ‘I not going on that ghost train’ Mum…you have to take ANOTHER one for the team.

First ride on…squashed into a moving skull, with Ruby and Junior…it’s pitch black, creepy, we’re on a rickety train rail, it’s fast but jilty, filled with flashes, strobe lighting and budget Halloween shit. The inside is kinda like a mini rollercoaster…I couldn’t decide if the ride was rickety because it was meant to be or simply because it was made poorly! Haha.

We get to the top…The ride is built on levels…We’re on a slant. We can’t see anything…and all of a sudden EVERYTHING stops. We pause with a ‘is this meant to happen?’ Then after a brief moment of confusion and stillness…I hear a muffled voice shout…

‘Hi Love. Hang on! Sorry!!! The electrics just went off!! Give me a sec!’

What the FUCK!!! Haha!!!

Who gets stuck in a ghost train!?! I panic, so the kids start panicking. Lol. It’s about to end in tears…and then all of a sudden…it POPs back into action with a JILT and we’re back up and running!!

I am never going on a ghost train again. The great ones are too scary. The budget ones break down.

Fuck! That!!!

But away from that the rest of the fun fair was alright. The kids loved it and just seeing them so happy, made my kitten heart melt. You definitely shouldn’t go on twisty rides after a wine spritzer though. I kept getting flung and spun about, to the sound of ‘Boom Shakala’ like a boozy, Asian…rag doll.

You get to see everyone’s personality on a Twister. I wanted to puke, but styled it out with over joyous screams of showgirl delight, to hide the fact that I was having a really shit time and needed to puke.

Ruby loved it at first, until it went to fast, she lost control of the ride and smoke made her hair go frizzy.

‘I want to get off NOW!!’

Me: ‘Don’t worry baby! It’s nearly done.’

Have you ever tried reassuring someone on a Twister, to ‘Boom Shakala.’ It’s hilariously insincere and impossible.

Junior….screamed all the way through it, with REAL actual JOY. He Loved it. But really!!! Then when it stopped, he laughed, danced like a gangsta and then proceeded to moonwalk on exit.

Junior: ‘What’s next!?!’

They couldn’t get up for school this morning because they chose a ‘fun night’ over a chillathon!! So I MADE them because I had to get up at 4am to work. Lol.

At 7.30am…they forced themselves up and I eventually did the school run! On time!!!

Anyway! All’s well! Things are great. It’s my day off today, so I’m shopping!!! Then I get this email, followed by phone call from a lady because the Kids have been shortlisted for a big commercial…that Ruby has roped me into.

Lady: ‘Hey Chrissie! The director had shortlisted you. So I need you all on tape now and have it sent over, by today!!’

Me: ‘They’re at school…so I can’t do it until 4.30.’

Lady: ‘Perfect! Get it too me! I need it ASAP. I also need to speak to Ruby’s Dad.’

And just like that…Day Off turned into work.

I kinda wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s been so excited to book this…so to know that she’s one step closer will make her little heart swell. She doesn’t even know yet! Pete and I are having to put ourselves on tape for her because they need a separated family and cos she’s so ethic, they figured it’d be easier to cast her real family, rather than try and find ‘as mixed’ parents, who look like her.

Things are great. Hope you’re having a wonderful Friday! I want gin! Oh and ‘DBear’ just messaged me to casually tell me he’s already back home, from his away adventures. (Surely I should’ve known that anyway?’)

But yes…shopping…lessss go!

Catch Ups, Football & Life Ruiners

Leeds lost. I was certainly devastated, but now i’m over it. Haha. I recovered quite quickly. For a moment last night, I became a football hooligan, in the name of ‘playoffs’ and winning. We didn’t win. It’s really annoying!!!! Haha.

KatyP: ‘I swear Chrissie was Derby’s half time talk, because she used to roll around on the floor like that at school, simply to get out of rounders.’

Me: ‘Haha, yeah i’m a pro at dramatic fall overs and painful looks. I’m also a pro at wasting time. I should be playing!! Haha. COME ON, LEEDS!!!’

‘Dbear’ even watched it from countries away, because I made him. Saying that, he would’ve watched it anyway. Footy is his ‘ting.’ All he did was piss himself laughing at my despair.

‘Me: ‘I’ve never sworn so much in my LIFE!!! I’M SO STRESSED OUT. It’s too much pressure.’

DBear: ‘Hahaha. That’s why it’s so exciting to watch and play!!!!’

Me: ‘I’m SO stressed!!! Oh shit! Wait! We’ve scored!!! Fuck! Yes!!’

DBear: ‘Hahahaha…’

I’m competitive and I hate to lose. I’ve lost quite frequently throughout my life. Lol.I never like it. Not any time. I always do that thing where you say, ‘everything happens for a reason,’ just to make yourself feel better!

I don’t throw tantrums though. I just cry and take it out on everyone else, or get cross at myself for a bit. Haha. Let’s say, I usually just focus on the stuff that i’ve won. I block out the losings, with banter, laughter and wine pours, because I’m smart.

I’m just a passionate (annoying) girl.

I will tell you that the last thing i need right now, (because I have a football hooligan headache, hangover…) is a bunch of Geordies, shouting really loudly near by breakfast table…whilst hitting on me, with their 10am lager eyes! (I am out at breakfast before work. Geordies haven’t just magically appeared around my breakfast table at home. Haha.)

I do love Geordies because they’re loud and fun. Yet, right now my head can’t deal with this selection of Geordies…because…we’ll…they’re loud and fun.

On top of that, I’m trying to each my avocado thing and Harriet decides to reassure me that I AM mental and having a breakdown. I’ve literally confused myself due to a poor outfit choice of trackie sports bottoms and pink fluffy ‘sort of’ sliders.

First of all I thought it was my old age, sending me ‘doo lolly.’ But it’s not…I’m now flash backing my entire life, as it hits me all at once…(Haha..) and thinking why the hell did I do that!?!

Harriet: (@hazribo) ‘BNP husband. That was the first clue that you were having a mental breakdown!! Haha.’

Me: ‘How the HELL have I managed to once have a BNP husband in my life??? Haha. Wtf!!!’

I’ve known Harriet for years!!! She’s right! I’m losing it!!! At least I’m three times divorced now. I hate flash backing my life. I’m definitely going to publicly blame her for ruining my life!’

Hazribo: ‘I add to it. Not ruin it.’

Me: ‘You’re right. I ruined it myself. Haha.’

It’s not like I need any help! It’s a piss easy task! I don’t ruin things lightly. I ruin them good and proper by accident. Haha.

I also bumped into my friend Louise yesterday.

‘Chrissie!!!’

Me: ‘Oh shit! Sorry! I didn’t realise it was you!’

We had the best impromptu catch up under the sun. She was telling me l about her new man. He keeps buying her the world…and she’s complaining about it? Haha.

Me: ‘I don’t see the problem. But I’m not a good person for you to ask! I’m materialistic. I CAN be bought!!Lol’

Louise: ‘He bought me a Range Rover. But when we had a fight, he called me a fucking GOLD DIGGER. He threw that in my face, mid anger. So now…I refuse to drive it and just drive my own car.’

Me: ‘Did you ASK for the Range Rover?’

Louise: ‘No. He just keeps buying stuff…then getting mad. Haha.’

Me: ‘Haha. Men are SO strange??’

I love Louise because she’s honest, straight talking and filled with that Northern Pride. I’d just say ‘Thanks’ and drive the car about. Haha. I thought it was rude to turn down gifts. 🙂

Everyone has a ‘wish list.’ I just never get to purchase any of mine because Ruby & Junior totter up to it, kick it out the way and plonk their own wishes before mine! Haha.

Me: ‘Well I was going to treat myself to that new bag, but instead I’ve bought 43 pick n mixes, a paddling pool, a hotel night, a pet, a bunch of slime and half of The Entertainer toy store!’

Get the violins out!!!!

Ruby: ‘She never says no and means it. She works extra hard and buys everything for us. BUT THEN makes us work hard, like….get a special mention at school or something.’

Junior: ‘She doesn’t give us the stuff until we do well at school. Even if we’ve been stung by a bee…she won’t give it us!!!!’

Hahaha. He stood on a bee. It stung him on the foot and then proceeded to go sting Ruby’s bum. I felt really bad so I cuddled, ice packed and cured him. Apparently toys, not ointments or love are the only things that can cure bee stings.

Silly me.

Anyway, life is wonderful. I’m working hard. I’m influencing a lot and I have exciting ‘up-comings’ approaching!!!

Stay tuned!!!

Swings, Balloons & Calm Downs

I’m sooo tired, but it’s funny. Sunshine fun, juicy gins, long evening walks, family time, filming, 5am wake ups….and old age, is doing me over.

I was on the Capital Breakfast show this morning. (Just on the phone though, after the school run, with Ronan Kemp…as the London Breakfast show, has taken over the Yorkshire one. However, Adam & Jojo are now on at ‘drive time.’ )

Today’s topic was Wednesday Weirdness and as a result peeps had to share their WEIRD Celebrity dreams.

I’m there in Ackworth, with Ruby & Junior, doing the school run in joggers, fluffy pink sliders, BUT with my whole entire face done, like i’m headed to Vegas, my dangly diamond earrings in AND my Lovisa hand jewelry. Haha I weirdly COULD be arsed to do my face and decorate my body. However, couldn’t be arsed to get dressed appropriately and look presentable.

Wait a second, Ronnie’s (@ronniecwoo) sent me a message on Insta…

Ronnie: ‘So does Tuesday *&*&*&** or Wednesday &*&*&*& work better for you?’

(I’m so excited to see him.)

Anyway, long story short. I’m waffling. Producer Tom from Capital calls…tells me, to tell my ‘Idris Elba’ story…and with a..

‘Pull over, get ya phone off speaker, stay on the line and I’ll chat to you on the show in a minute…’

So, i’m stood on the side of the road, half asleep, but trying to get my ‘upmh’ on, looking like a mixture of RuPaul’s Drag Race and ‘the slums,’ with my phone pressed to my ear, waiting to tell my Idris Elba story to Ronan.

Basically, I once dreamt that I was on a boat with Idris Elba, in the sunshine. I was in a bikini, he was just in his pants! (Haha! Wahey!) Anyway, he was teaching me how to take a good selfie, but I kept being rubbish at it, so he got mad at me, I cried and to make me feel better he gave me a cheese sandwich.

Haha…That is an actual recurring dream…that I have. If you know me personally, you will know this dream. It’s creepy and beautiful all at the same time!

But, what on this EARTH is WRONG with my mind!!???!! Why would it waste such a wonderful DREAM OPPORTUNITY, with ‘The Sexiest Man Alive,’ on a cheese sandwich.

Anyway and ofcourse, because this is Wunna Land and only strange things happen here, I got to tell the entire NATION this morning.

I literally always end up in THE BEST situations. Haha.

What I actually wanted to tell you about was my little evening trip to Rogerthorpe Manor last night. Rogerthorpe Manor is actually my local, so I figured that the kids and I would take a sunny walk up for dinner and casual playing on the swings. (I pretended to be a cowboy all the way up.)

I love it at Rogerthorpe. It’s chilled. I hardly ever show up there if i’m honest. Yet, I’ll certainly be headed there more often now. It’s beautiful on a warm sunny evening. (An old man walked up to me and started hitting on me…I knew he was going to because I saw his look, approach and him running through his actions, in his head. I’ll given him points for braveness. But he obviously wasn’t going to win this. I mean, as soon as he was one line in…

Hey, you’re stunning…’

The kids came thundering towards him and started whacking him with swings because they hate men talking to me. Haha! They’re ace!!)

Then he told me that he had a ghost in his shower…and just like that life picked up his path and redirected back to his room, to never cross with mine again. Lol.

Anyway, the kids and I had the most delicious dinner. The food is amazing at Rogerthorpe. Good portions. Really tasty! They loved it. Then we all walked back outside to play in the gardens, with the bug hotels. I had a wine in the sun, after signing an autograph for the lovely Glenn.

Me: ‘Just a white wine with ice please…Am I able to take it over to the swings. ‘

Glenn: ‘Hi. Of course. Yes. I just wanted to ask if I could have your autograph. I’m a big fan!!!’

It made me feel really special because I never expect it now and it was kind. However, i’m noticing that I am getting stopped quite a lot these days. Everywhere. In bars. On trains. In restaurants. Everywhere. It’s happening so much, (which i’m delighted by) that Ruby is now noticing…because she’s with me always…and she’s absolutely wondering why, people want to picture take with her Mum?

I love getting stopped, (never be afraid to ask me.) It makes me feel like i’m making some kind of impact, somewhere, somehow and on some people? Haha. It makes me feel of worth. Haha. It just has a feel good factor about it… kinda like the pink fluffy sliders I have on right now. (I want to build a shrine to them and worhsip them appropriately.)

I will say, that I also like it because it’s firstly making my daughter notice…So it make me feel ‘bouji’ in front of her. Plus, it actually makes HER feel special.

Then I saw a giant red ‘Virgin’ hot air balloon. It was literally so close it was HUGE…and then that was it. I wanted to be on it. I demanded an ‘adventure’ and I sent out DM’s to others to give me an adventure.

‘OMG!! WHY AM I NOT ON THAT HOT AIR BALLOON!!???!!’

(I loved how it just hovered over traffic, so low, that it looked utterly surreal. Then it just disappeared! I want! I want! I will GET!! Adventure button PRESSED!!!! HAHAHA.)

DBEAR: ‘Hahaha. Soon.’

It was just the most beautiful evening with my babies. They beamed. Little Junior’s heart literally filled with joy.

Miss.Murphy: ‘You actually never cook. Haha.’

Me: ‘Well…it’s like this…Serve them shit food…OR actual edible stuff that they will enjoy. Haha.’

Miss.Murphy: ‘Hahah. I wish someone would take me for dinner every night. Living the dream.’

Me : ‘Haha. You have to come out my vagina…then it becomes a life necessity.’

I love Miss.Murphy! She makes me smile!!!

Oh my gosh! I forgot to tell you that yesterday after I had taken my dad out for lunch. (I love my dad. He’s the cutest lil’Asian. He’s adorable…like a warm hearted, gangsta, teddy bear.)

I watched a bunch of kids (all brothers and sisters) run out of Toy Town with handfuls of toys, that they had been instructed to steal by their MUM!!!

What!!!

I was actually on the phone to my mum and one of the kiddie thieves had actually stopped me and asked for a selfie. Lol. I don’t think that’s the correct protocol for a criminal.

Out of nowhere I then heard one of the little boys say…

‘That guy in the blue shirt is a cunt.’

I look to my right and the guy in the blue shirt is my friend Scott! Haha. He’s fuming. He’s the manager at Toy Town. He running out, stopping the kids and demanding that they take all the toys back!!! They’re mums in his face. Security show up. Scott’s professional but looks like he’s about to EXPLODE with anger! Haha.

Then as security begin questioning the mum…He turns around and has the cheek to say to Scott..

‘Who do you think you are!?! Shouting at kids!!!’

That pissed me off…so there I was with an ‘Eh?’ Followed by a protective RANT!! I mean honestly WHO does she think SHE IS, telling her kids to steal for her!?!

Scott now looks like he’s about to go absolutely mental…Haha. So I used my ‘she’s not worth it’ utter charm and like the hero that I am, I calmed his tender nerves with peace & love….

Then i called her a ‘Scruff Bag.’ Haha.

I mean, honestly…don’t call Scott names, when you’ve just instructed your kids to steal everything they could get away with!

After that, all went back to normal…

Scott: ‘How are you, anyway?’

Me: ‘I’m good, thanks.’

Scott: ‘Thank you for calming me down. Lol.’

There’s Just Something Exciting In The Wunna Land Air…

I’m solar powered. The sun’s out. Which means i’m pretty happy. I’ve had a fresh mimosa poured, which reminds me of LA. (Is a Mimosa a carb? 😉 )

I’m doing breakie with my Dad. I’m in booty shorts. I have new driving heels. My ‘brow game’ isn’t as tragic as it was yesterday. (I have someone who does my face now, on mornings before filming. She likes a sluggy brow. I like a ‘less statement’ brow. So we’ve compromised. Haha.)

The world is still moving. I still feel like the luckiest girl alive. Ruby & Junior are at their most confident. They’re at their happiest. Everyone in the Universe seems to be DMing me. Literally everyone. People I know. Complete strangers. People I love. People I don’t. Exes. Chick friends. EVERYONE. Even my second ex husband sent me a massive message yesterday because he needs to find divorce papers or something, because he needs to get his new wife HER papers, or something and wants me to sort it all out for him. Get lost. I’m not your immigration attorney, nor your wifey anymore. I’m a glamour puss. I’m sure you can figure it out by yourself. Ex husbands are annoying, because they try to always treat you like a wife..even though decades of not being their wife, have passed.

Anyway….

Every other human seems to be having a go at the ‘Gender change’ snapchat filter. (TBone, just posted his. He’s actually hot as a chick & must dig himself because he posted it. Haha. I look like Jason Momoa on mine. Not to blow my own trumpet or anything. No. I look like Jason, if he was into gang violence. Haha.) But away from that…. I can’t wait until the end of May. Life is just WUNNA Ful.

I can’t actually believe how much my life has changed over the last ‘blink.’ Well, I can…because I changed it. But with a little effort. A little faith. A little love. A stir to the right. A shake to the left. A shimmie. A bit of focus. A tequila and the simple art of keeping everything crossed…all your dreams CAN come true.

Trust me! I’m in booty shorts. You should always trust someone in booty shorts. They radiate this confidence, that says….I can tackle life, with my thighs OUT and a possible camel toe.

Everything exciting. I’m exactly where i’m meant to be. I’m positive. I’m still believing that everything that’s meant to be, will find it’s way to you.

I’m feeling strong, because recently, i’ve made some really great decisions. Decisions that keep me on the happy train. I’m a pretty decent decision maker. I don’t ‘fence sit.’ However, nowadays, i’m not making rubbish choices. my priorities are deliciously divine.

Yeah, there’s changes. (I’m cool with changes.) Yeah there’s drama. (Drama ain’t got shit on me.) On the whole, I can’t really complain. I’m lucky. I have everything I need. Anything else is a bonus.

My good friend Ronnie (who is pretty much like a brother) and a celebrity chef out in the states. He’s on everything and smashing it. We’re old now, but i’ve known him since he was 19, when we used to work in the same place, play ‘photo shoots’ and when he was pretending that he wasn’t gay. Haha. He’s such a great soul.

We have so many wonderful memories, that I can’t even tell you about. He flies into London on the 27th..and I just can’t wait to see him. (My baby brudda, from a nudda.) Check him out @ronniecwoo. (Insta.) He’s one of my closest friends. I completely remember being a young 20 something, divorced, but now dating…and FORCING Ronnie to take slutty, naked Valentine polaroid pics of me, in his appartment, for Eric (who I was dating), as a gift.

Ronnie: ‘EWWWW!!! Get my tie away from your VAGINA!!’

Hahaha.

Now he’s a superstar chef. Had his own show and everything…and i’m still a glamourous ‘money making’ idiot.

Yippppeee! (I once sold his booty to one of Janet Jackson backing dancers.)

Ronnie: ‘I love Chrissie, because she’s sexy, but she’s actually pretty….and she’s easy going, but sassy…and fun. She’s different. Yet, cool. She’s everything a guy could want.’

(You’ve got to love your Gaysians. A straight guy would’ve stumbled through that paragraph of glory, whilst hiding behind ‘old school machoisms.)

The end of May is a ‘cray cray’ time for me. So much is happening. Almost every human that I adore, is returning to the UK, during that time. I have work, meetings, influencey stuff, auditions, filming…Junior has a birthday. I have court. (Rolls Eyes.)

Yet, I cannot WAIT see everyone, because everyone I see, will make me so happy.

There’s just a buzz around Wunna Land right now. It’s bringing a smile to everyones face. Things are changing and unlike the granny at Marks & Spencer’s who cannot work the self service machine, I am flowing with the times.

Right, this blog has had to be pointless, short, but sweet, because the sun’s out. I need to slap this laptop shut and go enjoy it!!

Be brave. Have fun. Only do the things that make you happy. Live!!

Why?

…because in the words of Andrew Lloyd Webber…

‘Nothing is so good it lastst forever.’

Make your mark & enjoy very single moment of your existence. The right people will always love you. The best people will always stand by you…no matter how much time has passed, or how many bad judgments you’re guilty of!

Love you.

Thank you for following my life.

Stepping Up MY Game & The Sassy Art Of Focus

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Everything couldn’t be acer. I’m feeling on top of the world and i’m feeling giddy, almost like i’m filled with utter excitement. As I said in the last blog, a wonderful change is about to occur in Wunna Land and it’s making me feel empowered, confident, brave and finally exactly where I had hoped to be career wise.

It’s something that I’ve always wanted, therefore to have a shot, a tinker at a dream, a chance at a goal…a brand new thing…just feels wonderful.

You’re all going to be very shocked. I’m feeling as though i’m finally en route. I’m feeling challenged in a really satisfying way. I’m ready now. I’m really really ready now.

But happy Frinally. Hope you’re all great! I’m currently rocking my new rings from ‘Lovisa.’ Y’know, the ‘one on everything finger’ thing. I feel all hip, all cool, all swigedy, swigedy, swaggy. It’s a box i’m quite comfy in. (What a surprise! The Ego never fails me.)

Talking about ‘Ego’ we’re all headed their tonight for drinks and dinner. When I say we’re, Ruby, Junior and I, will be meeting the rest of The Wunna’s, once I’ve done the school run.

We always eat out on a Friday. I like to kick start the weekend with a celebration. I love the weekends, because I adore being with the bambinos. They crack me up. I’m really proud of how confident they’re grown. They’re just so big now. I feel like the luckiest Mama in the world. No matter what drama life throws at us, together we’re invincible and we do it with laughter.

(I’m currently blogging from Waterstones, Doncaster.)

‘DBear,’ is the most wonderful soul. He’s strong. His mind is strong. His heart is strong. He inspires others and thrives off that feeling of goodness.

He’s like a silent hero.

I understand how he’s done so well in life. He is mentally unbreakable and filled with nothing but love and gentleness.

He’s one of the loveliest people I’ll ever know. I hope I know him forever.

This morning I was moaning, about having to learn something for something. (All stuff. I can’t tell you about.) And with a sturdy, yet magical wave of inspiration, he assured me that I could do it!!! He reminded me to CONCENTRATE on what I WAS DOING (I like to be distracted) …and encouraged me to gather my nerves and transform them into controlled excitement.

The kind of excitement, that puts fire in your eyes. It blazes, but it’s calm. It’s mighty, but it’s focused. It’s warm. It smiles. It’s alive.

I’m like that anyway. Yet, I kinda pretended that I wasn’t as dynamic as him, for some reason? Like I was a little weaker than I am? Haha. I don’t know whether it was because I wanted my back stroked a little, or what? Haha. I’m such a girl.

Y’know, he has this way of making me feel very girlishly nurtured, in the loveliest way possible. I listen to him, because he doesn’t force me to. I listen to him because he respects me always. I listen to him because he understands me.

I never get to feel girlishly nurtured, because i’m a ‘powerhouse,’ innit. Haha. Yet, I love feeling that way. I love learning. I love listening. I love those who Inspire me.

DBear: ‘You can do this. Just concentrate on it and work hard.’

Me: ‘I know. You’re right. I just like to say whatever I want to say, instead.’

DBear: ‘Haha. You got this. Focus!’

Anyway, i’m feeling the love, because not only am I proud, but the parents (the ‘rentals’) are all proud as punch. For some reason, that makes me happy. It fills me with ‘kid did good’ vibes. Haha.

Brother: ‘Great! Another thing Chrissie’s done. Whooppeeee!’

I feel like i’m being creepy right now? Like why am I so happy that i feel all girly and kid like? It’s odd. But I’m enjoying it.

Anyway, away from that because I can’t be arsed to type anymore. I’m feeling great. I’m eating clean. I’m taking care of myself. I’m loving every piece of my life. I have new everything There’s a new chapter approaching. I’m stepping up my game and my look is being given a kitty whizz of ‘ooh laa.’

Make sure you have a cocktail!


Happy Friday.

New Chapters, Tingles & ‘You Definitely Need A Wine, Mate.’

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Everything’s changing. I’m about to head into another new chapter. An exciting one, that gives my soul the ‘tingles.’ I can’t sew, my brows are on point and I definitely did the school run this morning, with a peach yogurt on my dashboard. But the lucky stars are on my side…and for that alone, I’m grateful.

I’ve spent my life living, with everything crossed. (But not my toes, as I find that peculiar.) I always believe that if you put your ALL into something boldy, you’ll have a better chance of ‘championing’ a great result. Yet, I also believe that you can only go so far, with full effort. It’s then when you kinda have to trust your journey and just leave things to ‘life magic.’ That’s the ‘fingers crossed’ bit, where you hope for the best and jump in the deep end.

Right now,  I’m making really firm decisions, that stamp the word ‘happiness’ deeply into the grounds of Wunna Land. Those decisions are *squeaking* and *glistening* with love, life and giddiness. It kinda seems that the older I get, the more happy I want to be. That came out wrong! What I mean is, now that i’m older and i’ve learnt a few things, I make my own happiness a priority.

 Happiness has only ever *shone* as a priority previously, whenever i’ve reached rock bottom, simply had enough, and just needed to DO SOMETHING, CHANGE EVERYTHING, so I didn’t have to waste my time, purpose or get wrinkles from frowning. Haha. You get it. When you need a life line. These days, I don’t leave things to the ‘can’t take anymore’ mark. I notice them straight away and I guess, trickled through my years of wisdom, is a warm, but fearless motivation to only do the things that make my heart swell…that make my eyes smile. (Which isn’t hard. I’m Asian. They’re always smiling. J )

The change is work. It’s all still entertainment…It’ all still ‘look at me’ and showy. However i’m tottering down a different path. A path I used to totter, yet felt defeated by, due to a much more successful ex, ex, ex husband. (HE didn’t make me feel bad. He’s a wonderful soul. I took it upon myself in my early 20’s feel bad. Yippeee! I convinced myself that my goal was personally unachievable.)

How wrong I was!

Now, that I know ALL dreams come true, if you at least try and keep your fingers crossed 😉 i’m going for it. A phone call was made to me before Christmas. I’d met this lady who is the MD of a place I love. I met her at the ‘Lifestyle Awards’ many moons ago. (I remember Stephanie Hirst in my left eyeline. Zanetti with a giant blond quiff to my right….and a bustle as everyone wanted to head to The Maven for an After Party.)  Anyway, her company keeps crossing, passing and tinkering through to Wunna Land by accident. I’ve always *paused* and thought. I’ve always really WANTED. Yet something’s always happened, which hasn’t made the timing right. (I’m blaming it on timing. It’s never time. It’s when you’re ready.)

Yesterday…I felt I was ready. So I put everything together, wrote it all out and that it’s i’m doing it. I’m doing it because it makes me happy. I’m doing it because everyone onboard reckons I have a good shot at it. I’m also doing it because I refuse to let the ‘behind the scenes’ drama, distract me and affect my work, happiness, life, love and success. I’m not someone who grants focus to the bad bits, at 38. Success is always the sweetest revenge. Happiness is the only thing that makes you a successful human.

An email got sent…I start pretty soon. It’s weird how things can get sorted so easily, if you just get ya shit together.

But anyway, I can’t sew! Why can’t I sew? I’m quite girly. I’m feminine. I’m a glamour puss. I’m creative. I’m pretty good at ‘doing stuff’ in general, aside from mathematics, because my brain can’t be arsed to do sums. Someone could say, ‘What’s 7 + 3?’ I’ll immediately reply, ‘I don’t know?’ Haha. Al because I can’t be bothered to waste a moment adding the two numbers. (Before you start, I DO KNOW, the answer is 10. Haha.) However, i’d quite happily write a poem, take a selfie, or scribe a blog. My brain has time for that.)

Anyway, I can’t sew. In my head, I thought I was some kinda of seamstress. I knew I wasn’t. I just imagined myself sewing gowns for Queens and making masterpieces. All i can actually do is sew on a couple buttons, a name tag or a few sequins. That’s where my sewing talent ends. But that’s the only level of talent I NEEDED. All I had to do was sew clips onto my hair extensions.

OH MY GOD. It was a disaster. It was all over the place. It was so messy. Threads snapped, hair tangled, clips fell, all this fuckiNG shit happened, that I stressed myself out. I carried on and completed it, because I needed hair. But let me tell you right now. I now have an even HUGER appreciation for all those who have the patience to sew in weaves, or clips onto hair.

Who has the emotional stability for that kinda of madness??? I just don’t like the niggly tedious tasks that people expect me to do. Haha. My Mum even offered to sew for me, yet no ofcourse, I had to master it myself. Why am I even trying to sew things? Why am I doing ab work outs? Why am I eating clean and not guzzling extra cocktails? Why is roasted seaweed by favourite snack after yoga? Why would I ever ‘Superzoom’ that onto my Insta Story???? I’m meant to be diamonds and swag, not ‘Save the flipping Whales.’ I’m meant to be ‘good times’ & sex appeal…not ‘I’ll snack on sunflower seeds for fun.’ I don’t drink sugar free soda UNLESS it has VODKA in it!

Sometimes you can step a bit too far out your lane….Only the smartest people know when to rein it in…However, sometimes you need to rely on smart friends, who refuse to let you fall into the depths of a roasted seaweed, Insta story ‘Superzoom.’

Miss. Murphy was right…

‘Mate. You need a wine. I’m at Angelica’s. You should come.’

A bit of B’Zinga

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Right! I’ve been inundated with messages galore, about yesterday’s blog. Everything’s fine. I’m all good. You needed to check my Insta Story (@chrissiewunna) to know that. I just needed to voice it all out…simply to let it go, before I muscled on it, to ‘champion’ things out. (Everyone always wants me to write about how I really feel and when I do…everyone then gets into a mini fluster. Haha.)

However. thank you so much for all the support. I might not have a gazillion followers, but the ones I have are the most loyal ‘winks’ and that alone is worth so much more.

Bottom line. I’m happy. All’s wonderful. As soon as I strutted out of my ‘drama’ yesterday, my friend Mel, zoomed straight in with a Whatsapp message, filled with help, love and confidence. (There’s a comfort to that. She’s been through it before & she’s strong.) My Mum was an absolute Queen and ‘DBear’ troopered in, with that irrepressible feisty strength he has. I love you all. Thank you so much.

Y’know, ‘DBear’ has this very attractive power of being able to stand up for all of those, he cares about. He does it whole heartedly. I have the exact same Superpower. It’s something we share, as traits. You might think that standing up for someone else is not that big a deal. But you’re wrong. I’ve seen SO MANY ‘apparently ballsy’ people walk on by, say nothing, do nothing or bury their head in the sand…in a moment where they needed to hand over a bit of support, strength and gusto.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying get involved in everything, or anything where your powers are not needed. Lol. Yet when they are…and you know when they are, because there’s a *pause.* You feel that moment in the air….YOU SHOULD.

You’ll feel a sense of injustice, or you’ll take a look at a moment and notice that a friend in need, may not ask, yet absolutely requires a lil’ b’zinga.

That’s when you should step in, WITHOUT FEAR…and with B’ZINGA. (And you can’t do it shit, either, because once you go in…you’ve got to go in with nipple tassles on…the lot! )

I once had a friend ‘go in’ with B’zinga at a cocktail bar once. In fact, it was Neighbourhood, Leeds. They started off really well…& then got insecure half way through the mighty delivery. Haha. It was ace…It was like she quit mid way, cos she was a little parched.

‘Jeeves! I need a Pina Colada!! Immediately!’

If someone else has already owned ‘Operation B’Zinga,’ it’s rude to butt in, if you’re not invited. Haha. However, there was a moment where she looked at me, like a glittery lifeline of sharp sassy charm was needed. I took that as my I invitation…

Precious: ‘Thank God, you took over. She’s was in my face. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, other then her brow game was shocking. Haha’

Me: ‘Lol. Don’t go in unless you’re gonna finish…Haha. I HATE impromptu sass.’

Precious: ‘You did it so nicely. Well I couldn’t tell if it was so evil or so nice? You’re like a James Kitty Bond.’

Me: ‘Haha. I’m a glamour puss, not a shot putter. It needed grace. Did James Bond have fights in bars? I thought he killed people & had sex with all their wives?’

Precious: ‘Honestly. Who TF cares! Get me a gin! Haha.’

Anyway. I got distracted.

I faced fears yesterday. It ignited my soul with a juiced up ‘whoosh’ of ‘ooh laa.’ It felt good. It felt empowering. Therefore today, it made me face another fear……which was putting actual air in my tyres….by myself….at the petrol station. Haha. Honestly, it scares me so much. I usually make other people do it, or buy new tyres. (I’m that pathetic.)

Jules: ‘She once. Couldn’t be arsed to wash a giant pan after using it, because the task looked far too laborious, so she threw it away in the wheels bin and bought a new one.’

(That was the one time I cooked. 😜)

There you have it. I’m a total Queen. Do something that scares you.

Wait!!! I think I need to go? I have a video call at some point today??? I can’t remember what time??? It’s to influence someone’s book.

Video calls scare me..So ‘BOOM’ another fear faced. Haha. I’m on fire. I need a prosecco.

Some Day I’ll Wish Upon A Star…

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Today is a stressy day & it’s only just begun. It actually began last night. I couldn’t sleep. I laid in bed awake, pondering, rethinking, Googling facts, whilst trying finding solutions. I thought that would help my mind rest. It didn’t. It stimulated it.

In fact no. It’s not actually ‘stressful’ day. I could turn it into a positive day. I’m just letting it BE stressy for now. (Don’t get this mixed up with a ‘pity party.’ I’m good at them too. Yet, I assure you, that this is not that. It’s more of a ‘worry.’ A little juicy ‘worry,’ that I doesn’t deserve.)

However, once my coffee’s kicked in, my second wind will flourish and my heart will turn to ‘lioness.’ Then I’ll grow ten feet tall, mighty and smash it. (There’s always got to be a little’ worry,’ before you turn ‘warrior,’ right? Just agree with me. Haha.. I’m not in the mood for jiggery pokery.)

Life has been SO good. So wonderful. So perfect. I’ve been telling you all about it. Things are on the up. Work is fantastic. Life with the babies, as been THE BEST it’s ever been and that’s because they’re BOTH at their happiest and most confident, right now.

In the back of my mind, there’s been a ‘niggle.’ A ‘niggle’ that all my happiness & all my cheer had misted over, because it was far more powerful, than something & someone so negative. I knew it was there. Yet, I didn’t let it get to me.

Now i’m here. It’s the day. Today I have to FEEL IT and LIVE IT. Today’s MY beginning of it all.

The good thing about me, is that i’m used to feeling and living. The weird thing is, that no matter how many times I ‘blink’ and find myself in a ‘sticky’ situation, i’m never complacent.

I will always have a moment of ‘worry.’ I don’t ‘paper over the cracks’ as my friends would say, with ‘bloshy bull.’ It’s okay to feel worried. That’s what makes me human.

I feel. I listen. I express. I do it eloquently and only for the things that I believe in.

My inbox is currently jam packed and buzzing every single moment, minute & breath, with a notification or new DM.

It’s not even filled with smut. (Well, maybe a bit of smut, from strangers who have let their beautiful imaginations go wild. Haha.) It’s filled with love. And I thank everyone, for every little positive comment that they take the time to leave. I’m grateful for every little supportive DM, that fills my kitty soul with confidence. It’s wonderful. It really is wonderful.

Today, none of that matters. Lol. My focus is directly on something that really matters. It matters more than anything to me…and I refuse to be bullied, by people who are so lost, so confused and therefore via the fine art of selfishness, try to control what is not their’s to hurt or control. It’s wrong.

I’m a little scared. I’m fine with that. We should confront the things that scare us, right? Plus, I don’t have a choice. No. That’s wrong. We always have a choice. We chose what happens next in our story. We’re always one decision away from a completely different life.

Anyway, today I needed a ‘look at me’ cut away….

…So I posted a fresh pic (the one above) of me, on my ‘socials’ this morning and with a ‘log out‘ I that was me done.

The good thing is that the Wunna Land magic, now takes care of itself. I’ll be able to leave everyone to it and check back in later, after i’ve dealt with the behind the scenes drama.

My coffee’s kicked in. I’m ready. I need to perfume spritz and lip gloss.

Leeeesssss goooooo…….

ps/ This is not a dreary blog. It’s empowering. Today i’m gonna conquer everything. I needed to write this, because I needed to say it out loud. Y’know, just so the stress could dust away into tiny pieces and flutter off me. I don’t believe in the art of the ‘bottle in.’ It’s the most unhealthy habit.

Always feel free. (I can feel you reading this. Thank you all for the support.)

Mum: ‘Good luck, Baby.’

Ruby: ‘I love you Mum. My hair looks amazing today. I look like Rapunzel.’

Me: ‘I love you too. Have the best day at school. I’ll see you both at 3.30.’

Junior: ‘I love you so much.’

I don’t want a Hamster & Gin

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I don’t know how I’m feeling right now? I know i’m feeling good. Really good. Great! I know that the babies are my world. Work’s great. I’m waiting to hear from a show I’d really like to get on. All’s good.

However, the problem with me, is that I adore excitement. I’ve grown out of chasing it, or causing. Yet, I still enjoy the feeling of ‘excitement.’ I find it delicious. Y’know, Lavish flutters of excitement that make your heart fly and swirl..and it seems that when everything ‘ticks’ the perfect box, in Wunna Land. Well passion, ambition and all the dynamic parts of my personality fire up and I slipping on my ‘adventure’ heels…looking for magic moments of ‘swirl.’

Don’t worry, i’m not gonna do anything crazy. I’m 38, not 20. But there’s just something brewing in the airs of Wunna Land. I don’t quite know what, but I can feel it. It’s meandering around me, with every single ‘strut’ I take.

I will take this time to also tell you that my car fucked up this morning. I was driving and then all of a sudden it decided to go ‘ape’ and my actual car alarm started going off.

Awesome.

I had to drive it all the way to the garage, with my ALARM GOING OFF, like i’d stolen my own car. Haha. Not embarrassing at all. I was initially concerned that everyone would be watching me. Then I went with ‘fuck it, i’m not that important.’ I felt the fear and did it anyway. I drove like EVERYONE’S car alarm SHOULD be going off, whilst on the road, after the school run.

Got to the garage. The alarm quit sounding. I looked like an utter lunatic. Like i’d made the whole entire thing up. All was fine. The car was dandy. No alarm was sounding…So they sent me back home. HAHAHA.

Honestly, why though!!??! What the jiggles IS my life!?!

Save yourselves. If this is the ‘perfect’ tick box, then I have issues.

I need a Marks & Spencers ‘Rainbow Veg Sushi Wrap to make me feel better. (Plug. Plug.) It’s part of their new Plant Kitchen Range…which is superb if you’re vegan. (I’m not.) However, i’m trying to eat as healthy as possible, because I’m sick of my belly having a wibble and well..at the END OF MAY, i have LOTS OF PEOPLE, headed, or headed back to the UK, who i’m going to be seeing…and Let’s be realistic, I’m as vain as they come, I want to look more like a Goddess, a vision, something you build shrines to and daren’t touch, in case it breaks your heart, rather than ‘Susie Lu’ who works at the chip shop.

I have a free day today, so i’m spending it with my Mum and Dad. They’re got roped into being part of ‘Welcome to Wunna Land’ (we filmed this morning, so we’re now just chilling at brunch. They secretly love it.

Dad: ‘Who thought that i’d spend my life as a surgeon and then at 70, be part of a reality show because Chrissie…who i actually CREATED fancies herself on the telly…It’s insane…But I love it. It’s better than doing the gardening.’

(Yes, I was the winning sperm that swam down my Father’s penis, to be grown and fed in my mother’s womb. Yippeee. Now I drink….and we lived happily ever after.)

I love family time, because I get to be a little girl again and it’s ace. Haha. When you’re old and you’ve been an independent ‘Girl Boss’ and had to struggle through the glittery wilderness, all your life, being pampered and babied, feels so good. Haha.

I used to NEVER let people pamper me or treat me. I don’t know why? I HAD to be the treater, or the ‘looker afterer.’ I loved it. I still do. But i noticed that I never ever let anyone take care of me. I don’t know what that issue was? But it was one.

However, these days, in my jolly old age, (‘knockers’ still good,) I loved to be cared for and ‘kitty stroked.’ I’m more accepting of it now…and almost despise people who don’t do it. Haha. I feel like everyone reckons that i’ve spent my life as a ‘diva’…When really it’s quite the opposite.

Ruby: ‘She’s literally the most caring person I know & she’s fun. She makes us scrambled eggs, just in her pants, singing songs we like, with rollers in her hair.’

Junior: ‘She says we can’t have things, unless we work hard for them…but then they just appear in our house.’

Hahaha. Oh Lord.

They want a hamster. I’m NOT DOING a hamster. We have a cat. I can’t stroke a hamster. They scare me.

SO, what the kids have done now, is made their OWN money influencing over Easter, saved their pocket money and offered to do chores around Grandma’s house to save up for a Hamster & a cage.

The Hamster is only £10. Haha. They’re currently on a hell of a lot more. I hate hamsters, but i can’t have them come up with a solution, work so hard, save money and then NOT LET THEM HAVE A HAMSTER, can I?

My Mum: ‘At this rate kids, you could probably get something different like a puppy or a tortoise.’

Cheers Mum! A tortoise I could do. All it would do would be chill and watch me drink gin. I did used to have a white chihuahua called ‘Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice.’

A hamster is a whole different level of cheer. It if bites me, i’ll go mental and then the kids will hate me. Haha.

Yet, I told them that if they make their own money, they can spend it on what they want..(within reason…not on gin.) They have….They want a hamster. So yes, that’s brilliant.

‘ROLLS EYES.’

We’re calling it ‘Tequila.’ If they don’t let me, i’ll just not drive them to Pets at Home. Haha.

Banter over. I love you very much.

Thank you for following me life. AS IF you’re actually going to see it in real life soon.