I Don’t Get Down like That and Lesbians

Had a girl try to have sex with me last night. That’s why i’m up so early, (7.29am) simply because a fine  sense of ‘awkwardness,’ (a medium i usually flourish in) got the better of me. I guess, it’s one jolly thing, if it’s just some random hot girl that you don’t really know, who decides she wants a bit of lesbian sex. But when it’s a girl..i’ll call her ‘Fanny snacker’ that you’ve known for quite a dear dear while, who you didn’t actually know was a lesbian because you’re somewhat aquainted with her boyfriend, who you’ve recently found out was never her boyfriend..the story changes. (Don’t feel bad for making out with him now.)

Last night, ‘Fanny snacker’ (sounds like a cute childrens book for perverts) had nowhere to stay after getting trashed so drunk dialed me to see if i had ‘room at the Inn?’ I should’ve just said ‘No.’ But kindness got the better of me, (Please kindness is over rated) and before you know it, she’s half naked laying in my bed…even though i tried to make her sleep in the ‘spare.’ (Tyre not room.)

It’s quiet, it’s normal, she asks me about ‘Jonny’ then rolls over so she can talk ‘too close’ to my face. All i could smell was booze, which i quite liked (my ex-husband would always say he loved it when i smelt of ‘Liquor.’ It would turn him on. Weird really as not much else would? Bad joke.) Anyway, then she’s doing the girly, ‘I’ve always really loved you’ bullshit, starts to stroke my face, then attempts to go in for the kill. (Hahaha..) The infamous ‘Lean in..’ (We’ve all done it.’)

There was an odd yet hilarious moment of struggle and squealing. FUCKING hilarious might i add. At one point i felt like she was holding the back of my head, and KING KONG pushing it towards her, with her tongue slithering out, whilst i’m pushing as hard as i can AWAY from her now sloppy face and pissing myself laughing.

I’m a Socialite! What are you?

Tragic innit! But kinda not really. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with those choosing to socialise for a living. I know how to have a good time in  sequins. So shoot me!! Look at my bongos!!! Worth every penny! Drinks please boys. I accept credit cards. Taken last week at Embassy (London.) Do feel free to tell me what you do for a living, in order to show me the merry error of my ways. ‘IT’ girl much? I need a cuppa tea and a lap dance. (She pouts, yawns & wishes you were here.)

Ask Chrissie….

I have a new ‘Ask Chrissie’ section…where you can and quite obviously ASK CHRISSIE ( well…Me) anything you so wish, either about myself, yourself or some other important life topic!!! I’m not shy, so you have my permission to get as personal as you so wish. I will try my very best to answer you’re questions, so you too can be as GREATNESS as I!! However if i just ‘don’t get it’ be prepared for random sarcastic remarks or a simple, ‘i don’t get it?’

I’m doing this… as a dear dear friend of mine  believes people have got me all wrong, or only ‘think’ they know me. The facts are there but a little jumbled apparently. So heres your chance to get to know me a wee bit better darlings….

kisses