I feel delicious this morning, really happy and it has everything to do with the fact that i’ve just boogied like a demon on top of the bonnet of a strangers car to ‘Rock DJ’ by Robbie Williams. I don’t think i’ve heard a happier song. It’s simply a classic must hear, for retarded Springtime behaviour, in neon yellow booty shorts, boob jobs and carefully tied polka dot scarves around the head. It’s almost as genius as ‘Can’t touch this.’ Yet, it kinda still needs to be played for a few more years before it reaches the lofty heights of MC Hammer Greatness. ( I actually do an excellent MC Hammer impression. It really is quite a treat for the eyes.)
Life is great. I feel like screaming with merriment from oddly shaped rooftops. I feel somewhat FREE after cutting a tie of negative energy last night with the BBM boy that i was arguing with. A burden has been lifted and i feel like i can soar. I’ve dropped off some baggage and my system feels energized. I tend to travel light…but i guess that’s because there’s always someone else carrying my bags. I merely strut infront, in shades and squeezy tight lycra, with heels to die for and a ‘snap’ that makes most boys pander to my every delicious need. (Then i fall over and hit reality with a heavily awkward ”Thud.’ I love it. It’s my life.)
I’ve spent the morning talking to ‘Latin Lover’ in LA, who was standing at a bus stop at 3am, after a 12 hour shift at work. I think my purpose was to ‘pass the time’ during his journey home. I’m great at this because i fill the space with useless facts about myself and very sweet ‘I love yous.’ We came to the executive decision that i was born to be a ‘Lady of Leisure.’ Just someone that lives her life quite wonderfully and looks amazing as she does so. I mean it’s what i’ve done anyway (haha) so i might as well keep up the good work. I’m happiest when i’m a ‘lady of leisure’ who does as she pleases, without a care in the world. It works for me.
Men are starting to act really weirdly around me. They’re asking me all kinds of bizarre questions? I had one sweaty palmed gentleman, ask me whether it was okay for him to look at my Facebook pictures?? It isn’t what he said, but more the way he said it, like i was his baggy vagina’ed Mother or a crotchless pantied Dominatrix. Obviously if there are pictures of me placed on a PUBLIC site. You are free to look at them, without my permission. I think he was just attempting to start up a random conversation? He made himself seem so unmanly. Sent a ‘squirm’ down my spine. Boys, try to refrain from sounding pervy 3 lines in.
Other than that i was talking to this dreamboat of a shirtless, italian stallion, in tight shorts… on MSN last night. Oh Lord he was delicious and a flirty little bugger at that. He’s invited me to be his ‘other half’ in life. Automatically, i was turned off. (Haha.) However, he is still a feast and we shall definitely be friends in the future. I’m such a pervert. It’s GREATNESS! I’m destined for wonderful things. If i ever go to Italy ‘Fernando’ will be definitely on my arm. However, i did think he asked if i had ‘asian orgasms,’ when it actually read ‘asian origins.’ I got a bit excited for nothing. Tragic!
Okay so my 15 year old Wunnarettes are doing me so PROUD! I’m loving them right now. They are all ‘Rocking the Sexy’ and filling up with that much needed ‘Va Voom’ of confidence. I talk to a lot of young girls, (oh-er…how Gary Glitter of me) because i want to inspire them to be strong and comfortable in their own skin. There’s a few i talk to everyday…kinda like a big sister. And they all come to me with there problems. I enjoy playing a rubbish version of ‘Jim’ll fix it.’
As of right now, they are getting thrown out of P.E classes, having inappropriate crushes on P.E teachers, having problems with boys of the teenage variety who are asking to see their boobies, being in love with celebrities, getting called ‘Sluts’ and well one of them ‘Niki’ was asked to write an essay about 2 of her idols. Yes bitches, she chose a really fit Wrestler and then she chose ME!!! Yes, ME GODDAMIT!!! I ofcourse love this, as now the kiddies are writing about the works of The Wunna and why she is GREATNESS! I really am ruining the innocent children of our nation. Ah well…at least they’ll be hot.
Can’t touch this!