But a second hand emotion…

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So Sunday was about chilling. I woke up to my babies. We ‘dance partied’ to The Black Eyed Peas and then we did breakfast, followed by life, followed by ‘Lunch with The rest of The Wunnas.’

I was actually feeling quite rough, but when you’re a Mama and you’re doing parenting on your own, you kinda sober up fast and get on with it. There’s no time for hangovers. So, I’m good like that. I’ll play, like i’m fresh as a daisy.

Ruby actually went to Petes, as it was his day. Life in Wunna land is awful for all that, as nothing means more to me in the entire world than Ruby and Junior. I watched them fall asleep in my arms tonight and as I looked over each other, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was or how i managed to created such amazing lives that were all my own. Everyone who can needs to be a parent at some point in their life, as it seems like it’s only then that life has some kind of purpose. It turns relationships into proper families and makes you love something hundred times more than you could even think about caring for yourself.

In Wunna land..and it devastates me, there is a great deal of ‘having to pass the babies’ around due to different fathers, different days and different schedules…and it’s awful. Especially because I work a lot too and ell if i had wanted anything for my children, it ould for them to never ever have to deal with any form of ‘broken home’ issues’ as it’s not hat i believe in at all. But it’s all down to the choices that I made. However, I wouldn’t change them for anything in the world.

All the time i think i’m dandy, as I have such a wonderfully, humourous, bantery, but loving relationship with both babies. I’m a feisty kitten, but quite a soft human in general. But then I find myself in these little moments like yesterday, when I had Baby Junior in my arms and we were infront of my dressing table mirror dancing madly with each other to The Vamps, ‘Can we dance.’ He was giggling insanely and just looked like his life couldn’t be anymore exciting…and all of of sudden everything hit ‘pause* and played slow mode..as I watched his little face. Every single inch of him seemed to be filled with utter glee…as he laughed out loud in my arms.

THEN he laid his head on my chest for a cuddle. and when he did, everything went back to ‘real time’ and my eyes filled up and I started to cry. LOL.

Yes, I’m a lunatic. I have no clue why? I just think that I was so filled with love in that moment and he loved me back toooo….that I lost the plot completely and Princess weeped happily. HAHAHAH. I’m s super emotional girl, yet i don’t cry over nothing or just anything. I’m not soft, as in unable to fight my corner, or raise my voice…i’m expressive, which makes me strong, however, i don’ t like people to see or think that life or a situation has got the better of me (and it never does)…i’ll laugh it off pubically to all those who don’t know me, then have a big massive secret cry, to whoever i’m closest to at the time and of course…my mum. (My Mum then ALWAYS gives me a lecture on strength.) I’ve been through a lot in my life and well i’m just happy that i’ve survived it so well and with an open heart and a smile. I’m finally genuinely happy, with room for more ‘happy’ and hope. And once things pass, i CAN actually laugh about them…because i’m simply awesome like that and see the bigger picture to life and what it’s all about. I don’t dwell. I hurt, heal and i get happy fast and it’s only because i’ve been through so much that i’m soo used to the exercise. ๐Ÿ™‚ The situations ere never funny at the time. But are hilariously funny now. So believe me, if i can do it, you can to!

Anyway, after family time, happy tears, boy talks with my mum and lunches. I decided to meet friends for lemonade at pubs. I was still hanging but dying to be social. I’m naturally social and we’ve learnt over time that when i feel like i need to be, it’s always for a reason and why i’m not, i get a stress rash.

I did lemonade, friends and driving. Now, I didn’t realise how ace doing lemonade is, as everyone else gets fucked, as you merrily stay sane AND get to drive to the next destination, without a drunken taxi fuss. Life was good.

Then I ventured to Ponty to meet my friends, who all ditched me and left me to sip lemonade, ON MY OWN, in the now posh Tap and Barrel, by a fireplace, watching couples make out,

Even the owner felt bad for me and did the ‘Chrissie…come and sit with us’ thing.

So the owner, the staff and I, did ‘good times,’ lemonade and well I watched them do booze testing. (They’re actually so much fun and saw us all int here the night before as drunk as fools, but we’re they’re favourite because we’re really spendy. They think we’re legends and now apparently have to purchase an entire new bottle of tequila because we drank IT ALL on Saturday, but really. We’ve ย become the life of that place.)

Anyway, Tony decided that he didn’t want me to be sat all alone on my own, so abandoned his work, or his underneath a car’ stuff to come sit with me, so I didn’t look like a tosser. (But by now i’d accumulated friends. I’m good like that also. yet i was grateful anyhow, because it as sweet. Ben had gone to friends and apparently passed out watching some movie or something? God knows. But it wasn’t better than lemonade. He’d been working awful night shifts, so just needed a blowout and then when that occurs, followed by movie night, you’re so knackered, you miss everything and pass out.)

Tony was hungover, so he did ‘not drinking’ too and the night WEIRDLY ended up being so much fun!!

Live music was playing. We’d started to get on with the staff really really we were singing, dancing and simply loving life on lemonade and crisps. Then we got Luke and Dodge to join us..(they were fucked) but we still had fun! Hahaha. I got slapped. I did more pop. We chatted, switched tables. danced. they sang sad songs. I danced off to happy songs. We were so much fun that the staff didn’t even want to us LEAVE when they were closed…and then a girl started talking to me about depression…so i grabbed my keys, danced to one more song, two more songs… ๐Ÿ™‚ then drove home…

Worked all day.

Chilled with my babies all night.

Roll On Tuesday.

cstv13

Ps, Lots of people were asking me about my love life today and it’s weird because i’m really soft when it comes to love and when i’m in love i become alive. Yet, i’m guarded and not because of past hurt, as I’m a bouncer backer’ and start all new relationships with a fresh heart. Yet i’m guarded because when it comes to love i’m an idealist…a hopeless romantic and i guess if you don’t know me romantically, you wouldn’t actually think that of me…plus boys are always quite odd around me, which makes dating difficult….for them. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m not someone who doesn’t believe in being with the man of my dreams forever, who will love, protect and adore me completely until the day i die, build a family, a friendship and a forever love with me. That’s EXACTLY what i want and hope for. I’m just terrified that i’ll fully open up, with all of my tragic heart, benthere with my ditzy heart on my sleeve, to only have every thing go wrong for me again, because i wouldn’t have found the man who can stand the test of time. ๐Ÿ™‚ I guess, i just expect that they’ll hurt me or it” be all balls up somehow…and i don’t even mean it in a sad ‘cry me a river’ kinda way. I say it in a smiley, ‘i’m totally used to it’ kinda way. ๐Ÿ˜‰ WHICH IS REALLY REALLY TRAGIC.

Luckily, i’m a girl who always sees life for how lucky I am, rather than how shitty things are going…hen they go shitty that is. Right now, everything’s dandy.

So, if i could inspire you to do anything…it would be to keep going ๐Ÿ™‚

(Definitely just wrote this topless, with leopard print pj bottoms on…at the top of my stairs and simply because i couldn’t sleep. )

 

 

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