Morning! I’m doing this whole new, go to bed early, and wake up at a reasonable hour thing. I do feel better about my being, however all it really does it make the day longer and when you’re a ‘lady of leisure’ (who’s friends are all at work) it really does make the day a snooze fest. I like to be doing things. Living life. Throwing myself freely off the lofty cliffs of excitement, with a wink in my eye and my tits to the sky. This ‘Lady who lunches’ thing is getting old. I went to Nandos last night with my family to celebrate being a family. I love normal family dinners because all anyone does is sit and take the piss out of me…which i love. I’m like the naughtiest one out of the bunch and i’m praised for it. I’m praised for running off to Hollywood, and kicking down the walls of the world, in heels, half wasted, with a party hat on from 1982. My mum looked at me in awe, shook her head and burst into laughter, with a ‘God knows how i bred something like you. You’re amazing.’ Like they’re really proud of my complete idiocracy. Like i’ve ‘done things that would make a Pirate blush,’apparently. However, i am concerned that i’m losing my favourite child status to my brother. They seem to be warming up to him now, due to all his ‘do gooding’ and sensible choices. Therefore i got drunk on red wine and began talking about my love life, with a piece of chicken in my hand. It’s always a winner at dinner. (Yeah i know…it fucking rhymes lol.) He was a monk. I was a drunk. Now pick a side bitches!!
Anyway what i actually wanted to talk about this morning was boys, men, the ones with the ‘dingly danglies,’ who suffer from self esteem issues an dillusions of granduer. It is always better in life to be a woman and now we’re realizing it, they’re getting scared! We’re sending them loopy…or is it just me??
I woke up thinking about all the randomly weird things boys i’ve dated have done to Me. I don’t know why, but I terrify men, especially the ones that date me. Like they really do love me. But then they turn into these crazy insecure wrecks…without me doing anything, but existing. Then they ruin the whole thing, because they feel a loss of control, when they shouldn’t really be fighting for control, they should be sharing the space, building a team and loving me. They do it to themselves.
I had one boy ages ago, who was a bodyguard (for Britney spears) in LA, who i was dating and well because one night I went to the Hollywood Records Christmas party, with a friend (who was the V.P of the company) and accidently got completely trashed, did a bit of ‘powder’ ( i don’t do that now,) had the best time ever and passed out in a hotel room of the ‘Renaissance’ whilst yelling at him down the phone and hanging up, because he refused to pick me up. He (as in ‘Bodyguard’) decided to pick me up in the morning, took me back to his place, was upset that I found myself so funny & was commiting to acting all weird. I go into the bedroom, pull up the sheets (he wanted me to make the bed) and i find a BLACK ‘not mine’ THONG!! Then i look at him and he’s covered in scratch marks. I didn’t react and just tossed it to one side and giggled. He got upset at my non-reaction and well i felt like I didn’t need to react because i knew he had set it up. (Hahahah…) He did it, to try and jealous me into submission. Like why bother???? I lost respect for him.
I mean come on. I have been and seen and dated it all. Plus, i was older than him, (yet i didn’t know because he had lied about his age) so any stunt he pulled, i probably had already pulled at one point in my life. But he felt so insecure (yet he’d always act cocky) that he felt the need to plant an old thong, in his own bed and scratch mark himself, THEN be stupid enough to admit it (Lol…which i did like actually.) WHY??? I wish boys were just happy, y’know normal around me and loved me, without feeling like they might lose something??? They’re so scared to relax and be ‘in love’ with me. The story is getting old and making them very boring. I guess, they think that boys are us ‘up my arse’ (ooh-er) lovey dovey. And yeah they can be. But usually when i start dating boys, at first they’re lovely, then they begin the awful ‘game.’ And it’s Most boys…hence why that behaviour is boring to Me. I’m so use to it. If i find someone that’s super loving and open about how he feels about me, then it will make a giant change for once and i’ll want to keep him forever.
I’ve had so much of that happen. Like one boy, left a pair of girls shorts in his bathroom. (He planted it himself) I found out later he was madly in love with me, but never told me. Hate that. Another, faked a stream of phonecalls from girls. One refused to open up and pretended he hated commitment and thought he would woo me by pretending to be a player (RIGHT, Coz that works when it comes to winning me over) when all he really wanted was for Me to be with him forever and love him and another spent the whole time trying to make me extremely jealous that he forgot to actually love me. He ‘gamed’ his way into NOT having Me. BOYs are nuts. Be yourself!!! It’s annoying, it’s looong and i’m not a patient person.
On a good note, i have in the past woken up in a beige bed on Henry st, Brooklyn, New York, with a boy who was lovely and vowed to want to spend the rest of his life with me. We lived far apart and he had an item of clothing of mine that he would sleep with every night, because it smelt like Me. That was romantic. I liked it…a lot. He then moved to LA to be with me and well kept his word. And i recently woke up in another beige bed in Camden, London… to a boy who as soon as his eyes opened, reached over me, grabbed a piece of paper and pen (i was asleep laying in his bed) and wrote me a love letter, then he folded up and placed in my bag. I loved that. I love a romantic boy. Like i believe in fairytale love and it upsets me if i’m with an unromantic boy, or a boy that is afraid of love, or hides his love. Like i said before, i find it boring. I like an open, forward man. Not dirty though. I mean Open hearted and I LOVE ‘love.’ I’m a relationship girl and i love making the person i love happy. I’m that kind of girl. I do love someone right now. But…well….lol.
Men always guess how I want them to be, instead of just being and trusting that I would love them anyway. They ruin it for themselves. Oh my medium said i would be pregnant in the spring of next year… and it’ll be a BOY!! Well that’s gonna be an interesting blog. LOL. (‘Woke up this morning and found that i have another being growing in my belly. How the hell am i supposed to fit into my summer clothes now??’) Hahaha…
Okay i’m gonna make a cuppa tea… I do have a busy day.