Pissing myself laughing at the fact that i’ve just managed to run around my garden half naked with only real life palmed sized kittens attached to my nipples, doing a ‘Carry On’ face, whilst screaming ‘The Devil made me do it!’ I’ve got into this whole new thing of doing something that makes you feel ‘alive’ as soon as you wake up. It’s to test that i’m really still ‘living’ instead of merely existing. I’m fucking loving my tragic life right now because i’m getting away with EVERYTHING!! Seriously i’ll do something completely out of order, make someone visciously upset and then get applauded for it! There is a GOD!!! And then to make it even better, they write me a cheque! I love the Chrissie Wunna show. It ends with me dead and when i am, you can all take my organs and rub them loving over your ‘Privates’ in memory of the floozey that was. I’ll come back to life, glue myself back together (kinda like how my vagina has, now i’m not getting any action) and paper cut you all in your eyeballs goddamn it! (I’m a bit violent this morning aren’t i? I need to be put on reins.)
I haven’t had sex in ages! AGES! AAaggges! You could sell me as a fucking virgin bride right now. And i’m such a sexual being that i feel as though pretty much anyone will do right now. lol. (Or is that just being a dirty slag?) I’m quite masculine when it comes to my views on sex. I can quite easily have sex with someone without loving them. (Now i don’t mean i have a penis. Yet i do seem to have more balls than most boys in this country.) But luckily i’ve masturbated (well ferociously stroked my vagina until it hurts, with a banchee face) at least twice a day, to random role plays in my mind over the last few days, with my kittens jumping on me and scratching my eyes out, mid ‘fiddle.’ Mariah Carey was playing in the background, which was kinda putting me off. I don’t wanna hear a sad whiney love song during a ‘buddha palm.’ I need to hear something a great deal more abusive and self destructive to get me off on one. 😉 I am nicer than you think i am…honest! Had great dreams about a boy last night. It was oddly calming.
Last night i was talking to a young ‘dandy’ who i’m liking more and more each time i get to know him better. He’s very slowly impressing me even though he can only converse with me via some kind of online or BBM medium. When he’s actually infront of me he freezes and says nothing, which i don’t like. (He might wee himself a little too.) But he’s getting better and with an ‘I’m throwing myself in at the deep end,’he impressed me. I like a ballsy individual who isn’t terrified to plunge into the scary deep end. I think he just needs to trust me a little more first. I’m the best friend anyone can ever have and one of the most loving ‘beings’ to ever grace this planet. (Fucking hell…i’m rambling on a bit.) ‘Latin Lover’ called me last night and tried to make me say that i loved him, then stormed off in a huff. Oh and Wazza’s decided to give up drinking for dance classes and pottery. I’m going to smear my soul on boozey strangers and he’s going to clay me up some ash trays all sober and to mood music. His other option was taking up jogging. Fuck THAT! Whats’ in it for me? Joggers are pointless.
Boyband Jonny is being okay. I mean he kinda yelled at me yesterday in a moment of possesion..(you can’t yell at Chrissie off the telly) which i don’t really mind because i’m one who prefers a gentleman to speak his mind, no matter what the outcome and I hate people who bottle things up. First day he spent time with me, he went through my phone and he was quite shocked that i didn’t want to go through his? It’s worrying. Especially because he saw a text that read ‘Jonny is frigid.’ (hahah…Oopsie!) We’re similar in most ways. I mean we sort of have the same personality and it’s almost spooking me out. We’re both highly emotional beings, who get swept away with it all. Therefore it’ll either end really really well, or devastatingly awfully. Love it!! . He hates talking to me on the phone which i DON’T like at all. He would rather watch a ginormous gorilla on the telly picking up girls in white dresses. He’s getting a little complacent. What am i on about? He’s being a darling.
If any of you stayed in and watched KING KONG last night (and u didn’t have to work early this morning) you’re all gay. There’s a whole dodgey world out there to be discovered, toyed with and loved. I will NEVER stay in to watch a movie unless i really do have too due to ill health, research or boredom. So whilst you were being ‘loserish’ in ya pj’s watching your life pass you by, i was flirting under the midnight stars, exchanging energies with handsome strangers and spinning around as fast as i could to the sexy sounds of my dear merry life.