BURNT MY MOUTH. Omg…i’ve just chewed on a chilli, thinking i was far too ‘va voomy’ for my own good and that i could handle any kind of ‘sizzle’ this world could boomerang at Me. Tiniest fucking piece of green, it was. All plump and oily and waiting to be chewed. (Kinda like me really, but with far less attitude.) I forked it up, almost cockily threw it into my mouth, with a *glint* of ‘hee hee‘ in my eye…OMG…i could’ve FAINTED. It ha s pretty much BURNT my whole entire mouth out and my lips are THROBBING. Fucking THROBBING. I can’t move them. I feel like i’ve sucked on a scorching hot fiery ball sack…then poked myself repeated in the eyes in hate!! The good thing about this moment of ‘oooooooooh’ is that i don’t think i have ever sighted a more Poutier pair of lips. (They are of the cocky sucky kind right now…and purely by accident. I have good lips…in all places *wink* anyway..But these ‘puckers’ take the bisuits. I could pout my way to La La land and back with these shockers! *Packs bag.* The bad thing about this chilli chewing moment of despair, is the fact that i might quite possible DIE!!! (Why do Trannies humour me? I have 3 on my tv screen right now, for no real reason. The phrase ‘soapy tit wank’ is being repeated.)
Today i recieved a package from a boy in LA. Lovely, it was. I really enjoy surprise packages. I’m a girly girl…it makes me feel like a Princess. In it contained a love letter, a photo and a black wife beater, which had a skull studded in diamantes on it. I mean, i like it. It’s cute. But skulls aren’t really my thing. I like cupcakes, and kittens and PINK and statement shirts, not meatless heads. I’m not veggie! yet the thought is lovely. I get gifts from my male fans all of the time daily and i yes it’s definitely one of the perks. The boys get a wooing and well, i definitely appreciate being ‘Woo’ed.’ I love romance, (shame i don’t know you all really.) Lol. *Grabs diamonds*
I’ve had some awful men try to trick me into dating them again today also. I mean men never use their brains. If you trick me…i’ll feel manipulated and i will hate you. If i hate you…u will never find me in your sheets or on your arm. They try and insult my intelligence, by churning out ‘fakery’ like i might quite possibly believe them. I let them ‘churn’ away, i mean i’m not rude. (Hahaha…) But remember, I’m Chrissie Wunna, not little Nicki ‘Don’t KNOW’ better. I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again. I grew up in Hollywood. I can see through an act and quite luckily make you believe i can’t. 😉 Bottom line, pretending you know a bundle of celebrities, or that you are made of all kinds of money, that you can offer me work that i really don’t need, or you have a big willy…will not pull ME. I’m not 20…i’m 29! I must know every boys penis size, on Facebook, by now!!! I have an inbox full of them. I get a willy size before i even get a real name!!! Who has taught boys this???? You’re meant ot be our heros. A being that can take care of our every need, our every whim! Buy us Bacardi Breezers and cuddle us without being prompted.
It’s meant to be Valentines week. I like old school ‘Cutsie Wootsie’ romance. And why should you bother in investing in that boys?? Well because if you date ME…you will greatly rewarded for your actions….in the bedroom. 🙂 Everyone knows that treating her like a Queen, and getting her boozed up works EVERY fucking TIME!!! Ugh, now i’ve burnt my arm on a radiator. (Glamour Glamour Puss Puss!) Make a girl happy and she will make you happy. Make a girl feel sexy and she will be sexy! It’s not that hard. Why do guys always complicate everything. Be open, be honest, be loving, be affectionate. Make her your one and only. Make sure she knows it. And you’ll 100% live a very happy life. (Unless ofcourse she’s a complete slag…then you’re pretty much doomed!)
It’s midnight. I’m off ot tan….(Jonny’s 21 Today and currently completely trashed. I’m getting drunk BBm’s…which i do quite enjoy! He was a big part of my last year! I feel like i watched him grow up! )