Boobie Woobies

I’m currently walking around dressed like the undisputed Queen of Egypt. Not sure why i don’t just say ‘Cleopatra?’ I enjoy a good long sentence. Yet only when it’s coming out of MY mouth. (Dirty bitch!) You guys can all keep your stories short and hit the bullet points please. Lol..(I’m not joking! Ask any of my friends.) I would kick you, but i’d break the heel on my shoe, which would prove to be a great deal more devastating. Wow, i’m a Sasserilla this morning! Feed them to the LIONS! Oh shit, i nearly lost my fucking wig.

I’m extremely chipper today and i’ve not only danced around my kitchen to ‘Holla Back Girl’ (love that song) with my demon chicken dance moves and a cuppa tea in my hand, due to it nearly being 09.  But mid destructive dance, i caught a glimspe of myself in the oven screen and realized i have a delicious set of flipping knockers!! Knockers that all girls should be jealous of, and all boys (even the butt pirates) should want to nuzzle.  There’s nothing like a good set of ‘Lovelies.’ Be they real or swiped on a visa…they are simply an essential part to any girls genetic makeup. Mine have really done me proud. I do squabble with them, as we fight for the limelight (my boobs are bitches)…yet on the whole and since it’s almost the new year I’m gonna give them a two thumbs up. They are my lethal weapons. Nothing gets past the ‘jubblies.’ (My kitten is trying to piss on my laptop, as i write my blog. Fucking Bitch! Oh shut up PETA, it’s a term of endearment.) I’ve just dropped 20 satay sticks on a furry Dalmation.

So i’m spending New Years Eve with my family. It’s a thing we do. A champagne toast the minute it turns 2009. I’m excited as i’ve wanted it to be January for ages! December was a drag. (And not as in Queen because at least that would have ended with me getting my eyes scratched out by one.) I intend to be sexy, successful and even more famous in 2009.  Not to be superficial or anything. I should add ‘and be a good person’ on the end of that..or ‘do lots of charity.’ But Fuck it…i want to be a Superstar!!  However, it hasn’t called me yet. It keeps offering me delicious one night stands, yet never a big long term commitment. Bastard! Surely i deserve it by now. I’ll be a tired ass old hag, by the time it decides it wants me.  There’s only so long i can hold this heap of a body up. I’m getting bunyons and blisters from the rocky road. (And that’s ‘of stardom,’ not the ice-cream, as ofcourse that would make no sense at all??)

I need to go feel my little brother. (Hahahha, that’s meant to say ‘Feed.’ Love it! ) Apparently he’s going to die if he doesn’t get some chicken NOW.

I ain’t no holla back girl

Chrissie Wunna

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