Body Building Horn Balls

 

Afternoony my little treats of *ugga-booga.*I’ve perked up, i’m raring to go. I have food in my system, my curves are dangerously ready, i’m on top of all of my work and i’m telling perverts off, like i’m a school teacher. The rubbish men who try to Facebook chat with me dirtly get scorned these days and i’m enjoying every moment of it. I’m protecting all future Glamour pusses and teachign men a thing or two about R.E.S.P.E.C.T! (Sing it sister.)

I had one gentleman  say ‘hello,’ tell me I was ‘beautiful,’ (I thankyou very much,) then immediately say, ‘i could smashed up in the bedroom. I’m just being honest.’ (He later explained that *smashing* meant *hot dirty sex.*)‘eww-factored’ him and informed him that I was gross, frigid, pregnant, taken, and not into rumpy with unpleasant strangers. I told him this aggressively, (becuase i thought i was sooo hip/hop during that hour.) Yet he continued to be a pricker-doo-dee.

FINALLY after me seriously scorning him and making his ‘gummi worms’ feel like giant losers. I told him that I go for decent, romantic men and not those who judge me and focus on SEX. (I don’t like pervs to think i enjoy sex. I want them to look foolish and dumb. If i’m actually honest, i DON’T like SE with fuglies that i’m not attracted to. Yes, i’m slutty. HOWEVER, if i don’t think you are Wunna material, then you will need a hammer, a bag of nails, the Lord’s Prayer and maybe an elephant, to get these legs open!)

He immediately changed his sorry sad tune and said, ‘I’m not all about sex. Honestly. I’m loving and kind. I’ve just been dumped by my girlfriend. It was harsh on me and…’

I shut him up at that point with an ‘You blew your chance. You had once shot at making your FIRST impression and you used it by saying ‘You could smash my [insert pussy here] in bed. It showed me what kind of a man you were and I simply don’t associate with men like that.’ 🙂 He was on his little cyberland knees and begging for me to talk to him. So i deleted him. 🙂 Ooh i LOVE being a Glamour Puss. Working that ‘Delete’ finger exhausts me. You’re only going to get away with being pervy if i fancy you or you are someone i actually ‘real life’ KNOW!

Hopefully that taught him to treat women with a bit more respect. But probably not. I enjoyed him telling me that his girlfriend of 4 years  dumped him harshly. WELL YEAH! I’m not surprised. I’m not a sympathy tree. I’m a bitch, (when rattled..ofcourse. 🙂 ) All i typed was ‘Shit happens. EVERYONE has their heart broken at some point. It’s how you learn about love and life.’ I don’t like pervs, who try to give me their life story. I use my time on better people. Like dancing boys, teenage girls, Priests and men in banana suits. (I’ve got to hurry this up. ‘Teen Mom’ my favoruite show is on in an hour and i’ve got to do my Million Pound Drop application and send my media outlines to my agent so she can send it to the magazines. SHIT!! I forgot to book the shoot. Oh and i’ve been told to mention the party that i’m going to on the 24th. Later! Later! Later! I’m a busy bee!)

On a merrier note, i just got a random email from a  guy…a photo-taking guy, who wanted me to shoot with him, i guess? I don’t actually remember agreeing to a shoot but anyway he sent me the sweetest message saying ‘Oh Gosh. The guy that asked me to book models for the shoot is German. He asked me to book models who looked *Sportative.* I didn’t know what *sportative* meant. So i just booked models. I sent him pictures of all the models i had booked and all he said was that he wanted them to be more SPORTATIVE. Anyway, i finally found out that what he meant was dirty pictures of body building women. I’m sorry to have wasted your time Chrissie.’

How hilariously RANDOM. I loved it! Hahaha! There’s some really kinky German rudies out there. It scares me. *Polishes her Halo.* I’m glad i’ve left my glamour modelling career behind me for telly, writing, love and babies. It just all makes sense. However, i will tell you that you have to remember that EVERYTHING you do, if you are headed into some light of lime…is FOREVER. It all comes back to haunt you. The judging doesn’t bother me. I dunk it in my tea, like it’s a chocolate Bourbon. In my case, it’s the remembering i did it that upsets me. I terrify myself. In some moment i feel so ballsy that i’m SCARY. I’ve always beena  good girl, but for some reason i enjoyed portraying myself as ‘bad.’ (I am totally craving a Popadum right now.)

I really do need to get back to work. I have kittens runnign around me, peopel pulling my hair and tea everywhere. Lots to do. I’m really loving it. I actually CAN’T WAIT for the book now. I hope you all love it, as much as i do!

 

 

 

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