Blow jobs & Bacon

‘Are these the rejects?‘ Was the actual sentence that I fully woke up to this morning at around 9am, outside door 404, of the Premier Inn, in Castleford by Xscape, Pontefract. (Figures!) Loverboy and I had one of our hotel nights…that we loooove. They’re always ever so romantic, personal and extremely what i like to call raunchy. Due to baby making, work schedules and just no time, we haven’t managed to have a hotel night in ages. So last night was Very SPECIAL. Infact AMAZING. I’m so deeply in love with a boy, who (for once) sooo deeply loves me right back. It feels magical. I’m not even getting rolled out of bed, and placed into a taxi home.

 This morning, i looked to my  right, and there he was half bundled up in a thick white quilt. I had never felt so lucky. His body is GORGEOUS. (I’m like a stalker. i watch him when he sleeps and if he catched me, i direct my eyes to the wall and pretend i was in some kind of deep thought?) I could’ve *humped* his back alone and if he didn’t open his eyes…i probably would have!! Don’t hate! You would’ve humped it to!  I just finally feel as though the Dear Lord has gifted me with the male counterpart  body, that i deserve 🙂 …..and luckily…an even better heart to go with it. Loverboy rolled over and *smiled.*(Aaah, his smile could melt the coldest of hearts. God, i’m feeling rather romantic this morning innit?) He told me i was beautiful, then said, ‘Have you noticed how in all the other hotel’s we’ve stayed at, the housekeeping who are Eastern European always just get on with their job…quietly. But here in Ponty, they stand outside our room and talk really LOUDLY about their Saturday night & lack of bed linen!!! I’ve got a white wine headache and a belly ache!!’

I laughed, worried that my hair looked rubbish and told him i thought housekeeping was cute, because it made me feel like we were The Beckhams and they were our staff. Then i pointed out that if he drinks cheap white wine, like he’s some kind of hip wiggling party Queen…then yes…he’ll get one of those £2.49 cheap headaches,with a belly ache to match! (Thank god he was naked. Swoon much! He’s sooo delicious! I prefer men, when they’re half naked. It makes their existance somewhat more meaningful.)

So you’d think the Premier Inn by Xscape in Pontefract would be shite right? Well let me tell you…it is AMAZING! So warm, comfy, luxurious and romantic, one of the best rooms we’ve had together. I mean we booked it at the last minute, yesterday evening at around 9pm, just so glad that we’d get the chance to fully spend the night together. However, OH MY WORD, our room was delicious! Amazing! Just perfect! When the boy part of your union is literally hugging the curved part of the wall with sheer glee…you know you have a winner…(or he’s mentally ill.)

Firstly the room was massive. Our bed was fit for royalty. We had a living area, lushed over by the most comfiest chaise sofa. The carpets were a warm deep purple. The room smelt liked luxury. Our bathroom was to die for and our shower was fit for a twosome! The thing that was so great about our room, is that Premier Inn had thought about all the little things that people take for granted, when staying in a hotel room. I’ve stayed in hundreds and honestly…it was AMAZING.

We sauntered into room 404, after strutting in, adorning faux fur, at around 9pm. We showered, changed, giggled at each other, ticked the ‘in love’ box and then ran our pretty tanned arses across the street for a steak dinner. We were going to go to ‘Ask,’ but instead tried the new steak restuarant called ‘CowHouse’, where you can buy a 72 oz piece of meat for £45. The food and service was actually quite quite wonderful. Yet it can’t help but make one *chuckle.*

I mean, that place has been coverted into so many things…a club, a gay bar and now some finger snapping, country meat house. All they do is change the music from Kylie to Dolly Parton, then upon the tiny stage that they have raised in the centre of the space, they plonk a new object, that will state what kind of venue the place is to now be known as. Before there was an ‘I will Survive’ perfoming Drag Queen and now in it’s place is a laid over, bright green carpet, which is to represent grass, with  a ginormous COW made out of plastic upon it. 🙂 Oh and with a cactus and a sign reading ‘Keep off the grass.’ I loved it. I wanted to sit on it. Pete replied with a dirty ‘i bet you do!’ He was up for a bit of ‘naughty naughty’ last night, I could tell. I mean, back in 404, he was parading around in nothing but his six pack and white towel. I could’ve ravaged him…but i waited until after my steak. 🙂 (‘Cowhouse’- Great food, great service, two steaks and a bottle of wine for only £20! What more could any hottie ask for…except better lighting.)

At around 10.40pm, we were actually back in our love nest, all cozy and loved up, at the hotel. We’d had a lovely time all night. He was so loving, I was so in love. We smoothed all that over with ultimate romance..which is so delicious when you both actually have a baby due. It makes everything mean so much more. It’s the beginning of our legacy and we’re so lucky to be one of the most perfect couples. We both think very highly of one another and we both feel very deeply for one another. This is the best relationship we’ve both been in, so far. It’s fate! We’ve known each other since school. We fancied each other then. Then we went off to live our own tragical lives and Cupid brought us back together at the absolute right time and under the complete right stars! I’ll not give him up for anything. He is any girls perfect fairytale. All that we’ve dreamt of a boy being like, saying or doing…he is naturally and every day i feel so lucky. The last month has been rather hormonal…so it was finally GREAT to get back to how we are! He looked at me across the dinner table and said, ‘Welcome back.’ (When i’m hormonal, i get insecure, when i’m insecure, i’m awful. YIPPEEE!  Now that i’m back to my full kitty cat self…i’m the best girlfriend any boy of ‘lover’ could ask for.)

Hotel night was wonderul. I mean we felt a bit awkward for a moment, because we haven’t actually been raunchily intimate with each other for a long while. I think i could’ve been a virgin for a moment there. Infact, he said’ that’s a term you haven’t been able to use in a long time.‘ Erm..cheeky much! Swines..all of you! ( I’ve been scared of sexytime…since the ‘bleeding’ incident. Yet now i’ve seen my baby and it’s all healthy and bright, i’m back on track. Pete loves my body, so he’s definitely one to get back to being sensual again. The sex we have is never half hearted or clumsy. It’s not even ‘just sex.’ WE have the most senusal time between the sheets, that we could write books on the art of ‘love making’…and well lets say, last night was no exception. *Wink-Pout.* I treated him to the sexiest night of his LIFE! I just love him and when i love…i give! He makes me wish i had never given myself sexually to anyone but him. (Yet oopsie! My reputation preoceeds me. Oh shut it…i was lonely. LA is a tough town. lol)

I removed my dress, cheekily looked at him and creeped between the sheets all eyelashes and boobies. I do it like i’m Barbara Windsor in her ‘Carry On’ days and obviously not ‘Peggy Mitchell’ styly..as that’d be a bit weird, wouldn’t it? *Removes bra, aggressively shouts ‘Fhiiil Fhiiil’ in some kind of cockney accent.*Pete did that little boy face he does, when he’s a bit shy, yet wants it, but doesn’t want to look like a complete idiotic hornball. *Fumbles.*

He joined me. (Fittest body ever!!)

The lights went out and after 4 minutes of re-familiarizing ourselves with each others bodies…(we do this ting where we just look at each other and stroke each others bodies, slowly and lovingly, like nothing else in this entire world matters) then when i couldn’t contain myself any longer, i slowly crept down beneath the sheets and well showed him how much i loved him. He got one of those most passionate lengthy blow jobs that only a man dreams of. It was slow, it was sensual, it was overwhelming for both of us. I was down there for ages…at least 40 mintues and well, when it released…OMG…you should have heard and seen his face.

When we were done, it was like he had to float back down from another world. he couldn’t even believe it. He was in shock. I was just giggling., he laid ont he bed to recover, as i wiped up and Dolly brushed my teeth, and with this odd voice,which was half ‘baby’ half ‘Man’ he attempted to speak. (Haha…i love seeing him like that. It makes us both feel powerful. he got what he wanted and well i managed to melt him simply by using my mouth.)

He looked at me, half dazed from what had just gone on and repeatedly said ‘That was the BEST blow job, i have EVER had in my LIFE!!!’ Unfortunately for him, he was yet able to speak and for some reason was trying to be cute. Blow jobs aren’t cute. They’re… raunchy. So in order to make me feel loved (and i did anyway,) he tried to deliver the sentence in the baby voice that he pretty much always does to me. Due to him being far to overwhelmed at this pint and not fully recovered from the ‘ooh laa,’ it sort of came out like he was a drag queen. The tiny word i type right now in the sentence, he did in a baby voice, and the words, i BOLD, came out manly. It was hilarious and quite frankly i was confused as to why he was so shocked that my blow job was so amazing. He always tells me, i’ve given him the best ‘yummy yummy’ ever and yeah i know this one took the trophy…but i’m Chrissie Wunna…i stick to my strong points…being sexy. Luckily he was just on the recieving end of it. This is how the sentence came out: ‘…that was the best BLOW job, that i have ever had in my LIFE!!!!’ I looked at him oddly and with an ‘Ooookay,’ i went and did a wee, as he told me to ‘shut the hell up’ (aah bliss,) whilst laughing, as i ridiculed his existance. (I’m glad i’ve scored myself major brownie points by being the Queen of ‘nosh.’ I don’t know why i put in so much effort.? The 2nd trimester is to blame. It’s the horny 3 months of the pregnancy.)

This morning when we woke up, we showered, loved then got back to being ‘cups of tea’ innocent and playful. After we checked out in sunglasses. (I always leave places in sunglasses, be it rain or shine.) We drove acorss the street to Frankie’s & Benny’s for a massive English, eased down with OJ and coffee. It felt great. I t hink of all the men that never wanted to hang out with me, simply because they loved my company and just so they could use me financially, or get a bit of rumpy and finally after a very long search…and a trail of delicious heartbreaks on both sides…i’m having orange juice and bacon with the man of my dreams. *I have to pinch myself to believe it’s true.* I want EVERYONE to meet THEIR Loverboy. You deserve it. This guy is fairytale amazing. Thank God i found him!

HOWEVER, i will say that after our night of blow jobbing and then him returning the favour of ‘ooh laa’ to me. (No, he didn’t give me a blow job. I don’t have a massive penis, before you all start.) He did said, in a moment of complete sexual mist,a nd after i had spent so much mouth time on his *yum yum,* ‘How are you going to top THAT!!!’

TOP that? (Haha.) I didn’t know i had to. if i had known that it each blowy has to beat the previous one, i would’ve given him a two second quick lick of impatience. I have to top that? I don’t even know if i can?? I put my ALL into that piece of art! Lmao! I mean he felt the most overwhelming feeling he has EVER felt sexually, to the point where if he inched over one *scooch* further, he would have exploded…literally…and then died. He was writhing around open-legged in the pitchest of dark and upon the softest of white sheets. But oh no…he wants more. I have to top that bit of razzle dazzle. (Note to self: Wunna quit being so amazing. Your audience will only want more! 🙂 )

The funny thing is, that when we discussed what i was going to *spill* in my blog, he told me to leave out the ‘you know what’ bit. I assumed he meant the ‘blowjob’ bit. But he didn’t at all. Lol. he said, ‘Oh no keep that bit in! But don’t tell them that i did the funny voice.’ It’s hilarious to me, what people don’t want others to know. Tell them all about the massive long dirty nosh off…but tell them i’m romantic. Haha! Boys will be boys!

(Ps, my deepest apologies if this blog is a bit too *naughty naughty* for your pure ears on virgin. If there’s a dodgey sexy part that you feel you need to blank out, please feel free to imagine the *Oompah Lumpa* song over it, until you are able to return to the writing. I love you. Plus, cut me some slack. I haven’t had it in ages. It’s way exciting for me. With me now being old and tragic. Whenever i get to hump anything worthwhile, i must blog and in order to show off!  All smiles. 🙂 )

2 thoughts on “Blow jobs & Bacon”

  1. i know have a reason to go pontyfract as that steak house sounds the guvna ask is a load of wank if u ask me some chained jeckyl italian gaffe im pleased u sound so happy treacle and good luck with the tin pot

    Reply

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