Big Knickers, Pink Jelly


My delicious little bit of daughter woke me up at 5.51am this morning because her desperate need to watch a Pig named ‘Peppa’ on my phone got the better of her. She’s also wee’d herself..which is better than her accidentally weeing on my weave. so I let her off, tried to peel open my very tired slanty eyes and with a cuddle, whopped on a bit of Peppa Pig. I think I may have even attempted to reach for an imaginary bedside tequila at some point, in order to wake up. Before I’ve had coffee, the way I see the world is dangerous. It’s like I have no idea what is going on? I’ll lay there with a child in my arms thinking, oh shit yeah…i’m a mum…oh Lord, I have a weave…ooh my tan’s good….where’s my morning bedside tequila??? 🙂 Luckily, she’s cute so it didn’t take me long to come to my senses and without coffee. (This boy I once dated in LA tried to MAKE me not drink coffee in the morning and instead encouraged…well what I called FORCED me to have a Jamba Juice in order to feel alive as a substitute. Juice??? Who the hell was he? This is why you should never date a good mid-western boy. Do I look like the kind of person that runs on bashed up berries, with a swirl of banana. I’d wander into the juice bar each morning asking for a shot to be put in my smoothie. All they suggested to me was a ‘protein’ shot…In my world that meant a world different thing, especially at 24. In fact, I enjoy how i’m trying to make out like i’m such a Saint now and all smeared over with ‘Mother Mary’ syndrome. A flipping ‘Protein’ shot is what grew me this belly, which will be birthed into this jolly world in 6 weeks. Nice! We never learn. Thankfully, I’m 32 now. It’s makes life a little better. Ladies, ALWAYS be careful of boys who think they know what’s best for you and attempt to change your everyday ways. Unless, you’re a junkie…or an alcoholic, or a nuisance. Then the change is probably a good thing. I would always swear at him and he never had a decent enough sense of humour to find me funny. The bad thing about a boy not being able to take a joke is that they are usually not that funny and take themselves and others far too seriously. I like a funny boy, who is filled with wit and jolly sarcastic wisdom. I associate it with them being intelligent. They sort of have to be funny, without trying too hard to be funny. It’ll fool me into thinking i’m having a good time.)

SO, this morning, after teaching Ruby the art of The Spice Girls on the nursery run and how every decent person’s favourite Spice Girl was Geri. I liked Geri back then, before she was a blond, yoga, healthy eating….nutter. I say bring back the Union Jack dress, faux fur shawls and red sequinned dresses, in big frilly knickers and platform heels. It’s brilliance at it’s finest. 🙂 I’m not sure how Ruby took her Spice Girl lesson, as she was dribbling a squeezy yoghurt down her top and giggling. By the time she got to nursery she was in a filthy state. However, my mun always said ‘a mucky baby is a happy baby.’ Wait? Or is that…’a mucky baby, has a rubbish mum?’ 🙂

I got completely distracted during the last paragraph as I was wanting to tell you that today i’m wearing BIG KNICKERS.Not even nice sexy ones. Just big old, still cute, but very ‘from a Primark 5 pack’ lemon coloured with a pink rim knickers. Like yesterday’s jogging suit, they are the comfiest things i’ve ever placed upon my bum! Holy Moly. In Hollywood, i’d never wear knickers. Not because I was slutty, but because no-one really does out there, with it being so hot…and because I was really slutty. 🙂 Anyway, since being preggo in good old Blighty, I haven’t been wearing knicker crackers, unless i’ve had to because i’ve been in a skirt, because they either haven’t fit me, OR i’ve felt suffocated with them on.

TODAY, my bum feels all cradled, comfy and loved, like the world is a better place. Like it’s getting a cuddle and enjoying a bit of romance. Best thing ever…when pregnant. (Let’s be honest, when you’re not pregnant, you can’t really get away with them as well with men. Keiran always states that he’s not too bothered. His favourite is french knickers. Yet when i’m in a thong or something a wee bit sexy, his boner jumps up and pokes him in the eye. So, I’ll go back to saying that men are visual. They enjoy a bit of naughty naughty. Play with their mind and tease them, via the fine art of naughty knickers, lingerie or whatever you so desire…and then you have them dribbling their way to a proposal. 🙂 They can’t help it. I prefer lingerie and corsets and bedroom dress up to just full blown slaggy nakedness. Plus, the good thing about me, is that i am honestly naturally like that. I mean Keiran and I had this convo the other day, saying that girls should always be themselves. If they are a glammy girl, who does their face all the time, they should always be that way and try not to be ‘natural’ed’ down. And if they are a more natural looking girl, they shouldn’t ‘dolly’ up for a date because it isn’t really who they are, so when you’ve got the girl, changed you’re Facebook ‘relationship status’ and you’re now doing ‘moving in together,’ with a side of  commitment the guy is not so shocked when the girl  hasn’t been bothered to do her hair or face everyday. 🙂 )

OOooh, I’m watching Lorraine on ITV right now and they’re talking about whether it is okay to give you’re partner an ‘or else’ or an ‘Ultimatum.’ I think YES and because you know what’s right for you, what you want and how you idealistically what your love life to pan out. I hate it when you give people a simple decision and they fumble it by moaning over the fact that you’re making them choose between YOU or a manner they have that you despise. Be it an addiction, the friends they keep or like I said a manner, or bad habit. I much prefer someone that will make a decision and not try to cope out of the decision with the ‘Don’t give me an ultimatum’ line. Snooze. Keiran once told me to stop writing about him in an evil manner on my blog or it will ruin our relationship.  That was an that i’m used to. Yet instead of umming or arring, and tossing out a ‘you can’t make me choose’ line. I simply said, ‘NO.’ 🙂 I don’t like it when people try and control my mind, my voice or my anything. But if I thought it was a decent ultimatum, then I would try and find a compromise of some sort.

I’m happy today because i’m off to lunch with my Mama. I can’t believe it’s only 9.20am. But i’ve been up since 5.51am, so to me it’s the afternoon. I can’t wait to see her though because Springtime lunches with ya mum are always lovely. Maybe I should take a preggo nap before hand? I’m SO GLAD that i’m well again. Yep, no virus for me. I can walk, talk, breathe and hear and without being in ANY pain. YIPPPPEEEEE!!! Life is a joy.

But it’s almost the weekend and i think i have spending problem. During my last weeks of pregnancy, i’m finding that i’m now just wanting to purchase everything and pretty much anything and I have no idea why? I’m thoroughly enjoying buying things and well not because I need the stuff, yet just because I want to buy, buy buy? What does that mean? As i’m sure it’s some emotional issue.

In four days i’m on HOLIDAY. In 6 weeks i’m having a baby. My love life is perfect right now. I’m married to the ma of my dreams and well for those of you who are not in a very chipper place of love, know that they really do say that if you are anooyed at you’re partner, to the point that you hate them , try ti remember or imagine them as a child and then you will forgive them faster. (After you’ve kicked them a little.)

I don’t have any child pictures of me, at the ready right now. But I really do hope that when Ruby is older and her ‘other half’ is angry at her, he tries to remember her like this..


…then he won’t be so mad at her.

Keiran says that he remembers me as a child ALL the time. *Rolls eyes.*

Y’know what, Ruby is actually really confident and bossy at home. Almost ‘DIVA.’ yet i’ve noticed that at nursery and sometimes around other people, when she doesn’t have Keiran or I around her, or her grandma, she’s really shy. Kinda like Pete would be. It sort of makes me ‘sad face’ because I never want her to feel too scared to talk, or be confident because she’s intimidated. (Remember that she’s moved up a rung in nursery early,meaning she’s in with the big girls and boys now, who are all 4-5 yrs old. She has just turned 2.) It’s great for her, yet daunting for her all at the same time.

I think that because she hasn’t had much time with Keiran of recent, because he’s working a lot right now and by the time he’s gotten home, she’s tucked up in bed…that her confident has been shot at a little. She’s become a little bit more insecure and well I saw her wanting to play with a toy the other day, (well it was a giant trayed table filled with a pink gooey jelly substance,)  yet because an older girl had pushed past her, shoved her out the way and got there before her, she backed off and let the other girl take control and play with this jelly on her own, even though she really really wanted to play with it also and share  it. 🙁 Ruby was too insecure to get up and join her. The other girl didn’t mean to shove her over, she’s 4, she just wanted to play and got excited.

I was talking to Keiran about it last night, so we’re taking on ‘Operation: Make Ruby Confident Again.’ The smallest things can affect your child. Be sure to watch every little moment of their lives and act upon each bit of it with a warm loving kindness and strong heart. That way they will conquer the world and with love. At the same time, you still have to make sure they know that they have boundaries that they have to respect.

Okay, i’m off to blow my nose.

Love you.

C x

Ps/ I’ve had a Cornetto for breakfast and accidentally got into some ‘Margaret Thatcher’ debate on Twitter. UGH! I’m backing off as i’ve learnt that in Wunna land, if I say ANYTHING, it’s taken, blasted and thrown eggs at…unless it’s about glitter and wiggles. 🙂 I get away with nothing. But I will say that I just don’t get why ANYONE would take the day off work to simply go and celebrate the death of another human being. Every decent person uses annual leaves on celebrations or holidaying. The ones that didn’t have jobs and went to celebrate her death in Goldthorpe, need to find better things to do with their time…like finding work. 🙂 You can’t blame ONE person, who you never knew or met, if you weren’t a miner in the 80’s, as the reason why YOU haven’t done well at 20 something or 30 something in 2013, or the reason why you can’t be bothered to get up and go to work. Lol. You’re not miners? It’s like all single, cheated on, women going to  burn down Disneyland because ‘Cinderella’ made them believe in Fairytales.

But i’ve calmly backed off…as ofcourse Twitter will eat me alive. I was just saying yesterday that my friend who is overdue and should be having her baby very very shortly…if not now, put her full bare boobies out on Twitter, for Zoo Magazine and everyone loved it. (She has great boobs. I adore her.) If I did that, i’d get called every name under the sun and then some. I mean, even wearing fake eyelashes during the birth of Ruby rubbed people up the wrong way so much that they called me a ‘5 cent whore, who didn’t deserve children.’ lol. Jeepers!

Pps/ Luckily @Wazza is making my day much better by reminding me of his framed picture that he had when he was 15yrs old of Geri Halliwell. She autographed it, calling him ‘sexy,’ when he was 15…and he’s now wondering if he should’ve reported her to the police. Hahaha.

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