Be My Valentine…

Love is in the air, My Pretties!! It is the merry week of  romance. The merry week of Valentines and well according to mildly interesting morning television, that is playing in my green room, whilst i’m being sprayed down with an oily ‘apparently makes me look sexy’ much substance (I never understood that? Why would a girl covered in what could be chip fat be ‘sexier’)…I am hearing that £500 MILLION is spent on Valentines gifts a year! What the fuck!!! Now, if i don’t get anything remotely Valentiney on Valetines Day, i’m gonna be well pissed off. (Hahah…How romantic of Me. Anger! ) But anyway, now they are attempting to come up with new inventive gifts, that one could buy a Valentine this year. However, it seems all they’ve managed to come up with is roses and chocolates and roses that are chocolates. LOL.  Oooh…i never thought of that? How creative of them! *Rolls eyes.* (I once bought my ex-hubby, a tank of pink fish, that not only made out….but died! LOL. (I’ll tell you that story later.)  Then I  bought a gentleman, i once admired a hot air balloon ride. He was angered that i wouldn’t go on it with him. Please i’m a Glamour Puss!! I couldn’t for the life of me get rid of him, so i was forced to gift him with a balloon, that i could happily plonk him in and send him away, into the clouds… never to be seen again! Why do you think i got you that babes!?! It wasn’t the art of romance! It was merely my only option. ‘Under the patio’ was sooo last season.

I’m currently on a shoot. A Glamour shoot, for a magazine. I woke up this morning the happiest i had been in a very long time. Infact, almost giddy happy. I sprawled in my white bed sheets all cheeky and smiley. I stretched a little, read a couple cutesy bbm’s, then got YANKED out of bed by my hair,  relunctantly squeezed into a tracksuit (a fucking tracksuit, don’t be so ridiculous) and thrown into a car that was to drive me IMMEDIATLEY to a place where i would be groomed into the Kitty Queen of ‘Ooh laa’ and forced to take all my clothes off…for money and promotion. Woohoo! Whilst you’ve been waking up, schooling, or sitting at your work desk, i’ve been in boobs and a decent pair of lacey undies from the Elle Macpherson line (plug plug)  pouting, posing, and hair tossing on what looks like a ‘frisky fushia’ boudior of delight. I love my job! Why did i even bother going to school? If i knew i was just going to blog and get my chebs out, i would’ve only ventured into English and IT. Then spent the rest of the time sleeping with boys, learning how to mix cocktails and saving up for a boob job. I was a boffin at school, at one point. I got 98% in a Latin exam. What’s the point much?

Now, i am rather happy today because i’ve been helping people find a Valentine. The good thing about me is that i am very involved in the lives of my fans. (I don’t want you to be insulted my the word ‘Fan,’ as i even call my OWN Mother a ‘Fan,’ and i came into this world via her ‘Privates.’) Anyway, yeah i take the time to know all about my fans. Like i know who they each fancy, how they feel about life, what they wish to be, what colour they’re painting their living room etc… The other night, in the early hours of the morning, i was poking around online and a delicious treat of a gay, that i always jibber jabber on to, and love very dearly (I am deliberately not saying his name, due to the fact that i am unaware as to whether he would want me too…) but he very much fancied a boy, a hot one, from a far. I’m all for fancying hotties from a far, knowing that i will eventually make them MINE! 🙂 I’m a confident girl. I have no problem telling a boy i want them. I do it all the time. They either love it, or think it’s a trick. But usually they just agree.

HOWEVER, it seems YOU (My Darling Dolls) are far less confident! I dislike this behaviour…well actually i’m more humoured by it. It is rather cute. Therefore i figured i would take ‘love’ into my own hands and encourage my gay to make a move. If you’re not making a move, you are standing still. If you are standing still… no-one will notice you. I mean at the very least you should be hair tossing or committing to rather slaggy attire. Anyway, my gay was DRUNK and basically in that moment i believed it would be good for him, to get his pretty self in the game. He mentioned that he wanted to inbox the man of his current dreams. He couldn’t have done it sober…so i took advantage of his tipsy nature and MADE him! I literally stayed up until 4am, so he could inbox ME his draft of the cyber love letter. I loved it too. Anyway, He did it. (CHAMPION much!) This morning i got a BBM (mid, being naked and posing, now in a dungeon LOL) stating that he had managed to score the boys number and it’s full steam ahead!! WOOHOO! I  honestly filled with happiness. I told everyone around me. They listen (because they’re paid to suck up to me.) I LOVE that i’m teaching people the art of Drunk Bravery. If you can’t be sober confident, like The Great Wunna herself, (you really have nothing to lose…i’ve got so far ahead by being inappropriately ballsy.) Then you can fucking get blathered and attempt the art of BRAVERY. It works…!!! (Why are people beckonning me? I said i wanted sandwiches! It’s lunch!!!!)

If you do anything this week, you TELL your crush that you like them! It’s just funny isn’t it? I’ll do it too, I’m not simply a talker, i’m a walker baby, yeah yeah! We can all be ‘love struck’ morons together! Cupids a bitch. A lazy one at that! You cannot, AT ALL, trust that whore with a fucking teapot! Therefore, i’m telling you to take ‘Love’ into your own hands. Tell the object of your desire that you likey likey. Do it subtely. Do it sexily. Do it with a Glamour Puss flair. But be confident!!! Everything Pusses do is rocked by a sexy ‘ooh laa,; and a little bit of manipulation. 🙂  I’m quite charming when it comes to men. I an ace a first move and usually once i’ve got them, i’ve got them. It’s like an irresistable force. A pull. People can’t hate you for admiring them. If they do, then they are deeply misguided.

However, saying that YOU’RE all doing astoundingly well under my tragic guidance. I’ve text a boy this morning to arrange a bit of ‘Ooh laa,’ a bit of  ‘could be lovely lovely’ and he hasn’t text me BACK! Hahahaha….Oh how i love this game that we call ‘Life.’ It’s awful innit. How when they do that ( and he is just busy) you find yourself longing for them, that little bit more. I hate that feeling. I only like it, when you win them in the end. But this bitch has got it handled. *Winky Winky Pout Push.*

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