Bath time blues

Hello, my little bundles of ‘boo.’ I don’t even know where to begin because so much has managed to drama itself into my life…(and i do mean ‘good’ drama, which involves party party, drunk much.) I will tell you that i’m currently back in Yorkshire. (I have to do London, the town where in which i reside, in bits and bats, as for some reason it really gets the better of me, due to gloomy, grey clouds of ‘UGH.’ I seem to get myself into a whole lot of sc’ sc’ sc’ scandalous behaviour. I find London rather ‘oopsie’ stressful, it’s so different to LA or any place up north…But don’t you worry, i can handle it, i simply don’t care to… all of the time, when i can quite luckily venture around the whole entire delicious world. Too much of anything exhausts this little Glamour Puss. I enjoy sexy spits and spats of ‘ooh laa.’ However, saying that I will tell you that i quite fancy (*winky winky*) a good solid relationship right now. Wunna wants a MAN. YeaH BABY! I really do feel i could handle it right now, with a saucy, ‘forever after’ glitter wiggle of a ‘pout’ much. I’ll admit that i do currently have a crush. One that seems to make me smile whenever i’m all alone and for no reason. I’m all a flutter, a giggle and a Vixen whipped ‘wooo bitch.’ However, i think it’s because i’m all for the month of ‘love,’ aren’t i! I want everyone to find a Valentine. Everyone to sprinkle a little ‘sexual’ into February.Yet saying that, it’s early days for me and my crush, because i could go hang out with him and well he might not even like me? He might just want to get his ‘naughty naughty’ away. You know what boys are like. They play nicey nicey…and then turn on you, whilst boning your bestie. But i’m hopeful, excited and actually trying to calm the *excitement* much. I’m not too worried. I’m good at first meet ups. Infact, *polishes trophy* i excell at them. I’m a pro at short term ‘ooh laa.’ It’s the old Wunna Charm. However now i want longterm Maaaaaaan and well i think i deserve one. Boyfriend season. *Wink Wiggle* Line up…remove shirts…adore Wunna.

Anyway, lets take a graceful side step away from all that jiggery pokery, before i jinx it all, in one unfortunately sober, champion swoop. (I fancy a tipple.) I just immersed myself in the most deliciously bubbly bath, all warm and soft and magical. I need to relax, i mean after last night (It was jonny’s 21st bday party…i’ll blog about it tomorrow) i can’t seem to beable to walk,. My thighs granny ACHE! Infact, i’ve inspected my body and i have been sprinkled in baby blue and precious pinky purple bruises, that i refer to as party scars. It’s like confetti…but sore. I always use to say you should never trust a girl with bruises on her knees. Now (and purely because i have them) a girl of that sort should be underestimated. Woke up at Jonny’s in a strange bed that i never knew existed, in mens jogging bottoms, my eyelashes, sweating, hungover and after having to spend 30 minutes in a cracked out lesbians home, who let Lauren (Jonnys friend) and I into her home at 4am, simply because we were cold, after buzzing every buzzer to every appartment in the block. HAHA! We sat in blankets, by goldfish and clothes that needed to be ironed, whilst she hated on men, then scurried around looking for a rizla. Enough of that…i’m saving the nonsense for tomorrow evening. I have an eventful story. I just need to remember it.

However, before i got distracted all i actually wanted to tell you was that i intended to bathe in my bubbly bath of pure luxury, like a kitty kitty cat cat or Cleopatra, the Queen Booyah herself.. I pouted. I laid back. I stroked my legs. I shaved places, that needed a little *sizzle* off. I am referring to my legs. My ‘lady part’ is pretty much always bald. All i’m gonna say is, i wanted sexy Cleopatra bath and instead i looked down and found myself in something that could qualify me for a part in Nightmare of Elm street or a Tampax commercial that’s gone a bit wrong. Blood had whizzled in everywhere from me shaving my legs. I looked like a fucking dumpty, trying to be all Ultimate Glamour puss bubbly *pout* in a FUCKING  BATH of BLOOD! Eww…how Emo ‘never would be’ of me. I leapt out of my bath screaming. I’m squeemish. I can’t bare the idea of my inner fluids, squeezing it’s way out of punctured parts of my body…that aren’t meant to be punctured. It totally ‘urks’ me out. I looked like one of those Benny Hill slags, running around naked, with my comedy boobs doing *shocked* faces at the world, whilst i’m screaming all kinds of things Buddha would never say.

I’ve had a long day. I’m knackered. I’ve open mouth slept on a long train journey back up north, after life being littered with last minute drama. It was odd, because people kept sitting next to me, then moving to other seats?? LOL. Apparently, i was laughing out loud in my sleep like a happy….lunatic. I can’t remember doing it, therefore i obviously didn’t. I’m a floozey. I mean surely I was having proper slaggy dreams, and not ones about….clowns?  They should be happy, i was only laughing. *winky giggle.* It could’ve got a little messy. Can anyone smell trout? I spent the journey dribbling and texting my crush…who seems quite sweet right now. We’ll see.  I hope he’s mildly excited…other wise it’ll be quite unfortunate for me. Haha. Oh dear!! (I’m Watching dancing on Ice and enjoying Gary lucy in too tight Lycra, doing pretending he’s surfing arms.) *Fans herself down* I love how i’m trying to be ‘sexy much’ when i have a pot of

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