Flu! Done! Wallowed in self pity! Done! Still ill? Yes! Do i care? NOT ONE BIT! So the Doctor tried to tell me i had swine flu today. I sort of looked at him, scanned his ‘did not like that tie’ outfit and tell him, i was a Glamour Puss and that when i actually die, i was going to be savaged by thieves and not simply by the flu of a disgusting mexican piggy.
Now i come from a whole family of Doctors. Therefore i *wink wink* whilstled at my Mother, who assured me i just had the normal flu, and that i was merely under far too much stress, with work, burning the candle at every end possible, working 5 different countries at once, doing the Fan Phone, the…well you get it…I did that old jolly ‘run yourself into the ground’ thing, to make a dream come true. And well now, i’ve rested, i’ve eaten a whole pack of Haribo, i’ve calmed myself down. I’ve destressed and i actually feel BETTER! I’ve pushed too hard & well sometimes you’ve just godda sit back and have faith in your fans and know that they will always be there. (Well the good ones will anyway…oh and the hot ones, coz i totally would have slept with them..repeatedly. 😉 ) Oooh i must be better, the smutty sense of humour is approaching. *tingle up spine*
So i’m gonna give you a run down of whats happened over the last few days, since i haven’t blogged in a darling of a time. I can’t really recall much fo it, due to drunkenes and abuse, but don’t worry it will all come back to me…slowly. Especially coz i’m no longer feeling all weak and pathetic and terribly sorry for myself. I’m a lucky girl. I need to always remember that. I also always need to remember to not let people snow me under…emotionally. But anyway, i’ve cut the ‘Footballer’ dude out my life, after he went to a club and wehn the girls we’re throwing their boobied selves upon him, he threw them off him, whilst claiming that he had a girlfriend, they should show him a little respect and that his girlfriend was Chrissie Wunna. Now, all this is dandy or whatever, and i’m flattered, but it’s not even 1% true. I don’t like liars. (Well ones that lie about Me…because everyone is at liar at some point in their life.) I have never even once been on a date with this boy…and i didn’t want to, therefore i don’t like him using my name to massage his ego. You can’t bully me into loving you. Love takes time and well to be honest, he’s not even really someone i know? I’ve met him for approx 1 hour of my whole entire tragic life. But again…whatever, i’m flattered. Great guy. Just not my guy!
In the past few days, along with accessorizing with the flu, i have also been taught how to smuggle myself onto a train under the misconception that i am a 15 year old, for a cheaper fair. I think the phrase i was told to use was ‘Well i’m just an early developer.’ Haha.. love that. That piece of ‘juice’ was presented to me by ‘Luke’ on Fan Phone. (I have 19 missed calls…Ooops.) I’ve been loved by my darling Wunnerettes, from their school yard. I adore them. As soon as i pick up the phone, they are 100% the exact representatives of what it’s like to be a Wunna. They’re all giggly and playful and sweet and fun. I’m really proud of them. I was sat in a green room, in nothing but a big pair of white granny knickers, with a towel over my boobies, ginormous eyelashes on, and a few swear words decorating my pout…whilst a lady was attaching a wig to my head. I let them call me whenever and tell me about their day. It’s important to leave a legacy behind you. These kids are the heir to my throne. They are learning the ways of the Wunna Kitty Play Play. They even have a Queen of Greatness fo the day, who bosses around the others, who they call ‘Ewoks.’ Adore them much! Aww..
Okay, on Thursday, also did lunch with Samuel. He’s just got back from Goa, so after some random boy named Jimmy, decided he wanted to walk down the street with me pretending to be my boyfriend…(it was actaully hilarious) he pointed out what he was doing, and waving at other men on the street, with one arm linked onto me ( i had never met him ever) and the other pointing at me, whilst he shouted ‘Ere’…this is my bird.’ HAHAHA He had butchers and bakers and candlestick makers in fits of laughter. I admired him for his cheekiness…then lied and told him i was soo completely taken. 🙂
Anyway, Samuel and I did lunch at Wetherspoons by the canal in Camden and flirted with this Russian. i don’t think we had ever eaten sooo much in our lives. We were comfort eating due to heartache. It’s weird how we can’t find decent men in England, ones who love us and cherish us. Wel what i’m looking for is someone not afraid to love me. What he wants is a dreamy hot American boy. HAHAHA. I’LL TAKE THAT TOO..with a side of ‘Good time.’ Delicious! Beyond sexual much! Basically we’ll be fine. I would just kinda like a date for Valentines day. Someone, not even a boyfriend, just a someone who i can go out of a Valentines date with. We both want that really. I enjoy celebrating a day of love and i’m quite terribly sick of boys treating my darling sweetheart of a man Sammie with disregard. I think we promised to not sell ourselves short anymore and well i’m serverly close to this boy, due to our reality telly stint and a whole weird new life that we were given, therefore i want us to find really decent ‘other halves.’ I’m taking no shit.
Anyhow, After all that, i called Jonny,as i was on Camden High street and well he met up with me for wine, at the Black cap…Our favourite Camden hang out. His face was healed, he had just come back from the dentist, i looked the complete vision of a tiny asian over eyelashed dolly, and well we talked, love lives, music, and ‘other shit’ whilst we sipped on our Rose’. We’re best friends, as well we’re starting to know everything about each other. I know more about him now, than i did when we dated. Which goes to prove kids, that you should not jump into relationships, because it really does does take many moon to know someone properly. (I’m not preaching at you…don’t worry, i do it al the time. I mean, i was married after 3 weeks. But what i will say is that i’m glad i know Jonny properly now..)
I ended up back at his folding his underwear up (ooh the height of Glamour pussing) he’s messy, i’m tidy, and then whilst he did his hair and i listened to people hang up on me on Fan Phone, we ventured off into Central for a night on the razzamatazz. Woohoo! I had a blast. Can’t remember any of it. But loved it.
Started off at Ku Bar. I Tweeted this and well you followed. I likey! We drank, talked about love, exes, and what we’re like as people. We were already drunk and i’m realizing that theres so much more to this boy, my ‘Protege’ as my friends call him, that i didn’t know. But i like it. Anyway, we flirted with everyone and decided that we could tell if men were gay or straight, by presenting me to them, and asking them what they first noticed about me. If they said ‘Tits’ they were straight. if they ‘Eyes’ they were Gay.’ And it worked! Anyway i then remember two old grey haried men, our fit bartender Jamie, other people chatting to us, lots of fun, then strutting off to Pre Bar, after buying mentols and a pack of Hula Hoops.
Pre bar was fun, lost my wallet in there twice and it was found my a gorgeous doll of a gay, who brought it back to me. Lots of Wunna fans in there…i adore you. I LOVE LOVE it when people can come up to me and actually quote a line from my blog that they lvoes. The reason why i love it, is not because of the old, ‘oooh my big ego’ Haha…but IS because it fools me into believing that i’m making a difference. Saw lots of you in there, whilst i had a flirt and a boogie with all you stunning ‘not straight’ gentlemen. We met this hot nurse dude, who looked like he had a deliciously high sex drive, a life and problem. I fancied him, but obviously he fancies Jonny…and well everyone else. Jonny like him because he kept buying him vodka. Haha.
Great night, i remember us getting up to mischief. I can’t believe how many of you were out. Infact, i remember being upstairs, by the mens toilet, just sitting there, after being thrown out, watching Jonny, and this other guy do big wees in the urinal.HAHA. I can’t remember what i was shouting, but i’m sure it was shmefully great! Woohoo!
Ended up at GAY, had to wait in line for about an hour (ood much) made friends with a bunch of Americans, and harassed a few people. I by this time was trashed and feeling aggressive. I can’t remember much else, but partying and being the Ultimate Queen of Greatness. Oh wait..i do remember this one bitch dude who kept trying to elbow me out the way. I saw a whole bunch of my facebook friends..which i love. You guys are so sexy adn well i love that everyone knows more about my life than i do myself…simply ebcause you can remind me of it later.
End of the night, and i was holding hands with a line of gay boys, one was a Rocker (not a hot one, but i hated him because he was trying to cop off with my mate,) and the other hand holders were lovely giggly, Wunan Fans. We ended up in Subway so Jonny could get a sandwich, and then we ran to get the bus. Funny story about this was that all the people we had accumulated over the evening, (only 4 i think) but it was enough, had got on our bus too and were sat with us. Hahaha…i don’t even know whether they knew where the bus was going…lol. But whatever, i loved you. you gorgeous treats! You were very sweet to me.
Then i got sick and spent the mext day, acheing, being Flu ridden, dying and rolling to one side of my bed so i could repeatedly vomit off it. NOW, i feel fine. You can’t keep a good Pussy down! I love you. (Glad i got this blog out the way. Now i can’t catch up on my life.) Don’t forget i need a Valentine. xx