Baby Blues & Bran Flakes

Just woke up and ‘Wowzers’ do I feel like i’ve been pulled through a bush backwards. I feel like everyone’s taken a yummy little piece of me, chewed on it and tried to *gum* it back onto me. Yet poorly and in the entire wrong place. Bottom line, i feel like shite. (Hurrah!) My head is banging, my whole entire body is exhausted, my eyes are sore, my face is swelly ( I really despise the face swelly thing) and here I am. Half empty. Half stressed. Yet FULLY and completely pregnant. Yipppeee! If i’m being honest, I am happy underneath 20 loads of tan, weave and hormones. 🙂 However, i’m a Glamour Puss. A preggo-hontas, might I add. When we’re sober and it’s morning we’re allowed to be a little grumbly. I have nothing to tend to today…which pretty much gives me time to be miserable and 9 months pregnant. (Due date Feb 19th. Really tired of pregnancy now. I’m starting to feel like this object, that was once HOT, who’s birthing the Lord’s child. I need an imaginary rum.)

My parents and brother have just arrived back from their holidays in Burma. We’ve ‘7 in the morning’ texted. UGH! They’re safe, happy and on their way back to sunny old Badsworth. It’s Paris Hilton’s Birthday today. (A lady that I love.) Her lovely boyfriend gifted her with a bright yellow sports car for her 30th. The fact that I can’t actually remember what I was gifted with by my dear hottie, says it all. LOL. I think he tried to feel me up? Oh yeah..I got a gift certificate for clothes. Maybe I can drive that around Beverly Hills to Madonna tracks and sunglasses?

I’m having a cuppa tea, i’m refusing to dwell in my utter state of kitty cat misery. I’m about to groom. I’m booking a trip to the hair salon. I’m going in rubies. (My favourite ever gem. I’ve been picking them out with our family jeweller, ever since being 4 and after they’ve been personally mined for me *boast boast* in Burma. I love all that ‘hoopla.’) After i’ve been dolly groomed, i’m attempting to go get Reiki and be blessed by angels, in order to *ooze* my body into a deliciously calm, state of freedom. Getting blessed by angels, for half an hour is greatness on Thursdays. It’s sort of like and emotional massage to mood music.  But one where you’re not expected to ‘put out’ after dinner.

I can’t wait to get my book finished!!! I can’t wait to see it on the shelves!!!  I really do intend to break my sheer case of the blues today. Yet i don’t think it’ll be too hard, as I believe i’m just still in the process of waking up. I need a happy mind, in order for happy things to happen to Me. I seem to have decided to blame everyone else, for the non-early birth of my baby, because they were secretly willing her not to come out as of yet, for their deliciously, selfish reasons, that I cannot tell you about.  My actual due date is Feb 19th and the midwife claims, i’m right on schedule. Which i find bizarre since i’ve had a lack of midwifery care, during my entire pregnancy. Lovely!  (I asked my recent new midwife face, to tell me all about labour signs, in order to feel comforted. All she did was tell me she was going on holiday and hand me a piece of photocpoied paper, telling me i’ll get contractions. *Rolls eyes.*) The good thing about the BBC coming to Pontefract to film the birth of my bambino, is the fact that the people taking care of me, wouldn’t DARE be hidieous at their job, as it’s going to be prettily splashed upon everyone’s telly. Plus, i’m quite the candid little nuisance at times. Let alone when i have a human’s head peeking out of my vagina, deciding if  she’s gonna bother coming out? If i’m not getting appropriately looked after…everyone will hear it… and loudly. 🙂

They’re better be ‘WELL DONE WUNNA’ gifts for me at this whole birth thing. I’m going to be rather upset if not. Haha. I laugh. But i WILL be upset if not. 🙂 I feel like I am surrounded by panicky people, who are no help at all in my moments of ‘helllooooo having a baby…it kinda hurts!’ Pete’s been working until late. My whole family ventured off to Burma for the week. It’s just been ME and ME alone…when i’ve needed help the most. (I enjoy how i’ve just called my brother and he never picked up. LOL. I could be jumping into labour right now? Where’s my army? I’m off the fricking telly much!! ) ‘Oh it’s just Chrissie. Yeah she’s probably having a baby right now.

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