I’m so bored

Having a really boring day today. It’s a total snooze. Nothing to do, nothing to see, no-one to talk to, and it’s freezing outside. I just want something ridiculously exciting to happen, that shocks some, ‘ooh laa,’ into me. I want to be back in the sun, i want to be dancing around aimlessly, and i want just ‘anything,’ to happen. I hate quiet and stillness, when i want to hear some noise. I’m alone with nothing to do, armed with a bowl of chicken. Says it all really.

Nightcaps are a no no

Just woke up, and i can’t quite figure out whether, i’m getting the flu, or whether, i just shouldn’t have had that sugary, vodkary nightcap?? I promised myself, that my lips would never bless that drinky ever again. But F**k it whatever, promises are there to be broken! Wait…no, that’s ‘Rules.’ (haha) I’m dumb too! Oh save me from myself!!!

Other than a slight hangover, i’m feeling wonderful. It’s actually hilarious,( as i walk into giant objects, littering my path,) and the ‘HELL-like’ weather outside, is perfect for complimenting, the ‘fuzz,’ going on  inside…. my head. Not too worry though, life is great, and there’s nothing that a good cup of tea, or another beer can’t fix!! Around this time last year, my friend and I, were making, our other friend, steal Indian food from his work place for us to eat, in West Hollywood. Oh the ‘Joy’s of previous starvation! Thank God i decided to be the ( and in The Wizard of Waz’s words…that’s an early morning mouthful) ‘The Buddha, of getting my boobs out for a living.’

Big kisses…godda go to work! xxx

Too tight!!


It’s just too tight and it’s all for you!! Its wednesday, my Darlings and as always i’m here to please, so sit back , relax, and enjoy this in the privacy of you’re own pervy corner….wink wink.

Yoga Blows

Yoga should just never happen. I really don’t see the benefit in going into a quiet room, full of a mix CD of people, then putting your leg behing your head, for 30 mins, to find peace, and bloody balance???? As if thats mindful?? It’s flipping stupid!! The only good thing about yoga class, is the part at the end, when you get to take a nap, in the dark. I’m not just barking off, without biting. I have actually done many a yoga class, and given it many a chances. Yet, it has failed to impress me over and over again. I once did that stupid yoga, where a million people are packed into an over heated room, and this scary looking hippy, in a tiny blue speedo thing, was stretching a little to fancily for my liking. I was terrified! It looked like he was on his way to the Russian circus, rather than total enlightenment!! When class was done, i just wanted gnaw my own arm off. I’m just crap at it, and i think that’s why i hate it. Putting my leg behind my neck is unfortunately not my forte, however, i am really good at putting my legs around other peoples necks and in the dark!!

All i’m gonna say is Glamour pusses, DON’T become YOGI people. We Puss, Glamour, and sip champagne in our underwear, not balance on our heads!! We do sometimes, however ‘downward dog,’ it but still…theres always champagne.

Boy bitches Me likey!

I wish i had ‘boy’ bitches!! One that fans me, feeds me grapes, one that just walks around in speedos, and fans me, and feeds me grapes, and one that i lock in a cupboard, and only open up when i need compliments, with fans, n grapes…..( i don’t even like grapes.) Oh, Oh and there’s always got to be the big penis one, that just loiters on your bed, all day long. U use him, when u need him..he doesn’t need to fan me or feed me. Well he does, but not grapes, and not necessarliy my mouth!! haha!!

Happy happy McJoy bitches!

Woke up this morning as happy as can be, i do have a little bit of a sore throat, ( and no i don’t need any penis, sore throat remedies…lol,) but apart from that little treat of soreness, i’m feeling quite quite wonderful. I look great, i feel, great, therefore I am GREAT!! Lets all worship me, and be done!!! (ooh…. my backs starting to hurt a little too…, it’s like i’m in the Wars…. but by accident!)

It’s a lovely day today, sun is out, skies are blue, yet i seem to not know whether, i’m a little girl, trying to do ‘big girl,’ things?? Or whether, i’m a ‘Big girl,’ doing ‘little girl,’ things, but do i really care??? Nooooooooooooo!! I’m a hot girl, who poses provocatively for a camera, with her ‘Mcjiggy’s’ out, ( i hear the cheering!) Lets’ rejoice, and say the Lords prayer!! I  love being the Queen of Greatness, because when you have such a title, ANYTHING you do, is pretty much, GREAT!!! And anyone who says, anything different, gets their head chopped off, or fed to the angry lions!! Mwahaha! (i’m not on drugs, just on coffee.)

I don’t know why i’m so happy today?? Maybe because i feel so loved?? All i keep remembering, is a flash back of being at a bar in LA, a hot gay man asking me, ‘where i got that body from?’ ( i was dressed as a belly dancer.) Then, out of nowhere, a choir boy chorus of lovely buff ‘wish they weren’t gay’ men, in the pinkest of shirts, and in unison, sang out, ‘She got it from her Mama, she got it from her mama…’ It’s my happy thought of the day!! And it’s important to have a happy thought, as good things really don’t happen to those who ‘wait’, ( don’t know who invented that saying…the TWAT,) they happen to people with ‘Happy thoughts’…honest!!

 I just got a bit of news from an LA pal, i’ll call him, ‘should really eat more,’ and he’s usually quite miserable, and he should be.. as really shit things happen to him ALL the time. However, today he is HAPPY!! Which makes me happy!! Unfortunatley he told me about another one of my friends, i’ll call him, ‘thinks he’s hotter than what he really is,’ who seemed to be sitting in a car, late last night, looking really PISSED OFF at the world, due to a distinct lack of parking spaces! It’s hilarious because, the last time i saw him, 6 months ago… he was in the exact same place, doing the exact same miserable ‘ i have no parking spot’ face! He’s probably been there the whole entire time?? Although, he never talks to me now, after accidently sending me a text message, telling me he wanted to play with my ‘ pink lobster taco.’ He sent it to the wrong ‘Christina,’ in his phone!! hahahaha Hilarious!! Only God knows what they get up too, but my ‘Taco’ certainly does not smell of lobster…. smells more like cigarettes!!

Have a great day my sexy munchkins!!

Ping pong?

I don’t get what the whole ‘girls shooting ping pong balls, out of their wotsit,’ obsession is??? I don’t quite understand, why it turns you fellas on?? ( haha) I mean, it’s not really an outstanding piece of magic?? Or sexy?? Any girl can do it!! Really!! All you have to do, is shove a couple of balls, of the ping-pong variety, ‘up there,’ and push!! Like a baby, it WILL shoot out! It’s more ridiculously hilarious than anything else, like a drunk game or something, not ‘OOh arr, horn dog,’ sexy. I don’t get it?? I’ve never really tried though?? I think i’ll give it a miss, this year…lol… (stop the booing) Sorry to be so random, but i just seemed to remember spying on a boy one afternoon, in LA…when he was ‘massaging his ego’…lets say. He was jerking it, to slimey, ‘coming out of vagina,’ ping pong balls. CHAMPION!!! 

Pammie’s still got it!

So, i’ve just heard a bunch of oldish ladies, say how gross, and inappropriate Pamela Anderson is because she went on a gameshow, or something, with the teeniest skirt on, which showed her sexy panties, and she shouldn’t… because she’s now a mother and mother’s shouldn’t be sluts!!

I say, ‘BOLLOCKS,’ and i’m sick of this whole, ‘now you’re a mother, you’ve got to wear nun suits,’ thing!! (the mothers that judge, are mothers that quite frankly, need to get rammed in the ‘ahem’ with a giant vibrating device, repeatedly.) Helloo…she made millions, from her ‘Funbags,’ and thats means she’s a GENIUS!!!!! YOU, didn’t make millions from your maybe ‘not so’ Funbags!! You probably made tea and cheating husbands!!! lol…Anyway, I can gurantee, that when her boys are older, (if not already,) they will no doubt,  be boasting that their mum, is ‘Pamela Anderson,’ so they can totally get laid, and jump the line at clubs. Bottom line….She’s Pammie, and she can do whatever she so wishes!! Why?? Because she’s Pamela, fucking Anderson!! That’s why!! And she’s HOT!! I think her body should be celebrated!! I mean , we should all be pouring  beer over her love humps, and licking it off gleefully, in a glitter shower, whilst howling at the moon, and calling her Daddy!! And not dissing her, because she’s sexy. Don’t care what anyone says. I’d let ‘Gary Glitter’, finger meTWICE,  to just be Pammie for one day, when shewas at the height of her fame!! Well, maybe not, as i’d have to Mcbonky Tommy Lee. Yet now i’m thinking, he did steer a giant boat with his hugemongus ‘hey HEY hey.’ How did he do that??She’s delicious!! OOh i fancy a Stella!

Nothing else to report as of yet, except, leave your TOPS at home, its’ TUESDAY!!