I’ll be much warmer

Long day, even longer night! I’m back on hardcore work mode, and enjoying every second!! I’m a lucky girly! I spent most of the day in Sheffield, spending quality time with the ‘Great Wunna before Me’ (Mummy dearest), and i guess we decided to celebrate the lives we had, by purchasing extra uplift, plunge, ‘looks like you’ve had four boob jobs,’ bras. Hers came in ‘Virginal White.’ ( Hmm..yeah whatever?) Mine, in ‘ Hot Pussy Pink.’ (lol…) Happy Easter Monday honey’s!!! It’s hilarious! When you adorn these such bras, it feels as though you’ve also managed to steal, 20 bags of water, and stuff them into you’re ‘boulder holder.’ You take one step forward, and theres a random, wobbly water sound!! It’s hot!!

Anyway, get this, ‘I’ and in my 5 ft 4” glory, have managed to book, a massive fashion modelling gig. My pictures we’re submitted, with ‘boobs out galore,’ (it’s all i had,) with a note that says, ‘She does fashion.’ My message back was, ‘Good times, you booked it.’ Apparently, one Glamour photog, i had worked with, gave GREAT ‘Shake it baby,’ feedback, on my skills, and i have 12 fashion outfits, a massive shoot for worldwide publication, and a GIANT smile on my facey!! ( cha-ching.) I’m SO excited as i’m not use to doing a shoot with actual clothes on. Yipee! (I’m sure it will be much warmer.) I’m still in shock, but sooooo happy!! They’re even having a posing coach, there to help me, if i get nervous and bollocks it up! (Which i won’t, i never balls anything, apart from my personal life.)

Can you believe it?? I feel lucky, hopefully some of my luck will rub off on you!! ( But probably not, i’m selfish…it’s ALL MINE.)

Kissy kissy face, my Darlings! I love you!!

Ex’es, Exes.. Never touch..

Morning Chickadees!! I’m feeling magnificent, in bloom, and full of life , after a late-ish night, (which is somewhat surprising,) and whilst some folks are an Easter church going, others like ‘moi’ are having to go through a messy pile of emails, messages, more emails, more messages, from my wonderful dull land fill of , yes, ‘The Ex’es!!’

I don’t know what it is, but around the holiday times, or times of special ‘ to be remembered’ dates, ‘The Ex’es,’ will reapproach the ‘Wunna’, threefold. All you have to do, is bang up a couple of naked pictures, and get a successful career going, then out of the woodwork they come a crawling, with what they call, ‘happy memories,’ and the greatest stalking equipment known to man!! I’m usually quite good to my exes, yet now i feel that’s there’s so many of them, that i could have a ‘date to remember,’ every bloody day of the year and then it seems, each one of them believe they’re the one i really had a connection with, or something like that??? Today, I had one girl, tell me that she knew, ‘*random boy*’ i once dated. I smiled, i nodded, and mentally thumbed through my mental black book, of ‘people i should never have met.'(lol…)  Seriously, i get the messages from the ‘Exes, followed by the Exes friends, followed by the Exes current girlfriends, followed by girls they use to date, followed by messages from their dad wanting to hook up!! It’s difficult being me!! (hahaha) Definitely not the perks of the job!! The free dinners and booze is!! Bottom line, i never re-date an Ex, and it’s not because i’m a bitch, it’s just because i’m more of an adventure, and less of a ‘whiney about the past’ kind of girly!! Why cry over one ‘penis,’ that was a twat to you, when there’s millions of new ones waiting to play, right?? (hahahahaha) Ofcourse, as of right now, i have a delightful ‘Latin lover.’ But on the whole, i’ve learnt the hard way with boys! And not the good kind of ‘hard.’

Anyway, whocares about all that shit the first time someone ever had sexytime, the ‘ooh laa,’ the McBonky Jones… was apparently, 570 million years ago, and it was attached to a 12 incher. What happened to penis size??? Thats my bit of ‘Happy Easter’ knowledge!!

Erm…where did the snow go Flo???

So ofcourse, i put on my winter woolies, my giant fur boots, a hat, gloves, and baby pink scarf. I saunter outside, SO excited because i’m about to make, ‘Bob the Dodgey Snowman.’ I open the doorway, to dodgey snowman making delight, only to find that ALL the snow has disappeared??? GONE!! It’s now the sunniest day in all the land, without a single trace of snowage. The bloody skies are baby blue, the grass in the greenest i’ve ever seen it, and the sun is blinding me. More importantly, i looked like a complete IDIOT. A mental case!! God knows what the neighbours  must of thought?? ( well we don’t have neighbours, just a massive white horse.) Now it’s sunbathing  (well not quite) weather…..so i’m going to fake tan, i guess?? This is Stupid!! Or simply I’m stupid???

It must have taken me a lot longer than i thought, doing my hair, face, and picking out a ‘building a snowman today,’ outfit. So bloody long that the weather turns into a whole new day!! The Good lord is fucking with me!!

Bob the dodgey Snowman

Hello my Pretties, i’ve just woken up, and outside the land is laiden with the most delicious amount of snow. It’s thick, it’s fluffy, it’s white, which means, (Oh yes siree,) that this little Princess is a snowman making today!!! I would’ve been able to film it for you, if my brother hadn’t wasted all the precious film on images of him being wasted. Three Cheers!!

So yes, i’m gonna strip down, build a snowman, name him, ‘ Dodgey Bob,’ and now, not be able to show any of you, any of it, as all the film now has ‘Drunk brother Wunna,’ shit faced, and with ‘wearing no clothes,’ 15 year olds, gyrating to ‘Don’t cha.’ (sad face) Yet, i’m still gonna have fun, maybe take a few pictures, but probably not ( i’m really shite at remembering to take pictures, as i’m so use to having my picture taken.) I don’t even have a camera, so i don’t know what i’m talking about, when i say…’take a few pictures,’ (hahaha) i guess i meant mentally?

Happy Easter boys n girls, and remember… Jesus died to give us chocolate eggs!! ( quote by Waz) Thank the Lord!!

It’s snowing

It is currently snowing so hard right now and i love it!! I always thought snowflakes were meant to be tiny, however these ones, (that i’ve just been running around in naked, in badsworth,) are giant sized!! They’re like the size of MASSIVE cobwebs or chunks of candy floss. I love it, i love it, i love it!! It’s been so long since i’ve been in proper THICK snow. It’s Greatness!! All i need now, is turkish delight and an Ice Queen, and it’s SO ‘Chronicles of Narnia,’ ( if you don’t know what that is…it’s not my fault you didn’t go to school.) The seasons are so WAY behind this year.

Anyway, as all glamour pusses do, i shopped (again) today, and managed to actually have a GREAT time. Infact, this lady stopped me mid- buying my brother an army jumper, and said, ‘It’s Christina, right?’ After, i did my whole nod, nod, smile number, she then went on to tell me that i had inspired her little daughter to dance and that she is a big fan. Aww…how sweet. I use to dance a lot competitvely, and i use to win a lot, due to my competitive-ness (can’t spell), so it was just good to know that lots of little girls adored me, as ADORATION is something i too have a darling relationship with.

Speaking of little kids, my agent, is trying to make me audition for a pop group/tv show…which all sounds dandy etc…yet my audience is apparently for children in pre-school. Isn’t that a nightmare waiting to bite me in the arse later, when i make a 4 year old burst into tears, because she’s seen me ‘nips out, naked’, straddling a stool, in a barnyard??? Ah well whatever will be, will be??

As i’m writing this, i’m also being IM-ed by ‘Good model friend whore,’ and having a conversation about how, dating black thug-like men, is SO tired. It’s done!! Plus, i only like the P.Diddy, and Pharell type, thug and not the ‘flava flav’ or any other really killed people outside a ‘7-Eleven,’ type thug. Infact, i’m just not attracted to thugs at ALL, it  doesn’t seem to mess well with my ‘ooh laa,’ unless they are gentlemanly…i guess??

You know what?? I actually feel so bad for any of those girls, fighting to win the love of ‘Flava Flav..’on his show..  I mean he’s entertaining, yet.. come on girls, he’s no real ‘Prize.’  (hahahaha) I’d rather fight over a bucket of lard and a sandwich.

Anyway, i’ve got to go, as i’ve got lots of worky to be getting up too.

Love ya!!

Red wine sucks!!

So nothing is better than finishing your Easter friday night off, with indian food, a bottle of red, seeing a girl you went to high school with, and a crap hockey playing Bollywood film!!

I feel wonderful, a little bit tipsy, slightly boy crazy, and upset at my ‘Latin Lover’, for not IM-ing me, and pretending like he’s helping someone move boxes, when really he’s in Vegas with his ‘not blessed with beauty,’ sister.

But who cares, i’m a STAR, and i’m loving every minute!! So as i slip into something a little more comfortable, (ooooh sailor,) i send you Mckisses and a slutty handful of winks!! xx

Easter/drunks and Hamburger Mary’s

So we finally made it to Easter, and i’ve been in Doncaster all day shopping. All i can say really, is that you know you’re in Donny, when mid-shop, you get caught up, in a tornado made up of Doncaster’s finest trash!! I had old newspapers, last nights drunken leftovers, and curry boxes, whirl winding around me, at the speed of light. Then i went for lunch at ‘Que Pasa,’ and talked to an old mother, with bleach blond hair, and a somewhat too manly voice, who was on the look out for the next ‘not so’ handsome stranger, who had brought her 8 year old daughter to the bar with her for help, whilst she sipped a vodka coke!! YES!!! Happy Easter little 8 yr old!! She said i had a nice tan. (it’s fake)

Anyway, after a few beers, a few drunken men howling at me, and a stripper pole, i open a national enquirer, and in it is ‘Hamburger Mary’s…a bar i use to go to all the time in LA, because you can get fishbowl margaritas for $5!! ‘Will,’ from ‘Will & Grace,’ had been in there, and he was standing by, the guy, (wait for it)… that i had sold my friends arse to for a piece of gum, and a cigarette!! Can you believe it?? I guess he went from dancing on tour with Janet Jackson, to selling Losers like me, fishbowl margaritas at Hamburger Mary’s…at least he’s moving up in the world! I need to get back to LA!!

As much as i would love to natter, i really can’t be bothered, as i have dinner at ‘Aaagra’, in about….oh shit…right now!! Fuck!! I love you!!

Silver tranny ferocia

And just when you think the world’s a safer place, you’re good model friend in LA, I’ll call him, ‘Whore,’….IM’s me, at 11am his time, just to call me, ‘Silver Tranny Ferocia!!.’ Greatness!! I love it!! (hahaha) You know you have a good friend when you get called a ‘Tranny from Translyvania,’ (hahah), and a ‘where did you go you Fucking bitch!!’ I did once sell his ass, for a piece of gum, and a cigarette. And unforuanately, the ending of that story didn’t end so blissfully…for HIM, yet ofcourse…i don’t care, it’s hilarious, and thats all that matters!!! (Evil laugh) Lots of my friends actually enjoy calling me a ‘Tranny.’ This one ex boyf, when devastatingly pissed off, and after i had lovingly stated that he came as ‘chubby bartender,’ again for halloween. Saw me dressed as a ‘Slutty cave girl,'( fyi, i was HOT)  and said i looked like a burmese tranny, yet on a second tier.’ I say, yeah….you weren’t saying that when you were trying to pummel my booty, with your ‘incher’, on my roomates bed. Hurrah!! Three cheers!!

Anyway, enough of the misty watercoloured memories.( ho-hum) LA model friend did go on to DEMAND, that if i did not watch a certain ‘clip’ i would DIE! Honey ‘ooh uh-uh,’ i don’t think so. Many have tried to a kill me, yet i just keep coming back!! (hahahaha) What i really actually said was ‘As if, i have an army of STD’s to protect me.’ He claimed, they would,’DIE,’ too. I ended the sweet convo off, saying, Thank God, as my vaginas starting to smell like a mexican donkey!.’

And they all lived happily ever after!

The Ultimate Glamour puss.

Feeling much better now, as just like magic, you wish for company…and you get it!! I think 5 minutes after i wallowed in self pity, and ‘oh so ‘ loneliness, the door thundered down, and in marched a parade of fine stragglers ….with booze. Yep, i’m definitely a people person, or a moaney bitch, attention whore, yet either versions fine with me!! I kinda like ‘drunken glamour puss,’ too.

When i was little ( oh here we go..) my idol was, believe it or not, Joan Colins. Weird right, for a 6 year old, but she was. I loved everything about her, the way she moved, the way she talked, the way she bitched people out, with her sharp yet champagne dripped tongue. She was a man eater, she wore diamonds to bed, and i loved her SO much, that when i was 7… i did a glamourous ‘Joan Colins’ type, ‘walking down giant elegant stairway,’ photo shoot, white fur and everything. Today that’s called child pornography, (hahahaha), yet back in the 80’s it was my version of Glamour. I was always WAY ahead of the masses as a child when it came to being sexy, and trying to look glamourous. Sometimes under my school uniform, to impress a boy i was dating, (he was only 14…lol..) i would wear stockings, garters, lingerie, and red n black lace panties. I think i just liked the thought of turning men on, at a very young age…hahaha, so yeah, nothing much has changed…boring story!!

But YES! We have beer and as i speak, a random, don’t know him at all person, has just IM-ed saying, ‘Do u wunna F**k?’ and ‘Am i still learning Korean?’ I wrote back, ‘ Wrong person, and Nah thanx, i’m washing my hair.’