Woke up this morning, after a dream containing Marvin from JLS, Paris Hilton and Corona. Three of my favourite things! I mean they all make me go ‘oooh.’ Yet, unfortunately it was kinky. (Thanx Dream land for completely sucking. Well kinda not really, as that would’ve made my night.) I can’t remember what i was doing, but Paris was overly happy, and more relaxed than usual. Y’know, herself instead of her ‘work’ self and Marvin was sharing a Corona with me. (Good boy.) In dream land, he really fancies me. But in real life he’s…what’s the term?Oh yeah..NOT ARSED.
Then my Black berry of pinkage, calypso’d me up. I jumped, i pekked under my eyemask…which is black and has the word ‘SEXY’ encrusted on it in Rhinstones. ( I enjoy that i gave the word ‘Rhinstones’ a capitol ‘R.’ I capitalized things of life importance.)Then I listened to an early morning (it was 11.01am) voicemail from a telly producer, who was Irish and asking if i would like to indulge my pretty self, in a bit of ‘Take Me Out…USA.’ (‘Take me out’ are always wanting me on their show. I’m like the ideal candidate, cheeky, flirty, with a roving eye for the gentleman. Oh and the ability to embarrass myself, for a bit of their attention. I’ve done it all my life. I’m a pro. Plonk me in a naked man candy shop and there’s going to be a few broken hearts, a lot of spunk and a sign that says ‘NEXT!’
It films in Amsterdam, all expenses paid and i will also be paid for my time on the show. If i want to be a part of my favourite show ever…apart from obviously the one that everyone remembers me from…,(No not porn, you knob heads.) I have been instructed to call back and simply say ‘yes.’ I love these morning wake up calls, that set me a mission. I feel like some kind of pussycat assasin. (‘If you take this job, you will be paid in abundance.But first you must…’) My life is amazing and straight from the moment i open my eyes and roll (because i’m now with child and look like a doughnut) out of my bed.
Obviously i’m not single and in my fourth month of carrying my Carribasian baby. (I’m asian…obviously. Loverboy is mixed raced. Half white, half Carribean.) We are having a ‘Carribasian’ baby.’ It should be an option on a ‘what are you- tick box’ chart. He actually came up with thatphrase last night, after sweets, in a BSM car, after midnight, during my drive home.
I was actually ‘Single’ for about 7 minutes yesterday afternoon. We fought, fought, and cried. Well i fought. But i will tell you about that in my next blog. Tears were a flooding and by both parts of the union. It’s always awful when boys cry. Especially Loverboy, because he’s a boy to really keep his emotions under wraps. He’s calm and pretty much got everything under control. I’m like some messy charming, winking, giggle of a human. All emotion, no substance. All heart, fight and cocktails. I clumsy along, dropping pieces of life by the wayside and simply because i had no more hands to carry it. Then i make men carry it, who are barefooted and shirtless. (Erm..talking about naked men. watched Alexnadra Burkes’ performance on the Alan Carr show. HOLY SHIT! I was sat in a little room, with his sister Sharon a watching…and we salivated at the mouth, wide eyed and wistful. It was perfomance my gays would’ve loved and well if Miss. Burke tries to steal any of my gays, i will beat her with bats. That.Is.All. Or even worse. I will make her have that fringe she has in that ‘Sure’ commerical.:) )
Anyway without going into Loverboy’s and I’s fight yesterday..because no we’ve made up and are back in fairytale mode. Let me tell you that it’s really importance,t o not let insecurity get the better of you. (And i am saying that to myself.) I’m a super affectionate girl that’s had a lovely bunch of loser handsome’s treat me with heartbreaking disregard and he’s a boy that just wants to be loved. We had a GIANT barney last yesterday afternoon,w hich consisted of me thinking i had found out all this lovely bad knowledge abotu him. (When somethings too good to be true , I guess must try and find the flaws in it, in order to make it make sense?) I foguth. he batlled his case. Antoerh girls name was mentioned that is no TABOO within our reltionship. I’m egostiscal and no other girl will ever be mentioned, especially with the word ‘love’ attached to it…if i am with the boy in question. I thought something was going on emotionally, that apparently wasn’t. There was shouting, distrust, jealously, and our histories battling. It was disgusting.
It ended with me breaking it all off. (In true Wunna,when it’s broken run away…stylio.) More hurt, pain and petty proving points occured. Then after about 2 long headachey hours, we found ourselves, on the end of the phone line, in different worlds, saying not a single word but HYSTERICALLY crying and i mean BOTH of us. I have never heard him cry like that before and I was in floods of tears! If i’m being honest, i thought for a moment that he was using Me to get back at his ex-girlfriend. That’s what we fought about. But i was wrong.
How did it get that far? Why let something so pointless get in the way fo something so magical? It was at that point, when he was telling me how much he loved me, and that i was his ‘One’ andhe couldn’t bare to lose me. ( I like how i got that bit in!) That, i stopped, looked in the mirror, breathed, wiped my tears, heard his tears. At this point he was silently crying so hard, that i could hear him an realized i’m not that person. It was all my fault. I’m noo someone who brings heartache to people i love for no reason. I love hard and everyone, my friend, my family, my fans, my [think of something beginning with ‘F’ here?]
We were like 5 year olds, and i just realized how much we loved each other. I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with this boy, because i will nevev find another like him. Sometimes people are just all good and although it’s hard ot believe, it is not very lovely to try and find the bad in them…just because you can’t believe your luck.
We met that evening and as he pulled up he never looked so gorgeous. I fell in le with him all over again. (Omg, i’m actually welling up now, simply because i made him cry. It just feels awful.) Luckily, we have a bond. A bond that is unbreakable. He told me this was the best relationship he had ever been in and the truely the best time he has ever had in his life. We’re having a baby…and no matter what silyl little ‘hoo-haa’ we pokery at…that always makes us look at one another and smile. We starting our legacy. I have a wonderful man and i’ll NEVER let it get like that again and for no reason and for no reason ebcause we are perfect.
That argukent mirrors my life. I grew up with a wonderful life, a great upbringing and i deliberately soldiered away in order to find a raw lie, one that i would never get to experience. I challenged my own existance, only to return back after years of jiggery pokery, laughter and tears, with a smile on my face knowing that what i had to being with was perfect. The grass is not always greener.
We had a perfect night, and made up over Strawberry Corneto McFlurries, baby scan pictures and drumstick lollies. I’m in LOVE and i guess it’s about time i really start introducing you to my hero, because he feels like i’m embarrassed of him or hiding him away. There will be pictures, love, names and introductions a coming. But be gentle with him…as he’s a handsome that needs to be tendered with kitten gloves.
I fucking love you all. Forever! THANKYOU once again..for ALL the love!