Another Night Of Greatness January 31, 2010 by Chrissie So, last night, i thought i was going to be all kinds of good, and sit at home, twiddling my thumbs, to the merry sounds of boredom, which i actually was quite happy to commit to, due to a unkind amount of chilliness occuring outside my window. And well i was sitting there, at my table, swigging Bacardi Breezer (orange) and dismissing pervy Arabs on Facebook Chat, when my little pink Black Berry, begins flashing it’s little red light at me, with a BBm from Jonny (@jonathanctaylor) who believed he was quite quite bored and therefore used great tactics of manipulation to make me believe it would be a GREAT idea for us to go out and have some ‘good old local’ fun. Infact, all he said was that he was ‘bored,’ (Code for: he wants to go out) and added a few ‘Boo hoo’s’ and before you know it, we’re both getting dolled up, the wet look lycra leggings are on and i’m finding myself on a bus onto Camden High street for another one of our magical, yet tragical adventures at The Black Cap. (I should buy that place before i die…but i won’t.) I picked up a stranger on the way, some little boy gangster with no friends. (Aww..) He actually followed me, but i let him because he reminded me of Kat. I get followed by strangers a lot now. I only talk to the shirtless ones. I mean, why waste my time. Lol. But anyway, as soon as, little jonny jon met me at the Tube station, at midnight…. i left the little gangster to catch his bus home..by walking off into The Black Cap. I don’t think he would’ve quite been able to handle a Wunna/Taylor night there. I mean, you have to get emotionally beat in, to be accepted into the crew and then beable to mix all your drinks, guzzle a fountain load of vodka, lie, cheat, steal, then beable to mentally torture people, as you smash all your empty glasses into walls. I was a ‘Good girl’ last night. I was deliberately making a grand effort to be extremely nice. I think, Jonny and I realized, whilst waiting outside the downstairs toilets, that were packed with horny lesbians all doing coke, that when i’m nice…i reaally have no personality or purpose. I’m feisty, i’m outspoken, i can be a bitch and well…it’s just the way God likes it. It’s my sexy pussycat ‘ooh laa.’ It bites. I sizzle. I actually had a really good night. It was almost like madness. Imagine being crammed inbetween an extremely packed dancefloor of misfits, with disco lights swooping around, not being as drunk as everyone else, being barged into by half naked sweaty bodies, aggressive dancers and the odd disabled looking person, and everything sort of spinning around you madly, continuously and in sheer delight. We met a bundle of treats, we did and i do love it. The weirder the better in The Black Cap…it makes me laugh. Lots of interesting walks of life. My favourite….when drunk. 😉 Anyhow, I met a guy I once HIT in the face at Barfly for pushing me, I saw an actual real life Grandad out on the old boozer, who Jonny named ‘Cyril,’ a lovely lesbian who fancied me, due to my ‘off the telly-ness’….who was disappointed that i ‘liked willy’..i think was the quote? Nice girl though. Lovely, she was. Infact, so lovely that i thought i’d introduce her to Jonny….(i introduce everyone to Jonny because he’s like my best friend,) and what was he doing when i politely turned around in my full Glamour Puss ‘meet my amazing friends’ glory…EATING his own ARMPIT OUT…aggressively. HAHAHA! I was like ‘Oh yeah, this is my friend…’ LOL. Lovely! Lovely! Jon and I just looked at each other, then pissed ourselves, then kinda shimmied off to the upstairs patio to smoke mentols and listen to drunks sing ‘Walk on by’ and a Bartender tell us he wanted to dress like a woman, and do his redition of ‘Leader of a pack’ at Butlins. He said he appreciated the effort i made, whenever i go out…and then told me he was straight, after hair tossing & forcing me to *strut and pose.* I do like him though, because the bar staff apart from this one odd little smurf boy, who tried to force his body upon me in a locked toilet, and got beer poured all over him by Jonny…are really delightful to us. We get great drink deals..when we need them 😉 I always only have change left at the end of the night. I throw it at them and demand deals. They obide. To be honest, we were being dead good last night. We’re weren’t being flirty with drunks or anything, just spending time with each other and well we’re a twosome that get a lovely amount of attention. He got danced upon by a delicious amount of sweaty bodies. I got admired from a far, because of my sheer divineness. * Pout* I actually didn’t look too bad last night for a chick who had 10 mins to ‘slag it’ up. Then on came the Drag act…who wasn’t even a DRAG act. I mean, when you’re confused as to whether the drag act, is a drag act or not… you know you’re in a classy joint. It took us ages to figure it out, so we bought more vodka and slowly figured out that it was infact an old lady, of about 60 years old, just dressed young, with sort of Tina Turner hair…with saggy boobs…who could be a drag act. It was almost incredible. We indeed danced around in merriment, out of sheer hilarity…to her. Infact, i did adore the lady…she really did commit to making it HER moment!! Hahah. It was ace! Then for her BIG GRAND FINALE, she body popped around the stage to the 80’s classic ‘Gloria’ ..which had been remixed, just for her. This woman worked it, with amazement. It was HER TIME!! We LOVED IT!!! Then i bumped into @GaryPonty (My twitter friend, who’s from Pontefract…we get drunk and mouth off…i love it)…i cant actually recall what happened, other than more drinks, people trying to have eyelash wars with me. (Nice try! You could never win that battle.) Jonny’s toe being stood on and him verbally abusing @GaryPonty all the way out the pub..where we were all getting told to leave due to it being 3am. I hate the shoving. I think we were all trying to start fights and smuggling Vodka redbull (successfully) out the place. @GaryPonty called people ‘Puffs’ (he’s gay he’s allowed to do that) on his way out and mouthed off like a champion claiming he didn’t care if he got thrown out of ‘this piece of shit.’ Jonny called Gary the ‘biggest freak he had ever met,’ because he’s nice like that. Anyway, everyone was stood out on the street (in camden a lot of the good stuff that truely ends a night happens at 3am on the street, where allthe drunks start chatting.) All i remember is me NOT smashing glasses, after almost smashing glasses because @jonathanctaylor wanted to keep them and take them home. Both Gary and Jonny having the shittest sing off, where no singing took place,other than an operatic version of ‘Everybody in Love’….by a bus stop. Lots of swearing, abuse and a massively, ginormous man who looked liked Al Murray, standing with us linking arms with our Taylor…Then we went to the kebab shop to get some chips… Jonny had some Irish Tramp, trying to put her fingers in his mayo and then we were joined by a group of Northerner men (Which i like) and infact Jesus at one point. All of us stood outside the kebab shop northern bantering for ages. Infact, we all just stood in the cold and verbally abused each other for time on end. One had no friends. One had bad dress sense (stripey red shirt, bola hat and rainbow tie) with a bag of KFC and the other was sort of like a Yorkshire man, who was a history boffin when drunk. I loved them. We had fun! It was freezing. I couldn’t feel my hands. They called Jonny a Jew. Then Jonny threatened to smash his glass on the kebab shop man. The kebab shop man loves us, therefore simply smiled and told him that if he did, it would be fine. He’d just get his massive knife and kill him. LMAO. Oh how we love Camden. Great night. Got in at 5.30am. Had a little phone chat with my little @jonathanctaylor (who you should all be following on Twitter) before bed. He’s a good boy. I love him dearly and always just want to make sure i’m there for him when he needs me. Went to the shop to buy ciggarettes, signed my Nuts pic for the shop owner. 6am…went to sleep. What a fairytale…. *winks* (Gary Ponty claims after meeting me…that i am ‘Pure Glamour, but with the mouth of a Yorkshire bin man.’) Haha! Delicious!