And The Beat Goes On…(Bitches)

I am currently feeling ‘Alive’ again. Relieved. Like a a sort of burden has been lifted and an uneccessary tie of awkwardness and anger has been cut! And i feel like i can get back to being Me, (the person that i love), live life, move on and celebrate being a Glamour Puss and celebrate life again, LIVING and without feeling bad about myself! I feel re-juvenated and i guess it’s all i needed to get me back in the game good and proper. I’ve had a great deal of confusion recently and now it’s all been cleared up, sorted and folded away i feel like i can breathe again.

I’m not gonna go on about, but you all know what i’m talking about anyway. (You nosey swines.) I’ve had like the most amazing 2 months with this ‘boy’ who i guess is always gonna be ‘special’ to me (well for now lol) and well he made me feel with every cell of my being (it was a bit ‘crazy mama’) and i’m really glad to have him in my life. BUT, i did towards the end feel suffocated, a little bit CONTROLLED and well like i had to feel a bit bad for being who i am. It’s like we just couldn’t stop the madness & it was really bad timing. Everytime i would hang out with him, i’d come over with this random emotional and highly overwhelming ‘pull’…but i wouldn’t know how to cope with it? I don’t even know what it was? I’d never felt it before. Now that’s over with him doing a ‘lets be friends’ line (notice how i got that in, so he looks cool to all his maties..hahah.) And well i can strutt on, but this time happily and be that cheeky, flirty nuisance that keeps the world turning. I still have a bizarre connection to him. I think i will always.

It was getting to the point where it could’ve gone so far that we would never have talked to each other again, so in my mind he sort of ‘saved the day’… (see how nice i am)  we needed a clear ‘snap’ away from one another because i was starting to resent him. Next time i’m with a guy i want him to be excited about me. I want him to be my best friend. My partner in crime and i don’t even neccessarily need it to be ‘lovey dovey’  with them. I just need to know that they’re mine, they respect me and gonna be there forever. You know i want someone who when you’re in the same space as him, his heart can’t stop beating and he looks at you with amazement and can’t possibly imagine you being with someone else or not in his life. Yet that will come later…right now ‘The Wunna’ tends to work.

So now my kind honnies of ‘Ooh laa’ i’m not going to dating ANYONE. I work better single and i’m concentrating on my first love, which is my career. (Well kinda after ‘ME.’)  I cried it all out a week ago, so now i just feel happy and mainly because he’s still special to me…a bit young to beable to handle me just yet…but someone i could care about, in the future. (Well Maybe? Coz i think i’m being a bit too nice about him now. Lol. I mean he was an ass to me in the end. A real dickhead. But he has apologized) …So hopefully it will be better, but without the tears.  To be honest i think we should both just concentrate on our careers and getting where we want to be in life. (I have a head start so it’s cool. Hahah.) It should be ‘number 1,’ over everything and that goes for everyone (in showbusiness.) I’m doing well and it’s about to blow. I’ve always done better, when i don’t have a boy. I’m nervous, but excited. Which means there’s no time for Men. I’m a powerful girl. I can handle it. (Wink.) Can’t wait to tell you all.

But i’m happy and i’m glad it’s finally sorted and i can be playful, loving and forget about boys and really love what i’m doing! We’re actually good. I love him. I have no resentment towards him. He said he was ‘really lucky for those 2 months.‘ (Erm..well he didn’t feel THAT lucky. lol.)  He also said that he didn’t think he ever loved me. I really DID love him. Like i actually thought that we were perfect together. I feel like i ended up being the ‘good’ one for once. But i’m weirdly glad i’m not tied down. Today was actually the first day in ages that i remembered he was funny again. We hadn’t bantered or laughed in ages. I just thought he was always gonna be really moody. I’ve taken this really well. I’ve shocked myself. I think I was tired of feeling like crap & being treated with disregard. (All i need to remember is that HE walked away from it& that’s like walking away from one of the best opportunities any man could ever have.) It’ll be better now. It already is.

But let this Darling of a ‘life’ story continue….(wink wink) She’s back in the GAME!!! (OOh thank GOD i didn’t get that Tattoo! lol) Oh and i now i can actually admit that i have previously weed in a doorway before. (Hahahaha…) Classic!

6 thoughts on “And The Beat Goes On…(Bitches)”

  1. She’s ace. Lets go and cry like children. Then we can go and drink rum for £1.20 in xscape to recover.

    You have been crying alot recently. It’s comical aslong as it comes after sausage abuse and laundry arguements.

    Reply

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