Always play with fire…

Tim: ‘Why do you write in pencil?

Me: ‘I just prefer it, why? It feels comfy…a bit of lead on paper…’

I love to write in pencil. I’ve no clue why? It makes my writing feel more like ‘art.’ I like the way the wood rolls on my fingers. I enjoy the raw, natural ‘scratchy’ sound it makes, when I scribble.

 There’s a safety to it. If I don’t like a written piece of my life, I can simply go back & rub it out…like it never even happened…EVER. I like to rub it out myself, rather that hit the ‘delete’button. The elbow workseems to give my actions more purpose and worth. 

All I do then is re-write on-top of it, with better words that describe how I feel. OR with words that only tell the part of the story, that I want you to know.

I can keep the rest secret, that way. Everyone has secrets. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m far from living in a cave. I do also like to type. I’m fresh! I’m alive. Haha.  However, my pink notebook…. (I have one of those little mini laptop things..)is busted, slow and on its last legs. So it’s basically shit. 

I hate typing on my phone, because it doesn’t feel like a piano. It’s disjointed and stabby. It doesn’t flow musically. It feels like I’m typing out a quick shopping list. I hate it. So if I have to phone type, (like I am now,) I’ll write my entire blog out ON PAPER beforehand…to deliver that essential…’flow.’ Lol 

I love how all guys keep sliding into my DMs and offering me their body, drinks or dates…But not anything I need…like a NEW pink mini laptop? I really don’t want your willy. It’s not helpful. 

Me: ‘Why do you still wear that naff shirt?’

Tim: ‘Nothing else is clean.’

Me: ‘What? EVER??’

Tim: ‘It’s my lucky shirt.’

Me: ‘You GET lucky in it, or it BRINGS you actual luck?’

Tim: ‘Neither. Haha.’ 

Me: ‘Haha..Stop being pointless.’

Tim: ‘Have you learnt your monologue?’

Me: ‘Yeah. I’ve got it. I think Melissa’s been called into ITV today for Emmerdale? I saw it on her insta. I also saw that Ezra started following her.’

Tim: ‘Where did Ezra see her?’

Me: She was at the casting workshop with me & she does the YAFTA evening classes. I’ve actually worked with her loads. I love her.’ 

Tim: ‘Aren’t you both the same casting type?’

Me: ‘Haha…yeah.’ 

Tim: ‘Why am I not getting called in on anything!?!?!’ 

Me: ‘You will…’

Y’see, being an actor is great. But being a great actor who doesn’t get called in on stuff, is shit. (That’s his problem.) 

Like with anything, you kinda have to hustle, your way in. If you don’t hustle…you have to be extremely lucky. If you’re not extremely lucky & you don’t hustle…AS IN put yourself in the right place…You’re fucked. 

You can have all the talent in the world, but you’ll be sat in your living room, with all the talent in the world, doing nothing, because no-one can see it. No-one knows about it. 

What I love about Melissa (other than her being a great actress)is that she’s lived. She has a story. She knows mine. I know hers. But away from that she comes from a Marketing/PR background. She’s determined. She knows how to sell herself and how to get herself in that casting room. 

So whilst Tim’s sat here in his shit, unlucky t-shirt, with ALL of his talent and his fingers crossed, hoping that some giant Director (who’s never met him lol) will knock on his door and give him the lead role, in a spangly, brand new movie.

Melissa…who has JUST started evening classes at YAFTA…a couple months ago is already sat at ITV (this minute, as we speak) auditioning for Emmerdale. 

That’s how it works. That’s how any business works. 

Tim: ‘That video…slow motion…black & white… that you posted, of you playing with a sparkler…’

Me: ‘Yeah..’

Tim: ‘It’s beautiful….and creepy. Like one of those videos that people replay & remember you by….when you’ve passed away…’

Me: ‘Haha.. Cheers! Thanks!’

Me: ‘Snapchat mate. Slow motion. Black & white. Gets you every time… 😉  I Hope Melissa smashes it!’

Tim: ‘You two are so lucky. She’s reading at fucking ITV. You accidentally end up in a lift with flipping Quentin Tarantino..Honestly, wtf!’

 Me: ‘That was ages ago. Right. I need to go through these scripts for Saturday. I haven’t looked at them yet & my headshots are back from editing. Dropbox won’t even download on my phone, cos my storage is full.’

Last night, Ruby, Junior & I had THE MOSTbeautiful night. It was so beautiful, there are no words to describe how magical our time was! It was so simple. It was perfect. 

We didn’t want to go anywhere crowded filled with people that may bump into..and do the ‘ooooh/aaaarh’ pantomime of Bonfire Night. (The weird thing is…my kids are asking for privacy now.) 

If we go to a restaurant in Leeds,  Ruby will ask to be seated at the most private table, away from everyone. She’s happy. She’s lively. She’s polite. She’s playful. But SHE WILL always ask! I’ve noticed her do it more & more. 

Junior won’t even be alone anymore. He’ll panic. He’ll hold a wee in for hours & hours at school, until he knows someone else is going to the loo also. JUST SO he’s not on his own. It frightens him. Just recently I’ve watched him lock & re-lock his side of the car door, over & over again…just to feel extra safe. 

Last night, we were happy. Last night, we were safe. 🙂 

We just wanted to do life under the night sky, with each other…No-one but us! That’s exactly what we did. The skies occasionally burst into fireworks. The air smelt of that glorious musty smoke. (One of my favourite smells & currently Ruby’s favourite smell.) 

With everything we’re going through these happy moments of celebration and family mean SO much to us. SO much!! We treasure them with all of our heart. 

We’re so thankful to everyone who makes them even more delightful.

Creating a wonderful life for them, one that’s filled with happy memories, exciting moments & celebration is THE ONLY thing that matters to me. Nothing else….even if it’s something that makes me happy…it doesn’t comes close, to the above. 

Last night, we wanted nothing & had everything we needed. It was beautiful. What we shared was…Well…we…

Words just can’t measure up to how we actually felt! 

Junior conquered a fear and burst into a merry excitement. He felt 10 feet tall!!! 

Ju: ‘I did it!!!! I DID IT, MUMMY!! I DID IT!!! I want to do it again!!’

Before Ruby went to bed, she wrote me a note…(She loves a note. As do I….Y’know, everyday she’s becoming more & more like me…by accident. It fills me with worry, just as much as it does happiness.) 

It read…

‘Thank you for everything Mum! Thank you for everything you do.It was THE BEST bonfire night, we’ve ever had! I will remember it forever.’

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