So, I figured a change of scenery is just what I needed. I usually always blog from home and well blogging from home is somewhat more convenient, however I much much MUCH prefer to ‘get my blog’ on, so to speak, whilst i’m out and about. Mainly because it reminds me of LA, where the blogging began. I’d always be so broken, happy, or party tragic, that I’d have to find an outsidey place, that I considered to MAKE ME FEEL FREE, as i’d always feel stifled by bad energy, sore memories or on the upside, I just preferred being plonked in the middle of life, *Slap-Bang-Wunna*, around people, wonder and energy. It made me feel busy and got my mind working. I never needed a wine when I blogged out in the open.
Currently, all these people (three..all men) are glaring at me because my updo’s gone wonky and I can’t adjust it right now, simply because chopsticks are holding it up. 🙂 Asian Persuasion. A simple wrong move or careless adjustment, will make the whole ‘diddle-dum fall to pieces, which I normally wouldn’t mind, yet today I have ‘scrunchie made of hair’ pieces twisted in, so obviously being sat next to a bundle of fallen off my head, hair scrunchie would seriously award me with free passes to Loserville. Today my hair’s like a furry Jenga. I hope it doesn’t just plop off my head without my consent, as that would be marginally embarrassing. (I’ve been through a lot worse. Most ended in heartbreak or doing a sick.) I’ve been walking around like i’m trying to balance plates on my head. That’show delicate my updo currently is. Yep, I look like a proper tosser….but the boys still love it. 😉 So lets leave the ‘hating’ for another day. 🙂 Today my favourite is Men in suits. However, Ladies, you DO have to becareful of a man in a suit. It’s always a bonus if it’s during the day, as it may mean he has some sort of decent job…especially if they’re older. Yet if they’re younger and in one, they might just be in it because they’re off to a funeral..meaning no great job, no great husband material. 🙂 So don’t let them trick you. (All that babble was actually quite judgmental. Yet i’ve had coffee and coffee makes me be that way when i’m wedged around ‘busy.’)
So, my whole bank holiday weekend was spent adoring the children and catching up with my family. My baby cousin, (who’s 19 🙂 ) and my Aunty came to visit us from London. So i let them stay over, whilst Keiran was away. Great time had by all. I haven’t seen Ruby as happy as she was this Bank Holiday. I became super dooper independent over the Bank Holiday weekend and this morning has followed suit, I’m doing something that scares me a little each day this week, in order to keep my ‘buzz-a-luzz’ going and my happy dance alive once i’ve achieved it. The suns out, i’m sat by a carousel…my blogging environment couldn’t be more picturesque if i’m tried. But yeah, a weekend of lots of family, lots of children, lots of achieving. At one point there were generations and generations of Wunna girls, with the odd boy, all in a room at one point, from the ages of 80 something to 2 months old. (If you include Junior 🙂 ) It kinda made me want a giant family. However, there’s no point in having a giant family, if you can’t take care of them appropriately. Right now, two’s enough! 🙂
The love life…is still…well i can’t even find the words to describe it to you.It’s sad. Just not great. We’re still not talking. We’re being good to the children, yet ignoring one another. He told me that he would be away for work, yet didn’t tell me when he was coming back on purpose..which I don’t like. So, he decided to return at 4am Monday morning, by storming through the house, straight up the stairs and into his room. (You know your love life must be rubbish if he has ‘HIS OWN’ room. Lol. Now i think about it, it has occupied two of the upstairs rooms for himself and well, surely they could be children’s bedrooms?)
Anyway, after he stormed up at 4am, he found two little Asians sleeping in the bed. Pahaha. How cute. Yet, i guess when you’re Keiran, still in a mood, over worked, miserable with me and knackered, you don’t enjoy this. He burst their door open, then swiftly burst through mine, with a very loud whisper of ‘WHO THE FUCKS IN MY BED.’ That’s the first thing he has said to me in days. My Aunty heard his ‘angry whisper swear’ and now things he’s a hooligan.
I replied, half asleep with the children with a ‘my cousin and my aunty,’ He then just huffs and puffs and storms off after complaining about where HE was going to sleep. (Erm..how about telling people when you are returning, then you might have better arrangements made for you?) He leaves the house and goes to sleep somewhere else, even though he had other options like ‘with the kids and I’, or ‘on the sofa’. At that point I thought he was a twat…and rude.
Plus, even though we haven’t at all spoken or made any contact, whilst he was away this time, which i’ve been assured is not a good sign ‘to say you’re married and part of a family Chrissie.’ I just haven’t been bothered to text him because he hurt me and he just hasn’t been bothered to text me because he doesn’t care…. I DID notice that, he didn’t ONCE call or text to check to see if they children were okay, or , if he wasn’t worried about their okayness, then he didn’t once send his love to them. I mean, he wouldn’t be worried about they’re okayness anyhow…Mama Wunna is ACE. I’ve been Mummy of the Universe this Bank Holiday. I keep boasting about it because i’m so super proud that I had it in me. 🙂
But yeah regardless as to how he felt about me…no messages for Rubes or Junior…and i’m not used to that, as Pete and I are tremendously amicable even after being broken up. We can talk about Ruby and her welfare quite easily. Infact, we spoke about his current love life the other day, without resentment. He’s smitten with a girl that he’s dating in York and well it makes me happy to see him happy, as a happy man makes a good father, and when you share a baby..that comes in handy. Keiran and I aren’t even broken up, we’re MARRIED…and we’re not even talking or being amicable. It’s gotten a bit awkward now that i’ve left the building for the day, simply to be around a more positive environment. We’re certainly divided. But I actually feel quite mighty.
I’m upset that he didn’t want to discuss things with me before he left.. as something giant happened that needed to get resolved. Now it’s too late to resolve it, as it’s developed into more trouble, greater resentment and a yummy mist of quite petty silent treatment.’ We’re both stubborn creatures. Yet now i’ve securely got it into my system that he really doesn’t are about me, let alone love me and although that hurts, if you don’t make someone happy…you just don’t make them happy and there’s nothing you can do about it really. He hasn’t actually said that. But it’s how he’s made me feel. So, although i’m chipper and who wouldn’t be when you’re lucky and grateful to have so much in your life…i’m not gonna lie… I sort of go through moments of feeling utterly heartbroken, but it’s a place i’ve been lots. 😉 If i listen to a sad song, i’ll cry. But then i’ll get distracted and forget about it all with a wiggle. I know i’m okay because i’m still being human. 🙂 I don’t think we know how to make it better now because we’re intent on making it worse for one another. I’m just going to listen and see if he’s at all sorry for anything or to see if he actually takes responsibility for any of his actions. Right now he’s knackered. But i’m a bit tired myself of ‘i’m knackered/i’m ill/i’m not happy’ Keiran. It’s not a good energy to spread when you’re meant to be the man of the house. Girls are allowed to be moody and reckless, because we’re hormonal and beautiful. Yet Men are meant to be sturdy like rocks. Yet they rarely ever are, are they? I’ve noticed that they’re highly reliant on women…and almost every time, in any situation…we end up being their soft place to fall, not matter how much they try to disguise it. I’ve been told to remember what he’s done and that he must take responsibility for it, before he is forgiven, without trying to put the fault onto me.
We’re sort of living two separate lives under one ‘together’ roof. He does HIS thing….I do MY thing…and that’s kinda it. We don’t do any together things anymore and in relationships ‘together things’ are important because it is those little things that hold you together and make your bond stronger. I remember the little things, like the way someone looks at me, or the way they laughed at a certain time, or the way they cried when they were at their lowest. I feel like Keiran doesn’t make an effort to do ‘together’ things with me now, because during my pregnancy I was pretty anti- social (which is normal) and well I didn’t want to do ‘together’ things with him or anyone really. I was nesting and needed space. We’re very broken down right now and neither of us would ever want to be in feeling this unstable in our relationship. It’s like we’re surfing an emotional rollercoaster. Yet neither of us will be the first to back down..making us both immature or just no longer bothered.
A friend of mine asked me what I was going to do about it all and my simple answer was ‘I don’t know…?’ To me, just whatever happens…happens. Either way, i’ll adjust my sail appropriately…and it will eventually end in a smile and a glitter toss. I have my kids, my career and my world to keep me alive and ticking over with a *boom-chi-boom.* However, my friend did say something that I accidentally found quite interesting and that was that Keiran is the king at being Mr.Romance. Yet to them, romance isn’t about producing a bunch of roses every so often, then messing up afterward. Romance is found in strength, like when a man fixes things and makes the lady of his world know that against all odds his heart beats so strong for her that he will always be her hero. Apparently like at the end of ‘Pretty Woman,’ when she leaves him because she feels he’s treated her a like a whore. Yet he chases her, finds her, quits doing whatever he’s doing, climbs up her fire escape, when he’s certainly terrified of heights and with absolutely sincere deep apologies, opens his heart and begs her to be his forever. That’s real romance because men never seem to be able to admit fault as easily as women. They can always buy you carnations. 🙂
Anyway, enough of all that! Forgot how much I love that movie. Went to the petrol station yesterday evening to buy a quick bottle of red and some Monster Munch for Ruby. Get to the cashier and the older, yet attractive oriental lady behind the counter, who adores me for being glamourous, says, ‘Gosh, it must be really special to be you. You must have a rich husband or something, You always look glam and you drive a nice car and i’m here scanning chocolate bars and all sorts of shit. I don’t want to be doing this. What do you do? Something brainy? I’m not brainy like you. I want to open a boutique, but here I am doing this. I have a toy boy you know. I’m 43. He walked in here one day and asked me out. Here’s a picture of us. We’ve been shagging ever since.’
She said it all in one breath, i’m sure. I love that she adores me because i’m filled with a delicious amount of ego. I mean..of course it puts a smile on ya face, doesn’t it!It doesn’t make me blush, it simply gives me…well…an imaginary boner. 🙂 l But, I sort of like that she felt open enough to ‘blab on’ about all of the above to me. I get that a lot and at the oddest of times, Yet It’s a good habit. I love it and encourage it with a whole heart. I find it funny more than anything.
I smiled, I laughed, I grabbed my wine, replied with a ‘You can have you’re own boutique, you’ve just got to DO IT. Anyone can do anything, if they try.’ (God, i’m like cheesy preach book-central.) Then I quickly made sure the total came to £8.45 and left. (People keep pointing and asking me if there’s ‘anyone sitting here.’ I’m not even that NEAR the chair. Obviously no-one sitting there…because there’s no-one sitting in it? I’m so confused?? 🙂 It’s my Jenga Updo. It’s terrifying folk. I wish could go to the forest. I always feel good there.
I’m currently reading an article about a plastic surgeon who created his perfect wife, by taking a woman, who was a patient of his and who was also a mighty 40lbs heavier than she is today, asking her out, then asking her to marry him on their FIRST DATE and then giving her a...’ Brazilian butt lift, vaginal rejuvenation, labiaplasty and G-spot shot, liposuction to her chin, arms and legs and recently botox injections.’ INSANE! The lady is truly sure that he loves her for who she is. Erm…? 🙂 He just wanted a project and got one. He must be a control freak. She’s grateful because now she has the perfectly manicured body, for FREE…from being a bit of a ‘podge.’ Plus, she now not only has a husband..but he is (to her) alright looking…and wealthy, which she never thought she could have. AND he probably enjoys the fact that she is forever indebted to him for making her beautiful and rich, so will forever be his minion. Their relationship works. They’re super happy.
Now, that i’ve blogged it out and i’ve read up on other people’s relationships…I don’t actually think mine’s so bad, after all. I actually now think we’re alright…Lol. Yay to dodgy plastic surgery relationships! We still need to talk. But i do think I can do this and make it all better.
On the Wunna news front…I’ve been asked to be a Motivational Speaker for a new brand that is going to be launching this September. I’m really excited about it and will tell you more once I have further details. Plus, i’m hoping for a column and all sorts of other goodies. 🙂 So, we’ll see! But the motivational speaking, I’ll be good at…in my own tragic way.
Anyway, must go. Don’t know how long this blog is…
Love today and enjoy the sun. Know that how your day pans out is purely how you intended it to. If you’re grumpy, snap out of it. 🙂