Morning my lovelies! I hope you all have the most beautiful day. Some of you will have great days. Others just normal. (Never underestimate ‘normal,’ I’d take normal over foolishly stressful, rum dripped palava, any day Lol.) But some will see their day as shocking. Yet no matter what, I promise you there’s always a positive…Even if the silver lining is under 22 bundles of yesteryear’s issues, a couple toy boys from 2004, covered in dust & sprinkled with drama or insecurity. Haha.
It’s there. You’ve just got to be able to see it. When you can..(and I swear it’s a talent…) you’re actually more powerful than you think.
I had a stressy day yesterday, because I let everything get on top of me and I let people (not get on top of me…haha,) but fiddle with my ‘happy place.’ (GOD!!! Haha. Why is everything sounding so ‘ooh er?’)
Try not to let those who aren’t worthy of ‘happy place’ fiddling, get to you. It’s kinda not their fault. They’re just doing their own version of life, accidentally making theirs cross with yours and maybe even struggling.
They have their own issues to deal with…It’s not YOUR problem ever. Don’t take it on. Be kind to those who are kind to you. Respect those who show you respect. I try and show love always. (Not in a saucy ‘Arabian Nights,’ Carry On film, kinda way. Just with a smile as I walk past you. A compliment where due and absolute appreciation for those who show me love back.)
But Thank you for all your messages. Nothing is going unnoticed. I’m all good. I’m just tired and hormonal. Y’know, crying at adverts about puppies and shit. Haha.
I had a really great emergency chat with a good friend of mine ‘Big A’ who owns ‘House of Solo’ Magazine.
Me: ‘Can you stop working out and meet me please. I’m stressed…lol.’
Big A: ‘I’m coming now. Haha.’
We both have busy lives and dramatic lives. We’ve been friends for years. He knows me well..So it’s great to just vent everything out. I didn’t need advice. I just needed to tell my story and have someone to listen to it. Y’know, ramble on. I’d only had 3hours sleep..I don’t even know how I managed to merrily totter through the day. (But thanks for ya ears dude. They must be aching.)
Do note that I didn’t ‘Tyson’ them off, I simply yakkered at them non-stop for a good couple hours. Technically, the sound of my graceful voice tone…is worse than being ‘Tysoned.’ Hahahaha.
Y’know, I’m currently sat in my car, in a Co-op car park, in Ackworth, blogging this on my phone, because a ginormous green lorry has trapped me in my spot, so I can’t reverse out or leave. Lol.
Why do things like this happen to me???
It’s sunny. It’s lovely. There are places I could go & walk to. But I just wanted alone time, so I chose to be the ‘social butterfly’ that I am and CLOSE myself off, AWAY from being bothered by any other human beings. Haha.
I’ve made some really huge decisions. Big changes. I’m happy with them and I’m committed to them…as always. Lol. I’m all or nothing. It’s been both good and shit. Haha.
My Twitter’s back to being ME again. The dude that stole my account and impersonated me unfollowed all my actual friends and followed a bunch of weirdos and porn. I don’t want to wake up and watch people putting ‘things,’ in places that don’t need to be on my feed EVER!! (Haha) let alone at 7am. I’m not judging…But it’s more of a 8am thing for me. Lol.
So yeah clearing up the cyber hell hole that he left for me, has been delightful. I’m grateful I have it back though. So who’s complaining!?!
Plus…Here’s the silver lining…Dove Cameron (who I FAN Girl like crazy because I truly believe she is one of the most phenomenal talents & beautiful performers) Tweeted me back…
…and that ALONE made my night! It kinda also made Ruby and Junior’s night…because they now think Mummy knows ‘Mal’ off Descendants. I went with it. They looked too excited. Haha. It was cute. Who am I to shatter dreams!?!
This week is actually pretty busy. It’s a juggle. But I’m loving it. Works great. Celebrating the last week of school with the kids is just amazing. Things have been tough, but made for it.
Everyone’s commenting on the fact that my ‘socials’ are looking a little less saucy. Everyone’s asking me if it’s deliberate…and I’m gonna say ‘Yup.’
Now…In July 2019…where in which everything’s changed for me. I’ve changed. A lot! (I can’t believe how much has happened to be in the first 6 months of this year. I’ve experienced so many things, good AND bad that I never thought would happen in my lifetime.)
I have a new career direction. I’m older. I’m wiser. I’m stable. I’m still fun but I just want to make sure that i use my voice correctly. I want to make sure that I inspire, the way I always hoped to inspire. I want it to be positive and eventually graceful, with a dust of cheek.
I want to stay true to who I really am and I want my kids…my mum to be even MORE proud of me. (They already are ofcourse, but I just want to make sure do everything correctly from now on. The way I want to.)
I’ve learnt everything the hard way, haven’t I? I don’t want to say, but I did look at a girl I know personally. She’s in the moderate limelight, she’s American and she’s doing everything she can for an insta like, love, money. Obviously she can do what she wants, yet I don’t think she’s doing it correctly, in regards to what she truly hoped to achieve
She has everyone disrespecting her and hating on her left, right and centre because she’s brash. Kinda like ‘The Pricey’ was in her hey day. I understand she has a lot pain in her heart. I understand her game.
I never wanna be that girl. I never want to play that game.
I’m happy. I’m whole. I’m banter. But I’m warm. I’m nice. I’m thoughtful. I want to radiate that. (When i say things that lower the tone, I usually say it for a laugh. Sometimes people don’t laugh..(haha…) and it all looks and feels really awkward. Lol)
Eg: There’s a school mums WhatsApp group and Ms.Murphy said something about golden booty pants…that made me say that I wasn’t gonna wear pants… whilst roller booting, which made everything really awkward for a moment. Haha. They’re not stupid enough to say things like that! Lol.
But Yes! I have a new fresh focus, a glint in my eye… You’re gonna see a different side to me.
That doesn’t mean I’m gonna wear gingham dresses and sing The Lords Prayer every two seconds. It simply means…
Caroline Flack: ‘Sometimes you want to post something inspirational. Other times you just want to post a beer that’s the size of ya head! Haha.’
I’m just gonna be me. The clothes are going back on. It’ll probs still be ‘sexy,’ yet without it being ‘slutty.’ It’ll hopefully still fun. Hopefully ‘beautiful’ on occasion. I’ve out grown public ‘slutty’ and don’t crave that kind of attention. (I actually never craved that kind of attention this time around. I did when I was younger. But not this time around. I saw it as an opportunity to make money. However right now, money isn’t everything to me. I’m doing well anyway, innit.)
So Dear Chicks! I will say I’m gonna need ya support because obviously I have a fanbase of MALES who are rather perky at the sight of me in my undies. When I’m not…they’ll flitter.
The correct audience will hopefully THEN find it’s way to me…and it’ll be all new and lovely. Yet the transition is gonna mess with my ego. So I need to know that you’re there!! Haha.
I love you lots!