God i’ve been so ‘Off switch’ today. I don’t know whether i have a severe case of ‘da blues,’ whether i feel as though i’m not truely ‘LIVING’ enough, or if my period is totally doing a merry number on me and draining me of any much needed ‘pimp juice??’ You can’t be a Queen of Greatness, without the neccessary juice of ‘Le Pimp.’
I’ve been dazed all day, just wondering around aimlessly feeling all kinds of bewildered and just really not being myself. It’s like something’s up with me and i just don’t know what? I don’t know if it’s Me, my life, or matters of the ‘thud thud?’ (That’s supposed to mean ‘heart.) But just something isn’t right?? I’m definitely hormonally imbalanced right now though, which is much better than my usual mentally ill- slaggy self. o i’ll put that in my pipe and smoke it…i guess? Maybe i’m just being a drama queen and nothing’s wrong in my life, therefore i’m trying to make things wrong just to feel something??? I do that a lot and it’s quite 89% retarded of me really. But really the only way to snap out of the ‘blues’ is to just cheer up, stop being a miserable cow and get over it. What is wrong with me?? I’m becoming more and more introverted as each day passes???
I spent the day in Manchester today with ‘Boyband Jonny.’ He was sweet and his basic usual self. I felt weird because i associate him with London, therefore seeing him up north (which is where he’s from) was really bizarre for me? (Yes i am a whack job..but i have great tits..therefore i’m forgiven.) I guess i must catergorize people and places? And i don’t like to mix them…ever. (Control freak much?) He’s getting nicer and nicer and i’m getting weirder and weirder. But that’s because ‘love’ terrifies me. I don’t trust men with my heart that much. (Oh shut it, i’ve been through a lot. Lol) Therefore the more i see him, the more i love him and then the more i freak myself out and wait for him to do something terrible to me, as it’s far too good to be true. But i am madly in love with him right now and it feels good..so he’s for keeps. I’m just a bit stunned by it all. I met a handsome stranger and basically made him mine. It’s all happened quite quickly. Manchester was boring by the way. He was hot today.
Boys have always shocked me. The ones i’ve completely given my whole self too, the nicest ones have always fucked me over. But then the ones i’d expect to just ‘phunk with my heart’ (love that song) have been amazing to me. I’m just not going to think about it, and do that jolly old Chrissie Wunna ‘go with the flow’-age. I expect nothing, but i know my worth. (My friend ‘Ronnie’ is currently telling me he wants to wink at my boobies and make them drink malibu pineapples through neon straws.)
Oh a happier note, i was in