A ‘Nandos’ and a strip search please…


I’ve fallen into a holly bush. Now since when did bushes become prickly? I had to fight my way out of that thing! It’s the kind of bush (oh-er) that definitely shouldn’t exist until Christmas (my favourite time of year might i add,) and once you fall into one…it seems there is no way out.

It’s the windiest day in London ever, and well wind flies me through the air ungracefully, and makes me fall into PUBLIC and ‘shouldn’t exist until Xmas’  HOLLY bushes. My hair was tangled all the way through it, i thought i’d lost my arm, and my face, had spikey greens darted across it. I knew i must have been embarassed, because i was doing that pretend..’oh gosh! How funny’ face…which i found odd really, as usually i’d just launch myself into a bush for a bit of attention. I’m losing my touch. (Note: If nothing embarasses you…then you really can’t do anything embarrassing.)

Other than that, i have spots from stress, which i hate, as it’s so ‘Teenage Dirtbag.’ All the pasta, pizza eating has caught up with me. Today is becoming one of the most boring days ever, and i really fance a ‘Nandos.’ I also found out, that my local 24hr ‘Cost Cutter’ refers to Me as…no, not ‘that hot girl.’ Not even, ‘ oh, that chinese girl.’ But,‘ That girl who drinks every night.’ Hahaha…i’m moving up in the world. God, it’s windy!!!

I’m wearing this ridiculous flouncy dress and yes i’m deliberately making it blow up in the wind…knickerless, so fine handsome suitors can see the goods, and come a running. Obviously i’m going for the whole ‘Monroe’ jiggery pokery. And obviously it’s all going wrong. I look half like Miss.Piggy and half like Jackie Fucking Chan! I do have 2 dates i could go on tonighta…if i so wishy. But i think, i’ll just go to the Abercrombie store, and snatch up one those models. They’re always quite eager them boys, aren’t they? Poor….but eager. I love how my pulling tactic is now just ‘smile and grab.’ There’s so many boys i need to go on dates with, so i don’t miss out on Mr. Right. I really should begin by calling them all back. I’ve been bad at it. Too many choices exhaust me. It kinda makes me just stick to what i know. (And that’s not just with boys. If you’ve dined with me, i’m like that with food on menus, approving pictures, blah, blah, blah.) I really need a pedicure and a massage.

Talking about massages, where can i get a decent one, where it gets a little bit frisky at the end? I always get the aggressive Nazi female..who wants to destroy my life. I’ve heard all these stories, yet it never seems to happen to Me?? Yeah, yeah aromatherapy. Yeah yeah, mood music…where’s the part where i get inappropriately touched?? Infact, that has happened once to Me, at the Roosevelt hotel, in LA. A guy had just come back from the Oscars, bought me flowers, incense sticks…the ‘Quit playing games with my heart’ song, by the back street boys and then offered me a massage…which ended in awkward, out of sync sex. But still worth it.

I want to be sent flowers & champagne right now. But i really want a ‘Nandos.’ Oh and i dont know why you’re all getting overly excited about them now delivering, (Yep, i was too,) because you do know you have to spend over £40 for them to be bothered really….How many quarter chickens do i have to eat, in order to make you come TO Me????? (Aww…a boy on Facebook just sent me poem. Oh and a man on Facebook has just referred to my bottom as ‘tight’ and is asking if i would like to view his ‘ding dong.’ Yet obviously, he said ‘Black pudding.’)

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