I’m an idiot! I’ve just had phone sex. OMG! I feel all weird and fumbly. But it’s not that bad right? As the good thing about phone sex, is that it’s not actually real sex, therefore you’re kinda keeping your merry self out of trouble innit! Hah…i love how i’m trying to justify it all. (Needs a chick friend to slap her.)
Anyway, i was talking to this guy (…on the phone…obviously) and well he’s a successful boy, who shall remain nameless. I’ve very recently become ‘just friends’ with him. Infact, i think (after a little talk) that we have the same friends….which is always quite handy. We’re on the phone chatting about really ‘normal’ things. I didn’t really think too much or that he fancied me…which made me feel all comfortable and cosy. And well for fun he decided he was going to give me a
‘over the phone’ mulitple choice question game. (I like this, as it’s a good way to get to get to know someone. It makes a change from the usual old bullshit. ) Plus, as we know, i’m quite partial to answering questions about myself. I zone out when people aren’t talking about me.
So he’s asking me what i prefer ‘Green/Blue/Or Orange?’ Then ‘Platinum/Gold/Or Diamond?’ Then ‘Ocean/Pool/Or lake?’ Etc…It’s fun, we’re laughing. I’m innocently answering all the questions. Then not sure what happened, but it all accidentally turned a bit ‘sexy.’ Like we’re now going on about what kind of ‘rumpy‘ i prefer…what ‘turn ons’ i enjoy….what knickers i like. And don’t get me wrong, it’ s not at all pervy or sleezy at this point. I mean, like i said, we’re pissing ourselves at the answers!! It was still all fun. (I really was stupid enough to think it wasn’t going to be mucky.)
THEN, as we’re getting into it all. His talk starts to get a bit dirty…which made me a all giggly but nervous. I have no idea why i was nervous? I mean i’m not a nervous girl. I’m direct. I’m open. I know what i want, what i like and what i need. And i do enjoy a bit of sexy banter. I’m fun. Anyhow, on the other end I start hearing him getting a bit ‘excited and breathy.’ A bit flustered and turned on. All horny and ‘sexy.’ Plus, the talk is at this point all kinds of ‘ON IT.’ Now i don’t know whether it was all the mind stimulation…or whether he was just horny to begin with and just used me as a tool for his kicks. But he starts having a big old wank. I could even hear it!
Anyway there’s me not really knowing what to do with myself, but feeling quite oddly ‘ooh laa’ about the whole thing. I mean usually during phone sex, i just pretend, get bored and put on Eastenders. Yet weirdly he was quite good with his wordy foreplay, all sensual and sloooow and good at going into great detail. Plus he was having a wank…so i thought ‘ Ooooh what do i do?? I might aswell have a bit of a cheeky fiddle right?’ (I had a cuppa tea in my hand.)
So i creep into my sheets, like i’m all naughty, like i’m doing something wrong. (Which too is great role play…wink pout.) And start having a ‘feel up, a bit of the old buddha palm, a bit of a mush mush.’ But i got all carried away, coz he kept getting dirtier and dirtier and all aggressive with his talky. Before you know it, i was all kinds of ‘thinking i was ‘too cool for school.’ I went for it…under the sheets and everything. (Hahaha…Loser) He was going TO TOWN on the old tale. It was strange? I mean i love wordy foreplay. It’s much sexier than meeting a ‘hottie’ in a bar, getting drunk, then finding yourself all missionary, legs at Ten to Two, whilst some wannabe caveman angrily pumps at you, like he knows what he’s doing and you do fake ‘ooh in’t this fun’ faces at him, to aid his self esteem. The bedroom is my forte. I don’t like to litter it with clumsy, boner clowns. I enjoy sensual, sexy moments. One’s where you really enjoy each other. Yet phone sex is always bizarre to me.
Anyway, now it’s all done, i feel weird. All thumby and uncomfortable. But secretly half GREAT!! The odd thing about it was that as soon as he did his ‘man cry’ as i call it…(the ‘UMPH’ when they come) he quite poshly paused, then said, ‘Okay… i’ve nowcomposed myself,’ said ‘ Bye’ then hung up. HAHAHAHA! I was on the loo doing a wee. I actually think i could go for a round 2…but It’s given me a bit of a tummy ache. I’m a poor excuse for a sex kitten.
For those of you yelling ‘Quit being a slag Wunna!’ Well i’ll have you know, there’s nothing wrong with an occasional ‘slaggy’ moment. It’s healthy!!! God said! But Yeah, i’m never doing that again…