A Healthy Dose of Jiggery Pokery

Well Heeeeelllllooo my dumplings of ‘fudge.’ I’m up, i’m feeling oddly amazing for this time of morning. I had the best nights sleep ever and i’m currently laughing at old memories, but kinda laughing at them to myself (which sort of makes me look a bit ‘Yes i do lick windows on fridays.’ But ah well, you can’t win them all. Well you can? I’m totally loving the new saying ‘Impatience is  a Virtue.’ I’m deciding to live my life by that.

I’ve had a lot of my LA friends catch up with me just recently and a lot of my exes have a quick ‘holla.’ Isn’t it always the case though. However, England is growing on me now and i think i actually needed it in order to truely find myself. I mean the people are still a bit odd? But i’ve met a couple of really really great ‘lovelies,’ who i can positively collect and keep in my life forever. God i’m craving a bubble bath right now.

I’m just remebering this time, and Sundays is always good for remembering times innit. It gives you something to do, when everyone else is at church. And anyway, a friend of mine had made himself homeless, due to not being able to pay rent like ever. He had to resort to couch surfing and well sleeping in the back of a maroon Ford Taurus. (That a druggie had let him borrow.) Like sleeping in the boot of it. It was about 1am in the morning, Hollywood, and i remember laying in a friends bed and my phone ringing. I ignored it, but then for some random reason called back. I looked to my right and well the newly homeless ‘friend’ was meant to be laying right next to me, however had been chucked out of the appartment in the middle of the night because he had tried to smuggle a pitbull in. (Hahaha…) Oh lordy.

Anyway, you’d think i’d just do a hair toss, pull down my sleep mask, pout and then return to my beauty sleep right…and i did try. But oh no! Goodness (which is often over-rated lol) got the better of me, and creeped out of the bed, in my pyjamas, no face on, put on these pink heels, grabbed the giant  ‘to heavy for my liking’ quilt. I put on some sunglasses (even though it was now 1.23am and a pitch black, hot Hollywood night,) then after fumbling with the lock on the door, strutted out, quilt in hand. Four seconds later i’m back in the appartment, (Hahaha….) I stomp into the kitchen, fall over my own foot, throw a few things off the counter, grab a giant bottle of VODKA, hutch my quilt back onto my shoulder (some rock a Prada, I rock a quilt) and re-leave the appartment, in my sunglasses. I couldn’t see a fucking thing!!!

Okay so there’s now me, fumbling down a Hollywood street.. at almost 2am, by 3rd street, in pyjamas, pink heels, sunglasses, with a ‘bigger than me,’ bulky fucking feathered quilt hoisted on my body, holding a giant bottle of vodka, with no face on and looking for a maroon Ford Taurus. (Hahaha…) I find it, i ‘tap tap’ on the window. My newly homeless friend looked terrifed and leaps up. He realizes it’s ‘The Wunna,’ (I’m telling you, i’m like a superhero, guardian angel, who’s likes a piss up from time to time,) he can’t believe his eyes. He lets me in the boot…it’s a hatch back, i get savaged by a Pitbull (lol,) then i make us a car boot bed, dog included, pull the quilt over us, hand him the bottle of vodka. We tend to doing swigs of it, under the moonlight, in the back of a Ford Taurus. Then my new homeless ‘friend’ (and i don’t want you to imagine a dirty homeless guy. This boy is a young, handsome, strapping man. The best dressed homeless person on the block,) well there’s a moment of silence, he stares at Me and then he bursts into tears. I had never seen him cry before. But boys like to cry around me. He couldn’t believe he’d let his life get to that point and he couldn’t believe that i actually randomly appeared and experienced it with him- just so he didn’t have to go it alone. I know, i’m good like that. I deserve trophies!!

I smiled, I winked, we hugged, then i yelled at him for drinking all the vodka, and then fell fast asleep in the boot of the car, spooning a pitbull. How life has changed!! Hahaha… That guy is doing amazing now. He really turned it around and dropped his ugly pride. He’d lie all the time about how well he was doing. All he needed to know was that there was at least one person who fucking gave a shit, and i’m quite surprising, in those moments. I might not say anything, but I’ll be there when you least expect me to. Almost like magic. It’s like being a genie in a lamp, but without a lamp, or being a genie??

Wunna Words of Wisdom: If you can dream of a better future, then that’s the first step to gaining it.

I’m a pretty straight forward girl, an honest girl, but you’ll never hear me say ‘I hate liars,’ because i don’t. I hear people say that phrase a lot…and the people who say it and milk it, are usually the biggest liars. (lol.) I think that liars (and everybody lies, before you all start ‘high horsing’ it,) have great imaginations. And a great imagination is a very precious thing to have. It is the key to dreaming, the key to ambition and you need to beable to dream big to make any wish come true. Therefore, so what if you need to ‘untruth’ a little. If it makes you feel better… it’s healthy.

Oh and ‘My Little Baby Blue’ post is now my biggest (which is most viewed) post of all time. It seems you guys where really intrigued by him. I’ve had lots of messages from people all over the world trying to guess who ‘Little Baby Blue’ is…which makes me laugh. x