Y’see…the thing about love is that when you find the person you are fated to be with and you’ll know when you find that person because you will always trust that they will love you and be there for you, that they always treat you in the correct manner and always understand you. It’ll be the person you cannot live the rest of your life without. The person that stands by you when you’re down. The person that picks you up positively and puts you back together. The someone you love unconditionally and not because you have learnt to, yet simply because you can’t help but. It’s the girl or guy that you can not feel afraid to be who you are, whether it be in tantrum form or when you’re at you’re best and when things get bad, just KNOW that they will always be by your side, even though it may not seem like it at the time, when the mist has risen. It’ll be the person that cannot bare to see you hurt, cry or in pain, that they come upstairs find you laid on the bed in tears and cuddle you, even if you haven’t spoken in days out of anger or stubborness, or the person that sees you breakdown in a bar corner and puts their arm around you to console you, with tears in their eyes shed out of nothing but pure love, because they want to make it work and will really miss you if they didn’t have you in their lives.
I’ve seen lots of examples of love over the last few days, be it couples who are newly engaged and celebrating, couples who are deeply connected, yet still aren’t talking because they feel hurt, couples who have gone through a rough patch yet nonetheless when they’re int he same room you can see how much love they have for one another. Love really is everywhere and if you look closely enough you will see it.
Keiran and I are completely back to ‘fairytale.’ My mum came to drop Baby Ruby off after nursery and well we began talking about all sorts of things that Mum’s tend to ramble on about. Both Keiran and I spoke confidently, yet to everyone else, but each other. My mum decided to ask me about my pregnancy and well i’m not sure what happened, but as I was talking about the things I was going through and what the midwife had said and all that was happening, my eyes filled up (the kinda ‘fill up’ where you don’t want anyone to see) and I began to cry. So..and because Keiran was there and during that moment I wasn’t in need of a pity party, I carefully stood and walked out the room. The walk turned into a rush..and i ran up the stairs to have a big old cry on the bed. (A big snotty cry, with hysterical weep floods and everything. )
Long story short…moments later foot steps were heard coming up toward the bedroom. I had snot all over my face and tears flooding off my eyelashes, so I quickly grabbed a silver cushion to hide my tragico face. It was Keiran and well, I knew it would be (that’s where the trust in love comes) and he laid quietly next to me, cuddled me and said, ‘Can I have a kissy.’ In that moment, when you know that the storm is finally over and that the make up has begun, your world sort of becomes overwhelmed with emotion and you feel as though you can finally breathe.
He told me that he loved me, that he needed a cuddle, he wanted me to look him in the eye and that everything was going to be okay…and just like that, after a few ‘nooo, i’ve got snot on my face’ moments, the mist had risen and once again we were back to ‘fairytale.’ For BOTH of us, it was highly relieving because we never stopped loving one another. We can’t. I’m his little squinty eyed Princess and he’s my little ‘handsome.’ Not talking to one another was killing us and well even though we were going about our lives as usual and letting time pass…we’d missed each other and because we’re used to being so connected.
We made up. We talked about everything. We loved, laughed and cuddled and well my mum put our hearts back together with KFC bucket and Zinger burgers. There was a moment afterward where we began to fight again and simply because the first time you make up, you kinda do it superficially. It’s like when you first tell someone that you love them, you actually never mean it as much as you do later on in your relationship. There are levels of ‘making up.’ We still had unresolved issues and well learning to forgive when you’re both feisty engines of ‘ooh laa’ is difficult. So once again…we FOUGHT. I charged upstairs and he charged back down in a huff!
After 10 minutes, when all the lights were off and I could’ve chosen to go to sleep and continue the fight, I snook out of bed…I couldn’t for the life of me sleep anyway, walked down the stairs. (Not sexy when you have no contact lenses in, by stairs and you’re pregnant.) I tottered through the pitch black kitchen into the living room and after whispering ‘Keiran.’ I turned on the light, saw him laid on the sofa, glaring up at the ceiling, not being able to sleep due to the drama and I cried with a ‘I don’t want our marriage to fall apart. I love you.’
So, really it was the same thing, yet this time, I went to comfort him.
Immediately his little lit up and he beckoned me to sit down. He properly made up then…(no…not sex you pervs. ) our hearts solidly reconnected with that unconditional love. We looked relieved again, as did I and he said, ‘we’ll stayed married forever. I love you,’ and that’s all we needed, just to communicate and love and openly feel how we were actually feeling all along.
Nothing is better than the moment when the man of your dreams loves you right back.
We cuddled, we chatted and then he looked at me whilst saying, ‘So…i can’t wait to go on holiday then,’ as he smiled. In that moment we felt so in love and well it had become apparent that our lack of chitter-chatter was pointless and a waste of good quality love time.
I sat next to him through the entire night, as we got back in the bubble and giggled with one another. I’d missed him and well we’d missed so much in each other’s lives, simply because we hadn’t talked. Just sitting there with him until 2.30am…was comforting. I felt safe and like we were catching up on missed time.
I finally, yet lovingly annoyed him (which is normal) and we both went to bed finally surrounded by ‘fairytale.’
Life hasn’t been bettter since. All yesterday was spent together, back to how were always usually are with one another and completely filled with love. We had breakfast together, we did the nursery run, I watched him play golf, we then went for a bit of local lunch. We met up with his big sister Sharn and Baby Harry, enjoyed memories, fun and drinks with one another. We were then joined by her lovely ‘other half’ and well it was 8pm before we all decided to leave. It was a really great afternoon and it was like the fight never happened.
I’ll never find a man that will love me like Keiran does and I never want to have to find a man, that isn’t him in my life. When we’re back to fairytale, I feel completely alive and you do when you’re back to ‘love’ mode and have let the drama kick itself to the curb. It takes time, but you sort of have to do it. It shows the strength in your love and the strength within you.
I looked at him over the table and said, ‘ I actually need you in my life. I couldn’t be with anyone else. I love you soooo much.’ His heart beated that little bit harder and from that point we connected.
We’re having the best few days ever and well Ruby is also loving it. My little ‘bump’ is due in i believe around 11-12 weeks time and life just couldn’t be better.
We’re prepping for our holiday to the forest, so on Monday we’ll be travelling back to Sherwood with Forest Holidays to enjoy Keiran’s birthday. A couple fo his sisters will be coming up for a visit, which will make it so much fun, as I had to book a giant cabin simply because it was the last one. The more the merrier.
We’ve just got back from breakfast and my midwife check up.
Keiran decided to spend his time playing with the blood pressure machines, wishing for a steam room, posting spazzy photos of me on his Twitter for kicks and then weighing himself. Poor Andrea the midwife, has a love/hate relationship with us, as she thinks we’re like kids. She even actually said, ‘I have never had a patient like you before Chrissie….and well Keiran…I mean he’s just…’ then she rolls her eyes. I had to explain to her that my urine sample might be a bit dodgy, as whilst I was accumulating my own wee this morning, in the little tube, Ruby was running around me singing, pretending she had no hands and being a mermaid. She looked like she about to fall, so as I was screwing on the lid, I had to drop the wee sample to catch her. It had a crack in it and when she opened my notes, took the sample and pulled all the paperwork out, my Bounty pack (that all preggos get given) had a stream of my own WEE in the bottom of it. I just smiled at her…and she giggled.again rolling her eyes. The Keiran barged in trying to make my appointment all about him, by showing her his blood pressure results and wanting to know if he was in good nick.
I will tell you that, all is well with the bump. He’s alive, delicious and kicking and I really can’t wait for his arrival. We’re all getting excited now. It’s sort of flown by and well I feel lucky to be having a little son.
Ruby is really chatty now. The things she can say are now astonishing me.
I’m happy. I’m back. I’m madly in love. I adore being a mummy. I can’t wait to meet my new son, but right now and most importantly….
I CAN’T WAIT TO GET BACK TO THE FOREST!!! Hot tub love and Hubby birthday fun!
Okay…i’m off to get my nails done! C-ya!
Told ya we’d be fine I’ll never love a man the way i love him.
Ps/ Oh and just because I can…Hellooo dodgy picture alert. That’ll teach you my darling bit of hubby! *Wiggle-Wink-Swag* (Rubes looks terrified.)