Now, I can’t tell whether i’m hallucinaing or there really is just the most random topics on my telly box today? I’m fluey and I’m preggo and i’m not quite sure how I’m managing to muscle through life right now, with a snotty nose, great boobs, but a temperature. However, i’m sure that in my sickness, my mind has gone to complete pot, as there has been a very important report on penis size in the UK, followed by a story about a size 8 lady, who has giantly wide sized legs. (I do feel for her story, as she is a femme who is stronger than most and well i’ll mocktail cheers to that any day.) Yet, the fact that the average size for a man’s willy in the UK, has now gone down to 5.1 inches, instead of the regular 6inches…unless you’re from Stoke is hilarious. They’ve based it on the number of condoms bought in particular sizes, so I reckon the boys in Stoke have just been buying ‘liar’ sized condoms…which doesn’t aid safe sex that much. Lol. I’ve seen many a willy, some that are as tiny as my thumb (yes on a grown man, i’m not a weirdo) and some that have been Hollywood extended. (Both as odd as each other. You don’t need that much muscle in ya hustle. If you have a naturally giant willy, then for sure celebrate it. Yet you really don’t need to go through the utter pain of getting your penis actually enlarged for women to like you, as if we like you, we’ll like you regardless. Saying that…i did buy boobs. However, i love them more now that they’re big, natural looking and fleshy preggo, rather than pulled tight balloons of glory. I feel more womanly. They bounce now and frill around now like flirts in leopard print.)
Alongside all of that, i noticed that I had a great deal of work to conquer. I’ve started my new business, i’ve having to get all of that sorted, which i don’t mind because I love it. Yet, being fluey and preggo isn’t helping. (I was super moody last night. It’s finally hitting me and well roll on MAY, I tells ya. I can’t waddle for much longer AND keep my cool, all at the same time.) I want to be skinny and fit again…this carrying a baby marlarky is not the easiest..when you have things to do!
Then my phone filled up with Voicemails from ‘business past, present and the future,’ and I had to get through all of those. I did my first call…which was for the press of the show that i’ve been doing. Then I did my second call, which was to my agent for pictures…and the rest of the calls can wait…as i have soo much to tango with right now. I need to get it all sorted and put my pity party away!
Keiran’s at work and well yesterday i felt far too fluey to enjoy Valentine’s evening. We had agreed to not make a big deal out of Valentines anymore, so we did a little exchange of roses and cards and choccies…but to be honest, that’s us anyway? We do that a lot. We do romantic hotel nights and breaks and flowers, with dinners…all the time. So, it was sort of lovely, but odd and odd because we know we love each other madly, meaning that a small exchange of things was just bizarre. We’re people who like BIG THINGS, grand gestures of affection, luxury, adoration. We’re ‘all or nothing’ people and i think i’d rather do nothing at all then do something small, as i’m so secure in my love that it feels pointless.
We just want to do well in life and our focus is on business. If we could get each other that…we would be the happiest people alive and because we truly have EVERYTHING else and we have it better than most. Our connection is ridiculous…(God, it’s making me want a bagel. I enjoy how i believe comfort food will make my flu better. I’m the product of two very good Doctors. I’ve obviously doing them proud. I mean before the bagel, i thought ‘doing my face’ would heal me. )
I’m getting really excited now to be back on your tellies soon and because i feel a definite sense of achievement. You’ll see why…but i usually do things where I achieve nothing but a bit of ‘look at me.’ This time it’s been good because yeah there’s a whole lot of ‘look at me, ‘ yet it’s twisted in with hard work. Yipppeee! Plus, I (well Keiran and I) have another little telly surprise for you all a coming!
(I’m flash backing a time in Hollywood, after I had been to a dinner party and stayed over at my friend’s house, who is a big agent out there for movie stars. He’s gay and told me to clean up the leftover table drama, the next morning. Clean up? Ewwww! Instead of carefully placing away his dirty glasses and cutlery. I simply opened a black bin liner and threw everything..including the champagne glasses and plates…:) into the bin. My version of cleaning up. Yeah baby! He wasn’t even fuming, as he completely and utterly knew that i would do that. So he laughed, told me that he had actually RENTED out the glasses, plates and cutlery for the party and needed to send it back. However, that could all be sorted later, as right now it was a must that we hit ‘The Abbey’ in West Hollywood and sup at least 24 raspberry mojhitos in the sun with friends! ) Ace life!
I need that bagel and to work. I need to go!