Morning my little trump cards of delight! To say I’ve managed to have ZERO sleep, I think I’m actually quite a chipper little puss of glamour today. I’m raring to go, armed with a wink and a swoon and even though my mind was misted with an array of bizarre dreams…(one was sexy, the other was panicky, the rest were simply about the things in life, that I had to do,) i’m pretty much all okay. In fact, i’m more than okay. I’m delicious. *Purr here.* (Completely having a flashback of a boy hitting on me in LA , whilst I was telling him that he really shouldn’t bother going there and simply because I was known to be 98% MENTAL. He looked at me, in his ‘Himbo’ manner,,,and with a smile on his face replied, ”That’s 2% GOOD to me, Baby!’ I enjoy a positive man. Can’t for the life of me, remember who he was now? But that was how I was back then. One of those idiotic ladies, with a desperate revolving door of ‘handsomes.’ I like to use the term ‘romanced’ by zillions of men. However, now I think about it, it’s just a decorative way of saying ‘slutty-needed love immediately.’ (I like both, but only because I managed to pull myself together and be a decent human being. When that happens you can always look back and laugh about the past. It’s like I always say, people can only talk about ‘the time when they were poor’ and laugh about it…once they are rich. Otherwise, it just isn’t that funny, is it?. It’s life. )
Okay, so..I have a lot of phone calling to do today and if I dislike anything, it’s phone calling. Now, i don’t mind phone calling my Mum, or my family, or my hubby etc etc…yet I just hate having to cal anyone else and I’m really not sure why? I’m a texter and well I just prefer it that way.
Yesterday, we all went to TGI Fridays at Xscape, Castleford, for my Mum’s birthday. We go there all the time, so we’re kind apart of the furniture. However, we love it there. The entire family chitter chattered and giggled over boneless chicken wings, drinks and steak…as we enjoyed a merry afternoon with one another, in the name of ‘another year older.’
My Mum, Dad, and Brother have just come back from their holiday in Burma, so the first thing they did was show Keiran and I an array of holiday photos that they had on a their phones, over the table. Now, i do love holiday pictures. Yet only ones of ME. It’s true though isn’t it? Holiday snaps are only interesting if they are your own. Other people’s, unless the photo is dirty or hilariously funny, are odd. It’s usually all…’here’s me by a palm tree, by a pool…by a…’ you get the picture. Nonetheless, I adore that they had such a wonderful time. They surely needed it and well they surely had the ‘back home’ blues. (Until the steak came.)
We seem to have steak wars in our family. We all get them. Yet my Mum, (who’s birthday it actually was) had the best cut of meat. Keiran, (who always wants the best of everything) got steak envy, so after devouring his entire meal, (he’s certainly a member of the ‘clean plate’ club…infact he could’ve eaten the fucking plate if he tried)..he then began to eye up my poor mother’s steak, to the point where she has to GIVE IT TO HIM, because he’s looking at it so intensely and ASKING for it.
‘Keiran, she’s a 63 year old hungry woman…on her birthday…AND my Mother and you are eating her food!!’
‘She wanted to give me it,’ he replied licking his big lip. (He has one big lip.)
Dinner was great! We all had so much fun! Plus my little cousin Jessica and her boyfriend Richard came along. They’ve just had a little baby together, named ‘Holly.’ Ruby’s quite jealous of her, so it’s good that we’re having a boy. Jess, actually had her little ‘Holly’ with NO DRUGS and in one of those birthing pool! She’s only 20!! What a woman. I would’ve DIED!!! The last thing I would ever be able to handle, would be ME, naked, screaming and in a giant paddling pool, pushing out a human, with no drugs. Jeepers!! She deserves trophies! You think the Youtube video of me, on a bed, in a gown is bad. (And it’s not. There’s no crotch shot. You just love to hate it. Imagine me, naked in a birthing pool..with a midwife patting me on the back, telling me there’s no drugs! #notsoglam Some might say, that it would make a ‘REAL woman. I simply say, ‘I’m too posh to push.’ )
But yeah, all 7 of us are around this dinner table, going through courses and courses, as Keiran steals my dear Mother’s food and my Dad falls asleep during each course. (He sort of nods off mid-mouthful and forgets that he needs to be awake.) Keiran then thinks it’s a good idea to get the staff to surround the table and do that really loud, clappy, birthday song that they do at TGI’s…just for my Mum and with my consent, gallops off to sort it out.
Now, my Mum is a feisty lady, however someone who is not use to being in the limelight, even though she deserves to be. She’s loud, yet shy in ‘look at me’ circumstances. (I’m the opposite.) So, after 20 minutes, when we’ve done dessert and we’re now on the coffee’s. A bundle of TGI striped staff, come to the table, all happy and excited (which I adore) and ask my Mum, if it’s her birthday. My mum looks terrified and taken a back and says, ‘Well no not today’ it’s my belated birthday dinner,’ to try and get out of it all. She is already looking embarrassed.
Anyway, before you know it, we’ve told them it IS her birthday, she’s being made to stand up and place a freshly blown balloon hat on her head, as she stands up she knocks over my coffee, so he’s now shouting ‘You stuuupid woman,’ (in jest) and in the midst of her utter embarassment, there’s a madness, in fact a flurry of the loudest clapping ever, mixed in with the loudest shouty chanting ever, mixed in with bubbled over excitement and hoo-haa. It felt like a moment of ‘carnivale,’ A donkey could’ve ridden up with a cider and streamers attached to it’s tail and it really wouldn’t have felt bizarre at that point.
We were all in pissing ourselves, and my Dad was hysterically laughing out loud, shouting, ‘You look ridiculous!!’ It was greatness.
Photos were being taken, followed by a brief video by my brother. You should’ve seen my Mother’s face. Priceless.
Soon the ‘hoo-haa’ was over and she got to sit down and scramble back her dignity.
‘Who did this?’
My mum did actually love it, yet was just embarrassed by all the attention. She made ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ but she’s not as ‘look as me’ as the monster that she raised, lets say. Anyway, she makes it her duty to find out who was responsible and attempt to interrogate everyone at the table.
‘Where were you?’
She finally finds out it was Keiran and all ends in giggles. Keiran’s fitted right into our odd Asian family and has a great relationship with my mum. She loves him like a son and would do anything for us, yet we have a very open and honest relationship with her. We can literally tell her anything.
Anyway, i enjoy to stir the pot so I butted in with a ‘Yep, it was your fabulous son in law, who eats all your food and then destroys your entire life!’
We sip up our coffees and we all head off home.
The rest of the evening was spent being in love and completing our ‘Vision Boards.’ Everyone would think we’d be having mad, rampant sex. But instead we were cutting out, printing and sticking. Having an entirely weird ‘arts and crafts’ type evening, in order to get what we want. You want us to ‘priint and stick’ for riches…we will.
It took us all night and then Ruby finally came home. (She was at Pete’s all day day, tantruming and making buns. He didn’t end up taking her swimming and looked emotionally exhausted when he dropped her off. We, on the other hand MISSED her madly. I’d rather have her with me and tantruming, than simply not at all.)
I tucked her in, went back to ‘printing and sticking,’ had a snuggle with my hubby on the sofa and went to bed early.
Then had no sleep…
But dreamt about sex and errand running. In my dreams, i actually have a fierce libido. Then when I wake up…i’m frigid again. Poor Keiran.
Love you lots,
Thank you for following my life.
ps, I submitted 1000 words to the Racy Reads competition on Lorraine this morning. The deadline is at noon. I did actually send it in before, yet apparently not via the appropriate channel. Story of my life. However, there’s nothing like cutting it fine. By 10am..i was resubmitting and getting it sorted! But booyah! It’s done. I hope i win. If not, i’ll carry on writing the story and attempt to shop it anyway.