Had a random girl accidentally send me half naked pictures of herself. Well i say ‘accidentally,’ yet it was pretty much a gift from the Gods. The poor little kitty thought she was sending them to Pete’s phone. Hmm…? That doesn’t make it much better. Anyway, i took care of it. What are the chances of a girl having her ‘ooh look at me’ pics, delivered straight to me. I guess if you’re one of Peter’s pupils you can learn how to drive and get felt up all at the same time. The good thing about this situation is that he bizarrely is the innocent party in all of this. I text him today, whilst I was work with a Wunna ‘Warning.’ I’ve come home to an extremely happy baby Ruby, the cleanest house you could ever see, all clean dishes, endlessly pouring wine and lots of adoration. Guilty? No. Terrified. Yes! Anytime anything like the above happens, it’s ace because Pete now fears my Wunna Tantrums sooo much, that he nervously gets to impressing me before I get shouty.
I flounced out to the car today…after looking quite ‘Vixen’ in my little black dress and creeped him out by being ridiculously lovely to him. He hasn’t mentioned the incidence once and well i’m not bothered by it simply because the entire house is spotless. Plus, he’s all perfect right now because we had ‘rumpy’ last night. It was a bit of a quick ‘pump-alot’ yet mainly because i was covered in ‘still drying’ Fake Bake. The entire romantic moment of love was giggled over with ‘OH GOD PETE. Don’t touch me there. My tan will come off.‘
Anyway, i’m feeling quite *sizzle* today. Over the weekend I groomed and i’m desperately..well finally back on route to being Chrissie Wunna. The hair got dyed. The tan became layer and the ‘Va Voom’ has re-entered the building. It’s great feeling sexy again, after having a baby. It takes a lot of time. But for the first time, in a long time…and mainly because I have a big shoot this weekend…i’m getting back on track. I mean anytime a boy who is on a druggie ‘come down’ and hunting around an office taking any form of pill that has the word ‘Relief’ printed on the box, tells you that you’re going to have the staring role in his ‘evenings wank.’ You know you’re Chrissie Wunna and you’re KNOW you’re BACK! (Another boy told me i was ‘sexual‘ then praised my look by stating that I was now definitely worth him putting his ‘dinky‘ in my mouth. Hmm..? If you’re not getting humourously harrassed sexually and in the work place, then you really aren’t getting your ‘Va Voom,’ right Dollies.
I’m on my diet. I’m drinking wine. I’m living off air and salad and actually getting it right. I feel yummy again and well there is now a light at the end of my post preggo tunnel.
Ruby is being gorgeous. We were given this giant, felt, yet inflatable pink bunny. A tool that will apparently help her learn to sit appropriately. Ruby will now only sit in it naked and in bows. Much like her Mother. Naked? Bunny? Bows? *Calls Hugh Hefner.* Then she trumps, giggles and wants more apple juice. (Her newest thing.) Milk is sooo 2010 for her now. I think it’s her version of a baby white wine spritzer? I’ve trainer her well. I have the happiest baby in town. This is actually the best time of being a Mummy because it’s the time when she actually recognizes who I am now and talks *gobble-dee-goop* at Me, with Wunna giggles and gummy smiles. Her first word was a *giggle*…therefore i surely must be doing something right.
All is well in Wunna Land. I have a lot going on. Big shoot at the weekend and well i believe my book is still currently in editing. I’m not sure. I’ve passed it on like a parcel. I only have a bit more to jiggle, then yep after it’s been wanded over by The Gods and decorated with pretty, pictures of my boobs…it’ll be a historical masterpiece. I’m VERY excited about it all. The book is actually going to be OUT! Hurrah!
Pete’s now pretending to complain that he hates it when i *slap* his juicy bum bum. He complains like he’s a flirty teenage girl. (A slaggy one.) I mean, if you don’t want me to *slap* your juicy bum bum. (And he does.) Then quit walking around in nothing but tight boxers and flouncing ya juicy bum bum in my face like your Beyonce, whenever you have a spare moment. There is definite role reversal going on in our home right now. I’m like a booze guzzling brute of a male and he’s like a ‘hide behind hand and giggle’ kinda floozy. I like it.
Anyway I must go and return to living off wine, kisses and being a Mummy.
Loving your messages,