Have you spent the last hour being forced to sing a song that is titled ‘I am a money magnet?’ No, didn’t think so! Okay, i’ve got it. I’m officially insane.
Since, we last spoke, for a bit of a laugh and since I’m currently all about winning things, my dear friends and I thought it fit for me to be visited by a Money Guru. He’s kind of like a Life Coach, but one who talks about money, makes you feel good and tells you how you can win it. (I’ve decided it would be mildy humourous if i won the lottery and like I said, people do it every week. So i don’t see why I have to miss out on all the ‘i’m dirty rich’ action. It’s a party i could throw BIG style and yes, i’m not exactly hard up, but we all like to win things right? So why not choose the lotto! Woohoo! #please! Cut me some slack! A couple years a go I tried to win a friend! This is a good progression!)
So anyhow ‘Thomas’ comes over to the house. That’s his name, i think? I don’t know? I prefer it when people introduce themselves as a Mr, or Mrs, or Sir, or even with their first AND last name! It oddly makes me respect them more, because I associate them with learning and school.
Bottom line ‘Thomas’…who i turned into ‘Little Tommy’…had no chance, up against the Glamour Puss! Anyway, he was actually quite informative and taught me how to visualize and train my mind. I’m a follower of ‘The Secret’ so on occasion I do this a lot. Not a problem. Yet i have a really short concentration span, if you are losing my interest and well he made me watch a short DVD, which simply had images of stack and stacks of money, (all kinds of money) on it…and chant the words ‘I say yes.. to success.’ I kinda got bored.
Now, for Me..i’ll do anything for the sake of humour. Yet by now i’ll be finding it far too funny for it to make sense. I mean Little Tommy, was a good to do, white guy, with an over excited smile and sweaty palms, in a suit. He was showing me pictures of rolle dup £50 notes…that you would imagine a drug dealer would have in his pocket, followed by stacks of ‘looked like it had been robbed from your local bank’ man made money towers. However, there i was chanting…’ I SAY YES TO SUCCESS!’
Then like that wasn’t bad enough ‘Little Tommy’ puts on a DVD that is littered with odd animation and again images of cash, but this time *fanned* out, with neon pink kareoke lyrics on the screen bouncing out a weirdly chipper song. I thought it was cute. Infact, i thought it was really cute…until i actually had to SING-A-FUCKING-LONG!!!
God, knows what the words were, but all i know is that i sang ‘I am a money magnet‘ quite a few times in the space of a minute, whilst he clapped and sang along merrily. After and hour he was gone. He told me the images are now implanted in my brain and therefore money will now be attracted to me because it is my ‘obedient servant.’ (I like that part.) I took it all with a spiritual pinch of salt…(which is odd for me because i’m quite a spiritual girl.) Yet believe it or not, since ‘Little Tommy’ has left, i have done NOTHING but think about that song and those images of money, in my head! It worked! I’m going to win the lottery! I’m a flipping MONEY MAGNET much!!!!
Other than that, I forgot it was Friday, but so totally happy that @EddClay is going to go out for me in London in my honour. If you see him, know it’s me and please do feel free to feel his ‘Lady Parts.’ Last time he went out, I had reports from Mr.Hextall that he was simply delicious and because he actually managed to be blattered & pull a dirty rich, 35 year old gent, then puke out all of his sin, at the breakfast table at ‘Profile,’ the morning after whilst on orange juice. He is a Wunna! I’m so proud! (Due to my ‘Thing-a-ling’ i’m having to tread carefully and can’t at all *booze* up. I’m so excited to the point that i’ve never been more happy about surprises in my life! For those of you that know [Perform happy dance here.] So far, i’ve been lucky. The only thing to have gotten noticeably bigger is my chest! I love being me! Fat in all the right places! Say yes to bread rolls! I currently have a tiara on my head. It hasn’t even wanted to fall off.
Anyway, tomorrow Loverboy and I are travelling to Manchester together, for a baby sized audition that we’ve been asked to go to. It’s for Channel 4, and to be honest i won’t know too much about it until we get there. The stuff i do know, i can’t tell you because I obviously don’t want to jinx it.
Now, i’m quite good (even if I do say so myself) at the old audition process. Especially ones for ‘reality.’ I’m really good at being myself, telling people who I am, why I am and with the greatest of ease and ‘ooh laa.’ Pete, loverboy, my knight in shining armour is TERRIFIED! He’s a normal, decent good guy. Not showbizzy. Not a tragic wannabe and really comfortable in his own skin. However, the thought that he is about to get judged on the person that he is…is making him a wee bit (oh yeah) TERRIFIED. He was completely fine, when they initially called us and asked if we would be interested in taking part. (They’d be trying to get a hold of me for ages, but i didn’t recieve any of the messages.) However, now it’s TOMORROW, ‘Loverboy’ is quite terribly nervy. (Aww.) He actually told me he had a dream that i was breast feeding him last night. Maybe his subconscious sees me as a Mother figure? Who knows? In dreams, my breasts seem to feed everyone. Which i find bizarre, since they are only filled with silicone? Not even Grey Goose like I thought?
Anyway, before it gets all pervy….I’m not scared at all. If they like us, they like us. If they don’t. They don’t. All we can do is hope that they adore our little twosome and if they do…we’re IN! Yippee! I’ve never auditioned as part of a twosome before, so for me that part of the whole *shabbam* is daunting. Plus i’m not even gonna be drunk, therefore i won’t even need a human body to hold me up this time around! So yeah, tomorrow afternoon, we’re in Manchester. (I’ve just had meatballs that have made me feel sick.)
Before, i go groom and toss my hair like a champion, in a glittery light, for a fit fight for fame. I will leave you with what i believe are the BEST cupcakes and cake pops in the whole of GREAT Britain. They are A to the -MAZING and I am not only a big yummy fan of these tender treats of cakey couture. But I’m also willing to lose my waist line over these delicious cups of ‘oooh yeah Dolly face.’ *Eyes down* They’re by @Mollybakes. Sammie and I have both eaten these *yum yums.* I want them to make me a glamour pussy edible diamond encrusted one.
They’re like an Alice in Wonderland, Barbie Dolly, Willy Wonka, Girly gay treat of madness. I will die for these pieces of cake.