Where do i even start! Okay, firstly bare in mind that i’m quite the poorly little Kitty cat right now. Everywhere’s all swollen and fluey…and even though i’m fronting it like the champion that i am…(I’m currently at work)…know that my ‘well’ level is pogo-ing from 0-1, on an ‘Up to 10′ scale. Not fun! I don’t do ill well and when i do…it seems i’m what most people call a F****** bitch. (All smiles.) Infact, there really was no need for swearing there. We’ll leave it at ‘BITCHEROO?’
Anyway, yeah i’ve had a great weekend. I always do. I’m excited about my book. I’m loving the fact that i might actually beable to sit at home and be glitzy for once, whilst pursuing something that excites me. Instead of dragging my pretty arse out of Wunna Land and into ’yadda-yadda’ in order to make ends meet. I will say that on saturday, i felt as sick as a dog. I couldn’t even move my legs without an ‘ouchy.’ (And i didn’t even get to have *rumpy*…or did I? Well i did this morning regardless. I felt all ‘in love’ with my handsome and therefore felt the need to show him..even if i did have a snotty nose. ) I was in desperate need for ME time at the weekend, therefore insisted on going home and being a mum. I’m highly stressed right now, with the ‘juggle’ of life and the needing more time to do what i WANT to do, instead of what i HAVE to do. It’s not really something I celebrate, nor is it anything i stand for.
I got home and ended up with my baby Ruby and my family in Doncaster for a bit of retail therapy. I don’t spend much time at home. My life is almost always ‘out’..and well i guess it’s kinda what i needed. Much better than a ‘pity party’ for one. All was well. I was still ill. I was excited about hanging out with my family in the evening for a dinner do..and seeing Wazza, who i haven’t managed to drink with for ages…then came DRAMA and well it pretty much ballsed up everything. One day the drama will have pegged itself up and be swaying along to nursery rhymes. But right now…i have no such luck.
Now, i’m not going to go into the drama. But know that it was Pete drama, in the area of childcare. I’m beginning to not at all trust Pete these days and well anytime a boy has you on ‘speaker phone’ mid-private conversation about your daughter, so everyone can ‘have a go, or ‘a listen’ then you’re an idiot. I’m tired of it all and well this little puss of ‘ooh laa’ is tired of it all and tired of him trying to depict me like i’m some monster. (Boys tend to do that, when i’m not with them anymore because they find it easy too. I look naughtier than I truely am. I’m a good excuse to pinpoint your emotional *doo-daa’s on…)
My evening plans were utterly ruined and well i took my baby daughter away and we looked after each other all night long.
However, it’s not all *glum face.*I had a great day yesterday with my handsome Keiran, with sunday dinner in New Miller Dam, in my farmers flat cap and fur boots. (Fashion crime. Totally worked for me. *Wiggle-wink.*) We go there every sunday now and well it couldn’t be more perfect. It works for us, because we’ve both lived lives away and without our families. When you grow up, after living such a life, you tend to crave that permanance a bit more and appreciate it a great deal more when you have the opportunity to ‘live’ that moment again. (OMG an actual sequin embeded in my jumper has cut me?? I’m getting attacked by my own bouji accessories.) I have a gent who loves me dearly and i’m lucky. However, my past romances are really beginning to rock my happy boat..and with spite. OUCH! (Not fun when you have a sore throat. I can’t even *gurgle* spit them away..even on a good day.)
Today ‘Latin Lover’ (remember him) inboxed me a deliciously *BLOCK CAPITALLED* threatening email, trying to bribe me for money? Erm…how about ‘lets not.’ ‘Latin Lover’ was 2007. How can a boy pop up in 2011 and now need money and a ‘Wunna’ to finance his life, simply because i once dated him in LA?? I’m quite the meal ticket to a merry bunch of my exes..and well it’s starting to make me feel like i’m a THING and not a person. I think the past should always be the past, as that is were it makes its mark. It’s where it makes it’s own glorious IMPACT. ‘Latin Lover’ thinks he deserves money for once being my ‘beau’…i think he needs to learn to MAKE honest money, sit back and have a gin. Enjoy what once was and don’t attempt to use the past as a tool for the future, where it simply doesn’t fit in, (Round peg…square hole,) with a girl like me. My mind and heart is always on the move. Once i’ve flown, it’s over. Yet i cherish each moment i have. (Until the moment tries to make me give them money. )
Talking about exes…i was in bed with Keiran last night and my phone rang. I looked at my screen, mid-’me being ill’ and what name did my screen flash..oh yes..’ Jonny’ aka Boyband Jonny. Great talent. Bad boyfriend. Good times. I looked, i carried on having a sore throat, shoved the phone back under my pillow and continued cuddle-spooning ’handsome’ Keiran.
Other than all that. I’m craving Ruby time more than ever before. I want to live life the way i want to. I want to be a writer and have that as all i do. I’m completely loving big knickers. I mean even though i do choose ‘floozy’ ones, they’re still big and make my bum feel like it’s being cuddled and a ‘good girl, ‘ instead of ‘out there’ and ‘naughty.’ I think i might be losing my mind shortly…so lets keep winking and keeping our fingers crossed.
My day job is easy, but time consuming right now. I’m exhausted and well need a timeout. I need more time to do glitzy things that amuse me more. I even forgot it was Halloween, but i’m not bothered. Halloween in Ponty or Wakefield is crap. The only time i liked it was when i was dressed as a Belly dancer, at the West Hollywood carnivale, followed by a slaggy cave girl at The Abbey. (Gay bar in Hollywood, where i managed to find the only straight boy and hump him. ) Why would you want to run around Wakefield, in the cold, looking scary. No point? Well not in Wunnaland anyway. Everything i have is glamourous, warm and AT HOME.
I have my office friend Karan being quite quiet today, which means ‘things might not be all good.’ I love Karan and when i adore people, it’s hard for me to watch them go through a ‘hard time.’ It’s the fire in me, the heart, the ‘va-va voom.’ Anyway, any normal person would take the reins and champion her back to ‘happy’ with a fight and kind words. I looked at her, (after she poked her head around my door corner) and said,’
‘Are you alright honey? I mean, do you need to talk? I can be like i’m a santa’s grotto..but a rubbish one where you don’t get presents, and you just get laughter and sarcastic remarks?‘
Oh shut it. It made her smile…and really that’s all i wanted.
I need excitement. I need my book to be done and edited. I need to get better first and i really really need a rum. *Looks up to the Gods. Hopes they guide her well*
I’m really really bored.