When you get to the stage where you’re now calling your ‘Master Cleanse’ potion, your ‘PIMP JUICE’ you know you’re a champion. God knows what i did with it today? But thank GOD i mixed in far too much cayenne pepper. It’s sent me delightfully loopy. It’s like i’m on ‘happy’ pills or…[i'l let you fill in the blank and simply because i can't think of anything remotely witty.] I’ve dollied around and been far too productive for my own good today. Got my day-job work DONE. Got my book stuffage all DONE. Booked appointments, run around backwards, wiggled my clevage. Loved it all! Witnessed a melt-down and a mildly glamourous crisis occur…then reached for my pimp juice, kicked off my kitten heels, laid back in my office swivel chair and merrily enjoyed a chillax. I’m doing really well on my diet now. I actually feel quite wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still disobedient lumps and bumps and ‘oohgeewhatsits’ all ready to a jiggly wiggly. But on the whole, i’ll think i’ll get there in the end!
It’s nice ot feel like you might actually get somewhere in the end, ‘int it? In regards to anything really. (Woohoo- i might actually one day be thin again.) I’ve spent my entire life chasing. Be it life, men, dreams, attention, my true utter tragical self, ambulances, drag queens…everything. I’ve always had to play catch up and although leopard print heels make the *chase* a little more interesting, with detour stop-offs, where you find yourself dry humping, or even wet humping a musclebound handsome who tells you that he loves you…it ain’t half exhausting and painful. Heels are their for *strutting* and *strutting* only. Running is for…other people. Or my gay friend Adam, who runs to mend his foreverly tragical broken heart.
I’m finally in a chapter, where i can stop the *chase*, look back and Fonzi my 2 thumbs up with a ‘Yeah Baby.’ I’m finally hitting the essential rungs to the ladders of life. Yet now i can saunter merrily to nursery rhymes and with a fricking smile on my face. There’s no chase. I’m watching people chase. There’s still a bunch of people ahead of me a sauntering. But i’m looking around and yeah… i’m actually pretty happy. (You can tell i’m sober right now, because i actually mean what i’m saying. I’m telling ya my ‘pimpjuice’ is making me all chipper. I’m on the happiest diet in all of the land. It’ s like Disney world..but shitter. Well i’ll probably be great until i get home and take all my hidden anger out on Peter. ) Yay!!
I’ve done a great deal of work on my book today (i’ve been up since 6am) and FINALLY managed to email almost everything off to the publisher. Yes, every little bit of work. Lots of it. Done! Gone! Mailed! The only thing left to email are the piccies and then my last bit of book, which is basically the bit where i ‘whop’ out all your inboxes, tweets, emails, messages..be they good, bad, or funny. I email over a bunch. The Publisher picks out a few or a lot of the goodies and they go in the book, as a ‘ITHANKYOUVERYMUCH.’
I mean, even though i’m a giant egomaniac. I am bizarrely very aware that i really couldn’t have done any of this without you. If you didn’t read it, there would be no book, no Wunna magic…nothing really.
Had an amazing time last night at Dinner. It was my baby brothers 22nd birthday and well we kept it ghettto, kept it casual (I say it ‘cazula’) and hip/hopped it up to Nandos. Fair enough, i was mildy grumpy on the way there, due to my delicious little diet. I have a love hate relationship with it. I hate that it hurts my freedom. Yet love that my pants are now baggy and i could fit a goat in there if i wanted. Cheered it up at Nando, with ‘The Wunnas’- baby in tow and enjoyed a cous cous salad. I’m not actually meant to EAT on my diet. But fuck it. You can’t go to someones birthday dinner and sit there in the glittery Peri Peri corner like a twatoozal, without ordering a bit of yummy fodder. It’s rude. Plus even though i’m an ex-floozy, who on occasion, has an accidental nipple peek out of her top, without her own consent, i’m quite well mannered. It’s the Private school in me….and maybe being terrified of an asian verbal beat down for being disrespectful, whilst growing up. [Do an shouty Burmese face here for effect.] I’m like everything that i’m not supposed to be trapped inside a bubbly, ‘Va Voomage’ body of ‘she looks a bit porny?’ Woohoo! *Throws drink at you-winks* (God, Kelly told me that there were 250 calories in half a bottle of wine yesterday!! Now, my only vice, is the thing that’s destroying my waistline. Great! Figures much!)
[Ruby is currently giggling and yelping happy noises at us, as Pete performs his 'Mmmkay' finger. I taught him well and can be found performing it at the best of times. If you don't know what that it...you haven't lived and you need to get an edumacation. 'Mmmmmkaaay.']
Okay, right, I have a lot of work on my plate right now. I’m off to work in a little bit. Works great right now. Fun, hard and thorough. Alongside all that, i have the BOOK tweaks to make and email off to the publisher this evening, with the piccies. I’ve finally found contact and it seems they’re not too narky at me at all. I’m still adored and thank the jubblies for that! OMG, the book will almost be OUT! Yay! I’m sprinkled over with telly work offers. I’m getting offered a lot of fun things…so i’ll have a looky and find the most tragical ones to sign up too. It’s full speed ahead. Pete and I are wonderful. Ruby and I are delicious and life couldn’t really be much better. (Why am i flashbacking to a time, where i met a girl named heidi in LA, all blond and weirdly moron from Utah. We were having a slumber party. NO…NOT feeling each other up. I don’t get down like that. But she was a apparently addicted to cough medicine. I don’t know why i find that funny? I shouldn’t. But I asked her why and she said it was because she ‘liked to take naps?’ I have no idea why that’s stayed with me. Yet to make it worse i found out, that one of my friends who i hit on…was gay, another was a closet geek, and the other was a cutter? Hollywoods a bizarre place. There i was, all Yorkshire and all innocent at this point…with my bottle of Malibu, years before i enjoyed the slippery slope of ‘Oopsie,’ thinking ‘where the jeepers am I. It’s funny how to can look at people and think everythings fine with them, yet underneath it all they have a secret. We all have secrets. But you don’t need to be addicted to cough medicine to simply take a nap. Lol. Count sheep much!)
I don’t have anything else to say, except, i’ve lost 4 pounds! Hurrah! AND i ate! Whooppee! Now, i don’t want a bundle of little girls to all now think they all need to do this horrific ‘Master Cleanse. ‘ Please do remember that i did actually have a baby and in order to be healthy i need a little less jiggle in my wiggle. No matter what size you are, sexy is sexy. Work it, own it. Live it. (Look at me trying to sound all Tyra Banks. I sound more Ru Paul.)
I am aware that this blog is crap…but whatever i’m in a rush! Off to work I go…I work in an office where the boys ask me to make them a brew from my nipple teet milk. That’s an actual quote. As if, a Wunna could ever do that. We all know only vodka trickles out of my nipples. I can’t do a brew, but i CAN do you a cocktail! (A bit of morning smut.)
I never know what’s going to happen to me in my life…i just know it’s going to be AMAZING. I guess that’s the secret to the whole ‘fairytale’ ending. *Wink-Pout* Learn it and love it?
Morning my little dew drops of ‘Hubba-hubba.’ I’m up early, i’m in pink, i swear working out has done my back in. It’s quite tedious playing ‘floozy’ when you’re a 30 year old. Hence why I overcompensate with the glory that is eyelashes, pouty lips, winks and super charm. Due to me currently having 2 kittens racing around me, like i’m involved in an angry Tom & Jerry cartoon, (it’s like watching the good and evil in me, fight it out.) I kinda don’t feel to charming. I’m more cheap charisma today…which luckily still works for me…cos i have……boobies. (Why am i being so tragical this morning? *slaps herself for being silly-sprinkles glitter over her,with a face like thunder hoping that it will work.*)
Okay, i’m up early and ready for work because this morning, if time shakes my merry hand and opens the door to Greatness. I might finally beable to have a bit of fun this fine morning and play ‘Carpark Catchphrase’ with Chris Moyles and the gang on Radio One. There is nothing funnier to me, than lurking around a carpark in the ‘before-work’ early morning, shoved and wedged in the back of a comedy B
Evening, my joyous delicious dollops of ‘giddy-up.’ You have my honest and most sincerest apologies for not ‘getting my blog’ on for the last couple of days. However, a great deal of Wunna land jiggery pokery has gone on (Code for: ‘Just got drunk,’) and well when the sun decides to certainly ‘put his hat on,’ then all mighty Pusses, NEED to play ‘ooh laa.’ *Adjusts tiara-gives you a wink.*
Okay, first of all, if this blog is mildy crubbish. Know that it’s my first day on ‘The Master Cleanse’ (lose all my baby weight) diet. Due to the gorgeously warmth of weather, i didn’t find drinking juice all day that difficult. That was at 4pm. Now, it seems and after a ‘playtime’ on a (can i even say it)…treadmill..i can no longer see! It’s like being rummed up, but without having any frickin RUM! Eww..hate my life. However, i’m not a quiter, *adjusts bra-pulls weave forward*…therefore fuck it. I have no sight, due to needing to lose ‘had a baby’ weight. It’s fun. I guess, i’ll see what else i can lose, like maybe my virginty, or my sense of flippin’ humour. In other words…i’m simply trying to justify, why this blog may be pants! Woohoo!
Morning my little bobbly bits of candy coated heaven puffs. How ya doing? Date night was delicious. It’s weird because Loverboy and I never have glorious rampant bunny sex on Date Night now and I kinda prefer it, because it’s a time where we can look at one another, *breathe,* piss ourseles laughing and enjoy a bottle shaped glass of wine each, and step up the factor of fun! Every Friday night Ruby stays at my Mums. By my own Mothers request. My mum not only adores little Ruby like it’s her very own bundle of ‘yum yum.’ Yet she believes that in order to be good parents..yeah you always have to love and be there for your little lovely baby formed family addition. However, in order to be GREAT parents..you do all of that above…make sacrifices, but also romance, enjoy, and have fun with your partner. Date Night is essential to Pete and I because it rekindles our magic, our love, our bit of sexy ‘ooh laa.’ It brings me back to being the Tiara driven nonsense that I am and the bold, silent Knight that Pete is…and creates this aura of ‘ooh laa’ around us, a strength..that essentially makes us whole..and when you’re whole, plus happy (and i’m not talking ‘quiet’ happy, i’m talking over the moon, belly laugh until you CRY happy) …you make a hell of a better set of parents EVER much! Ruby’s world is magical. Why? Because my relationship with Loverboy is. Yeah we have money. Yeah we do well. That doesn’t neccessarily matter. (Well yeah…that’s a lie, it kinda does. When i was a child i was getting driven around, with my slanty eyes and doll face, in the shitty 80′s, in the back of a tiny, on it’s last legs Renault, hoping for more. Ruby gets escorted around in a Mercedes, a beamer, or a comedy B and knows no different..in bows, with a bottle, whilst trumping and demanding more JLO tracks.) I’ve finally got this whole good mum, hot chica, doting daughter, loving girlfriend, hard worker, showbizzy ‘yadda-yadda’ DOWN now. You can actually call me ‘champion,’ whilst i tap dance and *ping* out of my bra to ‘ooh’ faces and clown music. I’ve never been happier…but i don’t half feel fricking hungover after my bottle shaped glass of red, red wine. OUCH! AND i’m at work. (Day job.) #Notfun
Okay, last night Loverboy an I didn’t go out, because he was bush whacked. (As in knackered and definitely not as in me whacking my ‘bush’ anywhere?) We laughed, love, tickled and i was enjoyed a more relaxed version of my yummy-scrummy ‘not in my tummy’ Handsome. We have wine. Then Pete wants us to watch a movie ‘Black swan’ being his choice. Well his Mums choice. (I onlylike tragic Happy-go-lucky chick movies, or those feel good ones, or ones that are utterly romantic, or so utterly funny, that they make you weep a little.)
Ah, shit i really do need to get some work done now. I finally have my book piccies, therefore tomorrow i can *whop* it all together, with the rest of the marlarky and email it over to the publisher. (Who doesn’t like me right now. Lol) Tonight, i’m doing Dinner with the girlies. We’re gonna sit around a table and *wink* at each other and the waiters over salad and gossip.
I’m intending on going on the Flabelos today at some point. But i’ve just broken my nail, being forced to wash pots up in my floozy heels, only fit for a stripper-doo-dee and in a flipping Disabled toilet! Now, it’s put me in a bad mood. *Angry dolly face.* It’s actually funny,when you find yourself panicking in a disabled toilet and washing up leopard print and tiger striped mugs in a sink, in stripper heels, big hair, a cloth and with a dolly face of fear, because a disabled person, might walk in and need to do a wee. Then in my rush, i trapped my finger in the fucking door. HAHA. It was delicious *bimbo* central. My nail broke off and armed with a ‘sad face’ and a cardboard box of leopard print mugs..i tottered back to my office to..well i was meant to be doing Direct Debit data (*yawn*) but instead i found myself blogging, in a rubies. (Not lots of my daughter..but the gemstone from Burma innit.)
Okay, hope you enjoy this gorgeous weather. I love you bitches! Peace. x
Woke up with a cat on my face, a baby to my right and baby blue streamers in my hair. Now…kittens on faces, no matter how cute, is never acceptable. Babies..if they’re yours are always acceptable. (Even if they’re repeatedly smaking you in the face, in order to wake you up and finding the process funny, all at the same time.) Baby blue party streamers, made of tissue is beyond me? I’m all for a good time. Yet when you haven’t had one the night previous, but you’ve managed to wake up with them littered through your entire hair…we have a problem. I have no idea where they’ve come from. But whatever, i’ll give myself a few points for that.
Pete aka ‘Loverboy’ is currently pissing me off. He can’t seem to manage to wake up AT ALL, whilst i get ready for work, in order to watch and play with baby Ruby. Why? Because he’s been out and about the last couple nights. What a loser excuse!! I mean, by all means go play ‘socialite.’ However, there’s no point in doing that if you can’t handle your business, your responsibilities, your ‘ooh laa.’ Instead of helping out, waking up, tending to our ever yummy bambino…he’s still in bed…moaning. ‘Chrissie i’ve had NO sleep!’ Erm..? I believe i’ve had almost half an hours sleep and with a fucking CAT on my face. Yet i’m all pinstriped up, groomed and ready to work. He has ..oh yeah? NOTHING AT ALL to do today, but look after our little cutie. How annoying! Men can be soo tedious. I mean they’re the only thing that often seems to have disturbed me through my entire life.
If he can’t take the ‘party’ pace AND be a Daddy. Then don’t play. Pick ya sorry ass ball up and stay the b’jeeze home. When he tries, he’s wonderful. Yet, even with the new kitten, i’ve notcied that he wanted it, wanted it, would’ve died if he didn’t have it immediately. Got it and THAT evening, because he couldn’t at all wait and now i’m here having to look after it, as he seemingly lacks his initial enthusiasm for it.
He’s now rambling on about how i can seem to function, on no sleep. Yet he can’t. Hmm..i do have eyes! I can see that! But like i said, if can’t handle being up past your bedtime…then don’t be. Today, i feel like i have no time for ME and like i’m having to pick up the pieces to everyone elses tragic life. Lol.
I have a really sore throat today. It feels as though i’ve been dragging acorns down my throat. However, i’m happy, the sun seems to be out. My lovely Mummy, has Ruby this evening, as usual. My mum adores baby Ruby and well with her being in Burma for the last 10 days, there is nothing she needs more than a cuddle from the tootie fruity of my loins.
The circus that is my life. Holy b’jeeze. I’ve been at work all day. Enjoyed it. Tinkered with another office Glamour Puss ‘Kelly’ who i can’t help but adore. We hair-toss, do clevage and then i’ll dabble with a bit of PR, as she tampers with a whole lot of accounting. Then we glamourously discussed life, men and how we’ve managed to whip our fellas into shape, after a jolly good lump of male non (Unlike a couple of young ladies that we know.) I think Kelly’s lived a really similar type of life to Me. We’ve been through marriages, divorces, the high life, the low life. Ups, downs, roundabouts and had to start from the beginning over and over again. But we did it…EVERYTIME! And we look like the hottest bitches in town .*Wiggle-wink* I learn from her, she learns from me. But I admire her, because we both are women who know how to love, we know how to live and know how to share strength. Plus we tick the same age box. The older you get, the more and more you feel GLAD to finally be a grown up and appreciate those of the same age. There’s no random ‘little girl-little boy’ drama. There’s a bizarre sense of respect. But anyway, both Kelly and I are extremely young at heart, glam, tanned and ‘get life.’ We’re pusses of ‘ooh laa,’ chicas that hail from under a society sign reading ‘HOT.’ We’re both mums and we’re dazzled over with a decent sense of humour, that’s sprinkled with a wicked edge. *Throws you a faux fur.* I’d never thought i’d say this, but I’ve never been happier than in the year i turned 30! Although i’ve still got the nipple tassled *shimmie* in me…i’m kinda a better version of myself now and dollies i’ve never felt more powerful.
Even though Kelly and I have been rather *wink*-factor and delicious for most of the day. There was a point where boredom sponged it’s way into our system and i found myself trying to find Pete’s biological Mother, whilst Kelly made the executive decision to hunt for a childs ‘batman’ outfit, before we both claimed we needed to go on the Flabelos.
Good day on the whole. Missed Ruby madly. Plus my mum and dad got back from their holiday in Burma today. I love my folks. When i calle dmy mum after work, she giggily expressed how wonderful it was just to hear my voice again. What an amazing mummy to have! I’m a lucky girl. Hence why Ruby will be too!
Anyway, as soon as i got home, it was like some crazy Wunna-circus had occured. I mean, i adore Pete to pieces. But he’s sure as shandy lost without me. I’m gonna have to kick him back into shape again i think! Lol. I mean, as one of my friends, has a partner that won’t talk to her, and sleeps with other women and Kelly has a ‘handsome’ who sends her text messages reading, ‘I am soo in love with you and so lucky to have you.’ However, today is the day that MY bit of ‘Loverboy’ wanted a frickin’ kitten. We have a kitten. I mean, we now have a baby for crying out loud. I’m a flipping KITTEN. But no…his old kitten, needs a new kitten, because he’s lonely? It’s like dating a 4 year old girl.
In our relationship, i’m the boss man. Yet it’s weird because i’m the Ultimate girly girl, yet with a definite masculine streak. Pete’s a boys boys..yet has a tender dollop of feminine sensitivity. You’ll walk into our living room and see Pete sewing his trousers, whilst watching ‘Top Gear.’ Yet find me, dolled up to the boobie nines, eyelashed, bronzed and delicate. Yet i’ll be all bossy, shouty, laid back at the same time and money making!
We’re now doing this thing where if he goes out drinking with the boys one night, i get to go out with my friends on another. He’s been out a few times recently and i don’t mind. I have too…yet he doesn’t LOVE it. He just pretends he does. Haha. However, there’s no double standard allowed in Wunnaland. Whats good for one, is certainly good for the other.
Boys keep mailing me pictures of their goolies in order to ‘woo’ me. Lol. I’m up for a bit of a peek and a lot of a laugh. Yet really now, lets all grab our school books and go back to ‘Romance Camp.’ Firstly, i’m taken. We know this. But i love a bit of male attention, infact any attention, especially now i’m an oldie and falling to pieces, with my chimp nipples. Therefore, i let the boys express their adoration for me freely. The only ones i don’t like are the ones that fail to even TRY and ‘woo’ and just go for the straight, ‘Do you want to sit on my hard knob’ inbox. EWWW!!!!! I’m a girl who enjoys roses, champagne, giggles and diamonds. I like kittens and lipgloss, the occasional moment of vixen and love. ‘Hard knob’ in any first impression sentence, will not only refrain from ’wooing’ me but will then be shown to all of my friends for the sake of ultimate ridicule. I prefer ‘googie-goo’ over ‘slap me down sally.’
But yeah, I mean thankyou for all the love, but i really do not need pictures of your willies anymore. There aren’t even faces on these pictures. Just willies. I need to put a face to a dinky. Therefore, if you’re brave enough to ‘dirty picture’ me, but not brave enough to do an ‘owner wink’ that you not the soldier for Wunna. Plus, i’m now going to forward them to my gay friends. They need a bit more reading material. Pete is going to be all nice and MAD now. Haha. (Why does that humour me?) I love how men simply forget that Pete is even in the picture. Haha Heeellllooo? Baby daddy much! Poor thing. Even when i tell them, they simply *shrug,* want to buy me dinner and then mail me a picture of their goolies. Boys will be boys!
Anyway, not to put goolies and my daughter in the same blog on purpose or anything. (But there just needs to be some light, in all the genital madness.) I took her to have her final immunisations today. OMG! I can’t even bare to watch. I hate needles, therefore inflicting my tiny little bambino on 3, kills me. Pete went with me. He actually and very usually goes to all of them because i’m working pretty much all day every day, except weekends. They know him well and adore him. They look at me like i’m a weird stranger, that they have to love. I think they think, that i’m some kind of Diva? When i crack a smile, they look bizarrely shocked and only then smile back??
Anyway, Ruby gets jabbed, in pink and bows and frillies. The first one didn’t phase her. The second *jab* made her look at the Health Visitor like she was a bitch..followed by very dramatic weeping. The third, looked like a killer. OMG..there was crazy screaming for a whole 6 seconds. Then the Health Visitor sat her up, looked into her eyes and just like that, Ruby stopped, smiled and wanted to be her friend again? That was it. I have the most forgiving daughter? I’m impressed. Everyone thinks Ruby is the cutest baby ever much. (Yes, i am being a boasty mum.) We can’t go anywhere without women of all ages, huddlling around her no matter where they are, be it a bank, a supermarket, a car, a street, a shopping centre, a hospital..no matter where they are, Ruby reduces them to a series of soft, goey ‘awww’ sounds, funny faces, tickley fingers and ‘oh my goshes.’ I’m really proud of her..she’s 4months old and already knows how to work her crowd. However, right now after 4 ‘learning to crawl’ sessions and 3 yanking mummy’s weave out to our ‘Jungle baby’ song moments, in ‘Hello Kitty’..she’s fast asleep. I’m loving today. Pete’s out at work and i get to finally relax, between Doctors appointments and enjoy life, calm and…..goolie pictures?
Hope you’re world stays exciting. I really want my edited book piccies now and i really need to find out where my publisher has disappeared to? Gorgeous day. I’ll start my whole diet and exercise routine tommorrow.
Day off work today, due to Doctors appointments, baby immunisations and the need to effectively accomplish my ‘To Do’ list. Add too much eyeliner, boobies and leopard print heels and you have what I call the Wunna Magic. I thought i’d love this ‘No work today’ marlarky. However, i found myself waking up at 7am, playing ‘Dancing Girl’ with baby Ruby, then simply getting up from that point on, in my bra, hairdo and baby on my arm..to flipping work. I’m addict! Eww! I went from Glamour Model Lady of Leisure, to actual hardworker. The thought of it gives me a rash! Lol. But whatever, it weirdly seems that i’ve never been happier. Time has become sooo precious to me now, ( I mean before in LA, i would be so bored at times, that i’d just fling on a bikinki, go to the pool at The tandard and sunbathe with cocktails, because I had nothing better to do, as i waited for my next audition to peer out of nowhere. Then when i was REALLY bored, i’d hobby boys, hot tanned, bits of ‘Himbo.’ I didn’t really love them. But at the time and due to my youth and innocence getting the better of me…plus it was sunny and Hollywood…i thought I did. Now, i look back at it all…i was just bored. However, at least i built a pretty decent reputation of utter shame. I left my dignity in a hot tub somewhere and my heart is now celotaped together with love. I love my past and simply because I was soooo naughty and lost. You only love your colourful past when you’ve championed that stage, in glitter, with gin and can look back, as you get out your knitting pattern, and zimmerframe an think ‘Yeah…thank GOD i’m fricking BETTER now!’
I’ve actually turned into this really responsible, still ‘bit of fun’ Glamour puss. yeah, i’ll have a bunch of wine on a night, and be a new mummy and go out in boobie denim playsuits in Wakefield. But i now run my ship like a tiny human dynamo. Everythings organized, sorted, paid for and spritzed. Now, i’m all responsible, i feel like i can have more fun and simply because, when i had fun in my earlier days…it wasn’t actually FUN. I was swirling down that plug hole…however luckily i looked sexy doing it.
Anyway, i’ve got to get ready for a round of Doctor’s appointments. I can’t bare Ruby having to have her immunisations. I can’t watch it. I’ve picked her the most Powder Puff, bowed, cutesville pink bundle of an outfit, in order for her to maybe ‘doughy eye’ her way out of it all with the Health visitor, if she made need to. Pete’s taking us both in. The Man that FAINTED during her birth. Haha. When that’s all you have to hold you up in your hour of need, then you’re in trouble.
I’m glaring at a whole entire work side of dirty dishes that Pete has decided not to bother doing? I now refuse to wash ANY of his dishes, until he learns to not use EVERY FUCKING PAN…plate, knife, bowl…you name it…in the entire kitchen to make one tiny noodle meal. I’m not cleaning up unneccessary ‘hoopla’, because he’s decided to be messy. I look at him and ask him what his last bitch die of. Luckily, my methods of mainpulation work. He now only wants to eat Ready Meals, so he doesn’t have to wash up. I don’t like Lazy People. He’ll learn. *Wiggle-wink*
I also enjoy how he attempts to poorly manipulate me into cleaning up his mess. It’s like having a toddler trying to fool you with magic tricks. I’ve never met a more untidy male. It drives my bananas. But i hair-toss, bronze, and then ferociously yell at him, until i get my own way. And I always do. I have the boobies! Therefore i refuse to let him stride around like he’s King ‘Oooh-Gee-Whatsit.’ Wash the fricking pots UP!!!
We simply came to the conclusion that Women can multi-task, where as most men can’t. Why? Because they never HAVE to!
Roll yourself in tan and glitter Dollies and make you day so worth it. I need to sunbed and Flabelos today!