I had a great 2009 filled with fun, laughter, love, life and a wee bit of fame. I’m excited for an even greater 2010. I’ve loved everything. I’ve lived everything. I have so many wonderful memories and stories…both good and bad. I’ve made soooo many GREAT GREAT friends this year, including all of you reading this. I’ve promised to rock 2010 like a dirty dirty champion. *applaud here*And well i’m labelling it my ‘MAKING IT’ year. You should too. You have a clean slate, so take advantage of that and ‘smear it’ with ‘Victory.’
One of my favourite Blogs of 2009 (March 8th 6.23pm 2009)
Another great day filed away by ‘The Wunna’. My throat felt like it had a prickly ball gag wedged down it. Not sure how i was going to talk??? Yet for some reason once i was began the ’meeting and a greeting’ it pulled a Houdini and disappeared on me. (Kinda like the men in my life.) Therefore obviously proving that my need to show off, ‘trumps’ my need for good health. Maybe the STD in my voice ate away the McStucky. Who knows, who cares? Why doesn’t anyone love me? (These times in my life are always bad, as i start being a SLAG to validate my existance.)
Anyway, I successfully completed my ‘meet and greet’ and it was all with 14-15 year old girls! I love how my audience has pulled a switch-a-roo. I started off being a slut, who was only secretly worshipped by perverted boys (be they old or be they young.) Yet now girls of the 15 year old variety are my biggest fans. Hoards, and hoards and hoards of them!!! One said i looked like ‘a cartoon character.’ They think i’m a toy. I love it. I’m like this frightenning bitch of a doll, who swears and tells dirty jokes. I’m a hit with the young’uns. It works for me. I’m getting away with murder!! (Well i’m not actually killing them. Just tearing away at my soul and dignity. But i’m doing a pretty decent job at it. So it’s definitely worth ‘clinking’ to. REJOICE!!!) I love that kids love me, as people always said they wouldn’t because of my ‘inappropriate blog.’ IN YOUR FACE! If i did ‘Wunna School Musical’ right now (and it would probably have to be a porn, as i don’t think i could be anywhere near 18 year olds boys in school uniforms and not want to rummage around in their undies. It’d give a whole new meaning to the term ‘We’re all in this Together!’) I’d be a billionaire!!! I’d be rolling around naked in my feathery bucks, having quids splurt out of every empty oraphis!! Yee-Haaaaa!
Goodness! I’m getting distracted!! So anyway, i got on a stage, waved a lot, let them take pictures, ask me questions, did ‘one on ones,’ let them scream at me, and then after dancing to ‘Katy Perry/Kissed a girl’ with them, (not with feathers on my nipples this time, just wiggling with the crowd like an embarassment)…i immediately snatched all the gifts they had brought me (whether they had brought them for me or not ) from their grubby little hands and did a runner!! Legged it! Did a Gonzalez! ( I don’t actually run very fast. I merely totter..quite slowly and kind of on the spot, whilst pouting and sweating.)
I love fucking gifts! (As in ‘recieving’ them….not shoving them up my vagina.) My affection can easily be bought. I’m a sucker for it. If there was an new material girl in town, it would be me and i’d rinse it!! More, more, more, more, MORE. Now, now, now ,now, NOW!! It’s excess in moderation and sends inappropriate tingles through my whole ’made for you’ body. I like to be spoilt because i’m an idiotic bratt. Therefore my cup cake tea pot, my perfume, my flowers and the random bits of dirty underwear (Step aside Brand) i recieved today…from boys AND girls, simply made my day…(and gave me a round of herpes!!) The rest were just phone numbers, or cards with secret phone numbers. Yet, the best gift of all was a ‘Pocket garden!’ I mean, it’s GREATNESS!! Someone looked at me Chrissie Wunna/aka ‘Queen of Greatness’ and immediately thought, ‘ooh i’ll get her a pocket garden.’ OMG! It’s randomness really got the better of me and i became obsessed with this garden of pocketness. I just kinda shoved it in my pocket and grew a lawn. HILARIOUS! You can put it in your panties and grow a bush! You can place it in any ‘pocket like’ oraphis and grow a fucking garden! I ADORE IT!! (That doesn’t mean send me anymore…i don’t love it that much. Infact, i hate it now! It’s a pointless invention. Like really, who needs a garden in their pocket??? The only thing i need in my pocket is a dildo, a cell phone and someone elses credit card.) I smell beef?
I need love..
What an amazing fucking year i’ve had. Every year i always hope to have developed in the ‘Greatness’ stakes and the ‘How funny am I’ stakes a wee bit of a ‘shimmie’ more, because if you’re not moving forward, you’re either going backwards, or staying still. And i guess, ‘staying still‘ is okay, if you feel like you’ve done everything you’ve ever wanted to do in life. I mean, by all means, grab a pipe, a gin and an entourage, and wallow in your victory. However, ‘Backwards’ is, how can i put it? Well, rather difficult….in heels. Luckily, i have nothing to worry about, because in this last year and a bit (and ‘the bits’ always count) I OUT DID myself. ‘I thankyou.’ *she bows- then grabs her fricking trophy.* I survived another DECADE! And did pretty much ALL of it in HOLLYWOOD, then rounded it off, with a move to London town and a spot on the telly. I started the year on the telly, and i ended the year on the telly. Woohoo.
I’m currently naked (well in knickers, waiting for my fake tan to dry,) making cups of tea for people that did my hair and face, so i was able to write my blog. I always need into get into the right ‘character’ for a bit of blogging and when i feel like a ‘spat out’ hag…then it seems i lose my ‘punch.‘ I’m the kinda girl that believes IMAGE is everything. It’s not what you got, it’s how you work it. I have an image and i stick to it, regardless as to what anyone else thinks. (And i’ve taken a jolly beat down. Lol) I know me. I love me and I know what works for me. It might not work for you…but you’ll KNOW when you’ve found your ‘ooh laa,’ because you would’ve never felt so confident! It doesn’t matter if you’re different. People are terrified of different and you will face the beauty of *piss-take.* Yet whatever doesn’t kill you, WILL…..make you drink. And when you drink, you are braver and when you are braver you can take over the world. But let me tell you, ‘different’ (as long as it’s who you really are’) is a whole lot sexier than ‘beige much.’ Infact, before you know it, (from my own experience) people will be try to BE you’re kind of ‘different’ and that’s what makes me most happy. It fools me into believing i’ve ‘inspired.’
I mean i love it when i read different Tweets and my beautiful Gays all over the world, are taking on my personality, celebrating life, being naughty and claiming that it would be something that ‘Wunna would do.’ Or i go out and people are doing their face like me, starting a blog, or young girls are dressing in a Wunna fur and overly far too long eyelashes and spikey high heels. I love it when i read messages and I see people and drunkards putting a ‘wink, pout….hair toss’ at the end of every sentence, or tragically stating an action (*struts off *) exactly how I would. It’s about a playful, cheeky, ‘funtime,’ with a sexy kitty ‘ooh laa.’ And being able to ADORE yourself at your most embarrassingly awfullest moments. And being able to tell the WORLD openly that you ADORE yourself without having to apologize for it. It’s about Glamming everything up, and realizing, everything is much better in diamonds. It’s about not taking yourself too seriously, but not letting others fuck with you. But being able to laugh at yourself, when nobody else can. It’s about doing whatever you believe is right, regardless as to what others may think is right FOR you. It’s about chasing your dreams, and making them happen, but more importantly…it’s about keeping your story
I’ve just got out of the warmest, most bubbliest bath ever and i was gonna tell you all about me eating ‘Quality streets’ in it (But only the Toffee Pennies, that you have to chew on like there really is no tomorrow. However in return they act like they do not wish to be chewed, and almost FIGHT back. It’s kinda like having sex with Virgins or under-aged boys.) But then, after dropping far to many wrappers in my water, i glided out of the bath and felt a bit sleepy. The whole ‘relax don’t do it’ from the bubbly bubbles, always get to me. I believe showers are for when you’re feeling ‘fast paced’ and baths are for ‘sexy slow time’ or (in my case) photoshoots. People always like to shoot me in baths or barns. I pretend to be all ‘Girl next door’ in the pix. But we all know i’m a wit ridden floozey. (Mark Byron just told me he had Alize in his bath & lil’ George
Anyway, i was THEN going to tell you how much i believe i am Mary Poppins, and how much i adore that drunk, saucy, ‘have this sugary spoonful of rum’ nanny of an ‘ooh laa.’ I am 100% convinced she’s a pisshead or on pills. I mean, whenever she pops around, things magically appear and people start flying and penguins start dancing and everything gets stamped with a ‘Happy ever after!’ Mary Poppins waves the ‘Choose Booze’ flag of love. I worship her. I am her. I mean, why just name you vagina after a GREAT like that, when you can name your WHOLE entire ‘being’ after that bitch. (Homer impson is on my telly doing a belly dance to that exotic drunk tune that goes ‘..all the girls France do a belly button dance…’ That 5 seconds oddly kinda mirrors my whole entire life.) Choose Booze!!
Anyway, all of that jiggery pokery got elbowed out the way by me signing onto Facebook and getting immediately bombarded by horny men, boys, gentleman and dicks, who sort of rushed to my box of chat and decorated it with ‘I want you’s/i love you’s/ and How big are your tits you’s.’ I’m exhausted. Being a well experienced Glamour Puss is alot more tedious than you think after a bath. Usually i’m wired, so i can handle cyber ‘penis’ with a wink and a snap, but today (and due to my tiny appearance in Nuts Magazine) it has been insane. I’m getting deliciously bombarded by gentlemen from all over the world and within seconds of each other, that i don’t actually know what to do but *hide.*
Like i Tweeted earlier…if you delicious men formed an orderly, but sexy line, i would actually beable to love you all. Yet, if you come at me, in a messy crowd of ‘Ugh ugh Boner, Gimme Now Now…NOW’ then it’s difficult for me to say ‘hello’ and treat you the way you would wish to be treated. It’s getting difficult, but i obviously wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m very grateful for the love. But when men want ‘NOW,’ they fucking fight for it. I mean, today it’s been one of those days where if i don’t reply within 4 seconds, they get devilishly angry at me and send me 20 messages all at once. I know, it’s frustrating, i 100% get it boys…but know that i have about 34 different chat boxes, constantly popping up at once..therefore, it takes me time to find you. But i love you. I do and if you wait…(politely) i WILL get to you. It’s odd because now i’ve dated Jonny (who was only 20 yrs old) lots of other 20 yr old boys are now all full of courage and having a shot at the old ‘pull.’ Unfortunately they’re getting it wrong. I mean one 20yr old told me today that he had just wanked over all my pictures & was going to ‘unleash the ultimate’ therefore i should sort of choose him for my ‘happy ever after.’ Deary deary me. *Laughs out LOUD.* How romantic!
It’s actually hilarious because at the same time as one gentleman saying ‘You’re my dream girl,’ i have another boy telling me his WILLY size in order to ‘woo’ me. Then it will go back to..i dunno..a gentleman from Italy, who will milk the ‘You’re the most beautiful girl i have ever seen,’ to a british pub going lout, telling me he ‘wants my pussy.’ Ontop of all that sprinkle, a delicious amount of beautiful young girls and my fierce gay bitches who have great taste and watched me on the BBF show (which is back on the telly now…watch me, watch me, plug, plug) who are nothing but always sweet to me…apart from the odd one or two that need a cuddle (*wink*.) I actually always put you guys as my chat priority..even above my friends. (Hahaha..i’m good like that.) The pervs can wait.. when I have some inspiring to do. And well, i’m not complaining because i love it. I just can’t handle the boys after a bath and sober. *exhausted face* But i rather them fancy me then not. *Big Winks.*Therefore, keep it coming,. Fight for my love…try it shirtless! Woohoo!
I heard a rumour today, from one part of the world…. that their press stated that i had a sexual relationship with Paris during the show?? A few of you asked me about it today too??? Erm… HAHAHAHAAH. Let’s not get carried away with the Kitten reputation now. I can assure you, that it never ever happened. LOL. That little ‘doo daa’ originally sprouted from the Daily port printing a massive raunchy, topless picture of Me, (which i liked) under a headline that said something like ‘I have sexual lesbian feelings for Paris.’ Which ofcourse is not too. I guess, they got that from interviewing me and asking ‘Are you a bi-sexual?’ I replied with a ‘NO.‘ (This was all on the phone.) Then they asked ‘Are you a lesbian?’ I replied, ‘NO…i’m straight.’ Therefore they followed up with a ‘But if you were a lesbian, would you have sex with Paris Hilton?‘ To which i replied ‘Yes,’ and now it’s ‘travelled’ and all gone a bit loopy. Hurrah! Wow, yesterday was all about booking big career changing jobs and today is all about dodging boners and lesbianism. LOVE my life! When will the madness end.
Anyway enjoy you’re night, and clear all you’re emotional baggage from the closet of your ’mind.’ Get your head straight, get that wiggle, in your walk. Have that wink in your eye and MOVE into 2010 with Ultimate ‘VA VOOMAGE!’
My shoe of the Day: (By Wearifudare) Let this bitch of a shoe *strut* you into your next chapter.
Ridiculous AMAZING day, to the point where i can’t even begin to beable to talk about it, until i’ve completed my dance of victory and absorbed all that is a happenning to me. I’m in what i like to call HAPPY shock, a moment of intense ‘pause button’ magic. WTF??? I mean, how have i gone from ‘chinese looking girl with tits- who’s eaten far too much for a girl that poses naked’ to being awkwardly lifted, by bulky men in high places, who have plonked me in the ‘HOT PROPERTY’ box, thrown money at me…CRAZY money and told me a list of 2010 things that just so happened to have booked, and they are BIG things that even i thought was almost enough to *faint* at. What the FUCK!!!! I can’t believe it. Today, i’ve been flung work opportunities galore and i don’t know how? I have my 2010 set and my road to ‘taking world over’ not only made solid, but embedded with diamonds, with my name hung from great great heights…in lights. I’m actually doing it. WTF!! I guess the only way to get something that seems so extra-ordinary, is to do something a wee bit extra-ordindary.
My 2010…that i’m juiced for is going to be all about work. I’m cutting out all that i believe is negative, to concentrate on ME. It’s a good year for me…i have the contracts to prove it and my wounds are all healed. (Unfortunately my hungover is far from healed.) I’m lucky and grateful and i’m not about to fuck it all up. I’ve worked hard for it all. I’m noticed that people tend to get ahead in the time that others waste. I’m no longer a time waster. But i know of people who are. People who wonder why they have so much talent, but aren’t getting ahead fast enough. KEEP MOVING FORWARD and do not get caught up in the ‘time wasting.’ Get hungry for your dream. I feel strong right now. (I’m love how i’m all UMPHED UP and powerful, but chilling eating Minstrels whilst i watch Eastenders.) I need a break from my ‘Good News’ drama. A time to actually breathe, instead of jumping up and down on my Mothers bed in merriement. WHAT THE FUCK- MAN!!! Remember that Dreams Come TRUE!! They really do! But you kinda have to get the ball a rolling, so that you can let ‘LIFE’ take care of the rest. I’m good with life. I’ve loved it. Therefore, it loves me back. It’s the key to all success….and drinking. *Grabs rum*
Anyway, I can’t even remember what happened last night now, apart from boys on Facebook offering themselves as sex slaves to Me. I was *rolls eyes* at them, for having no bone of ‘Romance’ in them. However, now i’m like, ‘Hey maybe i should mark them down in the little Black book. You never know when you might need a good sex slave?’ Like i apparently don’t even have to care for them, just merely use them for sex and treat them like 4th class citizens. VICTORY!!! Lol. I wonder whether they’ll let me beat them? Haha…i’m back to *rolls eyes* LOL.
Other than that, the highlight of yesterday evening was having a little natter,with my favourite toy boy (lol) George
God, i’m eating everything in sight. EVERYTHING! (Zip up those fly’s…lol) I can’t stop. It’s my merry ‘TIME’ of the monthy and if ANYTHING infront of me, stays still for more that 6 solid minutes, it is monkey grabbed up and daintly
What you don’t know…..
This humours me mildy and is a little piece of my ‘very‘ private life. This comment was found after a highly important article in the Burmese press (i’m in the Burmese press a lot…and it’s usually always baaad, even though they are hailing me as their biggest star ever.) It was sent to me last night via the fine art of ‘email.’ Welcome to a ‘sneaky peek’ at a personal part of my world. I’m now healing countries of pain, via my delicious ‘ooh laa.’ I especially love the (‘check her out on youtube’) bit!! A modern twist to Politics and Princess-ing. Like why bother with people like Hilary Clinton, who actually KNOW how to run shit? Have you not seen my Famous Friends list!! Not to mention my chest!! LOL (Oh and i ‘removed the name,’ to avoid a lovely little shit storm, coz i’m a good niece.) All smiles! *downs her rum -grabs another* I’m not ready to run countries…but the Queen part…I CAN do. *winks*
Im going to get into trouble for this aren’t I? *not excited face*
Hello My Beautiful Winks of Wonder. I actually woke up this morning, a darling bit grumpy, due to a mini-sized amount of ‘yeah i don’t like that too much’ news. But then, i’m not a moaner. I’m a ‘get on with it’ good time gal. I mean i moan, when i’m not really hurt. I always feel that when people moan out loud, about ‘pain,’ it’s usually for nothing but ATTENTION. I heal in private…when i’m deeply torn. I openly moan, when i want sympathy. (Both is fine.) Anyway, (back to the story) i sort of, took a time out, pulled the blanket over my head, wished for better news & just like that *finger snap* within seconds, i recieved a text from a ‘treat’ who pretty much awarded me with the Greatest news ever, which stabilizes me in the world of ‘happy.‘ I’m truely am over the moon. I’m really really excited and well i might just pat my jolly self on my rather tanned back in merriment. I’m feeling lucky and can’t believe all that is happening to me. (Oh and loving Joan Collins on my Tv screen right now.) You can’t keep a good Glamour Puss down. I have far too much feist, love and ‘Oooh laa’ in me to wallow in self pity. I’m doing really well and i’m really really proud of myself. I’ve had a great deal of LOVE from you all (and i thankyou deeply for it) yet over the last 2 days there has been 3 people of this merry world, who don’t believe in being positive for the upcoming new year, who have decided to cyber deliver me that ever so delicious ‘Hate Mail.’
Luckily, i’m far too happy, rich, beautiful, and drunk to care. Haha… but no,on a more serious note, if you are a young foolish girl, who fancies any boy, that i might have dated, or who you wrongly believe fancies me…don’t bother HATING on me for no real reason, because firstly, that’s not sexy and shows a deep lack of confidence. And well i encourage people from all walks of life, to brim over with a delicious confident amount of ‘Va Voomage,’ to love hard and to live life, regardless as to whether you love me, hate me, whether you are rich, poor, hot or not…blah, blah blah. Plus secondly i read a Twitter by ‘Rev Run’ that stated, ‘when people hate you for no real reason, it’s when you know you are the best.’ (HE knows God and everything. AND you never want me to feel like i’m the ‘best,’ as my ego is untamable at the most appropriate times, let alone when it’s being massage.) I’m the Queen of ‘doing everything’…but let me tell you…one thing i have NEVER EVER done, is send someone ‘Hate Mail.’ (We do give out cuddles here in Wunnaland. Come get yours! You’ll probably get a bit more than a cuddle and leave with an std, but aah well…we try.) he way to GET the boy, isn’t to stalk my Facebook page every single day, analyzing my ‘jiggery pokery,’ and getting angry at a picture of me in no clothes, then telling me off for existing. (*Giggles* I mean we’re ALL done it. I certainly have.) What i’ve learnt is that it’s probably best if you just ‘love‘ the boy you love and show him that you’re definitely worth loving. (I know right? Wacky concept…kin’ell.)
Oh and if you are another GIRL, who is ridiculing my professional resume of entertainment. Don’t think that i don’t do that on a regular basis honey. You are being perfectly 2000 and LATE. Don’t think, i haven’t amazed my OWN dear self. However, if we take a look at your professional entertainment resume…Oh yeah? Where is yours? *Pulls it from out of her arse…..fans herself with Prada…. then struts off.* I’m an entertainer. I’m meant to be making you feel with every cell of your being. Now leave me to be that tragic infamous ‘nuisance,’ that I am. It’s what i do best. It’s not my fault, that God loves me. It’s always the ones that are doing a great deal rubbisher than you, that ‘rubbish‘ you.
Anyway, other than that and a sprinkle of Gods Greatest Glitter…my Black berry ball is jammed and i’ve been told by a dear hot friend ‘Luke
I love this piccy of me on the set of ‘Miss.Romance.’ I’d been flubbing my lines like a hungover, Bimbo’ed genius, (I had stayed out and fought slags like a Warrior the night before.) Therefore in order to help me, the Director ‘Matt’ (who is AMAZING & treated me far better than i deserved to be treated, infact everyone did) immediately broke down the script into tiny parts, so that the Glamour Puss could try and remember her lines. He actually sat down next to me (*direct eyes to above picture*) and talked me through it all, word for word. Being the professional that i am…(God knows how i’ve made it this far?) Instead of actually listenning…I’m FLIRTING with MEN who are holding cameras and booms. (‘Who’s ya Daddy?’ But no, like really…who is your father? I need to make sure i’m not keeping it in the family. )
I mean, my friend ‘Katy Lee‘ who acted with me in Hollywood, claims ‘it’s moments like this that make me adore Mz.Wunna.’ Yet really, it’s so wrong of me! Why am i finding it funny??? All i can say is, Yes i am shameful, when ‘candy‘ is a dangled infront of me, in the work place. I love men, all men and they are offering themselves to me on dirty dirty plates! I’m 84% tragic, i’m aware of that. However honestly and rather oddly….it’s really got me places. I’m waving & pouting at people from my lofty ladder of Greatness, because of it. (Even though it is a bit wobbly up here.) I don’t know what’s happened or anything, but i’m loving it? One minute i was a whorey, slanted eyed floozy. The next minute, i was a whorey, slanted eyed floozy, who eats noodles in Doncaster and has a baby club of 9 people, huddled around, whilst i eat them…. watching, in amazement…with their camera phones. I love it deeply. Yet i really don’t deserve it, not one bit. *evil laughs*
As you might have gathered, i went shopping in the sales today & ate noodles. I love a good bargain. Don’t we all!! I don’t enjoy a bargain boy though. It’s never really as exciting. Well…unless it’s a 2 for 1. (OMG!!! Reminds me of a time in LA, when i made out with Latin, model, hot as shit, identical naked male TWINs. I nearly DIED! I was on a flippin’ hammock too. I really have skills, i tell ya. Nearly did my back in. And if i had died at that moment, i would’ve been happy. Yet unfortunately covered in the gooey ‘man trails’ of latin men. )
Town was busy busy, therefore once again, no shopping was achieved, but it was really good meeting everyone. I got followed by a group of young boys, all eager and ‘boning’ at the brims. They had a copy of ‘Nuts’ (which i’m currently in) in their hands for me to sign. I had a giant bag of £1.59 CAT litter, in my arms that i got from
sses & almost bragging about them. But it’s only because it took me soooo long, and i worked soooo sooooo hard. I mean i cried nights and sweated heart ache for it. I drank myself into a worthless stuper. I ‘naugtied,’ with things, i should never have ‘naugtied’ with to fill a void. I did everything WRONG. But then got my act together and did everything RIGHT…and all of it in Hollywood, where you are THROWN out the game if you’re not good enough. I learnt fast and got very talented, very fast. Therefore to actually finally be on the right track, (which is far less bumpy. I mean i’m slipping & sliding into opportunity now, after having rather heavy doors slammed into my rather pretty face) is one of the most WUNNAFUL things, i could ever imagine. (AND ofcourse, i’m an ego maniac. )
I flaunt it because i want you to know, what has actually happened to me. I want you to know what has happened to Me, because…I need you to KNOW that Dreams come true!! Maybe if you know that…you’ll work that little bit harder. I never have a *booster*up and i know a lot of people say that, (and it is extremely annoying.) Yet believe me,when i tell you, that I did ALL of this, by myself. I mean, I even have the emotional scars to prove it. You know i’m telling you the truth, because firstly, that’s what i do and secondly because i honestly would’ve given ANYTHING for a bit of a *booster* up, a little bit of help. (Infact, sometimes i did….*febreezes her vagina* )
I love you deeply.
Below is my ‘shoe of the day’ by Wearifudare: (Your shoes are important…they travel you into your next chapter. Make wise choices.)
I’m waiting for 2010 to hurry up and get here. I’m done with Christmas. It’s over, we had fun….what’s next? I’ve just been talking to Big Brother Rex about his birthday ball and the fact that i will be bringing my boobies. He responded with an ‘I’ll bring my nail brushes!’ lol Then one of my gay Lovers ‘Joshie‘ (Best friend of ‘Hextall’ and was on our BBF show..he tap dances & everything) messaged me a ‘Fuck my fox hole.’ I told him to ‘Lick my fish hump.’ Then he told me that i have parts that pong of greasey onions, and that he wants to immediately MARRY me, and HIDE me in his pants, so he can feed me his ‘love slush puppy’ all day long. I mean…i’m rather bored. It kinda sounds like a plan, Big Boy… (UGH…why have my fucking boobs shrunk!! *Frantically calls Doctor!!*)
Anyway, people with no taste, always natter on about how i’m a bad role model for the young kiddies of the world, because they all write to me, talk to me, and tell me their problems. Which really isn’t too evil, now is it? I mean, how dare I reply to them and talk to them. I’m poison!! HAHAH..! As if! Please do grow up. I think, i’m a brilliant role model, because i’ve lived, done everything wrong and well I talk to them like grown ups and tell them where i went wrong and then let them make their own decisions. It’s light hearted fun banter. I make them feel good about themselves.
What parents don’t realize is that their kids are a great deal more intelligent than they think. Parents don’t trust their own children and FORCE them to be who they want them to be. You don’t need to smother the fruit of your loins and tell them what to do, because if you let them actually make choices, they usually make the right ones. If you force them to do as you say..you ruin their ‘being.’ (My mum used to smother me and dictate who i dated and what i did with my life etc… and it ruined me. I moved to Hollywood and FUCKED myself UP good and proper. Now we’re fine, but it’s after a ginormous, ‘thought we would never talk to each other again-you don’t know what’s best for me ‘ BLOW OUT! Now we’re so incredibly close & because i stood up for what I believed was right!!) Know that I don’t just wallop out advice, i listen more than anything…but the key factor is that i listen without judgement. Infact, it’s not even just kids! It’s men, women, boys, girls, gays of ALL ages. Even my own Mother, will now ask my advice on things. I always think it’s best for people to make their OWN choices, good or bad. I did, regardless as to what anyone thought, even my own Mother and well i did pretty well. Bumpy ride. But i got to my ‘Happy‘ place faster. The quicker you feel the pain, the faster you are to getting over it…innit. (I now have headache from once again, not learning and drinking Port.) But parents *not that anyone of you are reading this* your kids are remarkably smart. They’re wiser than you think, when left to their own devices. I mean, they don’t wanna hurt themselves, just as much as you don’t want them too.
Anyway, i’ve been trying to figure out my New Years Resolutions, and because i couldn’t i decided to go to Pamela Anderson for Advice. And well this is what she said:
.Write a love letter. Write a Thankyou Letter.