SO….yesterday evening, after spending the day with ‘The Wunna’s’ at Xscape for Father’s day, with Baby Junior, as Keiran tended to golf, i arrived home and got ready to see my little Baby Ruby. She’d been at Pete’s all day for Sunday dinner, which is her day to enjoy time with ‘Daddy Pete.’ I’d missed her all day and well i’ve been feeling awful really for her, as she’s having to adjust to the new situation at home. We’re all adjusting and it’s been hard.

Anyway, i’d got everything ready for her arrival, made her a snack, sorted out her night time comfort milk…and THEN I get a text from Pete saying that he was sorry it was taking so long for him to bring her home. She was refusing to get ready and didn’t want to come home. In fact she didn’t want to come home SO much because she was adoring her one on one attention with Pete, that she ended up staying over the night at Pete’s, which is something that has NEVER happened before. She is usually ALWAYS asking for ‘Mummy’ even before it’s due her home time. So, i did what any little glamour puss would do, who adores her little Baby girl more than anything…and wept. Boy, i cried my eyes out. I was heartbroken and simply because it’s never happened before. It made me feel like I made her sad and she felt happier elsewhere and that’s what hurt.

Yet at the end of the day she was happy last night because she got to rest in what she believed was her ‘happy place’ and even though that may have hurt me, her happiness is what matters and that’s what i’ve always loved about the Pete, Keiran and Ruby situation. I mean it’s completely amicable and loving. We do the what’s best for the children and never ‘drama’ it out. Plus we don’t need to, as there is a great deal of respect between us all. We’ve been raised well.

Yesterday Pete came to the door to pick Ruby up and she ran into his arms happy has can be to give him his Father’s Day card. (She had made two at nursery, one for Keiran and one for Pete.) He picked her up and kissed her..I stood in the doorway with Baby Junior in my arms. Keiran came and stood behind me to say ‘bye bye’ to Rubes and Pete asked to see Baby Junior with love in his eyes, as he tickled Junior’s little baby feet and admired him with a whole heart.

I cried because it was new to me. But really if I put myself in Pete’s position he’s had to live that way EVERY day because of a decision I made, that was out of his hands. Yesterday evening he would’ve felt loved and he would’ve felt important…and i guess if I step out of my own pity party for one…it’s lovely.

Anyway, on the whole life is good. I’m feeling much better and bitch slapping my hormones back into place. They thought they got the better of me, but really they didn’t..thanks to encouragement, love and a whole lot of ‘yeah baby.’

Keiran’s been wonderful, (as per usual) and i feel really grateful to have him. Due to my own merry issues and down to dating millions of hideous men…(not all of you before you all start) I sort of lost my faith in men, romance and maybe even myself for a while. My own insecurities, but only when i’m feeling negative make me think that he might not REALLY love me…and that it was all just timing. I could’ve been anyone. Then when i feel better about myself, i’m all ‘he can’t do any better than me.’ So LADIES, it’s important to always find your ‘va voom’ as fast as possible, because it’s that glow of happy that seals your deal and helps find you that Prince. When you’re miserable..well no-one’ll want to bonk you and well no-one will really fancy you, if they haven’t invested in you already.

I got ‘hit’ on this morning, when I felt I looked my worst, whilst jumping through a bush of nettles with electricity in my hand. (I was like an X-men..but not as Heroic. Fuck Nettles.) It sort of perked me up and made me feel ‘ooh laa’ again. It’s hard being a woman, but it’s funny. Like my hubby said the other day, ‘Yeah you’re probably a lunatic, but you’re OUR lunatic and we love you.’ That’s real love.

I received a lot of messages after yesterday’s blog and it sort of showed me that my blog does work and that not only do I have support and people reading this bit of babble but lots of people are going through the same. Today, I looked at my life..not through rosy tinted Diors…but through REAL (with contact lenses, i’m as blind as a bat) eyes and well…i realized that through my real eyes…my life was marvellous. I have a beautiful family and yeah things may have been hard, yet making it harder on myself isn’t gonna aid matters. Plus, when i’m back to work i’ll be wishing I was back at home cooking pasta, scrubbing gussets, watching ‘Real Housewives’ and looking after the kiddiwinkles.

The thing that i’m most nervous about now is the ‘dollar.’ Children are expensive. I was as a child and well I still am . I need to rake in the millions so that we can all breathe, buy freedom and do nothing but enjoy life, without stress and with love. Anything can happen. Nothing is impossible. I have great role models and a shot. (A ‘shot’ at life and not of tequila…i’m not that lucky. )  It doesn’t matte rhow much money you have, my mum taught me that you always have to earn it, because you never ever know what will happen. She’s 63, not even NEARLY hard up… a DOCTOR and STILL working. I’d like a shorter, more glammy work span of ‘heave-ho’ but still be able to bathe in gzillions. Oh and I wont buy tractor lawn mowers for £750. (That’s what my mum decided to purchase because she couldn’t work the normal lawn mower. The faffing took too long so she bought an entire ‘sit on it’ tractor lawn mower…JUST for the back garden.)

I tried to charge Keiran for a back tickle today. It was £1 per one minute tickle. He didn’t quite get the concept of paying me. ‘I want a ten minute tickle babe!!!’ I just looked at me, smiled and said, ‘Yeah…TEN POUNDS!’ Then he attempted t exchange a cuddle for a tickle. (Our world sounds like a cheesy, Amsterdam, comedic, 20p… Peep-show.)

But yeah…life is good. I feel lucky.

Need to make lunch.

Catch ya later hotties. x

Not as chipper as I thought i’d be. Now I knew parenting and having a newborn with a delicious touch of 2 year old was going to be difficult. I never ever thought it was going to be easy. But it turns out, it’s a hell of a LOT more difficult than I expected. It’s a jungle here in Wunna land. A draining circus of emotional mayhem. I’m running on hormones and taking a look at the pieces of life that I have, realizing that all it has become…and all my relationship has become is the art of passing one baby to the other adult, in order to balance our time with each bambino and pretty much so Ruby doesn’t feel left out…This occurs every 20 minutes. That’s it. That’s my life.

I’m now in the glorious stage where I feel like I don’t have a hobby, a world to my own, a glitzy bit of me left…and i’m in my fluffy slippers, with back ache…old, tired and not even able to tend to the smallest things that I want to do, in fact no…not even being able to tend to the smallest things that I don’t particularly have great passion to do, yet HAVE to do. For example…it’s got the stage where I can’t do my face, without it taking ages, due to ‘every second’ interruptions. OR i can’t even have a quiet 5 minutes to do something as simple as brush my teeth, without having to stop half way through it to take care of a bambino. It’s hard. But it’s what I chose and when you choose a bed to lay in, a path to walk down and one that’s pretty permanent…you sort of have to snuggle in, or slip off those once divine glittered stiletto’s, get on with it and do it with love, after pulling out that inner strength and pegging it on the line, still attached to you and just so it doesn’t pop back in. (Oh and don’t get me wrong. When i say take off those glittered stilettos… I’m not saying wear flats. That’s a sin. I’m just saying…IMAGINE you’re not in glittered stilettos. Never wear flats. You need to feel mighty during this stage of your life..and Jimmy Choo, in fact even Primark’s best can aid you at such a time. But don’t wear shoes from Primark, i’m sure they’ll give you ouchies. Maybe the leopard print ones wouldn’t? )

Anyway, whoever said’ having two babies is like having one’…WAS WRONG. Of course they were. How stupid of me. Having two babies, is like having TWO babies.  Obviously! A two year old and a newborn…is a juggling act. A joyous time of family and love…but OMG hard work. Hard enough to make me weep. I’m sort of a distant memory to myself now to the point where i’m flash backing and remembering being a young, fun loving 20 something girl, in Hollywood, wiggling and sipping Malibu pineapples with hotties, at gay bars. In fact one memory that weirdly keeps cropping up, is ME dressed as a BELLY DANCER (Pink and silver, hurrah….) with one of my guy friends, and a gaggle of big buff gay men, all styly and West Hollywood singing ‘Tell me where you get that body from…tell me where you get that body from…I got it from my Mama…I got it from my Mama…’ in chorus at me and some even harmonizing… because I was so FIT.

Now…i’m not in a belly dancing outfit and I have pooey nappies and screaming babies around me. I think i’m just going through a very honest phase of the blues. Not the ‘baby blues’ because my kiddiwinkles are my world and I adore them with every inch of my heart. Just a yummy swirl of hormone imbalance. Fun! I need gin. I shouted about it, cried at it, and now blogged about it, (it has taken me TWO HOURS to fully write this blog without interruptions)… so hopefully it will go away. When you’re looking at the past and thinking you had it better then…it means you wrongly feel that you have nothing going on in your present, when you HAVE, you just need to see it. I mean Keiran told me off the other day for wishing for the past to be my present…But he used to ALWAYS do that and I put up with it, so he cant really finger point. I heard every day for months how much he missed his old life. At the time he never thought how that would make me feel until now…when I felt it and expressed it.

The truth is…I have EVERYTHING going on…yet this mist of madness is taking over my kitty cat being. My son is beautiful, my daughter is my world, my husband loves me dearly…and if we work hard enough we’ll make our dreams come true. Nothing in my life is bad…i just have to remember that. You have to be positive to attract positive things.

I couldn’t handle it all the other morning. Ruby was making every little decision much harder than necessary, by saying ‘NO’ to my every suggested move. I looked in the mirror and saw the fat, old unsexy version of myself. I looked at my clothes and saw that I had nothing new and glamour pussy to wear and all of this while rocking a baby who was crying because he had wind. It made me cry. #princess

The good thing is that when life looked like it was getting hard, Keiran and Rubes sauntered out the house to (i don’t know why i want to say ‘fetch a pale of water’…they didn’t do that, it ain’t no nursery rhyme.) They sauntered out for a good 15 minutes and came back up the garden path with a giant bunch of flowers…pink  lilies for me to make me smile. That’s what’s good about my husband. It’s those moments that he becomes mighty and tries to pull us all together like one big troop of ‘army strong.’ That was so lovely…that it made me cry more. Lol. Hormones are hideous.

Last night, he came to talk to me as I was tucked up in bed watching Ruby sleep. He quietly told me how love, family and pulling together works and how we have to be as parents in order to make it work. He kissed me and told me that i have to trust him and remember that he said that everything would be more than okay and that he loved me and was going to be here for me ALL the way through every step. All i have to so is pretty much keep calm and carry on.  Then he told me I was a ‘strong woman,’ and i’m always really sceptical when people say that. I find it really cliched and annoying. I’m strong when i’m strong and i’m weak when i’m weak. It’s part of human nature. No-one is strong all the time. No-one is weak all the time. It’s robotic and wrong if they are.

The good thing is that i have a man that loves me and he loves our family and wants the best for our world. He’s setting the example and well Daddy-hood, although hard on him also, suits him. He knows it’s not easy, but he’s really taking it by the reins and being a champion at it. I already need a holiday. Lol. I think i felt sad because I was this independent vixen of ambition…and well now i’m a gusset scrubbing, baby rocker. It’s fine if you’re a gusset scrubbing, baby rocker with £10 million in the bank. Otherwise…it’s not fun at all. It’s looong, but out of love and sacrifice…you do it. I LOVE baby Ruby and baby Junior and when i stop moaning…:) …it’ll all be quite dandy.

The thing that Keiran doesn’t get is that this hasn’t JUST started for me. For the last NINE months i’ve MADE sacrifices. I’ve been pregnant…and haven’t been able to really DO ANYTHING, go anywhere, have any fun…be me, or feel like me. I’ve stayed at home, nursed a bump, endured a physical, emotional and mental transformation, stayed in, stayed home and looked after a 2 year old. I’ve cooked when I haven’t wanted to and well…just sacrificed, whereas through my pregnancy he’d been out, he’d done boys nights, drank, stayed out late….played golf, worked, worked out…everything he wanted. If not everything…a lot more than I could do. I mean he could so the simpliest things that I couldn’t do and I mean as simple as….see my toes. Men never think of that or what we’ve been through. Keiran’s all heart and a tremendously loving soul and even still he doesn’t think of that.

I’m just going through the initial ‘diva’ moan of it all, then i’ll shimmie myself together and get this show on the road.

Happy Sunday. Happy Father’s day…I have a wonderful Father…I’m the luckiest girl in the world…I just need to remember that and let that mist fade away.

Chrissie x

So, i’ve just ventured to the local grocery store to grab a few last minute bits and pieces, to whop together an almost edible lunch for my lovely bit of hubby Keiran, with a side of lottery tickets. (Wouldn’t it be nice to win £100 million tonight. Everyone always moans that the chances are really slim of winning such a prize, but ever since a couple from England, who were probably just sat on their sofa like we are right now WON a giant £82 million two weeks ago…i’ve decided that you really DO HAVE to be in it to win it and as the slogan goes it really ‘COULD BE YOU.’ Gimme. Gimme. *Wiggle-Giggle-Go on telly and only do your hair for the whole programme.*

But yes, the point is that I tinkering around throwing things into my basket. I hate grocery shopping so I try to do it as quickly as possible. Got to the cashier…had a lot of people glaring at me because i’ve just had a baby and their not used to seeing me without a bump. (I’ve weirdly lost pretty much all of my baby weight now. I just have a little bit to go now, which will involve a tone up. EAT salad. It works.)

Got to the part where you launch everything on the conveyor belt for them to scan and the cashier stops me, goes bright red, smiles and says playfully behind her hand. ‘I saw you on the telly last night,’ then giggles. It was like I had done something really naughty…so i loved it. It made me feel like I was back to the normal me for a second. (I’m not naughty now…well apart from this morning well i turned hormonal and Keiran had to rein me in and remind me to set an example when infront of our children. )

So, after one lady said something…everyone did…and before you know it, and after she scanned through my steak..I was a ‘hero’ and well that proves that you don’t have to do much on the telly, in fact all you have to do is pout, wear neon, and bronze ya boobs and everyone (if the show had 1.2 million viewers, regardless as to how much you were shown) will notice you. I’ve been famous this morning…and with spring onions in my hand. However, one lady did then say, ‘I went to bed, so i didn’t watch it , but did your toy go through.’ Oooh bad. Just s you know, there is a RANGE of toys and they’ve all been made and they are all selling right now in your local Ann Summers. It wasn’t meant to be a competition..that might’ve not come out in the show well enough. However, it did end up being, i guess. Lol.

But yeah, after this morning, i’m back to realizing that you can get through life with a simple *wiggle & a wink.* #badhabit

Other than that and the fact that Keiran and i are going to win the Euromillions tonight and not spend any of it on you. A card came through the post this morning…and upon the envelope was printed the words,

‘No peeking until Father’s day.’

Keiran says nothing about it, but then later…when he believes i’m not moody any more and i’m happy because the show got a zillion viewers…he said, ‘Ooh i got this card’ and showed me it…(it was still in it’s envelope, as he’ snot allowed to peek at it.)

Now any normal man would think, ‘aaah, it’s from my children,’ with it being Fathers day on Sunday and well with him having 2 kiddiwinkles. However, instead…he sees that the envelope is post marked ‘Guernsey’ and thinks ‘Oh god…who do i know i Guernsey??’

There he is thinking he may have mystery children that he never knew about, when he doesn’t know anyone in Guernsey,instead of remembering we have Ruby and Junior. I mean Junior is only just over a WEEK OLD. It’s not that long ago! Lol.

Luckily, we laughed it off and i threatened to kick him in the face if that would ever happen. (And by that, I mean if he forgot to mention past children before marrying me.)

Then we went back to ‘fairytale.’

Y’know although i wasn’t in it much, it’s always great to have been in a show that had the highest viewing rate for a Channel. 1.2 million. That’s insane. I haven’t gotten over it yet. I did want to be in it more though. (Now i need chocolate.) I say bring on Part 2 and Part 3 please.

Anyhow, life must go on and you can’t dwell on jiggery pokkery…and i do have a sex toy on the shelves of a massive high street store. We have one more show we’re waiting to air…it’s up and down and worrying, but still…it’ll be fine, everything happens the way it should AND we’ve just recently auditioned for another show, that we’re at producers for. Hopefully that will work in our favour as it sounds amazing. Confidence, determination and the will to never give up is what it takes today.

Okay..now i can have chocolate. However, as it’s the weekend…forget work…i’m going to enjoy Baby Ruby, Baby Junior and my gorgeous little family.

ADore you!

Kisses.

ps. News just in…It wasn’t actualy 1.2 million. It was actually 1.5 MILLION viewers. Holy Moly! Fantastic!

So, last night was ‘Sex Toy Stories.’ I watched it and I loved  it, but i’m weirdly someone that can’t stand to watch myself because i make myself cringe, quite dearly. You wouldn’t have thought that. But..yeah..i’m quite shallow (lol) so whenever I saw me rabbiting on, 8 months pregnant, with my chubby face and flat hair, occasionally delivering a bit of honest wit…in between glammy bits of me (which I did like)…where all I did was do my hair, bronze my boobs and pout a little…I was kinda like…’Erm…ewww.’

I enjoyed the show because I love the girls, but OMG i got edited out LOADS. I feel like I filmed so much over an entire year and all of it ended up on the cutting room floor. I was sat on my sofa thinking…’where is it all?’ I mean, I remember being ginormously pregnant, tottering up those Victoria underground stairs in heels, puffing and panting and trying to dash to catch my train to Surrey…after waking up at 6am to get there on time…and well I wasn’t even in it that much! Lol. #typical. I don’t think i’ve ever got cut out of something that much? It makes me feel odd.

We literally filmed LOTS over the last year…and I don’t just mean our personal lives…as they only told the story of a couple of us girls because that’s all there was time for. But we actually slogged our guts off at the headquarters, with the naming of the products, the packaging…everything…lots and it was all cut out. Plus, i wanted to delve into the lives of the others girls. Like I wanted to see what happened in ‘Rebecca’s’ world, or ‘Emilys world.’ I wanted to see Kim and her Olympic torch run. But we didn’t get to. However,t hat’s the name of the game and how promo works. So i’m happy that I was part of it as it doesn’t really stop here, our range of toys are currently in your local ANN SUMMERS store now and ready for you to buy. Our faces represent the range and that’s another ‘tick box’ I can wave at people, when I thumb through the memory box.

I did love it and my brief bits of banter. But yeah, for the split second i was in it, (after making you all watch it ) all i did was pout and wear neon. I promise you i did more than that. We all did.

So I was half happy, half deflated, until this morning before the nursery run i found out via Optomen that we were not only trending on Twitter last night, but we were the HIGHEST RATED Channel 4 show, with 1.2 MILLION viewers. Crazy! And I was a part of that. Plus, the products are now in the stores…in Ann Summers! That’s amazing. What an achievement. So i’m glad to be part of the team and glad that I got picked.

Life has immediately got back to normal…it did right away, because as soon as the credits went up…Baby Junior managed to POO himself and Baby Ruby started screaming in her sleep upstairs…madly… and just like that, ‘snap’…I got right back to my fairytale, after taking a little dip out of it for a brief bit of telly tinkering. It sort of made my heart fill with absolute joy-joy just looking at my tiny bambino’s…all cute and pooey and filled with ‘mummy i need a cuddle.’ My focus switched off from the show within seconds as my kiddiwinkles grab-snatched my heart. I’ve grown up loads and learnt what matters in life and I think my ego was more dented last night that I didn’t feature more…because i’m not used to it. Hahahaha.  Yes I am that tragic. But don’t get the wrong impression, i’m chipper,i’m happy and thoroughly enjoyed my time on the team!!

Like a lot of the girls have said, we just filmed SO MUCH and to have a great deal  of it not aired due to circumstance, time, the art of promo etc…is disheartening. It was a lot of work and for a very long time AND I was preggo for half of it, so I was exhausted. Lol. I was there almost every time we needed to film.

Yet right now there is SO much going on…that I sort of have to climb back upon my kitten throne, shimmie and get back to work. It’s weird that it’s over. But like I said…now we have the next thing. I’m excited!

So please please DO go into your nearest Ann Summers store and enjoy our range of toys. You might as well keep life sexy. The little purple ‘Learning Curve’ is the one that I helped create…so buy it…for that extra bit of ‘backdoor buzz.’

1.2 MILLION viewers! Crazy! I love it. Highest Rated Channel 4 show last night!

http://www.annsummers.com/page/oteam&cm_mmc=social-_-twitter-_-oteam-_-sextoystoriespage

http://www.annsummers.com/p/learning-curve-vibrating-anal-toy/07anavas1062041#

Good morning my delicious wiggles of *woo* festival. I’ve been up since 5 am, so bare with me. I actually feel pretty dandy due to 42 mugs of coffee and a swagger that seems to be irrepressible. This little kitty cat tended to the ‘newborn-nightshift’ last night and funnily enough…and maybe because of a previous party-girl, dirty rotten stop-out past’ i’m quite good at it. I’ve found that I can absolutely do two and a half hours nap, a ‘Baby Junior’ feed and then another two and a half hours nap. He’s an eater and a sleeper and well I found myself wide awake at 5am, surrounded by the peace of the morning, with each family member tucked up in dream land and well what did I do? I flipping did the washing up! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! I’m so mummified and wifed up now that in my free time I CHOOSE to do the washing up and even worse…TO SAVE TIME. #killme (I love it really. You can tell.)

Anyway, nothing more can and will be said now other than LADIES AND GENTS, tonight is THE NIGHT where I AM ON YOUR TELLY…YES BACK ON YOUR SCREENS (finally)…with 7 other lovelies, my bit of sexy HUSBAND Keiran and in the name of Ann Summers!! I feel like I haven’t been back on proper telly since having Baby Ruby…I’ve only really done little bits here and delicious bibbles there…But now i’m back and well…AGAIN.. as you know…I popped out another bambino just over a week ago. Every single time i’m on the telly, I end up falling pregnant.

SEX TOY STORIES! That’s the name of the show. That’s what you should ALL be watching at 10pm tonight, on CHANNEL 4, TONIGHT.

It’d really mean a lot to Me and the rest of the girls and ofcourse my yummy ‘hero’ Keiran if you at least had a peeky and enjoyed the show with a touch of THORUGHLY.

It was filmed over an ENTIRE YEAR and i’ve felt truly honoured to be hand picked by Jacqueline Gold (CEO of Ann Summers) herself and to be part of the team. The experience has been amazing and mainly because when i’m on the telly i’m usually acting a fool and swirling in a glittery mess of ‘ooh laa.’ This time…i’m probably acting a fool, YET i’m actually doing something PRODUCTIVE! I know, can you even believe it!!

Only 8 girls were chosen and luckily…I was one of them.

They also filmed my personal life, love life and sex life for an ENTIRE YEAR and well Keiran pretty much WAS all of that, during 2012. Lots happened and hopefully you’ll see a great deal of it. However, there are 8 girls stories to be told, so i’m sure the snippets will be small but worth it. BOTH Keiran and I are really EXCITED and well we can’t WAIT to watch ourselves on the telly tonighta. It’s his TV debut, so to speak…so i’m super excited to see him on our little box.

Great show! We were one of ‘This Mornings’ Must See TV picks. There’s nothing better on at that time anyway. So..why not join us on our journey…I haven’t seen the show, but i’m hoping it’s a funny, sexy bit of show where ‘the business’ gets taken care of. *Wiggle-wink* 

Once again…

SEX TOY STORIES, CHANNEL 4, 10PM, TONIGHT!

Great morning! I sort of abandoned ship last night because juggling Baby Ruby, with Baby Junior and Husband, with all the little wiggly bits of prep in between, alongside work, promo, housework, dieting…all got the better of me. Not in a major stressy way. But in a way that ‘red flagged’ a warning that I just needed to put myself in the ‘naughty corner’ and give myself a break. I’ve been through a merry ordeal and every now and again the memory of it *pops* up out of nowhere with a *wink-wink-gotcha.* It’s not a bad memory, it’s an overwhelming memory of merriment, that feeling you get as a woman, when you’ve just given birth to this beautiful little life that you adore more than anything, as he takes his step as the new addition to your already delicious family. It takes a while to sink in as i’ve been floating on Cloud 9 for the last week. Now, it’s absorbing and well i feel like the luckiest girl alive.

I did the nursery run this morning. First time back to driving after the whole ‘ouchy’ labour. I did actually drive to the grocery store twice before, making it not the first time at all. However, the first time I did my vagina and bottom tummy muscles hurt SO much that lifting my foot off the accelerator and placing it upon the brake was hard enough as it was! Who knew you needed your groin to be able to drive. The second time was yesterday and well i handled it with a kitty smile. I’m almost fully recovered and back to normal. I’m currently like some kind of town hero. At Co-Op the ladies all gathered around for a ‘Congratulations’ and a ‘OMG YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY LOST ALL YOUR BABY WEIGHT.’ The same at the petrol station too. Talking about that…I’m actually weirdly impressed. I don’t know how i’ve managed it, but I have actually noticeable LOST a GIANT BUNDLE of baby weight, to the point where after one week, even i’m like ‘WHOA.’

Now, i’m never one to say it if I hadn’t…but i’m almost back to where I was before, and well in a couple weeks maybe be even smaller. How? SALAD and PROTEIN. I AM on a diet and I hate it when girls or women sort of say, I’ve done nothing but eat pies all day and never worked out and i’ve just magically lost all this weight, via tiny little weight loss fairies who have tinkered about my being when i’m asleep and zapped the fat away from my soul.

I’ve been on a low carb, high protein, with only a wee bit of wholewheat carbs diet. Lots of fibre, lots of salad..lots of fruit…and well ‘DA DAAAAA,’ it’s worked. I’d take a picture and show you, but i’m can’t be bothered. If you see me around, you’ll see! But i’ve done well and because I was so fed up of being a chunka-wunka this time around that i couldn’t WAIT to get my Summer time body back on! *Wiggle-Wink-Pout.* I’ve also had no booze…which helps.

Keiran’s currently moping around the house with absolute exhaustion. He’s had a couple nights off the newborn baby ‘night shift,’ yet last night had to tend to it once again. He’s moaning with tiredness, but all I can say is ‘yeah’ it IS hard, but it has to be done and by both of us. It’s knackering, but it’s going to be and it’s especially going to be if you’re working out everyday, changing your diet and burning every inch of your energy every moment you can. It’s going to knock you for six. I feel like i’ve just had an entire human squeeze out of my ‘lady part’ so he doesn’t know tired or pain as bad as that. But i’m covering it up nicely with a smile and a ‘strong kitten’ tickle strut. We’re madly in love and cheerily quite happy. Yet there is a distinct mist of grumbliness clouding over Wunna Land this morning. I only like happy, loving Keiran. Grumbly, tired Keiran is rubbish. Lol. But I can’t help but adore him. He’s cute. He’s like a big giant baby boy himself and i can’t fault him. He’s been amazing leading up to, during and after the birth of Baby Junior. I’m impressed and I think that’s why I fancy him. He always never fails to impress me. It’s important that a girl’s impressed by a man. When she is…(and i’m a tough crowd ..it takes more than a dinner and a wine…) she will always rely on her love for him to adore the man forever. Like I said we have our foundation now and we’re gathering ourselves together for the nest step. Ruby’s happier and getting her much needed one on one time. She was lovely this morning. Plus, Baby Junior is so far the calmest baby in all the land. He’s wallowing in utter harmony, yet life isn’t that hard after a jolly few days is it? Your second baby is much easier because you’re so much calmer. The staff at nursery taught me that. The women that have been looking after and teaching Ruby at nursery are AMAZING. She honestly goes to the BEST NURSERY EVER. It’s not like a playgroup, where the staff are just what people refer to as ‘baby sitters.’ These women are tremendous! Ruby’s speech is so incredible right now that even Keiran and I just looked at each other last night in astonishment at her actual conversational skills. She can hold and lead an adult conversation. She’s a bit emotional right now because she’s dealing with a big change…but like I said, she goes to a brilliant nursery and they are working on it for me, when I can’t. Amazing job. Plus, they all think i’m skinny so they score points. They too can’t believe how i’ve managed to *ping* back into shape. I giggled, but then had to tell them that I hadn’t actually *pinged* it just looks like I have because i’m the Queen of making myself look ‘snatchy.’ I look much slimmer…yet i still have a jelly belly from it being stretched. It’s like a grannies belly cleverly hidden under a baby pink sweater. #score I need a couple more weeks to get it gone. AND my little wormy stretch marks. I have a couple that don’t quite look like the yellow brick road, but…well i know they’re there, so i want them to Bio Oil AWAY.

Lots going on as always…i’m in the local press today. Not the Pontefract press, because like I said, they didn’t want to write about me and instead wanted to write about stolen scarecrows, in pink wheeled cars.

I was beginning to feel a bit ‘hang on…where’s my bit of *look at me?*’ However, now i’m happy because as @emilywoodcock said (who is on the show with me) I got a 3 for one…I’m in the Doncater Star, The Doncaster Free Press and The South Yorkshire Times.

Doncaster’s always good to me. Hence why I’M always good to the town that jolly well birthed me.

So, here are the links to all that jiggery pokery…enjoy. Same story…3 papers!

http://www.thestar.co.uk/what-s-on/out-about/doncaster-glamour-model-chrissie-wunna-stars-in-tv-sex-show-1-5758929

http://www.southyorkshiretimes.co.uk/lifestyle/columnists/tv-times/doncaster-glamour-model-chrissie-wunna-stars-in-tv-sex-show-1-5758929#.Ubg3KCncNkw.facebook

http://www.doncasterfreepress.co.uk/news/doncaster-glamour-model-chrissie-wunna-stars-in-tv-sex-show-1-5758929#.Ubg3SpWwbig.facebook

THEN, as I was trying to write my blog and chilling on Facebook reading up on the circus that surrounds the girls that i’m on the show with and all the promo for the show, I found out that we would ALSO be on ‘THIS MORNING’ as their Must See TV, at around noon.

So at 12.10 and after Keiran was moaning that he needed food in his system. (I was grilling steak for lunch at the time, boiling him pasta, feeding a baby and mixing up a salad, I switched to ITV and there I WAS! The clip was ace, because I was in it. But i’m excited now for the show tomorrow and i KNOW the rest of the girls are. Hopefully you’ll all watch it because you all have sex…and well…it’s a bundle of exxxcitement,lots of love, drama, business and good telly moments. Channel 4, Tomorrow night (Thursday June 13th,) 10pm. Sex Toy Stories! (I’ve had a MILLION messages come through from a whole loads of you…so yeaH please do watch…i haven’t seen any of it yet, but i know it should be GOOD!

I watched the clip and I watched Stepher Mulhern, Holly Willowboobie and Phllip Schofield tell everyone how great the show will be…and well although i was mighty alarmed by how giant my preggo face was in some parts of the clip…it was all very ACE!

Here are the piccies I took from home, whilst baby feeding…on my phone.

I rushed upstairs to show Keiran who was working in the office. He smiled and shrugged and took it all in his stride. THEN later…to my HORROR and whilst I was preparing his pasta…the postman comes to the door and delivers a giant parcel. Knowing what it is, my darling husband JUMPS UP WITH UTTER JOY, literally LEAPS OUT of his swizzle chair, rushes downstairs and with sheer love and excitement in his eyes, glows and gushed over two new sets of retro GOLF BAGS that have arrived. AS IF!

I told him off to loving the golf bags more than me. He claimed he didn’t through laughter (how dare he) and picked me up in a straddle position whilst making a sex joke. ‘Golf doesn’t give me babies.’ #hmm #romantic ‘You haven’t in this position in a while.’

I’m not just here for him to bone and then make true love with GOLF BAGS. I’m Kitty Wunna. The WIFE. I BIRTHED THE CHILDREN. I MAKE THE PASTA. I’M OF THE TELLY AND NOW BACK ON IT…for crying out loud. I used to be a MODEL! Surely, i’m a SCORE! Bright blue, retro striped golf bags…my arse. I’ve never seen him so excited!

He’s currently in the office pissing himself with laughter.

I’m blogging with Baby Junior in my arms. I enjoy how a woman can do that. Y’know multi-task. Keiran can’t schedule with a child in his arms. Golf bags…my arse!

‘You’re willy looks bigger,’ said the little Asian Glamour Puss, to her loving ex-soldier husband, as he *boinged* it out at her for a darling bit of ‘sexy humour’ between the living room and the kitchen.

‘Does it..’ he replied with a grin of delight upon his ‘maybe i’ll get lucky’ face?

‘Well maybe it’s because i’ve been looking at Baby Junior’s willy so much that it just looks bigger now?’

He exits the conversation and goes for a wee.

Morning everyone! It’s so much harder writing these blogs with two kiddy-winkles on rotation. Keiran’s injured and exhausted, but holding himself up with a delicious ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’ swagger. He’s been a Godsend of help through all this ‘ouchy-archy’ and far too active for his own good, on ‘i have a newborn baby’ sleep. He’s certainly a man who throws himself into everything whole heartedly. However, in this instance…you need to get your rest, otherwise ‘newborn babyhood’ WILL get the better of you. I believe he’s recovering from a case of ‘man down,’ but he’s happy. He’s happier than I have ever seen him. I guess, we finally have what we’ve always wanted. The good thing is i’ve demanded and  taken over parent ‘night duties’, simply because it’s only fair. (Look at me being all fair and everything now. It’s because I haven’t had wine.W ine makes me selfish…vodka makes me generous. Boys must always work that out. Well my sorry ass exes anyway. The nice ones of you, i don’t mind…in fact I probably owe you an apologies anyway for whatever kind of ‘Wunna jiggery pokery’ you had to put up with. Luckily, it’s not in my nature to ‘sorry-sorry’ any of my exes. Therefore, ah-dee-dums…c’est la vie. ) Oooh…i’ve lost track of what I was saying now??

(Sorry: I’m currently having a *flashback* of the giant  that turned up at my patio door, last night. It terrified me because i’m only used to seeing little Asian relatives a tip tapping at my door. Yknow, the smiley, giving kind that I call ‘Mama & Papa’, who are ready to take on one of my children. It was Keiran’s cousin Craig, so all was well, as it wasn’t giants. #anticlimax. He and The Hubby spent the evening working out in the handmade gym in our garden, because it’s the time of the year for  ’Operation Get Sexy.’ I want to take part in my own version of ‘Operation Get Sexy,’ where I don’t have to lift my own body weight. I’m just doing the good old diet way, to lose my baby weight. It’s going well. I’m hungry and in fact I sort of wish I didn’t stuff in those custard doughnuts 20 at a time now in my last few weeks of pregnancy. Ugh! I’m always learning things the hard way. But i’m rather good at dieting…Hollywood taught me the way.

Luckily, genetics hasn’t been too bad to me and i’m slowly but surely getting back into shape. I sort of almost am into some kind of ‘okay if you’re a guy drunk in a bar and see me‘ shape,’but nowhere near where I want to be….shape. Give me a few more weeks and i’ll be rocking it and wiggling around in my booty shorts and stilettos looking ‘snatch.’ A few more months..well three… and i’ll be back to work and working ‘it.’ (It better get sunny. I’m solar powered.)

Y’know, i’m looking around me and I  feel like I always have something bouji and something kiddified in my hands, at all times. I’ll swing a Mulberry handbag…with a Tommy Tippee baby bottle, attached to my other hand.Or swagger a glitter MAC lipgloss, with 4 nappies, a bib and a sack of wet wipes wedged into my arm. Mummyhood sure ain’t easy, however it’s the biggest delight ever. Keiran and I are completely happy now and well all we need now are millions of pounds to go with our dream and then we’ll have everything we want. (Ugh, there’s a car alarm going off whilst i’m trying to get Baby Junior to sleep. The same happened last night when I was trying to get Baby Ruby to go ‘nighty-night.’ Ruby refused to ‘eye shut’ and simply because she firstly wanted to play with ‘the boys’ and secondly because she couldn’t stop wanting to dry hump pillows to Cinderella. UGH!I need to have wine in my system for this. It’s just wrong. I even Googled it to see if it’s normal…and it’s not that normal at all. Lol. I swear she’s turning into a teenager at 2 years old. She’s still ever sweet, but holy moly…she has a mind of her own. It’s my own fault, as i’m just the same. However, raising MYSELF is never fun. I feel bad for my mum. Luckily Baby Junior is still fully delightful withour mood swings and because he’s only a week old. This is why we need my own private estate. They’ll be no car alarms and all the time in the world.  I think i’ve been watching too many ‘Real Housewives ..’ episodes. It’s all I understand now and through my pregnancy was my saving grace. I cannot believe that i have spent my entire wedded life so far, until last week…pregnant…and now that i’m not…I STILL HAVEN’T HAD A WINE.

Anyway, other than all that Keiran’s glint has returned to his eye and he’s looking at me once more like he did when we first dated…with ‘sex’ in his eyes. I fell asleep on his pec yesterday…(like I said it always happens, you can’t go near them and not have a few minutes kip upon one.) We’re kissing like we’re lovers once more and ‘wooing’ like sexytime could occur at any given moment…when the kiddies are a sleep.

We’re currently open for visitations, to all those of you who have been asking to pop in for baby cuddles. I’ve recovered at the speed of light and you have to when you have a 2 year old, otherwise it’s just not fair and well my boobs don’t feel like they’re about to explode anymore.

I’m looking forward to watching the Ann Summers show that i’m on on Thursday, #sextoystories. Yet nervous because I always manage to put my foot in it. I will admit, it’s usually to applause, but when you haven’t yet seen something that is about to air, you sort of get nervous. What did I do? What did I say? Have I been edited right? AND well…I better be in it LOADS. I mean, I felt like when I did ‘Paris Hilton’s BBF’ ITV2 we’re really good to me when it came to the editing. I was sassy, naughty, but likeable. So, what can I say, we’ll see.

My local paper (which is The Pontefract & Castleford Express) hasn’t wanted to boast about Keiran  and I appearing on such a show…I guess because the title is sprinkled with a shimmie of controversy…and well when I was on the ‘Hilton Show’ they called me the ‘Terrifying Plastic Doll from Pontefract.’  However, the funny thing is the headline that HAS made the paper is as follows:

‘Scarecrow swiped from #Badsworth by thieves in pink-wheeled car.’

Hilarious! This is just my luck.

But i’m not too worried, we’ll make impact, there’s things in the pipeline…we realize we’re lucky and well we’re waiting.

Saying that I had the third audition for another show that we’re hoping to be a part of yesterday afternoon. I didn’t realize they’d be calling, and I had fallen asleep on the sofa…I jumped up, heard my voicemail and called them straight back. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and my tummy tight…and hoping for the best. We’re feeling confident and well at the end of the day, the goal…in entertainment, is to eventually (as in NOW) have our own show. Nothing is better than making money and showing off, simply via living your own life. It’s be great for us, the children and our line of excitement.

I mean, a chicken shop has it’s own show. We deserve ours, I tells ya!

However, for now we’re loving our little family and getting ready to rocket forward. It’s a great feeling creating your own foundation, love and family. It really does give you an incentive and really makes you feel like you can conquer the world.

As they say, ‘Impossible is nothing.’ We can do this…GIMME! GIMME!

But first, please do enjoy ‘Sex Toy Stories’ and swtich to Channel 4, at 10pm, THIS THURSDAY.

Kissy, kissy my little dew drops of Summer time. It’s not actually sunny right now, so I’m not quite sure why i’m whipping out my wordy bikini bottoms and grilling on my imaginary barbecue of life. I guess it just feels Summery in Wunna land. This was the view from my window yesterday morning, as I was giving Baby Junior his 10am feed..(I’m bottle feeding Junior and simply because he’s the only boy in the entire world who doesn’t like my boobs. I’ve tried force feeding him a nipple and quite simply in the manner of a pitbull, growls at me with anger.)

But yes..the above was yesterday’s window view. (I adore the ‘in the background Ruby and Keiran moment occuring. As a mum..it makes you feel special to know that the man in your life truly loves our little girl and your little girl loves him right back.)

Anyway, the day before at the same time the view was as follows:

Same thing..diffrent swagger…and sunnier. Keiran has turned the garden into a handmade gymnasium and well Ruby has turned it into her own little playground. Keiran’s cousin Craig brought his little girl ‘Izzy’ over this morning…and well Izzy accessorized with a BOUNCY CASTLE. #boujibaby. I had children bouncing up and down on this bouncy castle at 10am, Baby Junior trying to eat me, instead of enjoying his bottle, the boys…Keiran and Craig working out on the Olympic Rings…and then Pete coming around to collect Ruby for a day in the swimming pool. Madness! I believe the boys were trying to show what ‘real men’ are made of. All i heard all morning is the fact that they were ‘machines.’ Unfortunately for me, Rubes adores male company..her morning was complete with these two fine gents…one of which is ‘daddy,’ to the point where she was wiggling around shouting, ‘Hey boys…watch me..’ then weirdly doing squat thrusts. I need to take her to get her nails done for something. She’s getting far too boyish.

The good news is that I’m feeling great. I’m feeling delicious and pretty much recovered. I’ve got a lot going on. There’s the family, the children, the marriage, the fairytale, organizing more auditions, press talks and all at the same time the show THAT I WANT YOU ALL TO WATCH, ‘Sex Toy Stories’ airing this Thursday, on Channel 4!

Keiran and I are really excited to see it, as it marks a highly momentous occasion for us, a moment that everyone else got to see, but we didn’t…which led onto another momentous occasion…which you don’t get to watch, but you know about. Y’know, The good thing about being unable to see the moment is the sheer fact that it was because WE WERE the moment. It means life is exciting….and it is. Right now, i couldn’t wish for it to be more wonderful and simply because for the last year and a half it’s been filled with surprises. You never know what’s right around the corner, do you?  I just hope my next corner is filled with magic, dreams come true and maybe a giant lottery win, with a shower of ‘Look at me’ and a gunge pool of stardom. Then’ll be hardcore happy and not ‘happy with a maybe need a vino’ streak. *Giggle-wink*

On the whole, i’m  keeping it sexy, i’m getting back into the swing of things….I’m back to shopping and took both Baby Ruby AND Baby Junior to Doncaster…(the town that birthed the wonder that is ‘Chrissie Wunna ) for the very first time with Grandma…and let me tell you, i got a rather rude awakening, which simply meant that ‘The Wunna’ WAS back.

ANYTIME, I step out of a car gather the troops, my dignity or my life together in one giant arm scoop and in stilettos, and I hear pervy jeers or shouts from gentlemen who lack a distinct *wink* of ‘ooh laa,’ means ‘Chrissie Wunna’ is back in the game. I say ‘Chrissie Wunna’ because she’s really different to ‘Chrissie Thompson.’ Obviously i’m not a nut job..and I do realize that talking in the 3rd person is idiotic and that they are the same being. Yet that’s just it…i’m both. I’m a home girl mummified, wifey who adores love, loyalt and happiness. I’m gentle and fluffy…yet all at the same time swirled in glitter, with a demon strut and a vixen glare. Oh and tits. The boys are a head turning onve more and even though i’m flattered…none of them are actually hot. I feel like they’re the guys who have nothing to lose, so they take a shot at the ‘glamour glamour puss.’ OR they’re pissed.

OOh the good news! My bumps dying down merrily with a finger snap and a swagger strut, hip bump. #guuuurrrl I’m feeling sexy and well when you’re getting hit on in Barnsley, next to wheely bins, whilst you’re sat in a door way with a sign reading ‘AWAY’ above you, by a chubby man who enters the conversation with a ‘Thems a nice pair of…earrings.’ Followed by a growl and a ‘Where’s your boyfriend? Are you from Thailand? I’d like to take you out. Do you want a cider?’ Hmmm?

Again as flattered as I am and i’d hardly say I was that flattered. I have boobies. We know this. They have been working boobs for some time and well i’ve lived to tell the tale of them and walked a good path and a path with them also. Men really have to get over them..and I do mentally and not with anything rudey. Y’know, I think becaus ei’ve started to feel sexy and i’m feeling so happy right now, i’m sending off vibes of ‘ooh laa’ which is pulling the guys in accidentally with a magnet force. It’s a shame really for them because if there was ever a time in my life that I felt in love…it has peed all over and shat on, by how in love I feel RIGHT NOW. Keiran is the only man in this entire world that I was made for, to the point where I can’t even BELIEVE that I found him. Honestly when you imagine, as a young girl or an old girl, your perfect gent, you’re hero…that guy that I imagined…was him! No joke. We’re perfect. I told him last night how much I appreciated him and I grateful I was for him. Men, like women need to hear it don’t they. I’m not going anywhere. Our bubble, our fairytale and our life together is magical.

I smiled at the Barnsley guy who enjoyed talking to my boobies by bins and simply said, ‘I’m here watching my husband….’ I’m a good sport. But I will tell you, with a delicious amount of wit, if you’ve crossed the line. He hadn’t. Plus, he attempted to woo me with cider. At least he tried to be romantic.

My life is actually super simple now and i love it. I don’t have time to baggage drunk men with an eye for an Asian girl with swagger simply because wherever I go, I am taking care and jollying along with the below (my two beautiful bits of loin fruit) and my VERY DELICIOUS, LOVE WATCHING HIM PLAY SPORT AND PERVING ON HIM DAILY WHEN HE’S SHIRTLESS’ husband.) Swoon. Keiran is SUPER SWOON right now. Plus, he’s trying to get all fit for the Summer…which is a joy to my little squinty…perverted…eyes. We smooched last night a little, like we used to. Like the kinda smooch that leads to sex. I was SO attracted to him that it got my juices flowing. I can tell he’s ready to get his sex life back in order with his wifey..as there have been the odd moment where he’s accidentally *boinged* his willy out on the sofa and in the kitchen for me to see. …jokingly of course…yet all girls know, with boys that love you or fancy you…it’s never really a joke. If I walked up to it and began a series of porny faces, he’d be naked in a second and bending me over the kitchen counter.

I’m excited to get our sex life on track. We haven’t been able to bedroom tango due to pregnancy. In fact, i’ve spent THE WHOLE on my ENTIRE WEDDED LIFE…pregnant! It’s hilarious. But i’m feeling saucy. So when i’m back to normal..which means i’m not leaking from places that you don’t even want to know about….then he’ll get treated to some lovely bedroom fun..and well we BOTH LOVE our time between the sheets.

(Rubes guarding her new baby brother…by noodles in Donny. I have the most gorgeous loin fruit.)

It’s good to almost be back on the map with a swirl of ‘Va Voom.’ I’m not there yet, but nearly. It’s important that ladies who have had babies get their femininity back and feel womanly again. You can lose yourself after the art of labour. But don’t…because if anything, you desrve to feel sexy again and be treated like a Princess. The biggest thing a girl can do in life is GIVE LIFE and RAISE IT. I lvoed shopping in Donny with the kids this Saturday, except with every two steps I took, we were stopped and they were ‘aww’ed’ upon. But that’s cute.

Then a group of overly sexed young boys have started hooting and hollering at me once more. They weren’t even that young, they were sort of mid-20-ish, which to me means you surely should’ve grown up by now. I mean i’m not a prude, i’m up for a laugh, but when i’m with my newborn…there needs to be some kind of decency projected by the male species surely? I must honestly bring out the devil in boys, as groups of willies like to follow me around town centres when i’m with my family…wait until i’m holding Baby Ruby or Baby Junior and then.shout ‘DO YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE IN YA!’ Nice! Raised well. I mean, would you ever…go up to a girl who has obviously JUST had a baby…I mean Junior is only a week old…he’s had only approx 7 days on this earth ball and then think…’Hey she’s hot, i know how to woo her,’ and come out with ‘DO YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE IN YA?’ Major points LOST, male species. Not for being pervy. You can’t help yourself because i’m obviously divine.  But for simply not being clever enough to adapt your manner in order to score a chick. You have one shot at a first impression…that wouldn’t have worked anyway…but they wouldn’t have known that..and all they can come out with is basically…’you have a baby, let me stick my willy in you and give you another.’ GROSS.

Boys in groups are always the worst because their ring leader grows ten feet tall and starts giving it the gobberlicious. I’m schooled in boys, men and everything in between. I’M AN OLD BIRD NOW. If I got that gobby boy on his own, he’d be a soppy mess of ‘love me, love me,’ as i’d be slamming a door in his face, or buzzing him off the stage.  Romance is certainly something young men need to work on in this day and age and not just the art of it, because technically they know how to ‘woo’ a woman. THEY ALL KNOW. It’s the art of being BRAVE ENOUGH to publically exercise the art of romance, without thinking you look like a dickhead, or ‘soft’ infront of your male counter parts.

Sexy isn’t just shouting rudey things out like ‘TITS’ at women, believe it or not. Nor is it getting your boobies out and flaunting them everywhere for attention. (Yes, i did that…but i always knew what ‘sexy’ was…it was a job…not an emotionally state of insecurity.)  It’s not always even what you SAY that is sexy. It’s just that ‘something-something,’ the glint in your eye, the ‘ooh’ in your strut, the smile that comes from feeling confident and the confidence that comes from life experience and knowing that you are finally comfortable in your own skin…and LOVED for it. (I actually always loved myself even at my most unlovable. )

Anyway enough about that…

I went to watch Keiran play cricket yesterday with Baby Junior. Hot! That’s all I can say. I perved on my husband like the proudest wife of mucky ever. He is SO FIT, when he’s working out, or playing sport. I felt like a WAG yesterday…except I was in Wombwell meaning I was a love budget WAG. I never thought i’d enjoy such a feeling…but  I did and only because my hubs is FIT! He’s kinda one of those ‘good at everything’ men and all I can say is swoon, swoon, swoon. That’s how I was feeling on the inside…and that’s when the Barnsley man came and hit on me by wheely bins. Bad timing. Must be awful when you make a move…not that this guy was making a serious move, he was just having a laugh. But imagine making a big old move on someone and on the inside you have no idea that they’re madly in love with someone else.

Anyway, all was going well. I was perving over Keiran and feeding Baby Junior at the same time. It was sunny, it was warm, with odd bits of FUCKING BITTERLY COLD WIND, that made me have to wrap up every 3 seconds to get out of the force of it. But yes, all going well…then I see him drop to the floor in AGONY and start rolling around, as a crowd of his team mates gather around him.

At first, i’m thinking…that can’t be Keiran. But when I relooked..IT WAS! To be honest, he wasn’t feeling it too much that day. I could tell. He’s turned into a proper family man now. His priorities are bang on track and that’s what ‘daddy-hood’ does to good guys. Mummy hood certainly straightened me out. That’s why i always  say that Ruby saved my soul from a gin swilled future of tragico. Keiran saved my heart and kept my faith in love and myself alive. It only happens to the good people, who have a their hearts in the right places.

Anyway, Keiran came off the cricket field. Is it called a ‘field?’ The sauntered into the changing rooms to see his little Asian wifey and newborn son…with a blue bag of ice to put on his injured knee. It’s badly injured. He’s never ‘man down.’ However yesterday..he was! I could’ve bonked him there and then.

Junior slept through the whole thing:

(One week old!!! )

I sat through the cricket and loved it. Then I wondered how many other chicks were sat there watching it with milk in their boobs?

Okay, I’ve got a lot to do, a lot to organize and a lot of promo to begin to conquer.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, SON’T FORGET TO WATCH ‘SEX TOY STORIES’ on Channel 4, at 10pm…on THURSDAY! 

I’m going to start plugging it now until I utterly annoy you, so be warned…and well just enjoy it.

Well helllooo my sexy kitty cats of wink-fest! What a delicious day dripped in gooey sunshine. It always puts me in a better mood and irons out the cynical creases that I have in my nipple tassles. Motherhood has put a smile on my little  Asian smile on my face, as Ruby is now rocking her ‘Yeah baby’ strut and new arrival Baby Junior is melting the hearts of pretty much anyone that hovers near our bubble. Keiran is doing ALL the baby night shifts simply because he wants me to recover fully and well any girl couldn’t wish for anymore. It sort of makes me feel bad because i’m letting him live on zero sleep, when i’m almost nearly recovered. However, instead of napping through the day, he is currently outside working out, pulling his own body weight up on wooden Olympic rings and doing press ups. It’s the Summer. We’re all eager to get our ‘ooh laa’ back on. My bump is slowly easing on down. It’s not going down fast, but it’s certainly making it’s way there. I’m dieting like a champion and weirdly kinda enjoying it. All i can really say, is that although i’m nowhere near the weight I wish to be…(having babies does that to you,) I only had a baby 6 days ago and i’m rocking the baby blue booty shorts. And the great thing about Me, is that i’m not rocking them or stating that i’m rocking them to prove that i can fit into them, i’m rocking them because either way…I FEEL SEXY! Confidence over-rides that extra bit  of chubby love. but yes, the diet is working. In a few weeks, i’ll be back to holding up the sign of ‘Va Voom.’ *Kitty purr here.*

So, right now i’m juggling. I’ve just had Baby Junior, meaning I want to boast about him continuously, until i’m blue in the face, yet I can’t believe that I haven’t had my celebratory champagne or vino yet, to ‘cheers’ the new arrival in. It’s weird because you just can’t when you have a 2 year old (a 2 year old who was demanding a party at 8.30am this morning, instead of going to nursery. Ruby also asked for a pet today and when I asked her what kind of pet she actually wanted…she replied by telling me she wanted ‘A MERMAID.’ Whoever marries my daughter, when she’s all big, better get ready for the most high maintenance child alive.) But yes, there ‘s no time to really sit and pout seductively behind a wine glass, with a newborn and a 2 yr old…well without it being rushed, downed or placed on a window sill and forgotten about whilst you change nappies, in heels, too much bronzer and fake eyelashes. I’m loving it though. Life is good and I wouldn’t have it any other way! *Hair-toss.*

Oh yeah..back to juggling. I’m juggling because there’s been this brand new birth. My son! Oh my son! Yet at the same time, and in one week, i’m on a tv show, that as you can tell i’m beginning to annoying plug at every given opportunity and outlet I get. It’s the new Ann Summers show for Channel 4, ‘Sex Toy Stories,’ on Next Thurs, June 13th, at 10pm. You’ll love it. I haven’t seen it, but I know i’ll probably be cringe…because that’s what I do…why kill a good thing.

So, i feel like I have two things to shout about…in fact everything to shout about right now…that i’m like a bouji circus clown..juggling in the spotlight to a the masses….in too much lippy and a push up bra (that I don’t actually need right now. My boobs are ‘jumbo mamas,’ killing and filled with milk. I feel as though they’ll explode into a confetti shower if i sneeze too hard. Yet i don’t mind as it’s far more sexier than weeing each time I sneeze, like I have for the last 9 months. Yipppeeee!)

I think we’re featured..well the show is featured in Cosmopolitan today, which is always good and a rather classy read, that obviously dipped in sex appeal.

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/_mobile/love-sex/tips/sex-toy-stories-channel-4-documentary-ann-summers

..and well there will hopefully be a buzz about the show, even though we apparently go up against the launch night of Big Brother. #fun

In the above picture you can see the ‘cast’…well the girls who i’ve been filming with AND Jacqueline Gold (the important Glamour Puss in the middle) who is the CEO of Ann Summers…and well i just hope it all goes alright…as of course ti’d be rubbish if it didn’t. Keiran is also in the show with me…as they follow each of the girls life for a bit..well a year…so you’ll also get to dip into my personal life further than the written word. (Which is what I always want anyhow, innit. )

Love is great. Life is fab. My loins are healing.

Big kisses to you all!

Back to Yummy Mummy-hood.

(How I found Keiran and Baby Junior this morning. #daddydaycare)

Well I don’t even know what to ramble on about. I have been showered with so many wonderful things that I can’t even begin to *wiggle-wink* it, with a ‘start’ and end it in a ‘full stop.’

Life is amazing. I have a new show appearing on your telly box next week. I’ve JUST had the most beautiful baby boy ‘Junior.’ I adore my gorgeous little glamour puss Ruby and my wonderful ‘newly haircutted’ hubby is being a Godsend. We’re in love and we’re living a fairytale that we didn’t even know was going to be blessed upon us. Oh! AND the weather is pretty damn good today, making me feel much perkier. Especially since I had a massive hormonal moment last night, whilst putting Baby Ruby to bed. I’m in the OUCHY stage of recovery where your boob fill up with milk and HURT LIKE HELL. They’re swollen, giant, hard boobs of ‘hubba,’ and they absolutely KILL. I’m having to wander around in a bra, or with them out, simply to ease the pain. It’s normal for this to occur at this stage and I have tried to breast feed my little bundle. However, I can’t really be bothered because he loves his formula, he gobbles it from his baby bottle like there’s no tomorrow. He’s happy, which makes me happy.

Anyway, my chest hurt sooo much last night that I couldn’t move my upper body. It was honestly like I had had surgery. I couldn’t reach. I couldn’t stretch and I couldn’t even hunch my bra straps on. Laid on the bed and couldn’t get up! It literally took me exactly 1 hour ten minutes to be able to manover off the bed AND I had landed myself in the most painful of positions, that I did what any Glamour Puss would do when they’ve just been through an ordeal of labour and was still boobie ouchy, with poor working lover tummy muscles…I cried and I cried hysterically because I had been shouting for Keiran for an entire hour. He hadn’t heard me because he was down stairs. In that moment i felt like I had no help, I was in absolute pain. I couldn’t move and i was just screaming out. It made me panic because it reminded me of labour…yet with no-one to help. I got really angry. It wasn’t pretty.

Luckily, this morning after a dodgy start. (Ruby has gone from adoring being a big sister to now being mildy naughty for attention. It’s a struggle for me because I ADORE ADORE ADORE my little girl more than this world and I really want her to feel like my number 1 first born. So the fact that it may be making her feel a little ‘off’…and needing more attention hurts. That made me mad and then cry for a little bit. However, now we’re all dandy. She goes through phases of loving ‘big sisterhood’ to hating it because she wants Daddy’s attention, one on one attention that doesn’t involve Baby Junior in ANY way.

So, i’m gonna treat her to material gifts at the weekend (it’s ‘The Wunna’ way) and spend that quality one on one time with her. She’s getting a bouncy castle and all the love in the world. I mean Baby Junior doesn’t know what’s going on emotionally…he’s 4 days old. Ruby does…so it’s important for me to make sure my little cherry pie feels like the Princess she is! I think she’s frustrated because he’s so little. She wants him to be able to play with her already. Parenting is not easy. But I love being a mum. Hopefully, i’ll figure it all out.

Saying that, everyone keeps giggling at the fact that i’ve turned from this flirty, boy mad, party girl,dipped in ‘glamour puss,’ to a baby making machine. It’s hilarious. One minute i’m on your telly box burlesque dancing to Katy Perry track to win the affection of Ms.Hilton…drunk. Now, i’m the mother of two with a heart of glitzy gold…within a couple years…AND MARRIED. Like I told my Doncaster friend ‘Tom’ today via Twitter, someone must’ve put something more than pimp juice and glitter in my wine…. (I did actually also text that to another friend of mine, who replied with a ‘Please honey…someone put their willy in your ‘kahuta’..AFTER wine…that’s more the story…far less magical.’ Pahahaha!) In my mind is normal for a 32 year old to be settling down and having babies. I’m all grown up now…as @wazza says…’a proper grown up,’ and it feels great to have finally got my shit together…with a husband and Mini Mees galore.

I’m still a glamour puss though, so don’t get it twisted. I wave the flag for the yummy mummy. So, just because i’m spouting out bambinos and wedding rings left right and centre…it doesn’t mean i don’t rock a ‘Diva’ strut in diamonds. Nothing actually makes me happy than being a ‘Mama.’ It’s what gives me my ‘glow.’ Guys dig the ‘glow’ because it makes you a W.O.M.A.N. It’s what life is really about…’the glow’ i mean and not just being a W.O.M.A.N,  as I am well aware that there are men that ‘happy beam’ their way through life also. But once you have your family, love and foundation, you can make all your dreams come true and I intend to do so…fast. #gimmegimme

Like I said, i don’t really have much else to report right now, probably because i’m ultimately content and haven’t ‘slapped back to reality’ yet. It’s a good place to be in. (Ugh! My Dad has just woken up the baby because he feels the need to play his Burmese pop music out loud and loud enough for the baby not to sleep…and for no real reason, other than being able to fight the melodic feeling of Asia?? UGH. Men!)

Must go. I have a new arrival to attend to…

Big Kisses,

Thank you for following my life.

C x