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Well we finally got our first set of wardrobes. The wardrobes were supposed to make an appearance probably around 3 weeks ago. They were paid in full and nowhere to be found. (What a surprise!) I even had a baby in between their arrival. I got so angered by the incompetent of pretty much every delivery service that I seem to use that I did what any little ‘Diva’ who wanted to enjoy her new family would do and who couldn’t be bothered with the mundane tasks that life has to offer and I set my MOTHER on them. Now, if you know my mum, she is the nicest, most caring woman you could ever meet in your entire lifetime. She’s my idol and the one person in life that I strive to one day impress. However, SHE IS FEISTY and if I ever inherited my ‘fricka-friiicka-feist’ from ANYONE, it was her. All the women in my family are ‘wham bammers.’ You just don’t mess with us. Including Ruby. The boys are more gentle..and I guess they need to be in order to balance out the ninja femmes.

I set my mum on them and ‘oh look’ my wardrobes came the next day.

Now, i was ever so pleased that they finally decided to arrive…however there is nothing worse to me then having giant sized obstructions and in fact tiny sized obstructions littering the house. We had wardrobes and boxes and tools and shoes and toys and clothes and more boxes, on boxes, on boxes ALL over the place, to the point where the house was such a tip it was depressing. We had a tower of laundry, next to weights, next to nappies. #annoying

It stressed me out because I couldn’t turn or look anywhere without giant sized clutter filling up my view. It killed me. If i hate anything i hate cardboard boxes filled with..well anything…around the home. Ours have clothes, ‘Win a Mini’ marketing stands, Lords knows what else and well i wouldn’t be surprised if an entire homeless lived in one at this rate.

Anyway, I picked Ruby up from Nursery and left the stress behind me. Moving stuff around is hideous to me.

I get back and look after the children and Keiran rushes upstairs to tend to clearing all the mess up. Now, i figured he’d clear the little bits up and i’m simply have to spend the rest of my entire life weaving around a wardrobe that was abandoned at the top of the stairs…with a 2 year old and a newborn in my hands, in booty shorts and heels.

BUT HOLY SHIT NO! I am honestly married to the most AMAZING man ever. (Keiran’s just told me to have a peek at Junior. I don’t really need to have a look. I’ve looked at him all night, where he cried and stayed awake, through the whole of the evening thanks. I had to sleep sitting up…which meant I didn’t sleep at all. I have honestly had about 3 minutes sleep. Life is fun. )

Aside from that…where was I? Oh yeah, I have the most amazing husband ever. No joke. I was SO IMPRESSED that he almost would’ve got sex if he tried. Holy moly. I went upstairs to tuck Ruby to bed and I was AMAZED at what my delicious hubby had done…and all by himself. He had lifted and moved three giant wardrobes into a room, BY HIMSELF, didn’t like where he had placed them, so re-lifted and moved them to a better part of the room. Then he had moved all the furniture from one room, into the other, moved the beds, sorted out the clothes and storage and hoovered the entire upstairs and cleared away all the toys and clutter. It was like a home makeover. It was 60 minute makeover, but without a team and just ONE MAN.

So, now i am so impressed because I have no idea how he has at all managed to do it that I have decided that I am either secretly married to Superman…or he’s just tremendous. I couldn’t believe it. How the hell did he do it? AND ALL MY HIMSELF in about an hour. I don’t get it? He’s magic!

I ran downstairs after making up bedtime stories for Ruby and with ultimate glee i told him how utterly IMPRESSED I was with him and how happy he had made me.

Y’see, this is what I like about him…the fact that he always manages to impress me and the fact that he can just DO the boy things that he needs to do, when he needs to do them.

He believes that it’s the smallest things that impress me and i guess it is, because i once remember that he uncoiled a roll of kitchen  foil that I had all fucked up quite well actually, due to me being such a domestic goddess. It had split and jaggered it’s way to disaster and you couldn’t find the end because I had made 47 split ends of foily trouble. It pissed me off and showed it to the hubs with a dolly frown upon my face, when I couldn’t make chicken on it. Within 10 minutes, he had unraveled and solved the puzzle like he was a Rubik cube champion. It didn’t have a single slit, jaggered end pr split in it and rolled out joyously like one large, flat, blanket like wave of silver aluminium. I don’t know why that impressed me so much. But it did. Haha. Probably more than him asking me to marry him because I expect boys to want me to be their wife.

Anyway, i must get off for a little bit as i’m on a job hunt and it seems that i’m doing quite dandy at it right now. There’s quite a lot of good jobs and well i need to snag one asap. A lot more sleep would’ve helped. But ah well..that’s the joys of a newborn.

Now  get me back to work…

Good morning my sexy little wiggles of love. I’m feeling much much better and I think it’s because of the sunshine, the life that i’ve been blessed with..and my rather supportive hubby. Y’know girls. When you pick a man, it’s important to pick a man who when you’re down will pick you up and do it in a cheer leader fashion, as he wraps both your hearts in a cuddly bundle of faith.

Now, i’m back to ‘ooooh yeah’ and I know i’m back to ‘oooh yeahh’ simply because i’ve managed to get back to working hard. The mulling is over, the moaning is done and the working part of Wunna land is back in operation. If you want to do well in life, you have to pack up the pity party and get on with it. When you have a family…you have an incentive to giddyup and get your pretty little arse going. We’ve decided what we want and we want money. We have love…so now i’m on a mission to gather, hunt and shimmie my bit into this bubble.

Yesterday evening was mayhem, but sweet mayhem where I had Ruby giggling and dancing her little heart away that she whopped into a giant glass vase, filled with my surprise flowers and WATER. It fell all over the floor and the fireplace, as Baby Junior was screaming and pooing for England. There were bibs and fairytale’s all over the floor, as Ruby then decided to swing around the room with BUBBLE MIXTURE in her hand and spit out carrots that didn’t take her fancy. Junior was still crying and frowning at me after a bucket load (well 2 ounces lol) of prune juice…and for the grand finale…he did a giant much needed SICK.

Now, if i was hormonal, I would’ve lost my entire mind. I’m ninja and diva, we know this and i’m not proud. However, yesterday evening, in the mayhem that was upon me, I simply sat back, smiled and laughed it off with love. I watched Ruby  play and Baby Junior grunt, let the chaos that was surrounding me dance it’s whirlwind of joy and I giggled. I have this amazing little family and although it’s mayhem..it’s marvellous.

Keiran and I have come a long way. I mean to say we were never getting married on our first date, we sure as hell have pulled a ’360′, as we sit here and high five a marriage, and a family of FOUR. Jeepers! Fast movers.

Our love is about doing things fast and not ‘fast’ simply because we want to deliberately be impulsive on purpose. Yet fast in the sense of the way society sees it, as to us, it’s a very normal rate of speed. We’ve always acted ‘on heart’ as I call it and never stifled our love to a time frame. We loved whole heartedly right from the word go. That’s what makes love romantic and to this day our romance is still alive.

I don’t actually have anything else to report, other than it’s sunny and i’m happy, so i won’t bore you and churn out jiggery pokery simply for the sake of. I’m getting on with a lot of work today and it feels great! In the words of my husband…’she’s back.’

I love it.

SO….yesterday evening, after spending the day with ‘The Wunna’s’ at Xscape for Father’s day, with Baby Junior, as Keiran tended to golf, i arrived home and got ready to see my little Baby Ruby. She’d been at Pete’s all day for Sunday dinner, which is her day to enjoy time with ‘Daddy Pete.’ I’d missed her all day and well i’ve been feeling awful really for her, as she’s having to adjust to the new situation at home. We’re all adjusting and it’s been hard.

Anyway, i’d got everything ready for her arrival, made her a snack, sorted out her night time comfort milk…and THEN I get a text from Pete saying that he was sorry it was taking so long for him to bring her home. She was refusing to get ready and didn’t want to come home. In fact she didn’t want to come home SO much because she was adoring her one on one attention with Pete, that she ended up staying over the night at Pete’s, which is something that has NEVER happened before. She is usually ALWAYS asking for ‘Mummy’ even before it’s due her home time. So, i did what any little glamour puss would do, who adores her little Baby girl more than anything…and wept. Boy, i cried my eyes out. I was heartbroken and simply because it’s never happened before. It made me feel like I made her sad and she felt happier elsewhere and that’s what hurt.

Yet at the end of the day she was happy last night because she got to rest in what she believed was her ‘happy place’ and even though that may have hurt me, her happiness is what matters and that’s what i’ve always loved about the Pete, Keiran and Ruby situation. I mean it’s completely amicable and loving. We do the what’s best for the children and never ‘drama’ it out. Plus we don’t need to, as there is a great deal of respect between us all. We’ve been raised well.

Yesterday Pete came to the door to pick Ruby up and she ran into his arms happy has can be to give him his Father’s Day card. (She had made two at nursery, one for Keiran and one for Pete.) He picked her up and kissed her..I stood in the doorway with Baby Junior in my arms. Keiran came and stood behind me to say ‘bye bye’ to Rubes and Pete asked to see Baby Junior with love in his eyes, as he tickled Junior’s little baby feet and admired him with a whole heart.

I cried because it was new to me. But really if I put myself in Pete’s position he’s had to live that way EVERY day because of a decision I made, that was out of his hands. Yesterday evening he would’ve felt loved and he would’ve felt important…and i guess if I step out of my own pity party for one…it’s lovely.

Anyway, on the whole life is good. I’m feeling much better and bitch slapping my hormones back into place. They thought they got the better of me, but really they didn’t..thanks to encouragement, love and a whole lot of ‘yeah baby.’

Keiran’s been wonderful, (as per usual) and i feel really grateful to have him. Due to my own merry issues and down to dating millions of hideous men…(not all of you before you all start) I sort of lost my faith in men, romance and maybe even myself for a while. My own insecurities, but only when i’m feeling negative make me think that he might not REALLY love me…and that it was all just timing. I could’ve been anyone. Then when i feel better about myself, i’m all ‘he can’t do any better than me.’ So LADIES, it’s important to always find your ‘va voom’ as fast as possible, because it’s that glow of happy that seals your deal and helps find you that Prince. When you’re miserable..well no-one’ll want to bonk you and well no-one will really fancy you, if they haven’t invested in you already.

I got ‘hit’ on this morning, when I felt I looked my worst, whilst jumping through a bush of nettles with electricity in my hand. (I was like an X-men..but not as Heroic. Fuck Nettles.) It sort of perked me up and made me feel ‘ooh laa’ again. It’s hard being a woman, but it’s funny. Like my hubby said the other day, ‘Yeah you’re probably a lunatic, but you’re OUR lunatic and we love you.’ That’s real love.

I received a lot of messages after yesterday’s blog and it sort of showed me that my blog does work and that not only do I have support and people reading this bit of babble but lots of people are going through the same. Today, I looked at my life..not through rosy tinted Diors…but through REAL (with contact lenses, i’m as blind as a bat) eyes and well…i realized that through my real eyes…my life was marvellous. I have a beautiful family and yeah things may have been hard, yet making it harder on myself isn’t gonna aid matters. Plus, when i’m back to work i’ll be wishing I was back at home cooking pasta, scrubbing gussets, watching ‘Real Housewives’ and looking after the kiddiwinkles.

The thing that i’m most nervous about now is the ‘dollar.’ Children are expensive. I was as a child and well I still am . I need to rake in the millions so that we can all breathe, buy freedom and do nothing but enjoy life, without stress and with love. Anything can happen. Nothing is impossible. I have great role models and a shot. (A ‘shot’ at life and not of tequila…i’m not that lucky. )  It doesn’t matte rhow much money you have, my mum taught me that you always have to earn it, because you never ever know what will happen. She’s 63, not even NEARLY hard up… a DOCTOR and STILL working. I’d like a shorter, more glammy work span of ‘heave-ho’ but still be able to bathe in gzillions. Oh and I wont buy tractor lawn mowers for £750. (That’s what my mum decided to purchase because she couldn’t work the normal lawn mower. The faffing took too long so she bought an entire ‘sit on it’ tractor lawn mower…JUST for the back garden.)

I tried to charge Keiran for a back tickle today. It was £1 per one minute tickle. He didn’t quite get the concept of paying me. ‘I want a ten minute tickle babe!!!’ I just looked at me, smiled and said, ‘Yeah…TEN POUNDS!’ Then he attempted t exchange a cuddle for a tickle. (Our world sounds like a cheesy, Amsterdam, comedic, 20p… Peep-show.)

But yeah…life is good. I feel lucky.

Need to make lunch.

Catch ya later hotties. x

Not as chipper as I thought i’d be. Now I knew parenting and having a newborn with a delicious touch of 2 year old was going to be difficult. I never ever thought it was going to be easy. But it turns out, it’s a hell of a LOT more difficult than I expected. It’s a jungle here in Wunna land. A draining circus of emotional mayhem. I’m running on hormones and taking a look at the pieces of life that I have, realizing that all it has become…and all my relationship has become is the art of passing one baby to the other adult, in order to balance our time with each bambino and pretty much so Ruby doesn’t feel left out…This occurs every 20 minutes. That’s it. That’s my life.

I’m now in the glorious stage where I feel like I don’t have a hobby, a world to my own, a glitzy bit of me left…and i’m in my fluffy slippers, with back ache…old, tired and not even able to tend to the smallest things that I want to do, in fact no…not even being able to tend to the smallest things that I don’t particularly have great passion to do, yet HAVE to do. For example…it’s got the stage where I can’t do my face, without it taking ages, due to ‘every second’ interruptions. OR i can’t even have a quiet 5 minutes to do something as simple as brush my teeth, without having to stop half way through it to take care of a bambino. It’s hard. But it’s what I chose and when you choose a bed to lay in, a path to walk down and one that’s pretty permanent…you sort of have to snuggle in, or slip off those once divine glittered stiletto’s, get on with it and do it with love, after pulling out that inner strength and pegging it on the line, still attached to you and just so it doesn’t pop back in. (Oh and don’t get me wrong. When i say take off those glittered stilettos… I’m not saying wear flats. That’s a sin. I’m just saying…IMAGINE you’re not in glittered stilettos. Never wear flats. You need to feel mighty during this stage of your life..and Jimmy Choo, in fact even Primark’s best can aid you at such a time. But don’t wear shoes from Primark, i’m sure they’ll give you ouchies. Maybe the leopard print ones wouldn’t? )

Anyway, whoever said’ having two babies is like having one’…WAS WRONG. Of course they were. How stupid of me. Having two babies, is like having TWO babies.  Obviously! A two year old and a newborn…is a juggling act. A joyous time of family and love…but OMG hard work. Hard enough to make me weep. I’m sort of a distant memory to myself now to the point where i’m flash backing and remembering being a young, fun loving 20 something girl, in Hollywood, wiggling and sipping Malibu pineapples with hotties, at gay bars. In fact one memory that weirdly keeps cropping up, is ME dressed as a BELLY DANCER (Pink and silver, hurrah….) with one of my guy friends, and a gaggle of big buff gay men, all styly and West Hollywood singing ‘Tell me where you get that body from…tell me where you get that body from…I got it from my Mama…I got it from my Mama…’ in chorus at me and some even harmonizing… because I was so FIT.

Now…i’m not in a belly dancing outfit and I have pooey nappies and screaming babies around me. I think i’m just going through a very honest phase of the blues. Not the ‘baby blues’ because my kiddiwinkles are my world and I adore them with every inch of my heart. Just a yummy swirl of hormone imbalance. Fun! I need gin. I shouted about it, cried at it, and now blogged about it, (it has taken me TWO HOURS to fully write this blog without interruptions)… so hopefully it will go away. When you’re looking at the past and thinking you had it better then…it means you wrongly feel that you have nothing going on in your present, when you HAVE, you just need to see it. I mean Keiran told me off the other day for wishing for the past to be my present…But he used to ALWAYS do that and I put up with it, so he cant really finger point. I heard every day for months how much he missed his old life. At the time he never thought how that would make me feel until now…when I felt it and expressed it.

The truth is…I have EVERYTHING going on…yet this mist of madness is taking over my kitty cat being. My son is beautiful, my daughter is my world, my husband loves me dearly…and if we work hard enough we’ll make our dreams come true. Nothing in my life is bad…i just have to remember that. You have to be positive to attract positive things.

I couldn’t handle it all the other morning. Ruby was making every little decision much harder than necessary, by saying ‘NO’ to my every suggested move. I looked in the mirror and saw the fat, old unsexy version of myself. I looked at my clothes and saw that I had nothing new and glamour pussy to wear and all of this while rocking a baby who was crying because he had wind. It made me cry. #princess

The good thing is that when life looked like it was getting hard, Keiran and Rubes sauntered out the house to (i don’t know why i want to say ‘fetch a pale of water’…they didn’t do that, it ain’t no nursery rhyme.) They sauntered out for a good 15 minutes and came back up the garden path with a giant bunch of flowers…pink  lilies for me to make me smile. That’s what’s good about my husband. It’s those moments that he becomes mighty and tries to pull us all together like one big troop of ‘army strong.’ That was so lovely…that it made me cry more. Lol. Hormones are hideous.

Last night, he came to talk to me as I was tucked up in bed watching Ruby sleep. He quietly told me how love, family and pulling together works and how we have to be as parents in order to make it work. He kissed me and told me that i have to trust him and remember that he said that everything would be more than okay and that he loved me and was going to be here for me ALL the way through every step. All i have to so is pretty much keep calm and carry on.  Then he told me I was a ‘strong woman,’ and i’m always really sceptical when people say that. I find it really cliched and annoying. I’m strong when i’m strong and i’m weak when i’m weak. It’s part of human nature. No-one is strong all the time. No-one is weak all the time. It’s robotic and wrong if they are.

The good thing is that i have a man that loves me and he loves our family and wants the best for our world. He’s setting the example and well Daddy-hood, although hard on him also, suits him. He knows it’s not easy, but he’s really taking it by the reins and being a champion at it. I already need a holiday. Lol. I think i felt sad because I was this independent vixen of ambition…and well now i’m a gusset scrubbing, baby rocker. It’s fine if you’re a gusset scrubbing, baby rocker with £10 million in the bank. Otherwise…it’s not fun at all. It’s looong, but out of love and sacrifice…you do it. I LOVE baby Ruby and baby Junior and when i stop moaning…:) …it’ll all be quite dandy.

The thing that Keiran doesn’t get is that this hasn’t JUST started for me. For the last NINE months i’ve MADE sacrifices. I’ve been pregnant…and haven’t been able to really DO ANYTHING, go anywhere, have any fun…be me, or feel like me. I’ve stayed at home, nursed a bump, endured a physical, emotional and mental transformation, stayed in, stayed home and looked after a 2 year old. I’ve cooked when I haven’t wanted to and well…just sacrificed, whereas through my pregnancy he’d been out, he’d done boys nights, drank, stayed out late….played golf, worked, worked out…everything he wanted. If not everything…a lot more than I could do. I mean he could so the simpliest things that I couldn’t do and I mean as simple as….see my toes. Men never think of that or what we’ve been through. Keiran’s all heart and a tremendously loving soul and even still he doesn’t think of that.

I’m just going through the initial ‘diva’ moan of it all, then i’ll shimmie myself together and get this show on the road.

Happy Sunday. Happy Father’s day…I have a wonderful Father…I’m the luckiest girl in the world…I just need to remember that and let that mist fade away.

Chrissie x

So, i’ve just ventured to the local grocery store to grab a few last minute bits and pieces, to whop together an almost edible lunch for my lovely bit of hubby Keiran, with a side of lottery tickets. (Wouldn’t it be nice to win £100 million tonight. Everyone always moans that the chances are really slim of winning such a prize, but ever since a couple from England, who were probably just sat on their sofa like we are right now WON a giant £82 million two weeks ago…i’ve decided that you really DO HAVE to be in it to win it and as the slogan goes it really ‘COULD BE YOU.’ Gimme. Gimme. *Wiggle-Giggle-Go on telly and only do your hair for the whole programme.*

But yes, the point is that I tinkering around throwing things into my basket. I hate grocery shopping so I try to do it as quickly as possible. Got to the cashier…had a lot of people glaring at me because i’ve just had a baby and their not used to seeing me without a bump. (I’ve weirdly lost pretty much all of my baby weight now. I just have a little bit to go now, which will involve a tone up. EAT salad. It works.)

Got to the part where you launch everything on the conveyor belt for them to scan and the cashier stops me, goes bright red, smiles and says playfully behind her hand. ‘I saw you on the telly last night,’ then giggles. It was like I had done something really naughty…so i loved it. It made me feel like I was back to the normal me for a second. (I’m not naughty now…well apart from this morning well i turned hormonal and Keiran had to rein me in and remind me to set an example when infront of our children. )

So, after one lady said something…everyone did…and before you know it, and after she scanned through my steak..I was a ‘hero’ and well that proves that you don’t have to do much on the telly, in fact all you have to do is pout, wear neon, and bronze ya boobs and everyone (if the show had 1.2 million viewers, regardless as to how much you were shown) will notice you. I’ve been famous this morning…and with spring onions in my hand. However, one lady did then say, ‘I went to bed, so i didn’t watch it , but did your toy go through.’ Oooh bad. Just s you know, there is a RANGE of toys and they’ve all been made and they are all selling right now in your local Ann Summers. It wasn’t meant to be a competition..that might’ve not come out in the show well enough. However, it did end up being, i guess. Lol.

But yeah, after this morning, i’m back to realizing that you can get through life with a simple *wiggle & a wink.* #badhabit

Other than that and the fact that Keiran and i are going to win the Euromillions tonight and not spend any of it on you. A card came through the post this morning…and upon the envelope was printed the words,

‘No peeking until Father’s day.’

Keiran says nothing about it, but then later…when he believes i’m not moody any more and i’m happy because the show got a zillion viewers…he said, ‘Ooh i got this card’ and showed me it…(it was still in it’s envelope, as he’ snot allowed to peek at it.)

Now any normal man would think, ‘aaah, it’s from my children,’ with it being Fathers day on Sunday and well with him having 2 kiddiwinkles. However, instead…he sees that the envelope is post marked ‘Guernsey’ and thinks ‘Oh god…who do i know i Guernsey??’

There he is thinking he may have mystery children that he never knew about, when he doesn’t know anyone in Guernsey,instead of remembering we have Ruby and Junior. I mean Junior is only just over a WEEK OLD. It’s not that long ago! Lol.

Luckily, we laughed it off and i threatened to kick him in the face if that would ever happen. (And by that, I mean if he forgot to mention past children before marrying me.)

Then we went back to ‘fairytale.’

Y’know although i wasn’t in it much, it’s always great to have been in a show that had the highest viewing rate for a Channel. 1.2 million. That’s insane. I haven’t gotten over it yet. I did want to be in it more though. (Now i need chocolate.) I say bring on Part 2 and Part 3 please.

Anyhow, life must go on and you can’t dwell on jiggery pokkery…and i do have a sex toy on the shelves of a massive high street store. We have one more show we’re waiting to air…it’s up and down and worrying, but still…it’ll be fine, everything happens the way it should AND we’ve just recently auditioned for another show, that we’re at producers for. Hopefully that will work in our favour as it sounds amazing. Confidence, determination and the will to never give up is what it takes today.

Okay..now i can have chocolate. However, as it’s the weekend…forget work…i’m going to enjoy Baby Ruby, Baby Junior and my gorgeous little family.

ADore you!

Kisses.

ps. News just in…It wasn’t actualy 1.2 million. It was actually 1.5 MILLION viewers. Holy Moly! Fantastic!

So, last night was ‘Sex Toy Stories.’ I watched it and I loved  it, but i’m weirdly someone that can’t stand to watch myself because i make myself cringe, quite dearly. You wouldn’t have thought that. But..yeah..i’m quite shallow (lol) so whenever I saw me rabbiting on, 8 months pregnant, with my chubby face and flat hair, occasionally delivering a bit of honest wit…in between glammy bits of me (which I did like)…where all I did was do my hair, bronze my boobs and pout a little…I was kinda like…’Erm…ewww.’

I enjoyed the show because I love the girls, but OMG i got edited out LOADS. I feel like I filmed so much over an entire year and all of it ended up on the cutting room floor. I was sat on my sofa thinking…’where is it all?’ I mean, I remember being ginormously pregnant, tottering up those Victoria underground stairs in heels, puffing and panting and trying to dash to catch my train to Surrey…after waking up at 6am to get there on time…and well I wasn’t even in it that much! Lol. #typical. I don’t think i’ve ever got cut out of something that much? It makes me feel odd.

We literally filmed LOTS over the last year…and I don’t just mean our personal lives…as they only told the story of a couple of us girls because that’s all there was time for. But we actually slogged our guts off at the headquarters, with the naming of the products, the packaging…everything…lots and it was all cut out. Plus, i wanted to delve into the lives of the others girls. Like I wanted to see what happened in ‘Rebecca’s’ world, or ‘Emilys world.’ I wanted to see Kim and her Olympic torch run. But we didn’t get to. However,t hat’s the name of the game and how promo works. So i’m happy that I was part of it as it doesn’t really stop here, our range of toys are currently in your local ANN SUMMERS store now and ready for you to buy. Our faces represent the range and that’s another ‘tick box’ I can wave at people, when I thumb through the memory box.

I did love it and my brief bits of banter. But yeah, for the split second i was in it, (after making you all watch it ) all i did was pout and wear neon. I promise you i did more than that. We all did.

So I was half happy, half deflated, until this morning before the nursery run i found out via Optomen that we were not only trending on Twitter last night, but we were the HIGHEST RATED Channel 4 show, with 1.2 MILLION viewers. Crazy! And I was a part of that. Plus, the products are now in the stores…in Ann Summers! That’s amazing. What an achievement. So i’m glad to be part of the team and glad that I got picked.

Life has immediately got back to normal…it did right away, because as soon as the credits went up…Baby Junior managed to POO himself and Baby Ruby started screaming in her sleep upstairs…madly… and just like that, ‘snap’…I got right back to my fairytale, after taking a little dip out of it for a brief bit of telly tinkering. It sort of made my heart fill with absolute joy-joy just looking at my tiny bambino’s…all cute and pooey and filled with ‘mummy i need a cuddle.’ My focus switched off from the show within seconds as my kiddiwinkles grab-snatched my heart. I’ve grown up loads and learnt what matters in life and I think my ego was more dented last night that I didn’t feature more…because i’m not used to it. Hahahaha.  Yes I am that tragic. But don’t get the wrong impression, i’m chipper,i’m happy and thoroughly enjoyed my time on the team!!

Like a lot of the girls have said, we just filmed SO MUCH and to have a great deal  of it not aired due to circumstance, time, the art of promo etc…is disheartening. It was a lot of work and for a very long time AND I was preggo for half of it, so I was exhausted. Lol. I was there almost every time we needed to film.

Yet right now there is SO much going on…that I sort of have to climb back upon my kitten throne, shimmie and get back to work. It’s weird that it’s over. But like I said…now we have the next thing. I’m excited!

So please please DO go into your nearest Ann Summers store and enjoy our range of toys. You might as well keep life sexy. The little purple ‘Learning Curve’ is the one that I helped create…so buy it…for that extra bit of ‘backdoor buzz.’

1.2 MILLION viewers! Crazy! I love it. Highest Rated Channel 4 show last night!

http://www.annsummers.com/page/oteam&cm_mmc=social-_-twitter-_-oteam-_-sextoystoriespage

http://www.annsummers.com/p/learning-curve-vibrating-anal-toy/07anavas1062041#

‘You’re willy looks bigger,’ said the little Asian Glamour Puss, to her loving ex-soldier husband, as he *boinged* it out at her for a darling bit of ‘sexy humour’ between the living room and the kitchen.

‘Does it..’ he replied with a grin of delight upon his ‘maybe i’ll get lucky’ face?

‘Well maybe it’s because i’ve been looking at Baby Junior’s willy so much that it just looks bigger now?’

He exits the conversation and goes for a wee.

Morning everyone! It’s so much harder writing these blogs with two kiddy-winkles on rotation. Keiran’s injured and exhausted, but holding himself up with a delicious ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’ swagger. He’s been a Godsend of help through all this ‘ouchy-archy’ and far too active for his own good, on ‘i have a newborn baby’ sleep. He’s certainly a man who throws himself into everything whole heartedly. However, in this instance…you need to get your rest, otherwise ‘newborn babyhood’ WILL get the better of you. I believe he’s recovering from a case of ‘man down,’ but he’s happy. He’s happier than I have ever seen him. I guess, we finally have what we’ve always wanted. The good thing is i’ve demanded and  taken over parent ‘night duties’, simply because it’s only fair. (Look at me being all fair and everything now. It’s because I haven’t had wine.W ine makes me selfish…vodka makes me generous. Boys must always work that out. Well my sorry ass exes anyway. The nice ones of you, i don’t mind…in fact I probably owe you an apologies anyway for whatever kind of ‘Wunna jiggery pokery’ you had to put up with. Luckily, it’s not in my nature to ‘sorry-sorry’ any of my exes. Therefore, ah-dee-dums…c’est la vie. ) Oooh…i’ve lost track of what I was saying now??

(Sorry: I’m currently having a *flashback* of the giant  that turned up at my patio door, last night. It terrified me because i’m only used to seeing little Asian relatives a tip tapping at my door. Yknow, the smiley, giving kind that I call ‘Mama & Papa’, who are ready to take on one of my children. It was Keiran’s cousin Craig, so all was well, as it wasn’t giants. #anticlimax. He and The Hubby spent the evening working out in the handmade gym in our garden, because it’s the time of the year for  ’Operation Get Sexy.’ I want to take part in my own version of ‘Operation Get Sexy,’ where I don’t have to lift my own body weight. I’m just doing the good old diet way, to lose my baby weight. It’s going well. I’m hungry and in fact I sort of wish I didn’t stuff in those custard doughnuts 20 at a time now in my last few weeks of pregnancy. Ugh! I’m always learning things the hard way. But i’m rather good at dieting…Hollywood taught me the way.

Luckily, genetics hasn’t been too bad to me and i’m slowly but surely getting back into shape. I sort of almost am into some kind of ‘okay if you’re a guy drunk in a bar and see me‘ shape,’but nowhere near where I want to be….shape. Give me a few more weeks and i’ll be rocking it and wiggling around in my booty shorts and stilettos looking ‘snatch.’ A few more months..well three… and i’ll be back to work and working ‘it.’ (It better get sunny. I’m solar powered.)

Y’know, i’m looking around me and I  feel like I always have something bouji and something kiddified in my hands, at all times. I’ll swing a Mulberry handbag…with a Tommy Tippee baby bottle, attached to my other hand.Or swagger a glitter MAC lipgloss, with 4 nappies, a bib and a sack of wet wipes wedged into my arm. Mummyhood sure ain’t easy, however it’s the biggest delight ever. Keiran and I are completely happy now and well all we need now are millions of pounds to go with our dream and then we’ll have everything we want. (Ugh, there’s a car alarm going off whilst i’m trying to get Baby Junior to sleep. The same happened last night when I was trying to get Baby Ruby to go ‘nighty-night.’ Ruby refused to ‘eye shut’ and simply because she firstly wanted to play with ‘the boys’ and secondly because she couldn’t stop wanting to dry hump pillows to Cinderella. UGH!I need to have wine in my system for this. It’s just wrong. I even Googled it to see if it’s normal…and it’s not that normal at all. Lol. I swear she’s turning into a teenager at 2 years old. She’s still ever sweet, but holy moly…she has a mind of her own. It’s my own fault, as i’m just the same. However, raising MYSELF is never fun. I feel bad for my mum. Luckily Baby Junior is still fully delightful withour mood swings and because he’s only a week old. This is why we need my own private estate. They’ll be no car alarms and all the time in the world.  I think i’ve been watching too many ‘Real Housewives ..’ episodes. It’s all I understand now and through my pregnancy was my saving grace. I cannot believe that i have spent my entire wedded life so far, until last week…pregnant…and now that i’m not…I STILL HAVEN’T HAD A WINE.

Anyway, other than all that Keiran’s glint has returned to his eye and he’s looking at me once more like he did when we first dated…with ‘sex’ in his eyes. I fell asleep on his pec yesterday…(like I said it always happens, you can’t go near them and not have a few minutes kip upon one.) We’re kissing like we’re lovers once more and ‘wooing’ like sexytime could occur at any given moment…when the kiddies are a sleep.

We’re currently open for visitations, to all those of you who have been asking to pop in for baby cuddles. I’ve recovered at the speed of light and you have to when you have a 2 year old, otherwise it’s just not fair and well my boobs don’t feel like they’re about to explode anymore.

I’m looking forward to watching the Ann Summers show that i’m on on Thursday, #sextoystories. Yet nervous because I always manage to put my foot in it. I will admit, it’s usually to applause, but when you haven’t yet seen something that is about to air, you sort of get nervous. What did I do? What did I say? Have I been edited right? AND well…I better be in it LOADS. I mean, I felt like when I did ‘Paris Hilton’s BBF’ ITV2 we’re really good to me when it came to the editing. I was sassy, naughty, but likeable. So, what can I say, we’ll see.

My local paper (which is The Pontefract & Castleford Express) hasn’t wanted to boast about Keiran  and I appearing on such a show…I guess because the title is sprinkled with a shimmie of controversy…and well when I was on the ‘Hilton Show’ they called me the ‘Terrifying Plastic Doll from Pontefract.’  However, the funny thing is the headline that HAS made the paper is as follows:

‘Scarecrow swiped from #Badsworth by thieves in pink-wheeled car.’

Hilarious! This is just my luck.

But i’m not too worried, we’ll make impact, there’s things in the pipeline…we realize we’re lucky and well we’re waiting.

Saying that I had the third audition for another show that we’re hoping to be a part of yesterday afternoon. I didn’t realize they’d be calling, and I had fallen asleep on the sofa…I jumped up, heard my voicemail and called them straight back. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and my tummy tight…and hoping for the best. We’re feeling confident and well at the end of the day, the goal…in entertainment, is to eventually (as in NOW) have our own show. Nothing is better than making money and showing off, simply via living your own life. It’s be great for us, the children and our line of excitement.

I mean, a chicken shop has it’s own show. We deserve ours, I tells ya!

However, for now we’re loving our little family and getting ready to rocket forward. It’s a great feeling creating your own foundation, love and family. It really does give you an incentive and really makes you feel like you can conquer the world.

As they say, ‘Impossible is nothing.’ We can do this…GIMME! GIMME!

But first, please do enjoy ‘Sex Toy Stories’ and swtich to Channel 4, at 10pm, THIS THURSDAY.

Kissy, kissy my little dew drops of Summer time. It’s not actually sunny right now, so I’m not quite sure why i’m whipping out my wordy bikini bottoms and grilling on my imaginary barbecue of life. I guess it just feels Summery in Wunna land. This was the view from my window yesterday morning, as I was giving Baby Junior his 10am feed..(I’m bottle feeding Junior and simply because he’s the only boy in the entire world who doesn’t like my boobs. I’ve tried force feeding him a nipple and quite simply in the manner of a pitbull, growls at me with anger.)

But yes..the above was yesterday’s window view. (I adore the ‘in the background Ruby and Keiran moment occuring. As a mum..it makes you feel special to know that the man in your life truly loves our little girl and your little girl loves him right back.)

Anyway, the day before at the same time the view was as follows:

Same thing..diffrent swagger…and sunnier. Keiran has turned the garden into a handmade gymnasium and well Ruby has turned it into her own little playground. Keiran’s cousin Craig brought his little girl ‘Izzy’ over this morning…and well Izzy accessorized with a BOUNCY CASTLE. #boujibaby. I had children bouncing up and down on this bouncy castle at 10am, Baby Junior trying to eat me, instead of enjoying his bottle, the boys…Keiran and Craig working out on the Olympic Rings…and then Pete coming around to collect Ruby for a day in the swimming pool. Madness! I believe the boys were trying to show what ‘real men’ are made of. All i heard all morning is the fact that they were ‘machines.’ Unfortunately for me, Rubes adores male company..her morning was complete with these two fine gents…one of which is ‘daddy,’ to the point where she was wiggling around shouting, ‘Hey boys…watch me..’ then weirdly doing squat thrusts. I need to take her to get her nails done for something. She’s getting far too boyish.

The good news is that I’m feeling great. I’m feeling delicious and pretty much recovered. I’ve got a lot going on. There’s the family, the children, the marriage, the fairytale, organizing more auditions, press talks and all at the same time the show THAT I WANT YOU ALL TO WATCH, ‘Sex Toy Stories’ airing this Thursday, on Channel 4!

Keiran and I are really excited to see it, as it marks a highly momentous occasion for us, a moment that everyone else got to see, but we didn’t…which led onto another momentous occasion…which you don’t get to watch, but you know about. Y’know, The good thing about being unable to see the moment is the sheer fact that it was because WE WERE the moment. It means life is exciting….and it is. Right now, i couldn’t wish for it to be more wonderful and simply because for the last year and a half it’s been filled with surprises. You never know what’s right around the corner, do you?  I just hope my next corner is filled with magic, dreams come true and maybe a giant lottery win, with a shower of ‘Look at me’ and a gunge pool of stardom. Then’ll be hardcore happy and not ‘happy with a maybe need a vino’ streak. *Giggle-wink*

On the whole, i’m  keeping it sexy, i’m getting back into the swing of things….I’m back to shopping and took both Baby Ruby AND Baby Junior to Doncaster…(the town that birthed the wonder that is ‘Chrissie Wunna ) for the very first time with Grandma…and let me tell you, i got a rather rude awakening, which simply meant that ‘The Wunna’ WAS back.

ANYTIME, I step out of a car gather the troops, my dignity or my life together in one giant arm scoop and in stilettos, and I hear pervy jeers or shouts from gentlemen who lack a distinct *wink* of ‘ooh laa,’ means ‘Chrissie Wunna’ is back in the game. I say ‘Chrissie Wunna’ because she’s really different to ‘Chrissie Thompson.’ Obviously i’m not a nut job..and I do realize that talking in the 3rd person is idiotic and that they are the same being. Yet that’s just it…i’m both. I’m a home girl mummified, wifey who adores love, loyalt and happiness. I’m gentle and fluffy…yet all at the same time swirled in glitter, with a demon strut and a vixen glare. Oh and tits. The boys are a head turning onve more and even though i’m flattered…none of them are actually hot. I feel like they’re the guys who have nothing to lose, so they take a shot at the ‘glamour glamour puss.’ OR they’re pissed.

OOh the good news! My bumps dying down merrily with a finger snap and a swagger strut, hip bump. #guuuurrrl I’m feeling sexy and well when you’re getting hit on in Barnsley, next to wheely bins, whilst you’re sat in a door way with a sign reading ‘AWAY’ above you, by a chubby man who enters the conversation with a ‘Thems a nice pair of…earrings.’ Followed by a growl and a ‘Where’s your boyfriend? Are you from Thailand? I’d like to take you out. Do you want a cider?’ Hmmm?

Again as flattered as I am and i’d hardly say I was that flattered. I have boobies. We know this. They have been working boobs for some time and well i’ve lived to tell the tale of them and walked a good path and a path with them also. Men really have to get over them..and I do mentally and not with anything rudey. Y’know, I think becaus ei’ve started to feel sexy and i’m feeling so happy right now, i’m sending off vibes of ‘ooh laa’ which is pulling the guys in accidentally with a magnet force. It’s a shame really for them because if there was ever a time in my life that I felt in love…it has peed all over and shat on, by how in love I feel RIGHT NOW. Keiran is the only man in this entire world that I was made for, to the point where I can’t even BELIEVE that I found him. Honestly when you imagine, as a young girl or an old girl, your perfect gent, you’re hero…that guy that I imagined…was him! No joke. We’re perfect. I told him last night how much I appreciated him and I grateful I was for him. Men, like women need to hear it don’t they. I’m not going anywhere. Our bubble, our fairytale and our life together is magical.

I smiled at the Barnsley guy who enjoyed talking to my boobies by bins and simply said, ‘I’m here watching my husband….’ I’m a good sport. But I will tell you, with a delicious amount of wit, if you’ve crossed the line. He hadn’t. Plus, he attempted to woo me with cider. At least he tried to be romantic.

My life is actually super simple now and i love it. I don’t have time to baggage drunk men with an eye for an Asian girl with swagger simply because wherever I go, I am taking care and jollying along with the below (my two beautiful bits of loin fruit) and my VERY DELICIOUS, LOVE WATCHING HIM PLAY SPORT AND PERVING ON HIM DAILY WHEN HE’S SHIRTLESS’ husband.) Swoon. Keiran is SUPER SWOON right now. Plus, he’s trying to get all fit for the Summer…which is a joy to my little squinty…perverted…eyes. We smooched last night a little, like we used to. Like the kinda smooch that leads to sex. I was SO attracted to him that it got my juices flowing. I can tell he’s ready to get his sex life back in order with his wifey..as there have been the odd moment where he’s accidentally *boinged* his willy out on the sofa and in the kitchen for me to see. …jokingly of course…yet all girls know, with boys that love you or fancy you…it’s never really a joke. If I walked up to it and began a series of porny faces, he’d be naked in a second and bending me over the kitchen counter.

I’m excited to get our sex life on track. We haven’t been able to bedroom tango due to pregnancy. In fact, i’ve spent THE WHOLE on my ENTIRE WEDDED LIFE…pregnant! It’s hilarious. But i’m feeling saucy. So when i’m back to normal..which means i’m not leaking from places that you don’t even want to know about….then he’ll get treated to some lovely bedroom fun..and well we BOTH LOVE our time between the sheets.

(Rubes guarding her new baby brother…by noodles in Donny. I have the most gorgeous loin fruit.)

It’s good to almost be back on the map with a swirl of ‘Va Voom.’ I’m not there yet, but nearly. It’s important that ladies who have had babies get their femininity back and feel womanly again. You can lose yourself after the art of labour. But don’t…because if anything, you desrve to feel sexy again and be treated like a Princess. The biggest thing a girl can do in life is GIVE LIFE and RAISE IT. I lvoed shopping in Donny with the kids this Saturday, except with every two steps I took, we were stopped and they were ‘aww’ed’ upon. But that’s cute.

Then a group of overly sexed young boys have started hooting and hollering at me once more. They weren’t even that young, they were sort of mid-20-ish, which to me means you surely should’ve grown up by now. I mean i’m not a prude, i’m up for a laugh, but when i’m with my newborn…there needs to be some kind of decency projected by the male species surely? I must honestly bring out the devil in boys, as groups of willies like to follow me around town centres when i’m with my family…wait until i’m holding Baby Ruby or Baby Junior and then.shout ‘DO YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE IN YA!’ Nice! Raised well. I mean, would you ever…go up to a girl who has obviously JUST had a baby…I mean Junior is only a week old…he’s had only approx 7 days on this earth ball and then think…’Hey she’s hot, i know how to woo her,’ and come out with ‘DO YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE IN YA?’ Major points LOST, male species. Not for being pervy. You can’t help yourself because i’m obviously divine.  But for simply not being clever enough to adapt your manner in order to score a chick. You have one shot at a first impression…that wouldn’t have worked anyway…but they wouldn’t have known that..and all they can come out with is basically…’you have a baby, let me stick my willy in you and give you another.’ GROSS.

Boys in groups are always the worst because their ring leader grows ten feet tall and starts giving it the gobberlicious. I’m schooled in boys, men and everything in between. I’M AN OLD BIRD NOW. If I got that gobby boy on his own, he’d be a soppy mess of ‘love me, love me,’ as i’d be slamming a door in his face, or buzzing him off the stage.  Romance is certainly something young men need to work on in this day and age and not just the art of it, because technically they know how to ‘woo’ a woman. THEY ALL KNOW. It’s the art of being BRAVE ENOUGH to publically exercise the art of romance, without thinking you look like a dickhead, or ‘soft’ infront of your male counter parts.

Sexy isn’t just shouting rudey things out like ‘TITS’ at women, believe it or not. Nor is it getting your boobies out and flaunting them everywhere for attention. (Yes, i did that…but i always knew what ‘sexy’ was…it was a job…not an emotionally state of insecurity.)  It’s not always even what you SAY that is sexy. It’s just that ‘something-something,’ the glint in your eye, the ‘ooh’ in your strut, the smile that comes from feeling confident and the confidence that comes from life experience and knowing that you are finally comfortable in your own skin…and LOVED for it. (I actually always loved myself even at my most unlovable. )

Anyway enough about that…

I went to watch Keiran play cricket yesterday with Baby Junior. Hot! That’s all I can say. I perved on my husband like the proudest wife of mucky ever. He is SO FIT, when he’s working out, or playing sport. I felt like a WAG yesterday…except I was in Wombwell meaning I was a love budget WAG. I never thought i’d enjoy such a feeling…but  I did and only because my hubs is FIT! He’s kinda one of those ‘good at everything’ men and all I can say is swoon, swoon, swoon. That’s how I was feeling on the inside…and that’s when the Barnsley man came and hit on me by wheely bins. Bad timing. Must be awful when you make a move…not that this guy was making a serious move, he was just having a laugh. But imagine making a big old move on someone and on the inside you have no idea that they’re madly in love with someone else.

Anyway, all was going well. I was perving over Keiran and feeding Baby Junior at the same time. It was sunny, it was warm, with odd bits of FUCKING BITTERLY COLD WIND, that made me have to wrap up every 3 seconds to get out of the force of it. But yes, all going well…then I see him drop to the floor in AGONY and start rolling around, as a crowd of his team mates gather around him.

At first, i’m thinking…that can’t be Keiran. But when I relooked..IT WAS! To be honest, he wasn’t feeling it too much that day. I could tell. He’s turned into a proper family man now. His priorities are bang on track and that’s what ‘daddy-hood’ does to good guys. Mummy hood certainly straightened me out. That’s why i always  say that Ruby saved my soul from a gin swilled future of tragico. Keiran saved my heart and kept my faith in love and myself alive. It only happens to the good people, who have a their hearts in the right places.

Anyway, Keiran came off the cricket field. Is it called a ‘field?’ The sauntered into the changing rooms to see his little Asian wifey and newborn son…with a blue bag of ice to put on his injured knee. It’s badly injured. He’s never ‘man down.’ However yesterday..he was! I could’ve bonked him there and then.

Junior slept through the whole thing:

(One week old!!! )

I sat through the cricket and loved it. Then I wondered how many other chicks were sat there watching it with milk in their boobs?

Okay, I’ve got a lot to do, a lot to organize and a lot of promo to begin to conquer.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, SON’T FORGET TO WATCH ‘SEX TOY STORIES’ on Channel 4, at 10pm…on THURSDAY! 

I’m going to start plugging it now until I utterly annoy you, so be warned…and well just enjoy it.