Can you actually believe that I got so excited about bashing out my JLO Super Bowl Challenge, that I wholeheartedly flung myself into action (as I do) and in true granny-like style pulled my leg & back that I had to bed rest, because I couldn’t adequately walk!! 🙂
Now, I’m not as bothered about being JLO? Haha. I feel like I’ve ticked my ‘done a Tik Tok’ Box off, when I whipped out a ‘Beyoncé’ Challenge. As I said on my socials, my love DOES officially ‘cost a thing,’ and well i’ll have to save my freshly polished routine…that I spent an entire day learning.. lol…for some other day…month…or life.
Just so you know…this isn’t talk of someone who feels defeated. I NEVER feel defeated!!! Lol. This is talk of an old person, who didn’t warm up before booty popping like a Latino superstar for a remix, supersonic dance challenge. I DID get back up and try to film it again…but I weirdly had an audience…of passers by watching me? People had actually stopped walking their puppies to watch me Mama booty pop to JLO hits, that I got far too uncomfortable and had to stop. Haha. (And the funny thing is, that i HAD to stop because I was taking it FAR too seriously! Lol. It MATTERED & they were slowing my roll…so I strutted away from my Tiktok routine in an ACTUAL moody ‘Diva’ huff! Hahaha.)
Ruby was literally in tears with LAUGHTER!!!
Ru: ‘I can’t believe you’re being mardy because you can’t be JLO!?! Hahaha.’
Me: ‘Well they were ALL (three people lol) WATCHING me!!!!!’
We just burst into laughter and I got my sorry self back into my kimono….where I belong.
I was also gonna do the Diversity ‘What’s Poppin’ Challenge, so the kids could win Show tickets and 20dv Merch. Yet after watching Perri Kiely on my phone 92,000 on repeat and learning the entire ‘sha bam,’ I thought…Why bother doing this, when I’m truly quite happy to just PAY for tickets and merchandise???? Haha.
So I sacked that off too and learnt the ‘Ballet Challenge’ instead.
Right! So I’m in bed writing this right now. It’s 3.42am and my eyes have just randomly opened. A weird thing happened… I felt a lady presence in my bedroom doorway…in black…she always comes (but she’s kind…like I know her.) Well not ‘like’ I DO know her. I just don’t look because it terrifies me! Haha. I’m not good with things like that! I don’t like to creep myself out, so I pretend it’s not happening.
Anyway, whenever she comes she places a really vivid number in my mind…I usually fall back to sleep and then i fully wake up, I Google what the number means. It’s so strange????? It happens all the time? The number I got this time was ‘5.’
Plus, whenever it DOES happen Ruby randomly can’t sleep and rushes into my room to get into bed with me…EVERY time.
Enough of that though!!! I’m happy. I’m homeschooling the babies. Im loving every minutes of living in this moment and dealing with this time. I’m learning a lot about myself. I feel like lockdown has opened up a whole new realisation. I’m really comfortable in my own skin…I’ve always been one to know myself well. I’m noticing things about my personality that I didn’t realise before. It’s nuts.
I’ve noticed that although fun…I’m quite focussed and sensible. I’m a lot more sensible than I thought. I’m not all ‘pins colada’s and shimmie shakes.’ I ‘play’ that.
I’ve also notice that when I have a true true passion for something, I’m REALLY serious about it. I almost take it far too seriously. I’m hard on myself because I have the highest expectations of what I should be achieving. I want & like to do superbly ALL the time. But I need to lighten up a little.
However, the positive side to all that is that taking the things that matter REALLY seriously can be beautiful. Y’know when you wholeheartedly wish to do your duty well. I LOVE mastering the art of being a great Mum, a great actress, a great JLO Tiktok performer or great liver of life!
Talking about livers… 🙂 My actual liver must be well chuffed! (If you’re not northern, ‘chuffed’ is a good thing.) Today is day 22 of my body being alcohol free. I’m extremely shocked that I managed to get this far! But I’m proud! The detox is going well! There are days I feel better for it…days I just feel the same? Which is normal. But it takes a while for stuff to kick in, doesn’t it? And I think you’ve got to give things that while.
Just so you know, it is JUST a detox! I mean I don’t WANT to live my life without a cocktail in my soul! I’m magical like that.
But they always say it takes 21 days to quit a bad habit. Any bad habit, once it’s felt, dealt and an action has been put into place. That’s actually how I quit smoking…cold turkey. 21 days. Just woke up one morning after that really hot Summer of 2018 and decided to quit.
When we hit September 2020, it will be 2 years. (I’m good at quitting things that are bad for me…once I decide that they ARE actually bad for me. I’m like that with my love life also. 🙂 )
I’m gonna strut out of this lockdown, a really great version of myself. All new and spangly and feels wonderful!
But like I said…it all goes in waves. You have a chilled week, some have a week of boredom, some days you feel down or stressed and other days you’re chipper and happy.
I’ve had lots of different weeks. I’ve had a stressy week. A happy ‘holiday mode’ of a week. I had a week where I felt like I needed to achieve and work hard on my career. Now, I’m on my week where I’m feeling really content and just want to relax and enjoy the simple things in life, without hassle or drama. Y’know, just be all comfy and… ME….in my Mickey Mouse t-shirt.
However, even though emotions during this time, does go in waves…I’m really happy because my number ONE FAVOURITE thing, in the world EVER….which is ‘Being Mama’…never ever waivers. It’s always there & strong, like a ‘BEAM’ of life, excitement, unconditional love and filled with the most beautiful memories & hopefully the most wonderful future!
I’m just so lucky! I mean Ru & Ju LITERALLY make everything so utterly worthwhile & they give me a real sense of purpose. I love watching them grow and I love being a major part of their life & happiness. It means so much to me. Junior’s little face when he’s achieved something he never thought he could. Ruby’s sense of purpose & ….well she’s just like I am.
Y’know, we’re all learning the true art of OUR OWN happiness during this time. I send you ALL my deepest love.
Thank you for finding yourself here & following my life.