My Arms Work Now & I’m Knackered

Oh my gosh!!! My arms have only just recovered from repeatedly punching the air on Saturday, in the name of learning the Laban technique at YAFTA! (I need to work on my ‘punching.’ I had ‘flicking’ down to a fine art. I’m an actor now. It’s ace!) 

If you don’t know what the Laban technique is, you’re just gonna have to Google it, because I can’t be arsed to type it all out. Lol. But it’s based on physical movement and how it effects us (as humans) emotionally. 

It’s a technique that works wonders for me. It’s crazy how a specific movement can bring on and ignite a certain type of emotion. I used it before my scene and yeah I definitely looked bonkers pressing a wall, 2 minutes before the word  ‘Action’ was shouted. YET, it worked! I felt exactly the way I needed to feel. I was impressed. Lol. 

We also worked on sense memory. I’m emotionally open anyway. So I can find an emotional trigger very easily. I can’t sing though! I certainly proved that! 🙂 But I’m a story teller. I ain’t trying to be Mariah. I don’t wanna deliver a tale via song. 

However, yes…It’s official. I’m 100% old & 99 % unfit.

Hurrah! 

 I can’t even punch the air without pulling what feels like every single muscle in my entire upper body. Haha. It honestly felt like a workout. I couldn’t move the next day. 

I’m definitely sure it’s good for me & certainly sure that my body has never been exerted in such a manner before. I also should’ve worn a sports bra. Every time I punched, my bra straps would gracefully fall down. Under my jumper a whole different ‘technique’ was going on. Haha. 

Y’know, I’ve noticed that my upper body has spent it’s life being massaged, nurtured and photographed. Lol. Up until Saturday at around 11am, it had never properly ‘punched.’ I mean, it’d performed a ‘Yippee’ baby-like punch. But never anything scary, or aggressive. 

I’m wordy. Not ‘punchy.’

Let’s put it this way, fellow actor ‘Geordie Ben,’ made ‘punching’ look hardcore, dangerous and like Eminem HAD actually LOST himself, in his ‘Lose Yourself’ video. 

I looked like ‘H’ from Steps, performing ‘Agadoo.’

Monica: ‘He looked so Eastenders.’

Me: ‘They’d be like, why has a Geordie moved into the square. Lol’

Geordie Ben: ‘…and why is he repeatedly punching and singing Lose Yourself???’ 

(He does a voice like ‘casting,’ but still sounds really Geordie…)

‘…we haven’t even paid him. He’s just shown up and started punching, man.’

Haha. We just spent our breaks in hysterical fits of banter infused laughter. 

‘Where’s James?’

‘I hope I get to be on Downtown Abbey. Even if all I have to do is walk on and say, * Here’s your spoon, Madam.* Haha.’ 

‘Why do guys think Pandora is the answer to everything?’

‘Yeah. I’m that old. You don’t all have to form a semi circle around me and stare..’ 

‘Just so you know, I’m not here next week. I’m graduating. I haven’t left, before you all start.’

‘She’s left.’

‘Marketing need someone to film an interview. You do it. You’d be good at it Chrissie.

‘Everyone’s sick of me. I talk about it all the time, even without marketing. Lol. Watch me make coffee at YAFTA. Read my YAFTA blog. Hear my YAFTA story. Watch me punch at YAFTA. All about Me. YAFTA! At least they’ll know there’s other people here, if you do it.’

‘I bet James has long hair. SO long that it fell in front of his eyes and he couldn’t find his way to class.

‘Why am I sat here in a giant faux fur? I look like the cast of Dynasty.’

Class was great this Saturday because the ‘pleasantries’ had been thrown out the window. We no longer sat in a room quietly, like we were waiting for hospital results. We’d got to know each other a little better. The first week had already been done and dusted. The tension had lifted. We were all now in film & tv school. The journey had set sail…in Yorkshire. 

Y’know, I HAVE actually done a similar thing when in LA & I can 100% tell you that  the Leeds version is so much better. In LA it was ONLY about the ‘business’ of acting. No-one cared about the craft. Everyone just wanted to be famous, get in front of casting and win. 

At YAFTA, it’s ABOUT the craft, the art, the technique, the talent. You learn ever so much. You work really hard. You make solid friendships. You’re honed, nurtured and refined. This is what makes British actors great! 

At the same time, you’re mentored on the business of it all, as a side line and once ready, you’re placed In front of the ‘decision makers.’ (Casting.) The people who can turn your dreams into real life work, as you’re sent out by the school’s agency.

However, learning the craft and getting great at it, IS the core of it all. You can want something so much, but if you’re not good at what you do, or you don’t TRY to BE good at what you do…someone who IS will always get the role.

(Bare with me. I had late night Wagamamas yesterday. I’m shattered. I think the 4pm coffee I had, whilst discussing life and diets with Miss.Murphy, after glow worm cards & banter, kept me AWAKE! I’m now vegan and she’s now fasting! Lol. What have we become? I love my ‘Murphy Monday’s’ and so do the kids! It’s a treat! I’m actually always excited for them.) 

Luckily, I’ve managed to make it to Tuesday in one piece and I can now freely delight in the fact that my arms are able to move without aching. I bought shoes to celebrate my ‘working arms.’ 

Glitter pumps and platform trainers are the answer to all my life wishes. 

Once November hits, I’m stepping up my style game. Right now, I’m shuffling around like a troll. 

What a year! Thank GOD it’s nearly over! 

There’s lots going on, but I’m chilling. I’m getting out of my own way and just enjoying the good bits!

I don’t know what you’re up too, but whatever it is, be ace at it!!! 

I love you! 

Chrissie x

Life is Cute, Homework & Rainbow Rudolph

Do you have the ‘homework mountain’ with your kids too? It’s not just me? We’re all going through it together, right? Lol

I seem to have a giant MOUNTAIN of ALL the homework, in ALL the world. I’m not kidding. It’s not even a fun mountain that serves whisky sours at the top, over beautiful skyline views. It’s awful!

The ‘homework mountain’ is incredible and mighty. It’s a place you never want to go, but are forced to visit…constantly. It’s modern & stylish, with an old school finish. It’s the never ending uphill struggle of Maths, English, Maths, English, Big writes, Diary Entries, Spellings, History Projects, Times-tables, Reading books, Build a model of….Write a letter to, Learn this song, Tell me about Vikings, Victorians, Egyptians, ‘The Lost Thing.’ I’m exhausted. Haha. 

Brain = Fried

The game is endless. It’s sick. You think you’ve mastered the delicious mighty mountain, then the next day….BOOM! It’s back, glistening and new, in it’s full ‘Do me now & Educate yo’self’ glory. 

‘Well done, Babes! Here’s new work, new books, new subjects, new stories, new spellings, new history, new tests, new projects, new, new, new, new, mountain, mountain…DO IT!’ 

Haha. 

It’s mental. It teases. It pokes.

But if they’re stuck….you’d think I’d just go with ‘Whatever, I need a mojito.’ 

Wrong! I’m actually the opposite and a sucker for sitting with them and going through it all, because I want them to feel inspired to learn. I want them to value it’s importance and I also want them to find homework fun.

It’s Wunna Land. If it’s not fun…then why do we have glitter on our walls? If they’re not inspired, they won’t care to do it, at all.

I hear loads of mums go on about it…

So, here’s my stance on the general homework debate ….Even though I’m having a comedic moan, I’m not the ‘they do enough work at school’ mum. 

I’m the ‘Regardless, you’re gonna get homework, whether you like it or not & you have to do it. So we might as well get on with it & get it out the way. Right?’

It’s A LOT. But that’s life. 

Yet, I do admit that it feels like there’s more homework than ever before?

Maybe because there’s two of them, so there’s double the amount…? Who knows?

PLUS, I have my OWN homework now. (Yay! Being an actor! Yay! Doing a Diploma! Yay! I now have a day left to learn my script.)

So after the joyous, kiddy mountain of homework, I’m then learning my scripts, sides, notes, doing a bit of ‘off screen contact,’ 🙂 writing reviews, building a character, sorting out the online bits, looking through work schedules, booking in headshots, re-learning my lines again, working on emotion, back learning frames…It’s hectic. It’s madness.

But weirdly, we’re loving it!

Well, we’re getting it done. Doing it merrily and because we all want to do well. It’s challenging. But isn’t everything? Once you’re done, you feel much better! 

 OR if you’re Junior, you just want mash potatoes. 

Or if you’re Ruby you argue with me afterwards, in a unicorn nighty, because you utterly believe that Mummy can’t help you with ideas for diary writing, or doesn’t understand homophones??? She doesn’t argue with me during homework, because she’s an ambitious soul. She wants to achieve. She wants to be the best. She wants to win. 

She waits until afterward, when I serve her sushi in a kimono and goes for it…

Ru: ‘You didn’t really help.’

Me: ‘I know the difference between Whether & Weather Ru!!’ 

Ru: ‘You don’t!! You’re testing me wrong. I’ve got this diary thing to do!’ 

Me: ‘When you write a diary entry, you should focus on how the boy FEELS.’

Ru: ‘I KNOW!!!!!! Stop telling me what to DO! I can do it myself.’

Me: ‘I’m helping you because you asked me?’

Ru: ‘Yeah, but what’s an opener? I need to talk about openers for the letter.’

Me: ‘It’s the…’

Ru: ‘I know! I know! Stop! Mum!!!’

Me: ‘Haha. Ruby. I’ve written a DIARY for the last 10 years & written about a zillion letters! I get this…’

Ru: ‘No you haven’t!!! All you do is TALK to yourself.’

Me: ‘I’m not talking to myself. I’m learning my script. Lol.’ 

It’s hilariously insane!

Junior’s far less aggro. Lol. He just smiles sweetly. He enjoys every bit of his work, wants to try his best, thanks me for helping him and then requests buttered mash potatoes.

Bliss!

He’s the kindest boy I’ll ever know.

But we managed it. We managed it ALL and in our comfies!!! 

In fact, we did so well that last night ended up being the cutest. There was just a moment… and our world is created by moments. We try and hold onto them in the form of beautiful memories.

We honestly remember ALL the moments and treasure them like the gold that they’re made of.

Ruby & I have out loud, belly laughs at some of the ‘moments ‘we’ve made. Even the bad ones. 

For example…Obviously because a human has filled our world with anxiety, of recent…Whenever we hear or see a car pull up into our street, or outside our home, we slyly panic and have to triple check to make sure we’re safe.

Junior’s always absolutely terrified. Ruby’s eyes look scared, yet she acts like she’s okay. I definitely feel the fear…and try to direct it appropriately, in a good old, safe fashion, to make sure they feel okay.

But…We’ve done it SO much NOW, that it’s funny. (I’m aware that it’s a sad thing to find funny, if you’re going through the same thing? Yet, if we didn’t…their world would be temporarily misted with fear & I don’t want that. They don’t deserve that. That’s why I turn ‘safeguarding moments’…into beautifully fun hotel nights. So unannounced home visits that may possibly disrupt their ‘happy place’ doesn’t get to harm them emotionally. It doesn’t get near them. Get it?)

Anyway, last night, Ruby, Junior & I had all bundled into my bed and they asked me to tell them a bedtime story. 

I’m not gonna lie, I hate doing it. But I do it anyway. The best bedtime story would go like this…

‘Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. Now there are hundreds. The end. Go to sleep.’

Haha. I’m terrible. 

But the lights go out, they’re all snuggled in, I begin to tickle Junior’s back and then i take them on a magical adventure to the North Pole, to meet & feed Santa’s reindeer, who are snuggled in cosy warm stables, preparing for their big Christmas Eve flight. (I went for it last night.) 

Ruby usually likes to act out the story with delighted faces and hand gestures of mockery. Junior usually likes to direct the story. 

He likes me to ‘get to the bit where Santa comes in.’ (Every second Santa has to flipping walk in. Even if the story isn’t about Christmas?) 

However, no Tom Foolery occurred last night. They just wanted to listen, relax, enjoy and sleep. 

As if!!!!!!

Yet because they decided to listen, relax, enjoy and sleep…I thought my story telling bored them, so I had to ‘amp’ up the stakes! 

So Rudolph had just been given his ‘magical rainbow reindeer food,’ from a ‘glistening golden safe’ guarded by ginger, dancing elves…

It was cute because the smallest things made them giggle. 

The fact that Rudolph now had a rainbow nose & the elves were panicking because it obviously totally messed up his song. His big Christmas anthem! 

Junior: ‘Oh no!!! It can’t be Rudolph the rainbow nosed reindeer!!!’

Ruby: ‘Why not?’ (….because she has to debate everything.) 

Then we all just *paused* in the dark… with a tortoise in an enclosure nearby…and out loud, GIGGLED.

Everything stopped and we JUST laughed for no reason. We didn’t know why we were laughing? What was so funny? Or what was even going on? We just burst into utter laughter…and it was literally the most amazing feeling ever!!!!!

It was like everything just went back to normal for a while.

Then we were all exhausted, so I told that when they fell asleep, we’d all go on the happiest dream land adventure! Almost as if their bed time story didn’t end there…and the rest of the fun could be had in their dreams.

We’d be sent to the North Pole, where the story had been told and we’d meet at the wooden sweet store, that had two giant candy canes around the front door, in the shape of a love-heart. 

They were so excited! Haha. It was cute.

Junior: ‘What if I can’t find you? I want you to be there.’ 

‘I’ll be there. I’m Mama. I’m always there.’

I told them not to worry, because in dream land they’d have mobile phones in their pockets, so we could face time if they got lost. Haha.

And just like that they fell into the happiest, deepest sleep and woke up this morning filled with delight and adventure….ready to tell me everything!

Life is cute. 

Enjoy it. 

I’m on the Diploma…

I found myself stood in the same carpark, where I’d rehearsed Emmerdale scripts with Israel (@djiz) a couple weeks previous, as Ezra in casting watched over us and directed.

Ezra: ‘That was gooooood, you too!’

Me: ‘You cool?’

Iz: ‘I’m cool.’

*Nod….Nod….Nod….Nod.*

It was 9.30am. Leeds. Fresh as a daisy. Confident. Excited. Early. I still hadn’t brushed through my hair, but that’s the good thing. It didn’t matter. 

I was ready to get going, after a stressful & hazy time. No-one knows what I’ve been through because they haven’t felt it. 

I kinda didn’t want to cut away from my stress, because I was worried. I was worried for the people I cared about very much. But I did it and I did it to try and make something of myself. For my own happiness & my little family. 

It was the first day of my Screen Acting Diploma & I finally got there. Maybe not in the most organised fashion. But I got there.

It felt really good, to have made a decision, (you’re only decision away from a completely different life.) It felt good to have found a way, to have asked for advice, to have made a commitment, to have refrained from getting distracted and to have boxed ALL negative litter UP!! 

The litter got placed in a temporary holding cupboard, to be dealt with AFTER ‘success’ had to decided to glisten upon me. It WILL finally be sprinkled away. However, right now…it’s out of my hands and in that time I’ve chosen to be positive.

This is the part of my life where I didn’t let someone try and take everything from me, because they themselves were broken & had too much time on their hands. This is the part, where I didn’t listen to doubt, didn’t give up and fought for my own piece of ‘Happy.’ 

This is the part where I WON. I won as soon as I galloped into that carpark, at 9.30am, on Saturday morning and made a start.

It was sunny but cold. It felt great. 

I was there….

So…Ofcourse, I had stuff on my mind. You’d never know it. I’m chatty. I’m alive. But that’s how I work. It’s sometimes strange because often (AWAY from that carpark) everyone always thinks they know quite a lot about me. When the reality is, (like with anyone) unless you live their life with them, you actually know nothing at all. 

I love that carpark on Kirkstall road, because you’re a blue coded door away from the best world ever. Away from the ‘Yadda…Yadda.’ 

At YAFTA, none of the ‘yadda…yadda’ matters. Everyone gets it. Everyone gets on with it. Everyone’s filled with support. Everyone’s there to work hard, learn, do well and hopefully make something of themselves. Everyone’s there to share a passion and to develop their skills! We’re all in the same boat, taking the same journey. It’s competitive. But we support. 

I’m happy there. 

Once anyone steps into the car park, they’ve committed to developing themselves, their career, their talent. 

The thing about commitment….

If you commit to something, then you certainly want to do well & you SHOULD take that journey, with your head held high, your heart in the right place and with NO excuses. You have to prioritise. Sacrifice. But in the end it’s worth it…because you got to the finish line. You didn’t give up and I reckon most people don’t make things happen because they give up. 

So yeah, although anything can occur along the way. I’m just focused on getting to the finish line. Yet getting there with a full tank of experience, knowledge, skill and after an absolute outpour of hard work. I’ll learn everything I need to. That good old dedication/determination thing. It gets you far. Fast!

You can kinda have excuses for anything. But everyone has ‘stuff going on.’ That doesn’t make anyone SPECIAL. OR anyone LESS mighty. Everyone’s on the same playing field. Not just in drama school. But in life. 

What you do and how you perform, no matter what….shows people what you’re actually made of.

Right?

Preach over. 

Slide me a pina colada.

Back to the carpark…

Already waiting was a really tall Geordie, who dances, who I later knew as ‘Ben.’ I ended up scene partnering with him, hours later. We were ‘juiced,’ it was fun! 

Instead of my @djiz ‘after scene’ nods of approval, we air ‘fist pumped,’ and had victory grunts….kinda like lads, who kick things & shout ‘YEAH!’ It must be the Geordie way. Haha.) 

He does Ballet. He’s ACE! He wants to do well and will. I’m so short in comparison though. He’s giant tall. I’m 5ft 3. It was like Dave (our tutor) was filming something for CBeebies. Lol. Either i need a fruit box to stand on or he needs to squat. 

The good thing was that it didn’t matter. No matter how tall or short, you can still tell/show someone how you feel. 

Beside him was Thomas (@Mr.Mondas) in cotton trousers. He was kinda posh and lives in a place, in the middle of nowhere. where jockeys are trained? Haha. (Did I get that right? I’m sure someone also said ‘the sea?’) 

Joel: ‘Are those trousers cotton?’

Thomas had been there for a year. So had Joel. 

Me: ‘In a year…we’re still going to be stood here.’

Joel: ‘Yes! Lol. In this exact spot.’ 

Thomas: ‘I graduate in March…I saw you at that workshop.’

Joel: ‘Yeah. I saw you at the workshop too.’

What can I say? I’m obviously THAT memorable. 😉 I actually remember them BOTH from the workshop. They were BOTH great talents. Great actors. In fact, all the YAFTA boys, SHONE on that day. I remember noticing that. It was the Coronation Street Casting workshop. We all wanted to do well. 

Joel: ‘Well done for being accepted in.’

Me: ‘Thank you.’

Thomas: ‘You’re gonna get given tasks!’ 

Me: ‘TASKS!!!! I didn’t sign up for tasks!!! Haha. Oh no!! I’m scared!!!’

Turns out the tasks were great. 

It’s almost like we all began by sitting in a semi-circle quiet as mice. 

Me: ‘This is like a creepy hospital waiting room. Everyone’s so quiet!’ 

By the end of it…we had learnt a mountain of skills, knew each other like besties, acted in, acted out, worked with each other, laughed, critiqued and watched ourselves numerous times on screen, with scripts, without scripts and with Dave as our guide to great acting. 

All our tutors have come from the top British drama schools, or they’re either current industry professionals, agents, casting associates, psychologists or in production. It’s amazing! The entire course is structured to lead you to success. If you do it all, work hard and do it well. You’ll certainly have a better chance at nailing it. 

I mean, who’s lucky enough to be Northern and get all that…in Leeds! Leeds is thriving right now. It’s a great place to be, if you’re in entertainment. 

There’s a great mix of people on my course. Some from down South. People who have driven for 4 hours to get there or stayed in hotels. People who are now living with the ‘Yorkshire’ part of their family. Lol. It’s insane! There have even been people who have flown in before. 

We did have to audition to be there. But that’s better, because everyone earned their place, their seat, their time. They were the actors that YAFTA believed COULD do it. (And they have many a success story. I hope I’m one of them, one day.) 

It’s not easy though. Haha. 

We did it for a whole 8 hours, with a break for lunch! 

Now, I’ve come from the evening classes, (they’re wonderful.) I learnt so much from Dave and the classes actually evoked my passion to take acting seriously as a career. However, the evening classes are only an hour and let me tell you…they’re absolutely worth it, but that hour DOES zoom by. 

So, I get it. This is intense. It’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be great. Our tutors are phenomenal and filled with expertise. However they’re not there to clap at everything we do (Haha) and pat us on the back. 

Dave: ‘Honestly, if you say you liked his performance because he’s hot, you’re out. You’re leaving! Lol’

Me: ‘Well, that was short lived. Haha.’ 

(FYI/ I AM joking. I work really hard. I’m like the hardest working one. 😉 ) 

But yes, our tutors are there to develop our talents, create wonderful actors and make sure the school and all the students involved….succeed. (Which is kinda handy.)

8 hours is loooooong and hard. It’s intense. Yet it’s only one long day. We can still manage our lives and there’s a lot of work we have to do, whilst we’re away from class. 

We were put through our paces…and I loved it. It was difficult, yet fulfilling. It was unbelievable. A great start.

Monica: ‘Do you reckon it gets easier?’ 

Me: ‘I don’t think so? Haha.’ 

I’m excited to be back on Saturday.

Let’s gooooo! 

Dreams, Babies, & Guardian Angels?

You shouldn’t have a strong black coffee at around 4pm because you find yourself awake at 1.31am, after a snooze that you truly believed would sail you through to sunrise. 

It WAS however worth it, because I managed to briefly catch up with Miss. Murphy. I haven’t been able to catch up with her for ages. It feels like soooo long! Therefore almost two whole accidental hours of ‘catch up,’ gracefully divided over two separate Mondays, by Christmas, as our children take their socks off, eat cake & run free….was delightful. 

Murphy: ‘Do you go every week? I need to come. My back needs stretching? Not to court. To pilates.’ 

‘Tuesday morning, kinda when I can. She’s actually a really good pilates teacher. The class is good!’ 

‘Well I can’t go this Tuesday, I’ve got work. I want to go though. But I can’t even touch my toes.’

‘Nat goes…’

‘Does she?’

Anyway….As the tale goes… I share lots with Miss.Murphy, so everything else, you simply can’t know about. Haha. Blame #life

So here’s the diversion…

Weird things happened in my sleep last night! So! This is gonna sound creepy. But it really does happen occasionally. It’s happened twice this month!

I’m all fast asleep in dream land. My eyes’ll open at some silly ‘early morning’ o clock, ie/ 1.31am.

I’ll always hope it’s around 5.45am because I can survive the day if I wake up at that time. But it never is. It’s always silly o clock. One of those awkward early morning times, where you really need more sleep, to at least have a go at a ‘ happy rest of the day.’ However, you can’t seem to get back TO sleep, can you? Well until 30 minutes before your alarm is about to go off. Then you’re eyes fancy a shut.

Anyway, because I want to keep it creepy, when I do wake up, I’ll feel all strange. Y’know, like someone’s there with you in the dark..watching you.

Each time, at my bedroom door is a chick, with short black hair, kinda like Kat, who I did the ITV ‘Hilton’ show with. (If you didn’t know, she took her own life…years ago, after the show. She was my best friend….and I’m definitely sure, as she promised, she comes to see and haunt me, because she knows I’m terrified of stuff like that. It seems like her. It feels like her and it CREEPS me OUT!!!

The first time it happened. I felt terrified. Now, like with anything…I’m kinda used to it, so I’m LESS terrified. I’m not comforted yet. Just less terrified. I get on with it, like I know the score.

Infact, I’ve decided to go with…Guardian angel vibes. It smooths it over doesn’t it. Makes it less…I don’t know? But this DID and DOES happen!

Anyway, she always leaves me with a distinct number to remember. She once left me with 333. It was in my head SO much, I even looked up what it could mean, because I couldn’t shake it off.

This time it was the numbers 8, 9, 1.

I dreamt of them. It was nuts. I wasn’t so caught yo. I knew I was meant to Google. Lol.

It’s almost like I know the drill now, so I straight away googled their meaning. This happens all the time. It’s really creepy. But I’m there. I get it.

This is what I found….

It’s just so weird…because I’m not into numerology at all. It just happens and I find myself having to Google it at 2am, on occasion. It’s iinda Ann inconvenience. Does this happen to other people?

FYI/ I know this is sounding bonkers. But it DOES happen. Just go with it.

Plus, looking things up is not my favourite, in case it’s not what I want to see, read or hear. I hate it, but of course do it anyway.

BUT……

This must definitely mean wonderful times are to come, right? Surely? Right? It says good things, so I kinda wanna cling into it!

I slept then…like a baby and didn’t wake up until 5.51am. I had the best sleep ever.

What was that all about? Why does that happen to me?! Who leaves me with numbers and not wine? Honestly. It’s weird.

But away from that, I had the best time with the babies before bed. I laid with them as they watched the ‘Norris Nuts’ on Youtube. It’s our favourite. Junior gets really into it all.

He even wanted to play the ‘Heads or tails’ game.

Ju: ‘Heads you have to cuddle me. Tails you have to kiss me and tell me you love me Mummy!’

He’s so cute! It’s great odds. Haha.

But it was just good to see him so happy again. Watching his little face. Bless him. He was free.

Little Ruby had spilt a peppermint tea on her hand, and it burnt her and blistered. Poor thing. She cried. But received lots of ‘make it better love.’ (Sometimes that’s all you need, right?) This morning she tottered in with an ‘I’ve burnt my hand’ note. It made her feel extra special and face her something to talk about.

Ruby: ‘Don’t tell anyone, I have this blister!!!’

Me: ‘Why? I mean, they should know, that way no-one accidentally knocks it or whatever…’

She goes through the school gates, she tells everyone immediately and all the girls rush and fuss around her, within seconds. She was still telling the tale, as I left. Haha. She even smiled at me!!! Lol (Little Miss, ‘I don’t want anyone to know.’)

Anyway. We can’t wait for Halloween and for the half term break. The kids are so excited because this time their break, their holiday is filled with delight. No stress. No drama. Just love. Just Mama. Just family. Just Wunna Land. Happiness. Fun!! They’re counting down the days! Even I’m excited!!!

Happy Tuesday.

Thank you for following my life x

I didn’t catch your name….

Happy Monday. ‘It’s raining, but we’re alright, ’ is what it reads all over my socials today! And that’s how it should be! We’re just these little ‘bots’ jiggering upon an Earth Ball. We forget that sometimes, don’t we? Have fun. Love! Be delightful! 

Okay….

I just haven’t been able to write because so much has happened, keeps happening & is just happening, happening, always just happening. I’ve been okay through it. But fuck me, it’s exhausting. 

That’s why there hasn’t been a blog and well, I’ve pretty much influenced a jolly bundle of things, that I currently need to blog about….and I’m pretty much booked up and out until just after the New Year. So I need to knuckle down now and focus. 

I’m backed up, but I’m back on track. 

Y’know, I keep having to get ‘back on track’ this year. However, all that matters, is that I keep on doing so. Make sure YOU also, keep on doing so… There’s only so long you can let something consume you… Turn it around. Or as we used to say in LA, ‘flip a bitch/Do a U-ey.’ Commit to the things that you love and everything else just drops into place. 

I believe that. Plus Ruby can now sing ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes’ in Japanese because of languages at school… and Junior is a proud owner of a spy kit, and personalized pumpkin t-shirt. So what could be better! I love it!

‘Konnichiwa, Sensai Barker.’ 

I’m obsessed.

Me: ‘Y’know, Issho & Wagamamas is Japanese Ru! AND my Kimono!!!’

Ru: ‘Urgh! God! Mum! I KNOW!!!!!!! I’m not an idiot! Haha.’

To be honest over the last week, I’ve felt truly impressed, (I’ve felt good) and my head & heart have been extremely clear. Extremely focused. I’ve felt much stronger with the old ‘va voom.’ I guess, I’m just lucky to have so much support around me. 

Ruby, Junior and I are certainly happier than we have been of recent. It’s been hard on them. The stress of it all, still is. Yet, they’re so resilient. Our corner was gratefully fought. We’re now en route to a much cheerier & stable time. I couldn’t be more thankful.

Thank GOODNESS!!!! We’re almost there.

Thinking about it, Y’know, that’s something that WE all, YOU all, something every human in the world just DESERVES. Innit? A cheery, stable time, whilst we still have the time. Especially a child because they grow up to be us. The adults. 

Being able to feel free and celebrate who you are is something I try and teach on. You have the right to be whoever you want to be, no matter how young or old you are. It’s weird how some people forget that. 

However and anyway…. the surprisingly continuous and somewhat hectic ‘muddle & fuddle,’ the ‘nitty gritty’ headache of littered ‘dramatics,’ that insisted on popping right back on up, into Wunna Land, by others, (and I’m keeping it in the present, because it’s still actually live)….IS almost becoming ridiculous now. 

It’s almost like it’s a circus. I never did like clowns. 

But Blog wise….

I just closed myself off with ‘writers block.’ I felt okay, but I didn’t know what to say? I didn’t know how to dance around it? So I didn’t. I said nothing at all. 

Boom! Shut! Door politely, yet temporarily closed. 

All I could rightly see was THE LIGHT at the end of a rather long and dingy tunnel, with Ruby in one hand, and Junior In the other. I knew they were scared. But they trusted me enough to keep marching in the dark. 

There was a moment they lost faith in themselves. 

Ruby: ‘You just KNOW how to make everything better…’

Me: ‘I don’t. I’m just lucky. Just keep walking…’

We kept walking forward. Why wouldn’t we? We did it with pride, with fight…we stayed positive…and because of that each step forward, together, was both worthwhile and filled with love. When you fill things with love, those baby steps become strength STOMPS. 

I mean I even put fairy lights up, through our tunnel journey, just to make the walk a little merrier. A little more fruitful. 

It worked. We still had bursts of utter happiness. 

Each time…we got a good few steps forward, ‘the Dramatics’ would force their jolly way in and try to hurt everyone. Y’know snip our wires, in attempt to leave our tunnel in darkness. 

They did it well. 

Almost like they were a pros at it. Almost like their work was filled with poor intentions and dashed in selfish wisdom, yet they were used to it. Almost like they’d done it so many times before, yet still weren’t able to find their happy place. 

The lights were only temporarily out. Each time, ‘Drama’ snipped us out, with each baby by my side, I simply turned them back on, and kept going. We kept walking forward. 

I saw a glint in my daughter’s eyes and she watch me, steer the ship of Wunna Land to safety. No matter what was going on. We managed it. 

I watched my son, become a tiny baby step stronger.  I also watched him hide in his tortoise shell. Yet every time he felt 10ft tall, we backed him all the way. 

Me: ‘You will never ever have to go through that again. We’ve got you. Just keep walking…It’s going to be a little stressful. But soon…it’s going to be okay.’

We’re almost there now, where all wrongs will be dealt with and all rights will be celebrated. We went right from the front of the tunnel…that Junior initially walked alone. He walked it alone because he never dare tell anyone that he needed someone to walk with. 

We’ve all walked beside him…and now we’re almost there. It’s almost nearly over and we can go back to our happy memory making. 

Right now, I could go on a rant…I could tell you how disappointed I am that my babies have had to go through so much…

But we’re so positive that I’m not going to rant. I’m going to say this…

THANK YOU. 

Thank you to every single human that helped, loved, understood, cared listened…I’ve said it so much, but because it’s meant so much to Ju, Ru & I. 

We’re almost there, because of you. 

We’ve never been in such a ‘muddle’ and are ever so utterly grateful…It is 100% because of the bravery of my kids and YOU, that we’re experiencing a much safer and happier time. (I have simply acted as support.)

Ofcourse, I’ve managed to thank a lot of people, however not everyone. Yet because we’re not at the end of the drama just yet. I still need to be aware….

But thank you, so much….so far. 

From a bad experience always comes good. So I’ll also say….

If you ever need help….Don’t be afraid to ask. If you’re ever in trouble…Just say. If you’re ever in an opportunity to help, try to. If you’re ever grateful, show thanks. 

Celebrate who you are! Stay positive. Don’t let others control the beliefs that are true to you personally. They’re broken. Not you. 

Don’t let anyone turn your fairy lights off. Always find the switch and flip them back on! There’s comfort in darkness. All you have to do is refrain from panicking, feel comfy and find a solution. (It helps if you do this quickly.) 

Good things happen to good people!!! Karma’s a bitch. It really is. Don’t mess with it. 

Don’t let other people’s pain destroy your happiness. They have to find their own way out….like everyone else. 

Share strength. Not weakness. Be kind. 

It’s wrong to force others to do or be something or someone they don’t wish to be.

Bad times are just moments. They don’t last forever. 

Commit to the things you love. Don’t let anyone take everything that makes you happy away from you. 

Saturday morning…I re-checked into my world of acting. 9.30am, I was stood outside YAFTA, Leeds. 

Chrissie 

FYI/ I came out of Writers block because a young maths teacher (who writes Haikus) inspired me, whilst our paths accidentally crossed, over breakfast and coffee. 

Maths teacher: ‘I can tell you’re writing a poem. I can see the scribble and the thought process.’ 

( I was talking to myself, so I must’ve looked nuts.) 

Me: ‘Yeah, my daughter’s writing a poetry book and she asked me to try and find words that rhyme. Haha.’

Maths Teacher: ‘Poems don’t have to rhyme.’ 

Me: ‘I know. I told her that. She likes to sacrifice how she actually feels for a rhyme. Lol. She’s making me find words that rhyme with SPECTACULAR. Haha.’ 

Maths Teacher: ‘I’m writing a Haiku, but teach maths! Lol. Have you read….?’

You inspired me more than you thought. I hope your reading this! I didn’t catch your name. But yes…poetry makes the world go around. 😉 

I hope our paths accidentally cross again. Oh! And I bought the Robert Robertson book 🙂