YAFTA

Class was amazing last night!! I was a bit rusty mentally. Yet I was fine once it came to performing it all out. It was exactly what I needed, to get back into the swing of things. In fact it was really comforting to see everyone. 

It’s cool how we all get freshly plucked out of our everyday lives & meet in a grey carpeted room, out of choice, on a free playing field, to learn, experience and express. This is all in hope to one day fulfil our dreams. 

(Plus, we had new chairs & that was exciting enough!!! You may not know this, but the previous folding chairs & I at YAFTA…were not besties. We weren’t cool. Haha. I even had chats with the previous folding chairs because they simply didn’t do what it said on the TIN!’)

‘Why can’t I fold, a flipping FOLDING chair????’

‘Well you don’t just look at it Chrissie & it folds itself! Lol. You DO have to manually fold it.’

Anyway…..It’s weird because I had to step out of my actual ‘comfort zone’ where things weren’t scary at all, in order to ‘get back into’ the what I ‘thought would be terrifying’ acting game. 

‘They say you’ll never develop as a person until you step out of your comfort zone. It’s the only place a human can grow.’ 

(Do know that you don’t HAVE TO grow. Some people like it comfy & I don’t blame them. There’s quilts, snacks, safety and everything. 😉 However, of course, I’m one to ‘take the stairs not the elevator…’ UGH!! So I’m someone who wants to make the best out of what I’ve got to offer, by exploring everything, that I believe I can do. Even when it’s scary.)

‘Unless, it’s the actual Scare Kingdom event, where I cried in fear on the red carpet, fell over backwards & had to go home.’ 

If you’ve been following my ‘socials,’ you’ll know that the what ‘I thought was scary’  YAFTA….(Yorkshire Academy for Film & Television Acting…) is now one of my happiest places. I couldn’t be without it! 

Everyone always asks me about it all the time. What I do there? What happens? What developments? Everything.

So here’s the blog…

It doesn’t matter how old, how scared, how talented or what path you’re currently walking on….It is NEVER too late to make your dreams come true, or LIVE your life the way you’ve always wished too! The way you played it out in your head.

That’s what I’m doing at YAFTA right now.

An extra hour was added to class last night and in that ‘double whammy,’ I noticed that there were some REALLY great actors in the group. I mean everyone was good. But there were some REALLY great ‘stand outs.’ I love watching great actors work! But oh my gosh, how amazing is it, to actually get to perform alongside them! 

It’s always so wonderful to work with different people & different scene partners because it makes you more adaptable and fluid as an actor. It develops your skills. It meanders them. (It’s the same with anything in life.) I enjoy finding out who I’m going to be working with. Just the same as I enjoy what life has in store for me…(When it’s good. Haha.) 

To me, it’s incredibly rewarding to work with people who are just (in one word) GREAT. It makes you WORK harder. You FEEL challenged. You learn, push and you grow. I’m not scared of any of that. I love it. 

So, we had to improv this week. We got to ‘play’ as I call it. I call it ‘play’ because it’s basically what we do as children, isn’t it? Y’know, when we’re free, without fear, before life gets at us, before we start to care how others perceive us, before we care about an Insta like and we decide to over think everything. 

I watch Ruby and Junior ‘improv’ all the time. They’re great! They’re stars. Let’s call Hollyoaks. Lol. 

But if you’re a control freak, ‘improv’ will scare you. Luckily, I’m the opposite. So I was all ‘Let’s Play!’

Yesterdays class was all about FEELS and how you REACT to a person in a situation. It was about reacting to their emotion, rather than making something ‘about you.’ (Obviously a skill that I certainly need to hone. Haha. I’m good at listening…for a BIT…and then I just ‘sass’ out and do things my way. I’m awful like that.) 

David’s our tutor and he’s amazing. I’ve learnt SO much from him & I have great respect for him because he just knows everything. He’s living it. 

But Instead of reading a script, and leading our way through, this week we were to let the other person take us on THEIR emotional journey & as a result…respond.

We were to act out a situation, yet associate the emotion we felt, with a person, place or thing…that affects or has affected us. A happy feeling. A sad feeling. Angry. Flirty. Anything. 

He used this brunette chick called Lucy, from Surrey, who he used to know, back in the day. She was all posh, beautiful and amazing. ‘What would she see in simple old me?’ Is what he said. It made him feel & react in all different ways and it was that energy and emotion that he would go to and pluck out and re-feel, for particular scenes.

So you could be acting out a scene where your getting fitted into a suit or a dress…Yet associate the experience with a triggered emotion that you’ve personally encountered in life. You pull it into the current situation & you could fancy your suit fitter. Be angry at them. Be awkward. Be happy. Be Anything. Yet, just BE!

It was great, because at the same time as developing acting skills, we were learning basic LIFE & people skills.

I loved improv last night! I haven’t done it in ages. It was refreshing. I’m good at FEELING things, without a script in my hand. Acting is about feeling. Yet, just getting up and going for it can be terrifying.

‘Everyone’s watching me!!!!’

(There was a moment where I snapped out of emotion mode and just looked around. Reality hit and I saw a semi circle of actors, staring back at me. I was stood in front of a camera, about to start, and it was all eyes on me. It was scary. But good for me. Haha.)

I’ll also say that when I do have a script in my hand, I feel safer. It’s like a security blanket. I’m still able to FEEL and express. I can tell the story. However, because I blog, I know how important the words of others are & I want to deliver their story well, at the same time as making it my own. I never ever ‘ad lib.’ I always use the writers words. So, no matter what way you do it…there’s always a little bit of pressure. 

Class was amazing last night. It’s a laugh. So much fun, but we kinda all just choose to work. Everyone’s really focussed. I like that. No-one just ‘clocks in’ and ‘clocks out.’ Everyone’s there because they want to be there. Not because they have to be there. We’ve seen people come & go. Yet the ones that want to really give ‘being a success’ a go…are the ones that show up…

I mean gosh, if you think about all the drama I’ve been going through…you’d think class was the last thing on my mind. But I showed up. I show up to every class. 

You can never stop learning and the more you train, the better you get. I’m living proof of that. I’m changing my life around. 

I’ve grown so much & it’s amazing watching some of the others, who began YAFTA after I did, bloom into wonderful actors, so quickly. 

It’s both astonishing & fulfilling. We have so much support & such strong training. I mean if you visit their website or Insta page….

https://instagram.com/yafta_uk?igshid=1doj9wcdxennd

..you can see how much they support their students. Lots of other places do not do that! I mean students are getting to train with actual industry professionals and well one minute their in class, the next minute their on the cobbles of Coronation Street, auctioning for a feature film or the new character on Emmerdale. 

I mean look at James Moore. He went from the same grey carpet class, booked Emmerdale, (he’s a ‘Dingle’ now)and won the NTA this year! (National Television Award.) 

Dreams come true!

Anyway…

It’s a screen acting class for tv & film. So everything’s recorded and then we watch it back. David gives us solid feedback on everything. He doesn’t just ‘well done- off you go’ us. He delivers praise when we’ve nailed it. And helps us on our way TO nailing it. 

I actually hate watching myself back. I only like watching everyone else. Hahaha. It still, to this day… feels awkward. However, it’s kinda essential for screen acting, isn’t it? So I need to quit being a baby. 

Taxi came..

Then I got hit on by a scouse man at Leeds train station. (He was actually really interesting.) Ruby text me to tell me she had done her homework. DBear sent me a video message. My mum called me to make sure I was safe and just like that, I blinked and I was in bed snuggling Baby Junior. 

I’ve just woken up…

Is Thursday. 

And let the skies roll by…a little.

I’m looking forward to being back in acting class this evening. I love it. Once I get there, my kitten world will be filled with excitement. It’ll be good to see everyone after the break. I didn’t like the break. It felt like I had something missing from my life!! 

 Y’know sometimes, when you’re going through a lot. A really difficult time. It’s hard to reach on in and execute that ‘gusto.’ That life ‘gusto.’ That ‘gusto’ that Wunna Land is famous for, isn’t it? It’s hard to pick yourself back up. Everyone talks about it like it’s the easiest thing in the world, don’t they? 

All I’m gonna say is….YOU MUST. 

‘Don’t let a bad human, situation or energy, take the joy out of your spirit, or take the will and love from the people you care about.’ 

When bad times happen…

…you WILL feel awful!!! But that’s okay. 

In my mind, it’s human. However, what you choose to do or who you CHOOSE to BE during that bad time AND AFTER that bad time, is the measure of what your soul is made of!

Good things happen to good people! The karma rivers will always run. 

Being me. I’m not gonna dwell on the negative anymore. I’ve had my ‘pity party.’ I might feel a little ‘worn,’ but I’m still going and I’m lucky. 

At the same time, I don’t want to sit here and pretend that everything feels lovely and that Disney birds are chirping around my beautiful white picket fence, right now. 

That’s not the case. That seems to be everyone else’s life right now! Lol. Of course, i have worries on my mind. Anything that affects Ruby & Junior, consumes my heart. They are literally my world. 

Yet, it’s good to feel everything. It’s good to stand by the fact that I’m confident enough to express how i feel. 

Like any Mum, any decent human being, it’s important to me to just make sure that my children are having the most beautiful time regardless of the stress. (And they are! So I’m doing alright.) 

Ruby: ‘Mum!!! Watch me count to 10 in Japanese again!!!’

Junior: ‘Mum!!! Watch me do this chipmunk dance!!!’ 

Me: ‘Can I do it too???’

Ju: ‘Noo. You just have to clap.’

Ru: ‘No! You have to watch, Mum!!!’

🙂 

They’re so cute!!! My heart swells whenever I see them filled with excitement! 

Anyway…

I have so many exciting opportunities ahead of me. And I can guarantee that the GOOD I have in my life, absolutely out weighs the heavy burden of grey, that SOME people are determined to litter into Wunna Land. 

(The majority of people are lovely.) 

Wunna Land is a ‘litter’ free zone.

The most amazing thing is that I’ve noticed how many strong people I have around me. People who are filled with love. People who have been through much harder times…and are able to stand tall with a smile, open arms & a warm heart…like the world can’t phase them! 

I’m inspired by them. I love to feel inspired. 

Like I said…

I’m not sure what I’m meant to be learning this year? It’s been one BIG thing, after another. 

When I say ‘big,’ I do mean it….

THREE things pop into my head, right off the bat. Even ONE of those three things probably wouldn’t happen to another human in their entire lifetime. (Thankfully.) 

All three happened to me in 6 months….and I’m still okay. To whip in a Jersey Shore quote…

‘I’m still pretty.’

But I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I’m just gonna get on with it now. I’ve let it all out. I’ve moped about. I’ve felt the shock, the sadness, the stress and everything in between. It’s now time to keep moving forward…yet happily.

I don’t actually know what else to say? So, I won’t. I’m good. 

Y’know, I’m blogging this, whilst parked up, in a carpark, on my phone. (I do love a carpark blog.) I’m on my own, but i weirdly feel like I’m with everyone in the world! To have that feeling, like I’m never alone, is just wonderful. 

Anyway, I’m gonna go! (I’ve written this in bits and bats, throughout the day.)

I had a really good, casual chat by a gate this afternoon. It helped me stop pulling faces. It made me realise how much support I had and how great the people I know and love actually are.

Right! Godda go! 

Next stop is the school run, then ‘here we go’ I’m back in acting class. 

Did you read my YAFTA story? 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2M65bMBPv6/?igshid=mc9i0fn0zpmg

Here you go… 

All my love, 

Chrissie

Everything happens for a….

I woke up at 3.33am this morning. I didn’t feel stressed or anything. (Well maybe a little. I’d be lying if I said that things weren’t on my mind. Obviously!! I mean, if Wunna Land is meant to be a ‘piece of cake,’ I totally get why I’m on a diet!!)

It was like my eyes were done sleeping…so they just opened. I looked at my phone and again it was 3.33am. (This has happened a lot now.) Enough to look up what ‘seeing the number 333 all the time’ actually means… (I’ve written a blog about seeing 333 before…)

It actually means a lot of things. That was simply one little section. However, everything it DOES mean…thank fully….is positive. (I’m spiritual like that. I still wish upon shooting stars & try not to walk under ladders. Haha.)

Junior ran out of school yesterday as happy as could be and I just felt delighted. It was like an entire mist of confusion had been lifted from him for a moment and he was free, without a worry in the world.

With everything he’s going through, right now….it was good to see him happy! The stress he’s been through is too much for a 6 year old. Yet seeing him filled with giddiness after school yesterday, gave my heart wings!

How do I describe it? I guess, if he had a blackboard, ‘chalked up’ with worries, it was almost as if someone had taken a damp sponge and wiped some of those burdens away.

As a ‘Mama’…it’s all you want to see!

Me: ‘How was it?’

Junior: ‘GREAT MAMA!! Ellie said it was great tooo!!!!’

(Ellie is his cuddly elephant. He literally takes everywhere with him for comfort. We bought it from the garden centre in Ackworth. It’s never left his side since.)

Ruby had the best day ever also. Whenever I look at her and I just can’t believe how ‘grown’ she is. I can’t believe how mature she is. I can’t believe how confident she’s becoming! She’s a beautiful human, with a spirit that flies.

I’m really proud of them both.

I think internally all three of us have worries, in regards to the trauma that we’re having to go through. We’re not used to that, because we’re usually quite expressive & as a family, were happy.

However, we all seem to be trying our best to be positive and we’re trying our best to take our minds of it all, by just getting on with life (because the rest of it is pretty wonderful.) We’re embracing love and having fun!!!

Me: ‘Concentrate on the things that make you happy. Be you! Love it! Enjoy it!’

Ruby: ‘Everyday you tell me you love me. Right now, I feel it LOTS!! What time d’ya think it is?’

Me: ‘I reckon, about half past 8? Check my phone.’

Ruby: ‘Guess mum!!!!’

Me: ‘Erm…(I had a little think)…it’s 20:34.’

She ran to pick up my phone and check!!!

Ruby: ‘Oh my GOSH!!!! MUM!!!!’

She held up my phone, in it’s little worn down, leopard print case and showed me the time.

IT WAS ACTUALLY EXACTLY 20:34

What!!!!!!

Me: ‘AS IF, I’ve just guessed that exactly right!!! I’m psychic now!! It must be a sign!!!’

(It really did actually give me faith in life. Haha. I don’t know why? But it did.)

Ruby: ‘JU!!! Mum guessed the time!!’

Junior: ‘My nose is red!! I think I’m turning into Rudolph, or I’m getting a cold. Which one mum?’

Awwww.

Y’know, again I want to say thank you to absolutely everyone who has lent an ear, a heart, a moment…It’s been a really difficult time that we didn’t see coming…and it still is. Yet, we’re doing okay…and that’s because of you. Every single human being around us, who has taken a second…to just… well….BE human with me. I appreciate it. I appreciate you.

( I mean all the chats of support I’ve been having with ‘Little P’ in the passenger seats of cars, has been wonderful.)

Little P: ‘The bad time that you’re going through is going to transform you, Chrissie. You’re gonna become stronger. It won’t stay like this forever. This is just the right now. I’ve been there. I know how you feel. It WILL get better.’

And my Mum…gosh. My Mum. I am SO lucky. I have THE greatest Mother alive. I’m also lucky enough to have the greatest father alive too. They’re the most beautiful grandparents and the most wonderful support.

My mum has got Junior through all this. I mean, he’s only 6…He doesn’t open up much, but when he does, he means it. Three days ago, he said this…

‘I love it when I lay with Grandma & cuddle her. She feels so soft & lovely. Then I feel soft & lovely. It’s like it comes to ME Mama.’

She gives him strength. She gives me strength!! She gives us ALL strength. She’s unbreakable!!

We have my parents staying over, right now. Just to make sure we’re all okay & safe. It’s truly great. We’re a proper family! I’m thankful for that!

Yesterday afternoon, just past 3.30pm…at the school pick up. I bumped into someone, who I always seem to have gently crossed paths with over the years. Waaaay back!

However THIS year, things have been happening & life has made us bump into each other….a lot. I had a phone call with her, that changed my life.

I mean, we even made separate choices in our own lives, as individuals…which made our paths cross even more. It’s so strange.

Things like… I decided to go back to acting school. I walked through the door, ready to meet Joanne, who casts ‘Corrie.’ There she was. She owns it.

Then…it was almost the end of the school year in June. I dropped the kids off as normal… I had to go inside to help Junior hang his kit up.

As I was walking back out, through the school door. I stopped. There she was… walking in, just as I was walking out..

Our children now school together.

I spoke to her yesterday & in a single moment she passed on strength. It was the way she looked at me. Her manner. Her story came through her eyes. She was strong.

‘You’ve got your life back in order now. Don’t let someone take it all away from you. Keep moving forward.’

In a second she reminded of everything….

Leaving you with a happy memory…

Happy Days

I’ve had the greatest weekend, where everything went back to feeling calm, happy and settled again. We’ve done nothing too exciting and it’s been great!

It’s peace delightful!

As you know Ruby, Junior & I thrive off filling our weekend with jollies. We’ll adventure everywhere and anywhere, dine out, shop, play…You name it. We’ll do it.

We love it!!!

This weekend, we kinda all just looked at each other, as we woke up after a really long lay in. (The kids wanted to sleep in my bed with me, I guess just for comfort.)

And well we kinda all seemed to agree that we didn’t really want to go anywhere or do anything or be the centre of excitement. We just wanted to chill. Stay home. Enjoy home! (Since we hadn’t been able to BE home comfortably, over the last few days.) It made home & calm feel even more precious.

We’ve cooked. We’ve rocked movies out. We’ve mowed lawns. We’ve built castles. We’ve nurtured the pets of Wunna Land. (Rocco, the cat! Boris, the tortoise.) All the family has been over…and it’s just been amazing. It’s been wonderful rocking around in a Mickey Mouse t-shirt, doing my Insta questions and catching up on Strictly!!

Some of my mates are on Strictly this year, so it’s even more exciting!!! Jamie was one of them and he is SUCH and amazing dancer & spirit. He would’ve got to the final!!! Therefore it’s a shame he’s gone and busted his foot, in typical Jamie fashion and is now out of the show.

However, he’s been replaced by one of my other friends Kelvin! Who was the very delightful ‘Andy Sugden’ on Emmerdale. Lol. So it’s all still amazing!!! He’s gonna be fun! He’s a good little ‘dance floor in a club’ mover. My favourite show on telly!

Anyway! (Haha.)

Junior has had the BEST weekend ever. He’s had moments of anxiety, which is normal for what he’s just been through. But as a family we really wanted to comfort him out of it.

Me: ‘If you could do anything right now. What would it be Ju Ju?’

Junior: ‘I’d like to get all my Christmas toys out and throw a Christmas party at home. I just want everything to be Christmas!!’

So, that’s just what we did!

We did Christmas in September, with Home Alone, Christmas food, fairy lights, Christmas music, naughty elves and Santa games….and he looked so alive with excitement, he could’ve just burst.

It was good to finally see him celebrating a moment of utter happiness, without confusion, without fear and simply filled with love.

He was free.

He was free to be HIMSELF again! He didn’t have to be cautious. He didn’t have to be scared. He just let loose and celebrated being HIMSELF.

That’s what being a six year old is all about. That (to me) is in fact what I believe being a human being is about.

He learnt that no-one should or can force someone into being someone they don’t want to be. No-one should fear someone who is meant to keep them safe. He also learnt that people aren’t allowed to do either of the above with brut force …and that Santa’s Sleigh Bells dangling in your door way solves everything. 🙂

We have them on the handles of three doors in the house now. Haha.

Incase you didn’t know? Christmas is Junior’s favourite time of year. (You’ll never understand his obsession with it, because you’ll never know the back story behind it.) Yet, It’s also mine. In fact, it’s Ruby’s? So this weekend has just been wonderful!

Things have gone back to normal and I’ve kept our glitter ship sailing. Hopefully by next week, things will become more and more settling and I can concentrate on my career again, because I have to ‘back burn’ it over the last couple week, in an emergency.

The idea is to refrain from letting someone try and destroy EVERYTHING.

Luckily I have life & love on my side.

Good things happen to good people!

Chrissie x

Here are the babies….

Without Condition..

We’ve just had the craziest week. (‘We’ as in Ruby, Ju & I.)

One of those weeks that you don’t see coming. It’s just flies out of nowhere & throws you for six.

One of those weeks that you only hear about, read about, watch on tv, yet would never think would happen to you.

One of those moments where you lose ya breath & fill up with tears. A week full of blur & bustle. But when you ‘blink’ you open your eyes, look around and realise it’s your ACTUAL life a happening!!

It was one of those moments where I was juggling everything merrily, easily, happily and I just DROPPED IT ALL in a second to listen, protect, love and care.

Ruby & Junior are the two little humans who are the single most important hearts to me in the entire world….and all I can say is that I’m so proud of how brave they have been, during a moment of…well… it takes a lot to stand up for yourself. So to be able to do it at 8 & 6 years old & ask for help, shows irrepressible strength.

I’d say what we went through last week was pretty traumatic. Definitely one of the worst things we’ve experienced so far, as a family, especially after such wonderful moments together through Summer.

Well….

I don’t actually know what to say? I’m trying to be positive and I’m making sure that the babies are okay and that their world is filled with unconditional love. The real kind.

I’m actually someone who will always look for the positive in a stressful situation. I’ll always do the right thing. My parents taught me well, loved me well, raised me well…and so did LIFE.

In fact I’d say life taught me sheer reality, the harsh way. My parents raised me so well that I was often naieve, which is pretty unbelievable to say I’m such a sassy/wise old egg.

I’ll tell you that my gut instinct has never failed me. I’m extremely open emotionally. I feel everything & everything I feel, I know of!

I’m never lost.

After I get that feeling, my mind figures things out pretty quickly. The balance between my head and heart work well together.

If you didn’t know this about me…I’m an actress. So I entertain for a living. It’s my job. However my biggest passion, love and superpower is being a reliable and loving Mama to Ru & Ju.

Nothing else in the world is more important to me than that. (Everyone wondered where I went? My FB, Insta & Twitter accounts were rammed with DM’s. I disappeared because my children needed me.)

So, the positive is that i’ll say the ‘bustle & blur’ that came after a sudden revelation, ended up feeling essential. Positive acts to make sure all those who asked for help got it, began to take action.

It all happened very quickly and for that alone I’m Thankful. I’m really Thankful.

So I don’t want to say anything else other than THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart to every single human being that listened, learnt, helped, questioned, stood by us, gave advice, dropped everything, or made a phone call. Just thank you to every single person who showed up, who was there, who did their job, who….

..because of you Ruby, Junior & are now sleeping happy, well and safe.

A grey cloud has been lightened and we’re concentrating on moving forward and making the happiest memories possible.

Lots of love.

Chrissie x

That time my phone rang….

And just like that my little ones are back to school today and headed into Year 2 & Year 4. Gosh!!!! Hasn’t time flown!!! It was definitely emotional. It’s weird how when they first begin school you’re filled with new emotion. Then as they grow…the emotion doesn’t go away. You kind of get even more emotional, as they hit new milestones & fresh chapters.

I was so proud them. I’m so proud of the little humans they’re growing up to be!

Together we’ve had THE BEST Summer. It was a Summer to remember. One we’ll ALL remember forever. A Summer where we developed, loved, learnt and adventured. The good bits were celebrated. The bad bits were tackled.

We’re close anyway. However this Summer has been the closest Summer of our lives.

RUBY was really excited to see everyone and ‘Smash Year 4.’

Ru: ‘I’m gonna work really hard this year Mum!!’

Junior was filled with emotion. He cried last night. Yet said it was because he didn’t want to leave me?

Change & adjustments worry Junior right now, because of everything he’s going through. Yet he loves school.

I mean, last year, his teacher built his confidence sky high!! He felt on top of the world. He always woke up filled to the brim with excitement to see Ms.Liddle, his friends and learn…every single day. He felt really understood.

It made my heart beam to see him so happy…

He’s been happy this Summer when he’s had Ruby & I by his side. However some parts of his Summer have affected his levels of trust and confidence…I’m watching him…

Wait….My Phones Ringing…

Have you done 4.12 am?

It’s 4.12 am. Happy Monday to Meeeee! Y’know, the thing about 4.12 am on a Monday morning, in Yorkshire…is that nothing, at all… happens.

*Cue Glitter Tumbleweed.*

It’s even dark.

The world seems completely still. Well, from my window it’s still? I’m sure there may be debauchery happening in someone else’s 4.12 am window. However, in & out of my peeky view…everything around me is still. It’s quiet. It’s at peace. It’s kinda lonely. Yet lovely, right? (We’re gonna go with lovely.)

If I’m honest, I don’t usually ever see 4.12 am. Do you? Therefore I was surprised when people ‘liked’ my 4.12 am Insta post. People were up toooo??? People in the U.K.

Whenever I’ve seen such a time , no matter where I’ve been in the world, it’s definitely not been STILL. I mean I’m looking around and champagne isn’t being sprayed over me from a giant sparkler lit bottle, in a booth, that’s surrounded by hundreds of people in tight dresses or fitted shirts, who are dancing to Sean Paul tracks, pretending to know the words, flirting with strangers & spending money that will ‘ouchy’ their eyes in the morning.

I feel safe in both environments. They both comfort me. I’m adaptable like that. Good times & chills are my besties. So even though it’s quiet. I feel happy. I’m all good. I think?

Ruby’s fast asleep. (She’s beautiful.) Junior’s back later today, around tea time. (I can’t wait. I wonder how he’s feeling?) My Mum’s staying over at mine, simply because of all the recent shenanigans that have been going on. (I think she just wants to make sure that I AM ACTUALLY safe from the ‘hoo haa’ of others. Lol. I appreciate that. Nothing’s better than yer Mama, is it!)

I have an upopened ‘snap’ from ‘DBear’ which is always nice to see. But I can’t open it yet because I don’t like ‘pinging’ people at crazy o clock. Plus, he an ‘always replyer,’ so it’s not fair to throw in a ‘wakey- wakey, it’s 4.12 am!!’

I’m keeping myself to myself…I’m concentrating on work and I cannot tell you how grateful I am for all the love & support you’re all giving me. (It’s actually now 5.42 am. I’ll soon be able to tick ‘write blog’ off my list. Wahey!!! But really the kindness that you’re all showing is remarkable. Nothing is going unnoticed.)

I’m having a tricky time. Believe it or not….Lol. *Rolls Eyes.* It’s not remotely fun. It’s…well let’s put it this way…

Imagine a black bola hat, filled with multi-coloured squares of paper, that have been folded in half. (Wait! No. Not a black bola hat. I want pink. Imagine it being pink!!!)

Just like a raffle winner ‘pull out,’ it’s almost as if, I dip my hand into the hat, with my kitty eyes closed. I have a good rummage around, pull out a piece of paper, unfold it to see what my prize is and it simply reads…

‘DRAMA.’

(Hurrah!)

I do it over and over and over…Each time, it reads ‘DRAMA.’ (Haha.) Like that’s all that I have in store.

Blue piece of paper- ‘DRAMA.’

White piece of paper- ‘DRAMA.’

Pink piece of paper- ‘More DRAMA.’

Yellow piece- ‘Drama! Drama! DRAMA!!’

Yipppeeee! Let’s all have prosecco!!!

This is my current life….

…and it’s SO weird because my life is SO wonderful. I’m so lucky and everything is finally fitting into place. How can this happen?

Obviously, my joy winds some humans up. ( Wonderful!) But not me! I love my joy!! Leave me alone! I’m all good here! Haha.

I’m having to walk around with this face…

https://www.instagram.com/p/B1q2IIJpACA/?igshid=1pobn21uqsqw9

….permanently. Y’know, just to look chilled.

Why has one thing dwindled into Wunna Land, with a luggage label that reads ‘miserable, hurt, wants to destroy everything now, for kicks??’ Why!?! This is not Fabulous! This is not Good times!! This is AWFUL!! I don’t think I’ve cried as much In my life!!! Lol.

Anyway…this thing…

..like a pin ball machine…bounces on through, hitting almost everyone and everything it smashes into, whilst it finds it’s merry way to the hole.

It does eventually end up back in the hole. THANK THE LORD!! However, the ‘bounce time’ is not only tricky, harsh and stressful. It’s also exhausting….on everyone!!

Why are some people utter douches??? I don’t get it??? Why do some people try to venture back into Wunna Land, in hope to destroy it because they either can’t be a part of it, or hate to see joy fluttering from me? This isn’t a Disney film, with a wicked witch or an evil pixie. This is my real life.

If only I had a Genie’s lamp!!!

Anyway, this thing has try to re-enter with vengeance. (Lovely! Just what I wanted.)

Luckily, as it tried to destroy most happy things…I was surrounded by thoughtful humans, who turned around and said…. ‘It’s fine. Don’t worry. I got you!’

I cried when I heard that too! Haha.

This is probably why I make an ‘alright’ actress. I’m totes emosh. Plus, I never have to PRETEND to FEEL something. As of yet, there hasn’t been anything on a script, that I haven’t actually BEEN through in REAL life!! Haha.

But yes. Here’s to September! Here’s to EVERYONE being happy! Here’s to getting through it with my kitty head held high.

Here’s to having faith in life!!!

Junior’s home soon….

Love, Respect & Sunsets

Today’s a good day. One more sleep. Just one more sleep.

It’s raining outside, and I’m sat in the back seat of a charcoal Mercedes Benz. But I’m feeling pretty good. I’m okay.

Ruby’s at Pete’s. (That’s her Daddy.) Pete and I right now co-parent SO so well. I guess because we both put Ruby’s wishes first. So even though she hasn’t wished to go visit him, over the last couple weeks. She even opted to not go on holiday with him…which surprised me? Not because she didn’t adore her Dad, but because Wunna Land has pretty much been her joy and she just wanted to be by her brother’s side.

After a really great day of being pampered. A really great family day of lunching…I looked at my daughter, as we watched the sunset over the Yorkshire fields last night, by Rogerthorpe Manor… She was on a swing that was tied with thick rope to branches of a tree.

I looked at her, filled with pride, knowing that the Summer Holidays were now coming to an end and said,

‘Y’know, I love you SO much. Tomorrow’s meant to be a Daddy day. I know it would mean the world to him if you went and hung out with him.’

Ruby: ‘Can I take him chocolates and show him Cubby The Bear?’

‘Ofcourse!!! I mean you can’t go there without Cubby The Bear. Daddy needs to know I’m too!’

She *paused.* I saw all the cogs wheeling around in her head.i didn’t know what she was thinking. She’s an old soul is Ruby. She looked so serious.

Then she looked right back at me after a few moments…

Ruby: ‘Will he cuddle Cubby? I want him to cuddle Cubby, like Cubby’s real….’

I smiled but said nothing …She smiled back like she trusted me with all of her heart.

Ruby: ‘I think I WILL see Daddy tomorrow.’

What I loved about that moment by the sunset, was that she was never forced to do anything she didn’t want to do. Pete’s the same. He respects her. We respect her mind, her manner, her heart and her decisions.

Then we walked inside for drinks around a barrel, as the day turned to night…and talked executive pamper suites for her birthday. Lol. It didn’t take her long to switch back to ‘bouji.’

I love this video….It’s a memory i’ll hold in my heart.

Y’know, I didn’t know what she was thinking when she paused for a few moments, when I asked her about her Dad. I’ll never know. However, I guess after weighing things up in her own little heart and witnessing the emotions of what others are going through, she agreed to have her Daddy time and have the most wonderful day.

I think she felt lucky!

I also think Cubby The Bear is going to drive Pete nuts!!! Haha.

Pete: ‘Wait? You bought the bear, real life human clothes, from a store? Haha.’

Me: ‘Haha. I thought I did good. I redirected her to Primark and bought one for £9, instead of the £30 one she wanted from Next? Cubby even did lunch with us in a high chair at Ego. He even had a starter. 🙂 ‘

Ruby: ‘Do you love Cubby Daddy?’

Pete: ‘I love Cubby! AND his coat! I’d wear that. I like your skirt as well!!! Is it from Ted Baker or something?’

Ruby: ‘Thanks. It’s a dress!!!!!!’’

https://www.instagram.com/p/B13oPcUnvpN/?igshid=1d6di7lgjts4m

Hahaha…..She’s like a mini me, with an annoying creepy bear….that plays ‘peekaboo.’

Today has just felt like a really great day because I have things to look forward to.

Tomorrow should be wonderful. I’ll hear this again!!!!

I’ve spent today with my Mum. It’s her Benz that I’m sat in the back of, whilst typing this blog out on my phone…weirdly with my third right hand finger???? Why am I so odd??

It’s not raining anymore. It’s sunny.

I’m the luckiest person…just like you…doing life.

So far I’ve had what I can only call the most beautiful time.

Like I always say to Ruby and Junior…

‘I never know what’s going to happen to us. I just know it’s going to be wonderful.’

All my love,

Chrissie

Ps/ Aww. D Bear has just messaged me.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Ny18yDYAM/?igshid=jvuqqvnw6c24