Have a beautiful weekend!

Thank the good b’jeeze it’s Friday! Right now, everything’s kinda happening at once and I’m having to prioritise swiftly, emotionally, physically and well you name it…I’m re-jiggling & re-juggling. I’m doing it. But it’s fine. I’m staying positive. (I’m currently walking around with a bag of strawberries from Donny market and some fresh seafood platter that Ruby’s made me buy for an after school treat.)

I’m actually finding the ‘doing of it all’ quite easy because I’m focussed. I’m not wishy washy. I always know what’s going on and what I’m supposed to be doing. Emotionally I’ll admit it’s tough….

…but it’s gonna be okay. I can feel it.

On the other side of the hill, is a really happy time. We just have to get over the *bump* of the ‘hoo haa’….in heels. Once that’s done, I am definitely sure, life will go back to normal. It’ll be even better than normal. 

Plus, i know  Ru & Ju BOTH can’t wait to finally feel like there are no more worries swirling through their world. 

Ruby: ‘If…..(She said something here)………. everything would just be so happy again. It’d be perfect. We don’t need…’

Ju: ‘If……(he said something here).……….everything would just be great, like it was! Why won’t…’

The funny thing is, they both came up to me separately & privately, in their pyjamas, last night. Y’know, when they just have their sneaky mummy moment. 

Junior had just got done playing pirates in the bath and was ready for bed. He was exhausted. Ruby was in her unicorn nighty having brushed through her hair & gone through her spellings for her test today. 

‘How come I can spell auctioneer, but keep messing interest up??? Lol.’ 

…and they both said the EXACT same thing to me, in their own way….quietly.

I didn’t know if they’d talked to each other about it or not? But, I listened and I knew exactly what they wanted & exactly what they needed.

They’re really close and if anything that’s something that I adore. They care for one another very dearly….and when it comes to parenting, that’s something I’m always proud of.

Last Friday they had to leave school a little later than usual. Anyway, I walked with Junior, to retrieve Ruby, at around 4pm. He passed a school snack table en route, and picked up a triangle of pita bread. 

When we got to Ru, (who was happily playing with every friend in the world,) She spotted us IMMEDIATELY!! The first thing she did was dash up to Junior, and say…

Here! I got this for you!!!’

From her pocket she pulled out a short bread biscuit. (Ruby has a ‘savoury’ tongue. Junior has a sweet tooth.)

Ju: ‘I got YOU a pita bread!! Lol’

I loved it because they thought about each other, without even being prompted. They thought about each other without thinking of themselves first!!

It’s the small things that make a difference. They exchanged treats and we went home.

So what I’m gonna tell you is that we’re gonna be all good!!!

When they came to me in their pj’s, I knew what made them happy, I knew what worried them & I knew that it was my duty as ‘Mama’ to sort it out. 

I’m good. I’ve got this! It’s 4 more days of haze than a very clear Wednesday.

Anyway…

Whilst I’m sat here with my strawberries, I previously told you I thought 2019 was going to be a breeze. Everything was just going my way! It started out wonderfully for us all. It couldn’t have been better. I couldn’t have imagined how marvellous life had become. 

It turned testy….which is code for shit. But I had so much love and support that I kept feeling and therefore being victorious.

Very big things occurred and are still occurring…which kinda changed everything. Yet these times are the best times. They are the times that make or break you.

Regardless, Ru, Ju & I HAVE each other and we positively champion that firmly.

The good thing about this year, is that 2019 is the year we became strong. The year that developed us, because nothing worse could quite possibly happen. Lol. 

This is the year that changed everything. The year where people were put in their places and life elements came together. A learning year. It’s been kinda shit like 2014. The funny thing is, there is the same ‘drama human’ in both years.

The great thing is, I found my footing career wise and unbelievably wonderful things happened to me, at the same time. 

However, being Me, I’m determined to make sure the babies & I not only have the most fulfilling and beautiful rest of the year. Yet, we also have the most emotionally stable world, filled with nothing but love.

That is what every human deserves. We don’t always get it. But we can strive for it. We deserve it!

So I’m gonna be positive, because right now after a chat, a consultation and ‘bought for me- is this vegan’ beans on toast yesterday, I feel strong. I feel good!

The kids and I have so many celebrations in store. We have fun, work & excitement. The end of the year is always our favourite time of year, as it’s filled with festivities!!! Halloween, Bonfire night, Family Birthdays, (I’m a Crimbo baby,) Christmas! It’s all so exciting!!! 

(I mean, Junior helped put out the baubles at Ackworth Garden Centre the other day, ready for Christmas via the fine art of ‘sorting out the jungle themed’ tree. It filled his soul with utter joy. His little face was a picture. It completely lit up because he couldn’t believe that he was part of it all! Haha. I was proud of him, because the smallest things make him smile.)

But everything aside…the babies & I have a very busy weekend of birthday parties, sleepovers and we have even been invited to watch a movie at a newly opened cinema for free.

All gonna say is…I have 4 days and then the stress should be over.

All I want to say is thank you to absolutely every single human who has helped, loved and supported the bambinos.

Have a beautiful weekend..

The Art Of Happiness

That sounded negative. You’re a lot more positive than that. I’ve known you a very long time. Don’t be like that…’

Me: ‘I’ve just…’

‘Be who you are. Don’t worry. Rise above it. (She points at Ruby) She’ll look after him!’

Then she gave me that look, that psychic people give you, when they can see more than you, like a story is playing out right in front of them. (I don’t even know if she’s psychic? Lol) But I liked the feel of it. There was a comforting warmth to her.

(I always think people don’t understand what you’re going through unless they’re going through it themselves OR they’ve been through it. Yet, I believed her…)

This lady I saw in co-op yesterday, late afternoon. She was getting her bits & bobs from the supermarket. She’s older. She’s a no-nonsense, open minded sasserilla. A great human. I’d say a glamour puss. Lively! Fun! 

But she got struck with cancer a couple years back & it pretty much shocked everyone. She doesn’t pretend to be happy about it, with a cheery disposition. She’ll say it’s ‘shit’ but she’s merrily getting on with it. 

Her story has given her a good grasp on reality. I’m inspired by her.I respect her and I’m glad she snapped me out of it. (I didn’t even think I looked down. Haha. I thought I looked chipper & upbeat!!) 

Lady: ‘You don’t have to say anything to me, but I can see & feel everything. It’s going to be ok. Trust me.’

(I keep meeting people who are reminding me that everything will be okay. That I’m wonderful etc Which I like!! Haha. Yet more importantly, they’re reminding me to be strong, positive & to be who I actually am!!!) 

So I’ll say that during a time when I’m being taken on someone else’s troubled ‘rollercoaster’..it’s uplifting to have my friends, family & even strangers root me back upon my glittery grounds. The soulful soil of Wunna Land. 

Then the kids bought Halloween window jellies, ghost bunting & pre-bedtime snacks…and started running around the store with ‘Scary Movie’ scream masks on. #lovely

We did our tea at Ego (@egomediterranean) yesterday, straight after school.  

https://instagram.com/egomediterranean?igshid=uu784sl7qlgn

https://www.instagram.com/p/BwFSJSdhmE5/?igshid=19961fiuda5x8

Ruby got the rare steak. Junior the ‘Make your own pizza.’ They started with cheesy garlic bread & a rustic bread board and finished with the pistachio & strawberry ice-cream.

(I did the Spiced Moroccan chick pea cakes & learnt about Vegan wines. Did you know Ego do vegan wines!! Did you also know that you can WIN I think it’s either a 2/3 course lunch or dinner right now, if you book a table for Christmas time! They have a game set up at the restaurant, where you can open a lucky Christmas calendar drawer.)

I’m always up for a Christmas calendar drawer!! I love it! 

The kids & I go to Ego quite a lot for lunch or tea. You’ll all know that! The staff are always a delight! So it’s wonderful to make so many memories there. 

Ru & Ju Ju went outside after dessert to play ‘acting.’ Haha. They’re so cute. They make my eyes smile & my heart swell! I smell BAFTAS all around! Lol 

I’m SO proud of how close they are & how free they feel right now. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2hS9PpHx2u/?igshid=omjpjw4zt3pw

Queen Ruby made me film some of their ‘video treats.’ (Yes.They’re quite naff. But I love it because the glee on their faces when they watch themselves back is just bliss! Haha.They’re making fun memories…and when they’re older I’ll be able to show them what they were like at 8 & 6.) 

I encourage them to be themselves, be creative and to have fun. Ruby kept telling me off for not filming them correctly. Lol. Junior got really into it all & started directing. It was a hilarious shambles. A true Wunna Land memory. Lol 

When you’re so child you’re so fearlessly creative! It’s beautiful. They didn’t even care that other kids were watching. They loved it!! They put on a show. 

Ruby: ‘Well you said, you only live once & we had to enjoy it!! So we are Mum!!’ 

Mum: ‘That’s exactly right baby!’ 

(I even learn from my 8year old! Lol)

My body’s properly aching from Pilates yesterday. I don’t even know why I’m mates with Meli, when my body hurts this much?? Haha. If Nat isn’t feeling it this morning, then I’m literally super unfit! 

I’m meant to be back at YAFTA, Leeds tonight, for acting class, but I can’t make it because I have to prep for court next week. (It’s awful when things get in the way of your happy place, isn’t it!)

I always think it’s important (when you’re an actor) to always be in class..no matter where you are career-wise. That’s why it’s frustrating for me, to not be in class tonight. You could be naturally great at the fine art of acting. (I do find it easy.) Yet, auditions & opportunities pop up, out of nowhere, when you least expect it! 

Training’s really important. Therefore, it’s better to be on point & ready, for when you have the opportunity to ‘nail it.’ You’re one more‘Yes’ away from making your dream, a reality.

Plus, that way you don’t have to panic. You’ll always give an amazingly confident & solid performance. Instead of a comfy average one. There’s lots of ‘comfy average’ performances. They’re good. But they’re not GREAT. Right?

Everyone around me is getting ready for Christmas and I love it! All the stores. All the restaurants. Everyone in the industry are a ‘Christmas’ filming. It’s my favourite time of year!

(I wish someone would massage my back right now! It kills!)

Anyway, on the whole, all is well. The kids galloped happily into school. Ju is so cute. He’s always so ‘I love you Mama,’ and filled with kisses. Ruby loves a kiss, but runs off to do her do! 

They’re really putting in some serious effort at school right now & I’m really pleased. It’s come out of nowhere!

 This year Ruby’s really wanting to work hard and get noticed for it. She’s smart, (as in last year, in Year 3, she did a Year 6 assessment.) Yet she’s someone who needs to feel challenged or she slacks off. (Kinda like moi! We have the exact same personality.) She’s not slacking at all this year? It’s almost as if she has something to prove? 

Junior has always worked SO hard. I’m talking 1000% effort. He’ll always want to do his homework on time. He always ask to read his book & will make sure he reads it to the end. Yet he’s always been behind. It was only since January this year when he found his self confidence and started to do much better, instead of feeling withdrawn or just giving up! 

There was a big noticeable change.

I mean he even has an extra tutor with him in class to help him keep up.

Right now, it seems his 1000% effort is utterly paying off. He got his ‘Special Mention.’ He’s coming home with full marks on a times table test, after a happy weekend. He’s wanting to show everyone what he’s made of now and I like it!!!

It’s a thoroughly emotional time for them both, as like myself they have also been forced on another humans ‘rollercoaster’ of turmoil. I feel for them because one minute we’re having the most beautiful time…and the next, we’re dragged into the unsteady drama of another.

However, their resilience is proving to be phenomenal. I’m very proud.

I’m just so happy that they have so much love and support. And I’m SO happy that they also see school & their friends as one of their most treasured places. It’s so treasured to them, after the support they’ve experienced, that they want to make a difference and they WANT to do well! 

That makes me happy! ❤️

Pilates, School Mums & Blond Wisdom

Nat: ‘You going to class tomorrow?

Me: ‘Yeah. I’ve booked in for 9.30.’

‘Shit! I thought it was at 11.30!!’

‘I think, there is one then, at the squash club. But I’m doing the 9.30 on Ropergate.’ 

‘Okay…I’ll book in. Is there mats there? What you wearing?

‘What is this!!! It’s like 100 flipping questions!!!! Haha.’ 

‘Alright!! Lol. I’m only asking!!!’

It’s total enlightenment Tuesday everybody! 

Roll up! Roll up!

Total enlightened Tuesday is where you’ve literally got nothing else to lose, so you decide to find inner peace, via the delicious art of breathing, stretching & balancing.

An art form known to most as Pilates. Taught at the @santoshayogapontefract by

David Beckham does it, so we all should. 

I usually feel dizzy & want to pure after class, because I’m delightfully fit and graceful.

Today…I was Princess strong. Lol. 

Due to my unfitness, it did seem to NEVER end!! I scan the room and make sure I see other faces of agony, just to feel comforted.

I mean, just when you think you’re finally FREE from working every inch of muscle, on your ‘help me please’ body, on an evil workout hog named ‘Horrachio...’ (YES, her ‘hogs’ each have a name beginning with ‘H.’ How CUTE!!!!!! That’s so Me!!)

@west_yorkshire_pilates_yoga makes you do that lovely ‘little bit more,’ to push every bit of your officially knackered body.

It’s kinda like punishment that’s good for you? I ship it! Let’s go!

However…..

‘Little bit more..’ in pilates, is absolutely NOT the same as ‘I’ll just come out for one .’ 

I didn’t know that! I’m learning things daily.

Plus, I’ve decided that  Meli (who IS @west_yorkshire_pilates_yoga) is harsh because she’ll say things that sound lovely…like..

‘Now, let’s do the Mermaid…’

Mermaids! In my mind they’re beautiful, magical, sea princesses, that fall in love with Princes on Disney boats.

But NOT HER version of ‘Mermaid.’ Her version absolutely kills, hurts and looks like ‘Jaws 2,’ when I’m doing it.

It’s twisted on every level!!! But everyone was there, giving it a go…and that’s what I love!!!

School Mum Nat, wanted to come with. (I’ve known Nat for ages. I used to date a guy and his sister was good friends with her. But now our boys are in class together.) She’s quite into fitness and stuff. I mean, I’ll do it. But I’m more into a cocktail. I’m always feisty with Nat, but I like that. It makes me laugh. Lol. She can take a bit of Wunna Land banter. You certainly don’t mess with her though! Haha. 

Plus, honestly….it’s good to have a workout mate, that you lay ‘face down’ on a mat with, whilst your sweating, out of breath and in pain, at around 10am, on a Tuesday morning. If I was going to pass away in that moment. I knew I had a buddy. 

Nat & I have actually never hung out with each other in such a manner. It’s was oddly refreshing. And we’ve certainly never hung out whilst Meli (who also has a son in the same class & year as Ruby in school) dictated our next move, in order to tone our bodies

(The thing about this class is that it tones & works every bit of your body out. It’s worth a shot because if you’re like me and you think your body’s ‘alright’ it will really change it to the ‘ooooh yeah, label.)

It was like some kind of positive, yet evil school mums, morning work out. But I’ll tell you now and I’m blogging this, in a carpark of a posh hotel. It’s now 11.50am. I’m just over an hour out of class AND…

I FEEL ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!!

I feel like I’ve achieved so much, before noon! No jokes. It was SO worth it. I could definitely take a nap though. Haha. 

I’m actually really glad Nat messaged me, because that alone encouraged me to go. Mainly because I love to inspire, don’t I! But I enjoy familiar faces. I needed to go!

Plus, I like hanging out with ‘da Mamas.’ Y’know, I always say, we’re all really different and I DO really different things, with each Mama personally, upon ‘hang out.’

But I like it. It cheers me up during a time of stress. Being able to cut away from any drama, hard work or pondering is always fulfilling.

I feel really amazing, so I’m grateful. Meli does a lot for Wunna Land , so taking her class is important to me.

Plus, after my morning drop off, I bumped into Jane. (Who I love.) Junior & her baby boy are besties at school. They always have been since day one. I love Jane, she’s so much fun. I even got HER ‘Mothers Day’ card by accident one year because Junior swiped two!

The video to that moment was cute! Lol.

Anyway I saw her this morning, whilst I looked like an exhausted Asian toad ready for pilates, early this morning.

Jane on the other hand looked like something out of Baywatch.

Me: ‘You look AMAZING!!

She was all tall, leggy, tanned and blond. In her infamous tiny shorts, that I absolutely love to pieces!!! She’s definitely the hottest P.E teacher my eyes have ever seen. (And my eyes have seen everything.) Junior must pick his besties on how hot their Mum is!! That’s definitely a Wunna Land trait!

Anyway… Jane told me that she quite liked morning work outs, but AFTER it was done and she’s having a cuppa tea.

I didn’t want to believe her at first…But low and behold, she was 100% right!!!

Felt like a toad pre-morning workout. Now I feel like A QUEEN.

She’s not just a hot, blond, tall, tanned, leggy, pretty face!

I definitely want a cocktail with Jane!

YAFTA, Emmerdale, Workshop Vibes…

‘The doors are locked. We’re early. Maybe there’s a business up the road or something that you could go in?’

‘I’ll have a look!! I’ve just come off a 3hr train journey to get here & I am DYING for the loo. Have you done many of these?’

‘I know this isn’t helpful, but there IS one inside. It’ll be open soon. We’re early. Why don’t you ask Kwik fit? And yeah…they’re great! I’m just local.’

I met @dannyrawding that day.

He’s a phenomenal actor. He dances too. Lol. But anyway…what I like about Rawding is that he’s the kinda guy who will get up in the early hours of the morning, and do a 3hr train journey, one way…to make sure he’s at that casting workshop. His hustle is on point!

Yeah, I heard about it all and was like…that’ll do for me!’

‘Aw. They’re opening up now!’

What an amazing morning!! What an amazing Saturday. My life has totally changed!! I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

What I love about the casting sessions is that everyone who shows up is on a hustle. They’re the ones that want it, aren’t they! The ones that believe they can do it, if they try. The ones that aren’t scared of giving something a shot…no matter what level they’re at, what age, what circumstance! 

Being in a room filled with people like that is not only exciting, but its contagious, it’s positive…and to me, if feels alive!! 

It’s real…in a world of ‘pretend.’ Haha. 

On days like that, I feel like I’m in the most fantastic industry EVER! There’s a magic to it. 

Anyway…

If you’re an actor, workshops are really normal. They’re a great way to learn, develop, showcase and network. I worked with some phenomenal people. I met some old faces, some new faces, some friends (even though I didn’t get to selfie with @dsthrace who I adore lol. I didn’t even get to work with him this time. At least I got to watch him be amazing! He was great. I love ‘Thrace.’ He’s a really solid actor and currently has a movie you can go watch! Check him out!

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0_DnihnUGe/?igshid=3seeh1gy0paj

But most of all, I not only watched some GREAT acting, but I did get to work with some GREAT scene partners. I did two scenes. My first with Melissa. (Who I knew from class.

On Wednesday we were being nuts and today were being lesbians! Haha.’

My second with ‘Israel. (Sexy name. Great talent!) 

I love reading with really good actors. It kinda just gets me going!!! 

(Let’s just day….we * heated* some Emmerdale scripts UP! Lol.) 

Ezra: ‘What did everyone think?’

‘I thought they were gonna cop off!’

Ezra: ‘Or get married.’

‘Definite chemistry!’

Ezra: ‘It was really good to see a different take on the scene. I liked that you were confident & composed. Yeah. Great.’

I just loved it! And if you didn’t know, Emmerdale do workshops a lot. Say if they’re casting for a new character…they’ll sometimes throw a workshop. You’ll pretty much work on and ‘show back’ your scripted scenes, to casting in that time. However, you’ll be paired up and basically be working with…your competition. 

It was so much fun. I mean we were opposite the Emmerdale building, stood in a carpark, with 5 pages of long script in our hands, working through our scene. 

‘I can’t turn the page in time!! Lol.’

‘It always has to turn on a really important line.’

It was a fun scene, that we turned sexy, that ended quite sinister. But we worked well! It was funny because when we looked up, a guy sat in a silver car, looked at us both and gave us a thumbs up, whilst smiling. He had is own ersion of the show, played out, in a carpark, right in front of him. Haha.) 

Anyway…after each ‘go through’ 

…we’d hold a ‘sinister’ vibe. Like ya do! (Haha) Then suddenly, when the scene was done, we’d snap out if it..look at each other, say absolutely NOTHING, but then whilst smiling, we’d  start *nodding* at one another?? Haha. 

It was what I labelled the *nod of approval.*

Me: ‘You cool?’

Israel:’ I’m cool.’

Me: ‘Let’s go!’

Then I’ll usually finish off by dancing it out, rapping really badly or shouting stuff like..

‘Innit doe..Yeeeeeah!!’ 

It was challenging, yet fulfilling! I love running through scenes, in sunny Leeds car parks. It keeps it real! 

Ezra watched in…

Ezra: ‘Goooood! That was really good. Make sure you show me all the different emotions. At first you bluster in all cocky, whilst you’re being a Jack the Lad. Then I want to see the dynamic change, when he turns and you suddenly realise he’s  much more sinister.’ 

I can’t even believe that this is my life. It’s ace! 

What fantastic performances & what wonderful insight! Leeds is such a fantastic city when it comes to the acting industry. There’s so much going on!! We’re so lucky!

I mean, people popped skills out of nowhere! Jake (who’s in my Wednesday YAFTA class..he looks like a young, long haired rockstar. He says he has a ‘face for any horror movie. Lol) HE  properly came into that session and SMASHED it about!!!! 

He’s only just started YAFTA. He was quiet during his first lesson. By the second lesson, he was GREAT. By the third he was WONDERFUL. At the weekend he was at the Emmerdale casting workshop and he was OUTSTANDING. 

You kinda just love being around great actors because you just know that you’ll be seeing their faces on the telly box soon, and to have had the opportunity to have worked alongside them, simply feels unreal. 

‘He was totally in my class!’

‘I did a scene with them in a carpark once! Lol.’ 

Jake was ‘stand out.’

Even Ezra didn’t realise ‘da skills’ on Jake, until he whipped them out officially! There’s a sweet comedic, northern nature to his work, that you wouldn’t expect, on face value. On Saturday, he went for it and showed us all, what he was made of!

AND he’s such a gentleman that he even apologised to his female scene partner afterward, with a hug..for scaring her, after being ‘sinister.’ Haha 

Awww!! He’s definitely one to watch. There were loads of other strong actors. 

Thrace. Rowding. Hobson. Some of the younger ones….

I did kinda notice that all the  YAFTA contenders, were some of the best! 😉 And like Ezra said, there’s a few people from YAFTA on the show. 

I just can’t describe how great it was! 

Everyone in that room showed confidence, self belief, shared the same passion and had a will to succeed, a hope in their heart. 

Everyone in that room wants to do well, yet at the same time is TRYING to do well. (They’re two different things.) 

Everyone in that room was SO talented, yet wanted to play with luck. Everyone wanted to do something they loved. Something that made them happy. They wanted to showcase it in front of someone who could make a difference. 

Everyone was kind, helpful, positive and self-less. There were no egos. I loved it. 

It was so fulfilling. I could do it everyday. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B15Moiupvzg/?igshid=47f3vccuep3i

Wear what you want Friday…

The weekend’s been amazing. It began after a sudden piece of unacceptable drama, with a need to de-stress and to simply have some fun. 

I say it all the time! Wunna Land is a ‘DRAMA free zone.’ People need to heal before they try and tinker in with force and bad vibes.

Anyway, at the request of Ruby & Junior, we went with our, 

‘..it’s Friday, wear what you want & let’s get out of here,’ solution. 

Ruby leapt our of her room in a neon coral flamingo dress, with a matching fascinator. 

Junior FLEW out of HIS wardrobe in a head to toe ‘Superman’ costume…cape n’all the trimmings. I dressed normal… Haha…and we walked down to Rogerthorpe Manor (after tea)  to play on the swings, make memories, remember the good times, have a couple drinks and nibble on snacks, as the sunset in front of us.

It was like nothing else mattered. It was beautiful. The kids cuddled some their teachers that they saw dining out. The hotel staff were exceptional. I mean our refreshments were ready & waiting for us at the bar, upon entrance. They’d already been paid on by the manager. (How kind is that!!!) 

Y’know, I appreciate the loveliness we receive as a family, so dearly. We’re all so grateful. You literally turn our bad times around and glisten our good times with utter magic. 

The amount of love and support Ru, Ju & I receive every day is literally something we treasure as a family. 

That evening as I danced in the middle of our Yorkshire fields, with the most beautiful ‘flamingo’ and my favourite ‘Superman,’ I felt strong. I felt happy and when you’re happy, you’re invincible.

Find your happy. It’ll make you powerful. 

So many people stay lost in a mist of confusion. Don’t be like them. They’re the people that can never seem to get out of their own darkness. Not matter what they touch they spread sadness…and even though they pretend it delights them, & that they’re strong, under a mask…I can see right through them. Everyone can see their pain.

If they just decided to heal and find their true happiness…(They’re only one decision away from a better time.) I’m sure they’d definitely be less toxic.

Anyway. Preach over. 

I slept well that night. We all did. The next morning ‘BOOM,’ I blinked and I was up really early. Did my face. Threw on some ‘casuals’ and I headed into Leeds, City Centre to YAFTA, for the Emmerdale Casting workshop with Ezra. (The Casting Assistant.) 

I love getting into Leeds early, as the city is still waking. There’s a peacefulness to it. A peacefulness that’s sort of swirled in excitement, ready for the bustle ahead…

9.30am…I arrived at YAFTA.

This guy walks up towards me on Kirkstall Road…

‘D’ya where there’s a loo?

YAFTA

Class was amazing last night!! I was a bit rusty mentally. Yet I was fine once it came to performing it all out. It was exactly what I needed, to get back into the swing of things. In fact it was really comforting to see everyone. 

It’s cool how we all get freshly plucked out of our everyday lives & meet in a grey carpeted room, out of choice, on a free playing field, to learn, experience and express. This is all in hope to one day fulfil our dreams. 

(Plus, we had new chairs & that was exciting enough!!! You may not know this, but the previous folding chairs & I at YAFTA…were not besties. We weren’t cool. Haha. I even had chats with the previous folding chairs because they simply didn’t do what it said on the TIN!’)

‘Why can’t I fold, a flipping FOLDING chair????’

‘Well you don’t just look at it Chrissie & it folds itself! Lol. You DO have to manually fold it.’

Anyway…..It’s weird because I had to step out of my actual ‘comfort zone’ where things weren’t scary at all, in order to ‘get back into’ the what I ‘thought would be terrifying’ acting game. 

‘They say you’ll never develop as a person until you step out of your comfort zone. It’s the only place a human can grow.’ 

(Do know that you don’t HAVE TO grow. Some people like it comfy & I don’t blame them. There’s quilts, snacks, safety and everything. 😉 However, of course, I’m one to ‘take the stairs not the elevator…’ UGH!! So I’m someone who wants to make the best out of what I’ve got to offer, by exploring everything, that I believe I can do. Even when it’s scary.)

‘Unless, it’s the actual Scare Kingdom event, where I cried in fear on the red carpet, fell over backwards & had to go home.’ 

If you’ve been following my ‘socials,’ you’ll know that the what ‘I thought was scary’  YAFTA….(Yorkshire Academy for Film & Television Acting…) is now one of my happiest places. I couldn’t be without it! 

Everyone always asks me about it all the time. What I do there? What happens? What developments? Everything.

So here’s the blog…

It doesn’t matter how old, how scared, how talented or what path you’re currently walking on….It is NEVER too late to make your dreams come true, or LIVE your life the way you’ve always wished too! The way you played it out in your head.

That’s what I’m doing at YAFTA right now.

An extra hour was added to class last night and in that ‘double whammy,’ I noticed that there were some REALLY great actors in the group. I mean everyone was good. But there were some REALLY great ‘stand outs.’ I love watching great actors work! But oh my gosh, how amazing is it, to actually get to perform alongside them! 

It’s always so wonderful to work with different people & different scene partners because it makes you more adaptable and fluid as an actor. It develops your skills. It meanders them. (It’s the same with anything in life.) I enjoy finding out who I’m going to be working with. Just the same as I enjoy what life has in store for me…(When it’s good. Haha.) 

To me, it’s incredibly rewarding to work with people who are just (in one word) GREAT. It makes you WORK harder. You FEEL challenged. You learn, push and you grow. I’m not scared of any of that. I love it. 

So, we had to improv this week. We got to ‘play’ as I call it. I call it ‘play’ because it’s basically what we do as children, isn’t it? Y’know, when we’re free, without fear, before life gets at us, before we start to care how others perceive us, before we care about an Insta like and we decide to over think everything. 

I watch Ruby and Junior ‘improv’ all the time. They’re great! They’re stars. Let’s call Hollyoaks. Lol. 

But if you’re a control freak, ‘improv’ will scare you. Luckily, I’m the opposite. So I was all ‘Let’s Play!’

Yesterdays class was all about FEELS and how you REACT to a person in a situation. It was about reacting to their emotion, rather than making something ‘about you.’ (Obviously a skill that I certainly need to hone. Haha. I’m good at listening…for a BIT…and then I just ‘sass’ out and do things my way. I’m awful like that.) 

David’s our tutor and he’s amazing. I’ve learnt SO much from him & I have great respect for him because he just knows everything. He’s living it. 

But Instead of reading a script, and leading our way through, this week we were to let the other person take us on THEIR emotional journey & as a result…respond.

We were to act out a situation, yet associate the emotion we felt, with a person, place or thing…that affects or has affected us. A happy feeling. A sad feeling. Angry. Flirty. Anything. 

He used this brunette chick called Lucy, from Surrey, who he used to know, back in the day. She was all posh, beautiful and amazing. ‘What would she see in simple old me?’ Is what he said. It made him feel & react in all different ways and it was that energy and emotion that he would go to and pluck out and re-feel, for particular scenes.

So you could be acting out a scene where your getting fitted into a suit or a dress…Yet associate the experience with a triggered emotion that you’ve personally encountered in life. You pull it into the current situation & you could fancy your suit fitter. Be angry at them. Be awkward. Be happy. Be Anything. Yet, just BE!

It was great, because at the same time as developing acting skills, we were learning basic LIFE & people skills.

I loved improv last night! I haven’t done it in ages. It was refreshing. I’m good at FEELING things, without a script in my hand. Acting is about feeling. Yet, just getting up and going for it can be terrifying.

‘Everyone’s watching me!!!!’

(There was a moment where I snapped out of emotion mode and just looked around. Reality hit and I saw a semi circle of actors, staring back at me. I was stood in front of a camera, about to start, and it was all eyes on me. It was scary. But good for me. Haha.)

I’ll also say that when I do have a script in my hand, I feel safer. It’s like a security blanket. I’m still able to FEEL and express. I can tell the story. However, because I blog, I know how important the words of others are & I want to deliver their story well, at the same time as making it my own. I never ever ‘ad lib.’ I always use the writers words. So, no matter what way you do it…there’s always a little bit of pressure. 

Class was amazing last night. It’s a laugh. So much fun, but we kinda all just choose to work. Everyone’s really focussed. I like that. No-one just ‘clocks in’ and ‘clocks out.’ Everyone’s there because they want to be there. Not because they have to be there. We’ve seen people come & go. Yet the ones that want to really give ‘being a success’ a go…are the ones that show up…

I mean gosh, if you think about all the drama I’ve been going through…you’d think class was the last thing on my mind. But I showed up. I show up to every class. 

You can never stop learning and the more you train, the better you get. I’m living proof of that. I’m changing my life around. 

I’ve grown so much & it’s amazing watching some of the others, who began YAFTA after I did, bloom into wonderful actors, so quickly. 

It’s both astonishing & fulfilling. We have so much support & such strong training. I mean if you visit their website or Insta page….

https://instagram.com/yafta_uk?igshid=1doj9wcdxennd

..you can see how much they support their students. Lots of other places do not do that! I mean students are getting to train with actual industry professionals and well one minute their in class, the next minute their on the cobbles of Coronation Street, auctioning for a feature film or the new character on Emmerdale. 

I mean look at James Moore. He went from the same grey carpet class, booked Emmerdale, (he’s a ‘Dingle’ now)and won the NTA this year! (National Television Award.) 

Dreams come true!

Anyway…

It’s a screen acting class for tv & film. So everything’s recorded and then we watch it back. David gives us solid feedback on everything. He doesn’t just ‘well done- off you go’ us. He delivers praise when we’ve nailed it. And helps us on our way TO nailing it. 

I actually hate watching myself back. I only like watching everyone else. Hahaha. It still, to this day… feels awkward. However, it’s kinda essential for screen acting, isn’t it? So I need to quit being a baby. 

Taxi came..

Then I got hit on by a scouse man at Leeds train station. (He was actually really interesting.) Ruby text me to tell me she had done her homework. DBear sent me a video message. My mum called me to make sure I was safe and just like that, I blinked and I was in bed snuggling Baby Junior. 

I’ve just woken up…

Is Thursday. 

And let the skies roll by…a little.

I’m looking forward to being back in acting class this evening. I love it. Once I get there, my kitten world will be filled with excitement. It’ll be good to see everyone after the break. I didn’t like the break. It felt like I had something missing from my life!! 

 Y’know sometimes, when you’re going through a lot. A really difficult time. It’s hard to reach on in and execute that ‘gusto.’ That life ‘gusto.’ That ‘gusto’ that Wunna Land is famous for, isn’t it? It’s hard to pick yourself back up. Everyone talks about it like it’s the easiest thing in the world, don’t they? 

All I’m gonna say is….YOU MUST. 

‘Don’t let a bad human, situation or energy, take the joy out of your spirit, or take the will and love from the people you care about.’ 

When bad times happen…

…you WILL feel awful!!! But that’s okay. 

In my mind, it’s human. However, what you choose to do or who you CHOOSE to BE during that bad time AND AFTER that bad time, is the measure of what your soul is made of!

Good things happen to good people! The karma rivers will always run. 

Being me. I’m not gonna dwell on the negative anymore. I’ve had my ‘pity party.’ I might feel a little ‘worn,’ but I’m still going and I’m lucky. 

At the same time, I don’t want to sit here and pretend that everything feels lovely and that Disney birds are chirping around my beautiful white picket fence, right now. 

That’s not the case. That seems to be everyone else’s life right now! Lol. Of course, i have worries on my mind. Anything that affects Ruby & Junior, consumes my heart. They are literally my world. 

Yet, it’s good to feel everything. It’s good to stand by the fact that I’m confident enough to express how i feel. 

Like any Mum, any decent human being, it’s important to me to just make sure that my children are having the most beautiful time regardless of the stress. (And they are! So I’m doing alright.) 

Ruby: ‘Mum!!! Watch me count to 10 in Japanese again!!!’

Junior: ‘Mum!!! Watch me do this chipmunk dance!!!’ 

Me: ‘Can I do it too???’

Ju: ‘Noo. You just have to clap.’

Ru: ‘No! You have to watch, Mum!!!’

🙂 

They’re so cute!!! My heart swells whenever I see them filled with excitement! 

Anyway…

I have so many exciting opportunities ahead of me. And I can guarantee that the GOOD I have in my life, absolutely out weighs the heavy burden of grey, that SOME people are determined to litter into Wunna Land. 

(The majority of people are lovely.) 

Wunna Land is a ‘litter’ free zone.

The most amazing thing is that I’ve noticed how many strong people I have around me. People who are filled with love. People who have been through much harder times…and are able to stand tall with a smile, open arms & a warm heart…like the world can’t phase them! 

I’m inspired by them. I love to feel inspired. 

Like I said…

I’m not sure what I’m meant to be learning this year? It’s been one BIG thing, after another. 

When I say ‘big,’ I do mean it….

THREE things pop into my head, right off the bat. Even ONE of those three things probably wouldn’t happen to another human in their entire lifetime. (Thankfully.) 

All three happened to me in 6 months….and I’m still okay. To whip in a Jersey Shore quote…

‘I’m still pretty.’

But I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I’m just gonna get on with it now. I’ve let it all out. I’ve moped about. I’ve felt the shock, the sadness, the stress and everything in between. It’s now time to keep moving forward…yet happily.

I don’t actually know what else to say? So, I won’t. I’m good. 

Y’know, I’m blogging this, whilst parked up, in a carpark, on my phone. (I do love a carpark blog.) I’m on my own, but i weirdly feel like I’m with everyone in the world! To have that feeling, like I’m never alone, is just wonderful. 

Anyway, I’m gonna go! (I’ve written this in bits and bats, throughout the day.)

I had a really good, casual chat by a gate this afternoon. It helped me stop pulling faces. It made me realise how much support I had and how great the people I know and love actually are.

Right! Godda go! 

Next stop is the school run, then ‘here we go’ I’m back in acting class. 

Did you read my YAFTA story? 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2M65bMBPv6/?igshid=mc9i0fn0zpmg

Here you go… 

All my love, 

Chrissie

Everything happens for a….

I woke up at 3.33am this morning. I didn’t feel stressed or anything. (Well maybe a little. I’d be lying if I said that things weren’t on my mind. Obviously!! I mean, if Wunna Land is meant to be a ‘piece of cake,’ I totally get why I’m on a diet!!)

It was like my eyes were done sleeping…so they just opened. I looked at my phone and again it was 3.33am. (This has happened a lot now.) Enough to look up what ‘seeing the number 333 all the time’ actually means… (I’ve written a blog about seeing 333 before…)

It actually means a lot of things. That was simply one little section. However, everything it DOES mean…thank fully….is positive. (I’m spiritual like that. I still wish upon shooting stars & try not to walk under ladders. Haha.)

Junior ran out of school yesterday as happy as could be and I just felt delighted. It was like an entire mist of confusion had been lifted from him for a moment and he was free, without a worry in the world.

With everything he’s going through, right now….it was good to see him happy! The stress he’s been through is too much for a 6 year old. Yet seeing him filled with giddiness after school yesterday, gave my heart wings!

How do I describe it? I guess, if he had a blackboard, ‘chalked up’ with worries, it was almost as if someone had taken a damp sponge and wiped some of those burdens away.

As a ‘Mama’…it’s all you want to see!

Me: ‘How was it?’

Junior: ‘GREAT MAMA!! Ellie said it was great tooo!!!!’

(Ellie is his cuddly elephant. He literally takes everywhere with him for comfort. We bought it from the garden centre in Ackworth. It’s never left his side since.)

Ruby had the best day ever also. Whenever I look at her and I just can’t believe how ‘grown’ she is. I can’t believe how mature she is. I can’t believe how confident she’s becoming! She’s a beautiful human, with a spirit that flies.

I’m really proud of them both.

I think internally all three of us have worries, in regards to the trauma that we’re having to go through. We’re not used to that, because we’re usually quite expressive & as a family, were happy.

However, we all seem to be trying our best to be positive and we’re trying our best to take our minds of it all, by just getting on with life (because the rest of it is pretty wonderful.) We’re embracing love and having fun!!!

Me: ‘Concentrate on the things that make you happy. Be you! Love it! Enjoy it!’

Ruby: ‘Everyday you tell me you love me. Right now, I feel it LOTS!! What time d’ya think it is?’

Me: ‘I reckon, about half past 8? Check my phone.’

Ruby: ‘Guess mum!!!!’

Me: ‘Erm…(I had a little think)…it’s 20:34.’

She ran to pick up my phone and check!!!

Ruby: ‘Oh my GOSH!!!! MUM!!!!’

She held up my phone, in it’s little worn down, leopard print case and showed me the time.

IT WAS ACTUALLY EXACTLY 20:34

What!!!!!!

Me: ‘AS IF, I’ve just guessed that exactly right!!! I’m psychic now!! It must be a sign!!!’

(It really did actually give me faith in life. Haha. I don’t know why? But it did.)

Ruby: ‘JU!!! Mum guessed the time!!’

Junior: ‘My nose is red!! I think I’m turning into Rudolph, or I’m getting a cold. Which one mum?’

Awwww.

Y’know, again I want to say thank you to absolutely everyone who has lent an ear, a heart, a moment…It’s been a really difficult time that we didn’t see coming…and it still is. Yet, we’re doing okay…and that’s because of you. Every single human being around us, who has taken a second…to just… well….BE human with me. I appreciate it. I appreciate you.

( I mean all the chats of support I’ve been having with ‘Little P’ in the passenger seats of cars, has been wonderful.)

Little P: ‘The bad time that you’re going through is going to transform you, Chrissie. You’re gonna become stronger. It won’t stay like this forever. This is just the right now. I’ve been there. I know how you feel. It WILL get better.’

And my Mum…gosh. My Mum. I am SO lucky. I have THE greatest Mother alive. I’m also lucky enough to have the greatest father alive too. They’re the most beautiful grandparents and the most wonderful support.

My mum has got Junior through all this. I mean, he’s only 6…He doesn’t open up much, but when he does, he means it. Three days ago, he said this…

‘I love it when I lay with Grandma & cuddle her. She feels so soft & lovely. Then I feel soft & lovely. It’s like it comes to ME Mama.’

She gives him strength. She gives me strength!! She gives us ALL strength. She’s unbreakable!!

We have my parents staying over, right now. Just to make sure we’re all okay & safe. It’s truly great. We’re a proper family! I’m thankful for that!

Yesterday afternoon, just past 3.30pm…at the school pick up. I bumped into someone, who I always seem to have gently crossed paths with over the years. Waaaay back!

However THIS year, things have been happening & life has made us bump into each other….a lot. I had a phone call with her, that changed my life.

I mean, we even made separate choices in our own lives, as individuals…which made our paths cross even more. It’s so strange.

Things like… I decided to go back to acting school. I walked through the door, ready to meet Joanne, who casts ‘Corrie.’ There she was. She owns it.

Then…it was almost the end of the school year in June. I dropped the kids off as normal… I had to go inside to help Junior hang his kit up.

As I was walking back out, through the school door. I stopped. There she was… walking in, just as I was walking out..

Our children now school together.

I spoke to her yesterday & in a single moment she passed on strength. It was the way she looked at me. Her manner. Her story came through her eyes. She was strong.

‘You’ve got your life back in order now. Don’t let someone take it all away from you. Keep moving forward.’

In a second she reminded of everything….

Leaving you with a happy memory…

Happy Days

I’ve had the greatest weekend, where everything went back to feeling calm, happy and settled again. We’ve done nothing too exciting and it’s been great!

It’s peace delightful!

As you know Ruby, Junior & I thrive off filling our weekend with jollies. We’ll adventure everywhere and anywhere, dine out, shop, play…You name it. We’ll do it.

We love it!!!

This weekend, we kinda all just looked at each other, as we woke up after a really long lay in. (The kids wanted to sleep in my bed with me, I guess just for comfort.)

And well we kinda all seemed to agree that we didn’t really want to go anywhere or do anything or be the centre of excitement. We just wanted to chill. Stay home. Enjoy home! (Since we hadn’t been able to BE home comfortably, over the last few days.) It made home & calm feel even more precious.

We’ve cooked. We’ve rocked movies out. We’ve mowed lawns. We’ve built castles. We’ve nurtured the pets of Wunna Land. (Rocco, the cat! Boris, the tortoise.) All the family has been over…and it’s just been amazing. It’s been wonderful rocking around in a Mickey Mouse t-shirt, doing my Insta questions and catching up on Strictly!!

Some of my mates are on Strictly this year, so it’s even more exciting!!! Jamie was one of them and he is SUCH and amazing dancer & spirit. He would’ve got to the final!!! Therefore it’s a shame he’s gone and busted his foot, in typical Jamie fashion and is now out of the show.

However, he’s been replaced by one of my other friends Kelvin! Who was the very delightful ‘Andy Sugden’ on Emmerdale. Lol. So it’s all still amazing!!! He’s gonna be fun! He’s a good little ‘dance floor in a club’ mover. My favourite show on telly!

Anyway! (Haha.)

Junior has had the BEST weekend ever. He’s had moments of anxiety, which is normal for what he’s just been through. But as a family we really wanted to comfort him out of it.

Me: ‘If you could do anything right now. What would it be Ju Ju?’

Junior: ‘I’d like to get all my Christmas toys out and throw a Christmas party at home. I just want everything to be Christmas!!’

So, that’s just what we did!

We did Christmas in September, with Home Alone, Christmas food, fairy lights, Christmas music, naughty elves and Santa games….and he looked so alive with excitement, he could’ve just burst.

It was good to finally see him celebrating a moment of utter happiness, without confusion, without fear and simply filled with love.

He was free.

He was free to be HIMSELF again! He didn’t have to be cautious. He didn’t have to be scared. He just let loose and celebrated being HIMSELF.

That’s what being a six year old is all about. That (to me) is in fact what I believe being a human being is about.

He learnt that no-one should or can force someone into being someone they don’t want to be. No-one should fear someone who is meant to keep them safe. He also learnt that people aren’t allowed to do either of the above with brut force …and that Santa’s Sleigh Bells dangling in your door way solves everything. 🙂

We have them on the handles of three doors in the house now. Haha.

Incase you didn’t know? Christmas is Junior’s favourite time of year. (You’ll never understand his obsession with it, because you’ll never know the back story behind it.) Yet, It’s also mine. In fact, it’s Ruby’s? So this weekend has just been wonderful!

Things have gone back to normal and I’ve kept our glitter ship sailing. Hopefully by next week, things will become more and more settling and I can concentrate on my career again, because I have to ‘back burn’ it over the last couple week, in an emergency.

The idea is to refrain from letting someone try and destroy EVERYTHING.

Luckily I have life & love on my side.

Good things happen to good people!

Chrissie x

Here are the babies….

Without Condition..

We’ve just had the craziest week. (‘We’ as in Ruby, Ju & I.)

One of those weeks that you don’t see coming. It’s just flies out of nowhere & throws you for six.

One of those weeks that you only hear about, read about, watch on tv, yet would never think would happen to you.

One of those moments where you lose ya breath & fill up with tears. A week full of blur & bustle. But when you ‘blink’ you open your eyes, look around and realise it’s your ACTUAL life a happening!!

It was one of those moments where I was juggling everything merrily, easily, happily and I just DROPPED IT ALL in a second to listen, protect, love and care.

Ruby & Junior are the two little humans who are the single most important hearts to me in the entire world….and all I can say is that I’m so proud of how brave they have been, during a moment of…well… it takes a lot to stand up for yourself. So to be able to do it at 8 & 6 years old & ask for help, shows irrepressible strength.

I’d say what we went through last week was pretty traumatic. Definitely one of the worst things we’ve experienced so far, as a family, especially after such wonderful moments together through Summer.

Well….

I don’t actually know what to say? I’m trying to be positive and I’m making sure that the babies are okay and that their world is filled with unconditional love. The real kind.

I’m actually someone who will always look for the positive in a stressful situation. I’ll always do the right thing. My parents taught me well, loved me well, raised me well…and so did LIFE.

In fact I’d say life taught me sheer reality, the harsh way. My parents raised me so well that I was often naieve, which is pretty unbelievable to say I’m such a sassy/wise old egg.

I’ll tell you that my gut instinct has never failed me. I’m extremely open emotionally. I feel everything & everything I feel, I know of!

I’m never lost.

After I get that feeling, my mind figures things out pretty quickly. The balance between my head and heart work well together.

If you didn’t know this about me…I’m an actress. So I entertain for a living. It’s my job. However my biggest passion, love and superpower is being a reliable and loving Mama to Ru & Ju.

Nothing else in the world is more important to me than that. (Everyone wondered where I went? My FB, Insta & Twitter accounts were rammed with DM’s. I disappeared because my children needed me.)

So, the positive is that i’ll say the ‘bustle & blur’ that came after a sudden revelation, ended up feeling essential. Positive acts to make sure all those who asked for help got it, began to take action.

It all happened very quickly and for that alone I’m Thankful. I’m really Thankful.

So I don’t want to say anything else other than THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart to every single human being that listened, learnt, helped, questioned, stood by us, gave advice, dropped everything, or made a phone call. Just thank you to every single person who showed up, who was there, who did their job, who….

..because of you Ruby, Junior & are now sleeping happy, well and safe.

A grey cloud has been lightened and we’re concentrating on moving forward and making the happiest memories possible.

Lots of love.

Chrissie x