Dear Diary….

Y’know, despite the ‘ups, downs & sticky life roundabouts,’ Ruby, Junior and I are having the most wonderful Summer. This Summer has been THE BEST Summer of of our lives. It’s been so good, it’s ‘juicy. Almost ‘freshly squeezed’ rolled in excitement and sprinkled with true love.

I always say it….but I feel really lucky!

The babies are beaming and even though the Summer Holidays are wrapping up & coming to an end, i’ll always remember the Summer of 2019, as our favourite Summer so far.

We’ve shopped, we’ve lunched, we’ve played, we have a new pet (there’s a whole blog on ‘Boris’ shortly) and we’ve even actually worked. (They’re loving doing their Youtube videos. Hopefully some of you or YOUR little ones, have watched a couple.) As little bits of money is a trickling in, (I have an YT app, where they can watch their progress, & they can’t even believe it. They get so giddy. It’s cute.)

Ruby: ‘How can people make money just for having fun? It’s sooo good! I can’t believe it?’

Me: ‘That’s the whole point Ru. You’re meant to do something that you love. That way it never feels like work & ALWAYS feels like fun. It makes you happy!’

I guess, I should teach them that ‘work is work’ & ‘play is play,’ but I’m not going to. I always want them to choose their HAPPIEST option because to me you should always be doing BOTH and both should certainly come ‘hand in hand.’

Every time I’ve separated the two, my soul’s felt grey, still and like I’m in the wrong place, in the only time I have left on this Earth ball. It’s always been a stressful feeling. That’s not something that I want to teach on. I don’t want them to ever sacrifice their happiness. Anything in life that they feel they can’t handle, I’m here to step in, love, guide and support.

The wonderful thing about their videos is that because they’re only 8 & 6, they’re never ever thinking about money making & ONLY thinking about having ‘doing fun’ and living…I’ll capture their moments & lots of times without them even realising. I’m loving making memories…

Oh! Hang on…Someones calling me…

[An hour later…]

Sorry. I got distracted. I’ve been worried about Junior and all the drama that he’s going through with his Father. Everything was fine & just like that his Dad turned sour and shattered his illusion of peace, trust and confidence within a moment.

I knew it would happen because I know his Father and I know how internally broken down his Father is, due to his dodgy experiences through life, so far. If he was smart, he’d get therapy & not find comfort through strict religion that he forces onto others.

I never let on, to Junior. I tried to be positive & supportive. Then just as predicted, his Father’s own ‘life pain’ got the better of him & he turned malicious, sneaky and what I’m going to label as plain old ‘dodgy.’

He made a malicious call, which had two humans show up at my home at 9.15pm, a couple nights ago. It felt alarming & scary. Luckily, I my entire family just so happened to be at mine. My Mum was a champion. I was SO glad she was there.

Long story short….What he unkindly hoped would be bad, ended up working out positively for me. However, both Ruby and Junior rushed downstairs. They heard and saw everything. Ruby’s tough, so handled how she felt with ease. Junior’s the baby and was therefore terrified. He expressed he was scared. I told him not to be. From that evening on. I noticed a big change. He’s been okay on the surface, yet quite emotional. In fact, emotional with dashes of anxiety? He wet the bed last night. He hasn’t done that in years.

Annnnnnd breathe…..

But just so you know, we’re all okay and again appropriate action has been taken. I’m feeling strong and well when Ruby, Junior and I are together, we’re unbreakable. Add my Mum ( & the rest of my family) to the equation…and there’s just so much love, that no hate could ever triumph up over it.

DBear: ‘…and he’s meant to be kind and religious???? What a joke! Who does that!!!?!!!’

(DBear is a remarkable human.)

I went out of my way to make Junior happy from that point. My mum went out of her way to make ME happy, because she thought that I might be a little shaken under a glittery service of ‘I’m fine.’ Haha. (I WAS fine. In a situation like this, I always feel great because I felt strong! It was almost like HE had showed weakness. I have everything he doesn’t have…Love, family, success & happiness. I understand why he makes me a target. I understand that he’d be dwelling on the fact that we’re now divorced. He acted up, as it hit what would’ve been a wedding anniversary. I understand it all…. but it DOESN’T make it okay….nor does it make it legal.)

Anyway….( I must be just letting it all out. I’ll quit rambling. You guys are great therapy! Haha)

My duty was to smile, shake off the drama and make people smile again. Make people know they were appreciated. I shifted the grey cloud away with that traditional Wunna Land *wink.*

But that’s the good thing… The solution WE ALL reached for was to ‘move on’ and do the ‘make everyone we loved & are responsible for happy, again’ thing. That’s a good bunch of humans!!! That’s true Wunna style! Haha. .

Everyone stayed over that night. My entire family. When I woke up, I woke everyone else up immediately, with excitement. ( That was probably annoying.) I don’t know why I was excited? My ‘bounce back ability’ must just be on point! But I felt good!

Mum: ‘Oh gosh? What’s happened now?’

Me: ‘Nothing. Haha. Everyone get up and get dressed. I’ll wake the babies up! Let’s all just go have some fun!! Like a massive family ‘out & about’ thing.’

Mum: ‘Yep. Good idea. I’m in.’

She looked at me with a beam in her eyes. She looked at me like she couldn’t be prouder.

Whenever Junior gets back from having to be away to ‘bond’ he’s always dying to have so much fun!!! I mean just getting back and realising he had a tortoise was just an utter peak for him. We’ve done so much since, yet that made him so happy he cried actual tears of joy. Lol

Me: ‘What d’ya want to do today Ju?’

Junior: ‘LEEDS!!!!!! Ruby & I really want to do LEEDS!!! We want to play, buy toys and have a really yummy lunch!!!!!’

Ruby: ‘Can we Mum?’

(The reason why they love a Leeds City Centre day is because it’s one of their ‘happy places.’ They see it as an adventure, a good time, because of the first surprise ‘Staycation’ they had earlier in the year. The city centre is filled with great memories and excitement for them! They it love so much, they beg me to buy a city centre apartment every month! Haha)

‘Yeah, of course….put ya shoes on. Let’s go!!!!’

And just like that…. We were off! Take a peek…

Drama free, Holiday Vibing, Dreams come true & a Tortoise..

Today’s a good day. It’s gonna be a good day. I’m not gonna let other people’s issues try and ‘mud pile’ on the glittery soul of Wunna Land.

Ruby: ‘Mum! I’m craving a Nando’s!! Can we go??’

My world is filled with love. True love. And like I always always tell you, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world! We’re doing so so well…and in times of weirdness, I’m pulling my kitten socks up, holding my chin up high, not batting an eyelid and focusing on the things that matter.

I’m eliminating the unimportant.

In times like this…You should just solely focus on the things that make you happy. Never waste time on the things that disturb your peace. It’s a worthless act. Enjoy the good moments, the great times.

We have a lot of wonderful things a happening to us right now and I’ll never let distraction in the form of ‘drama’ try and pull me away from the focus…the love…the happiness…the prize.

( Plus, I’ve just watched a guy in a jungle loin cloth, build an entire swimming pool out of bamboo online and it’s calmed my soul down swiftly. Haha. I’m not sure how it popped up on my news feed? I didn’t care at first at all. Yet, his loin clothed, amazingly skilled talent, won me over…That was it, I was hooked!! I love talented humans….in jungle loin cloths? Lol)

The kids are happy. They’ve been playing with ‘Boris’ our new pet tortoise ALL morning. We’re merrily adjusting him into Wunna Land. They’re being a bit over fussy though?

All I can hear is giggles and excitement.

But I keep having to tell them to chill…However only so I can get my OWN tortoise cuddles in! They’re such pet hoggers! I can’t get a look in!

But yes, Wunna Land is the CUTEST right now!! Junior is again still in utter shock!!!! He keeps pausing to check if everything he’s living is actually real….I love making him feel like that! Watch below….

Today we’re filming a whole bunch of video content, as we have a lot of excitement to share and the babies are doing a couple challenges . But we’re mainly filming a bundle of content, because we’re finally gonna be getting away & chilling.

Whilst we chill, our socials will play on as normal….like nothing’s ever changed. That way it gives us PROPER time away, where I can eat chick peas, naked, in the sunshine, out of tins, with plastic forks, whilst drinking gin doubles, with my family, our pets and in a secret location, where we can’t be bothered by other humans. Hahaha.

I’ve already filmed a gazillion ‘laid on my bed’ videos answering your questions. They’re saved and ready to post. I’m gonna shoot them out of my pre-filmed canon, like an on-going confetti shower.

You better enjoy them! I might put a cheeky snap in here and there!

I’m dying to go back to acting class. Not having it in my life, due to Summer break is killing me!!! Starting at YAFTA, pretty much changed my life for the better. It’s something that I both love and need. I’m not finding being an actor hard. I’m finding it a dream come true.

Yet going to acting class fills you with life because if you’re someone who loves to learn, loves to get better, loves to be around others who share the same passion….It’s perfect. I work really hard. Even when I book a job, I always still go to class. I’m good like that.

I’ve got to get off…So i’ll Leave you with this…

If you have a dream, you REALLY CAN make it happen. All you have to do is take the appropriate baby steps to get there, work hard and give it a bloody good go!

Anyway… this is the moment my mate Richard opened his purple door and right before my eyes, I met ‘Boris,’ for the first ever time!!

Life, New Pets, Intruders & Police Calls…

And just when you thought everything was going to be okay…you ‘wake up’ and realise that there are some heavily disturbed people in your world, who simply need to move on and away.

Today was meant to be a great. In fact it WAS a great day. It started out so beautifully with Ruby and I being filled with utter excitement because Junior was coming home after his ‘6 sleeps away,’ and we were surprising him with his new pet tortoise!!!!

Ruby really missed Junior this time around. She even refused to go away with her father today because she really wanted to be with ‘Ju.’ Pete (her Dad) understood. He respected her wishes. (The Wunna Babies are really close. They’re REALLY close. We’re ALL really close. They’re each other’s light & I’m their rock. They’ve literally done everything together since day dot & I’m so proud of how stable & happy they are…even after EVERYTHING we’ve been through. Everything we’re going through, both good & bad.)

Ruby and I shopped this afternoon to buy Junior ‘Welcome home’ treats, to go with his surprise pet. I could see in her eyes that she just wanted time to fly by, so she could see her brother. Yet she appreciated the little things everyone was doing for her, to make her smile.

Our favourite security guard called her ‘beautiful’ & assured her that it wouldn’t be too long before Junior was home.

Kenny at The Mallard, bought her a Capri Sun, which secretly filled her heart with joy…She’s just like I am. We both love thoughtfulness. She never shows it. She feels it. I’m also so grateful for everyone being so lovely to the babies.

We’d planned the whole surprise out! How we were gonna deliver it all to Junior. What we were gonna say? What we were gonna do? She was beaming!!

So as soon as we got home. Keiran (Junior’s Jehovah Witness Dad) was already parked outside my home, in his window cleaning van, ready to drop Junior off.

Junior rushed into our arms…He just held me and breathed. He did this comforting ‘mmm’ noise repeatedly, until his Father had left. He didn’t even say good bye to him. He was ready for home.

All he said was… ‘I wish I had a million more sleeps with you Mummy. I’m not gonna cry. I just want a million sleeps with you.’

Ruby: ‘Is he okay, Mum? He’s really missed me this time.’

Me: ‘He’s just relieved to be home Ru.’

He wouldn’t even let go of me.

We’d already picked up the tortoise. We had it hidden & we delivered the whole ‘shabam’ with excitement, love and that good old Wunna Land joy.

Junior was SO happy, he burst into tears, whilst laughing because he was so filled with this overwhelming emotion, that he didn’t even know what to do with himself.

He just couldn’t believe it!!!

It was just one of those ‘dream come true’ moments. I was even shocked at how overwhelmed he was. I filled up because he just looked SO happy.

I almost replayed it in slow motion. It was a mummy moment that I wanted save in my mind forever.

My mum, dad and brother were over and it was just so so perfect. It was just so…..’family.’ Every bit of it was exactly how life SHOULD be and we were all immersed in a moment that was simply about ‘ALL that mattered.’

Everything was perfect. Everything was just PERFECT. Then as I walked back into my home…I stopped, my head turned back and something was said….

Me: ‘What??????????????? He did what!!!!!?????!!!!! Who??????’

Whilst I was out my home…and no-one was in the house…Keiran (Junior’s Dad) knew I wasn’t home because it was clarified to him earlier via text.

Anyway, he (Keiran) entered my home when he knew I was out, without my consent or any form of permission. We’re not amicable by any means right now. We’re going through a court case.

Anyway, he proceeded to walk through my entire home, go through my things and take pictures of everything????

Those pictures he send to ‘Aiden & Lisa’ his Jehovah witness friends???? What?? (I don’t know who they are?)

The first thing I did when I found out, was call him. All he did was be verbally abusive me down the phone, admit to it, then hang up.

What???

You can’t wait until someone leaves their home & enter it without consent to begin with!!!! And you certainly can’t go through all their stuff, picture everything and send the pictures to random people!!!

Within a second it just filled me up with this weird anxiety. I mean the thought that someone was in my home….picturing things and…

I felt creeped out. I felt threatened. It scared me. I felt like my privacy had been invaded…and after the beginning part of my year being filled with trust breaches, from people I should be able to trust. Y’know the Twitter hacking thing. The court stuff. The industry that I work in…

I don’t know why he did that? But I knew it wasn’t okay….and knew I didn’t feel okay about it.

I don’t know what happened, but when he hung up….I burst into tears.

I hate those moments.

I mean GOSH!! Surely, ! I don’t deserve this? I don’t want to feel creeped out. How long is this gonna go on for??? And most of all WHY??? What is WRONG with him!?! Why is he doing this?

Then in that moment my mum watched me, comforted me and said…

‘Chrissie, he’s not all there. He’s nuts. You don’t have to stress. You don’t have to do anything. He’s doing everything to himself.’

The next hour and a bit was spent on calls to the police and questions being answered.

How did my day end up like this?

I left it for an hour after that. Just to feel some air. Get some space. Then just like that I rose & refused to let an idiot like him destroy our happiness. Someone who pretends to be lovely. Someone who pretends to be okay. But someone who is so internally broken that he can’t help but cause other people distress.

I’m the opposite. I’m someone who wants to bring happiness into peoples worlds and I’m HAPPY that I’m nothing like him and that my son has Ruby, Wunna Land and I, as his safe place.

You can’t go into someone’s home without consent! What is he thinking!!!

The next few hours I spent adoring my babies, and being giddy over ‘Boris’ our brand new pet tortoise.

Junior: ‘Mummy, is this a story?’

Me: ‘Noooo, what do you mean?’

Junior: ‘I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe it’s real. Like…I have a real life tortoise…It’s got to be a dream.’

Me: ‘Dreams come true little one.’

….and he beamed.

I don’t think it’s actually sunk in. I think he’s still in shock!!!

There’s no wine in Wunna land!!!!

I know!!!! The struggle is real! I’m devastated. It’s like I have no life now. I’m vegan. I’m doing pilates. I’m face masking to mediation music. (It was creepy and boring. Have you noticed how when you face mask yourself, instead of letting a beauty therapist do it, it’s not as delightful. It’s dull…like a chore.) I now have no cocktails in my system…and yeah… it’s pretty miserable. (Haha)

Ruby’s put me on a ‘ONE WEEK’ drinking ban, for a challenge. I’ve spiced up their (The Wunna Babies) Summer, by granting them a family Youtube vlog. Now, they have to do challenges ALL time, in order to recieve goodies. (I figured, granting them the opportunity was a good thing because yeah, they wanted it & enjoy doing it. Yet! I could also crash course them in life lessons. ie/ You won’t always win everything, get everything & you have to work hard for the things that you want! 😉 )

It’s back fired and now they’re expecting ME to do challenges. I hate being controlled or told what to do, if it bans me from ‘good times.’ I do like to BE challenged and enjoy competition. I’m up for a laugh provided it’s documented. Haha. But dodgy challenges, where I have to refrain from drinking for an entire week, in order to…

Me: ‘What do I even win!?!’

Ruby: ‘A massage, a spa day…a…’

Me: ‘You don’t have any money to reward me after a challenge…and I don’t need a spa day.’

Ruby: ‘Well…I guess you win nothing. Haha. I’ll draw you a picture.’

Me: ‘Get lost. I’m not NOT drinking for a picture!!!’

(There always needs to be a worthy prize, when it comes to me!)

Ruby: ‘Well…if you do it, i’ll TREAT you to letting you have ONE wine a week.’

Eh??????????????????????????????? Who’s womb does she think she’s come out of?????????

How sick is her sense of humour!??!! It’s appalling! I don’t even know where she gets her evilness from? 😉 Anyway, you’d think that i’d ofcourse either REFUSE to agree, or just do the usual ‘smile/nod’ followed by lies, deceit and doing whatever I want.

Y’know….the ‘standard’ Wunna Land procedure, when people try to take fun away from me.

(I HONESTLY HAVE NO LIFE NOW!!! I NEED 49 COCKTAILS IMMEDIATELY!! Drinking was my saving grace!!)

How DARE my own loin fruit, attempt to overthrow the MASTER! Junior would never do this to me!!! (He’s back from his second six day ‘shindig’ of bonding with his Dad tomorrow at 3pm. Thank the Good Lord!!)

Anyway, I thought i’d just agree to her Tom Foolery, then do whatever I wanted….I mean, she’d never know, would she!! Then I flipping flash backed to a time she cried on the stairs at home, because she once realized that I had lied to her about chicken nuggets. (Ruby lies all the time, she loves lying. Yet if you do it to her…Like myself…She gets really really upset. Almost devastated. Haha.)

Guilt, doubt and fear trickled into my soul… I started to second guess my ability to be evil. My true ability to just be ME!!

I even posted a poll on my Insta Story (haha) because I felt distorted. (Even the poll was lame. It ended up with a fifty/fifty ‘yes/no.’

AWESOME!! Good times! Only my true friends voted ‘YES!!’

Anyway, it’s day THREE of NO DRINKING. I’ve accidentally chose to honour her ‘i win nothing’ challenge. I don’t even know why? Haha. I can drink at any time and she would never ever know? But my flipping ‘goody two shoes’ kitten soul, just won’t seem to let me.

This means that under a whole lot of uncared for clip in hair extensions…I’m actually a really good person.

Who knew? 😉 (I’m not gonna keep this up. Not because I can’t or because I don’t win a worthy prize…Yet because her motive isn’t good enough. Her ‘why’ isn’t strong enough! Lol

I’m struggling… The only benefit is the ‘it’s good for me’ thing. Plus, i’m being honourable and all that jazz sits nicely. However, the awful realization is that after DAY ONE, i was INSANE, because I hadn’t had a drink. No! Not after!!! More DURING the ENTIRE DAY!!!

I’m on DAY THREE and it’s still just as bad…Yet i’m gonna spell ‘INsane’ in less harsh CAPITALS. It’s not too bad. It’s just nuts. I’ve even been buying SPARKLING WATER, in order to pretend that it’s PROSECCO. (I feel like she’s trying to send me deliberately loopy to take over the throne.)

I’m anxious. I’m having to constantly chew gum and find things for my hands to do…other than lift up a glass flute, filled with a delicious, bubbly, alcoholic delight. I even nearly BOUGHT A BOOK OF FLIPPING POEMS ABOUT CATS!!!!!!!

I just can’t deal with the weird ‘vanilla’ madness of my world right now. Everything’s so clean and squeaky and pure. It’s making me cross!!! Lol!

I’ve found being Vegan really easy. I never ate much anyway. Missing out on meat & dairy etc, hasn’t been difficult. My incentive is to get skinnier. (This is after I got podgy, during my six weeks of eating absolutely everything in sight…NON- stop, due to…well…. issues.)

I just really want a decent body by Christmas, because i turn 39 in December. (I know. It’s old.) But I’m excited!

I’m me at the end of that day and I know we’re not meant to celebrate vanity (because I assure you, my incentive has nothing to do with good health)…But I’m not wanting to be NEARLY 40 and not HOT. Haha. I really want everyone to be like…

‘Holy Mackerel!! She’s a BOMB!!’

(Why would anyone say ‘Mackerel?’)

Anyway, I want the masses to express excitement, like i’m on some other kind of crazy level of deliciousness for my age! I don’t even know why? There was just a moment where I didn’t have much on my face…which I liked…but I was in these dodgy sweat pants. I looked at myself and thought…’What the hell am I doing???’ I looked like I was out in my pyjamas!!!!

I shouldn’t have eaten so much for that dodgy SIX WEEKS. But if you knew what I was going through you’d get it.

But i’ll tell you…I’m back in pilates Tuesday. I can’t wait. It’s been a dream. I haven’t made it to Dance Class yet. I’ve had too much on. Life’s a juggle. It’s hard. Especially with Junior going back and forth. But i’ll get there.

I know that sounds excusey. Yet I can head to dance class ANY time. I just want to make sure that the babies have THE BEST time through the Summer Holidays. I don’t take my time with them for granted… ever. How they feel at 8 & 6 will determine who they ARE at 9 & 7. (When they’re 20 something…I won’t ever be able to have this time back….and time just seems to be flying.)

I’m a family gal. My Mama taught me well.

On the up…Junior’s actually benefited handsomely from his bonding time. His PERSONALITY and confidence has certainly bloomed, to another level. I’m loving it. Keiran (his Dad) has actually been okay.

(Junior ‘shushed’ me the other day. I filmed it. You don’t ‘shush’ Mama. Especially when there’s no pina colada in her system. Even RUBY LOOKED shocked at ‘the shush.’ Haha. I’m joking. It was cute. I’m enjoying his new cockiness. Junior gets away with everything because we baby the baby. We can’t help it!)

But yes, it’s busy. We’re really lucky.

I’m also now having to promote the children. (Which I actually love. It makes them so giddy. Y’know, so happy. They love filming their videos and watching them back. They’ve also booked a bunch of influencing gigs, to start them off nicely…So i’m really really proud of them. They have a good one for Christmas.)

It’s like I’ve accidentally turned into a budget ‘Kris Jenner.’ Yet, i’m happy, because I want to help them any way I can! If my Youtube qualified for monetization, due to watch hours and subscribers…They might as well use that platform, if they wish to. (I don’t know a single parent who wouldn’t do the same.) The build is still just as difficult, as ‘the channel’ turns from ‘sexy’ to ‘family.’

(So for those of you who are wondering…EVERYTHING on there is FAMILY Friendly. It will only contain good, clean, family fun. Everything that doesn’t hit that requirement HAS been deleted.)

Anyway… Here’s a round up….I can’t be bothered to write everything out now..,

We have ‘Welcome to Wunna land’ a coming out soon. I haven’t been able to blog, due to concentrating on the children and the Summer holidays.

I’ve definitely turned into a hippy and finding pure living difficult. Everyone needs a naughty streak. That’s what keeps everything exciting. I feel like mine is being surpressed…Hahah. Yet it MUST be for a good reason. There’s a reason this is having to happen.

I’m missing acting class. Without it in my life, I’m feeling all unhappy and lost. That’s how you know you love something!!!!

Everyone keeps asking me about my love life and what i’m gonna say to you, is that it’s fine, but it’s weird. I’m not sure what’s going on, if i’m being honest? What I do know is that i’m happy and that life makes things happen the way they’re meant to happen….Your heart, head and timing ALL need to be doing the same thing.

I trust life ever so truely. It’s never ever done me wrong. So whatever happens…is meant toooo.

That’s what i’m gonna say! Yeah! We’ll go with that.

But yes…Junior’s back tomorrow. (I simply cant wait!!) I’m really really happy (to say i’m not drinking.) I’m healthier than I’ve ever been. ( That’s FOR SURE, the truth.) I’ve lost weight, due to being Vegan. (Who knew chickpeas were your friend.)

TOMORROW I’m headed to Mr. Wright’s to go pick up the FIRST of our BRAND NEW PETS.

Yes!!! You heard!!!!

Tomorrow, we’re tottering to ‘Wrighty’s Family Home’ to introduce ourselves to ‘Boris’ the tortoise and straight up move him into Wunna Land immediately. (Tenderly of course. We’re glamour pusses.)

I can’t wait!!! I’m like a kid. I’m giddy!!! I don’t really do pets…(on any level…;) .) But for some reason, I just feel so ‘pet shop- dandy?’

I think it’s because the babies, with all their hearts LOVE pets and they’ve been SO WONDERFUL with our cat ‘Rocco.’ They literally do ALL the feeding & the cat litter cleaning. We ALL do the cuddles. But Ruby & Junior are quite great when it comes to genuine responsibility.

I’m also just wanting to show a tortoise some love!

So yes, Saturday…we get ‘Boris.’

Sunday, we’re ALSO BUYING another Tortoise. But a baby sized one, who I wanted to name ‘Prada,’ but the babies want to name ‘Baby Boo.’

I’m filming the moments for YouTube… So you’ll be able to watch…

However for now…treat yourself to this…

The kids won ‘ANYTHING’ they wanted at Meadowhall.

Is this your Doodle?

Right, I can’t seem to go to Meadowhall, Sheffield without something bonkers happening to me!?! Last week ‘Stalker BRUCE’ found me, & asked if I’d do pictures for him with a Santa mug. Then he gave me a script to read for a radio show, whilst I was with Ruby, sipping on an Aperol Spritz, whilst building a lie detector ector test, that she forced me to purchase from Waterstones. Haha.

Stalker Bruce was so grateful that I did all the pics, vids and shoutouts for him, that he ran upstairs to Waterstones, where Ainsley Harriet was doing a book signing. He then forced Waterstones to give him the advertising board for the event, before asking Ainsley to sign it for me and picture with it. 

10 minutes later, Bruce dashed into The Palm Sugar Lounge with a giant Ainsley board under his arm, proud as punch, and handed me it as a thank you. It sat with me the entire time I mojito’d. 

Hahaha! I actually loved it! I was so impressed! So thoughtful. So hilarious. I do love a gift. 

But yes, I love Meadowhall. Fun things always happen. My family and I rejoice in every single delight that Meadowhall has to offer. It’s amazing! The kids think it’s magical. 

We’ve done the Postrooms. We’ve tinkered to Bobo Tea. We’ve shopped Disney. We’ve won Lego comps. We’ve glittered at Naughty Unicorn. Bought mood rings in the Lanes. Shared Boost Juices, gathered tools, had massages & even ‘Clip n climbed.’

I’ve flirted with cocktails at Rizzoli. Chocolate fondued at Godiva. Shimmied to The Palm Sugar lounge. Bought the kids Coal fired steaks. We’ve broken pitas at Nando’s, shared plates and love at Wagamamas. We’ve stopped by, simply to ‘Cinema’ and even taken a sneaky Yo!Sushi home with us! 

And that’s not even half of it…

Plus, the new FREE adventure playground has now opened and Ruby & Junior can’t WAIT to go try it out!! We’re pretty much at Meadowhall every week now and we never ever seem to get bored of it. 

There’s new a surprise down every corner. 

Obviously we picture & post everything we do there, in case YOU ever tinker to Meadowhall & want to know what’s on offer! 

But OH MY GOSH!!! Only I could find a big Doodle Wall, mural thing. Read the words ‘Doodle’ and automatically assume it’s by Mr.Doodle. 

THEN I started picture taking with Ruby by the Doodle wall. (Ruby loves Mr.Doodle.) We both adore art and creativity! 

THEN I post our pics EVERYWHERE!!! 

Literally everywhere! 

Twitter! Facebook! Insta! Snapchat! The Moon! The Streets! The Nunneries. Everywhere!!! This is whilst I’m going on about how EXCITED we were to picture with a MR.DOODLE, doodle (everyone on Twitter is all ecstatic ) & even better…I THEN MENTION & tag Mr.Doodle in the pics! 

Beautiful moment. 

It wasn’t even HIS work. It wasn’t even HIS Doodle. It was some other guy named Dave’s doodle. Hahah. 

 I just THOUGHT it was by Mr.Doodle because he’s the only worldwide famous Doodler I knew…and therefore decided to re-credit, Dave’s ‘Meadowhall doodle’…as Mr.Doodles work and announce it to the masses. Haha! 

Wow! Did I look like a tool!!

AND…even worse Ruby STILL believes the doodle was by Mr.Doodle himself and is telling everyone…

Then came the inbox…

Mr.Doodle: ‘Thank you so much, but that piece in the background isn’t my work. Haha. *Emoji monkey hand over face.*

Hahah. I mean can you imagine!! Up until this point, I thought it was and the real life Mr.Doodle was so incredibly sweet that he HAD to tell me, but he did it so gently. Lol  I could tell he was dashed with sweetness. Our chat went on all day.

I mean there he is getting ready for his huge exhibition in Tokyo, doodling away, with his 2.7 Million Instagram followers…. and even HE’s having to *pause* to deal with Wunna Land drama…and up until that point in our lives, we had NEVER EVER known, or uttered a single word to one another.

Anyway, for the rest of the day we chatted and it became the acest, most random banter ever! I loved it.

Me: ‘My favourite colour’s pink. Like a boozy Cosmo.’

Mr.Doodle: ‘Haha. I’ve never heard it described like that before!!’

Anyway, I apologised for my lunacy. Imagine apologising to Mr.Doodle because you’ve been so foolish. Imagine having a whole afternoon convo with Mr.Doodle about the things that guys DM me on my ‘Ask Me A Question’ doo-daa, which could never be classed as normal, without 92 cold showers.

But he was sweet and great and….

Let’s say, neither of us woke up that morning and thought…We’d ever be accidentally path crossing.

But yes, that picture went up on my blog. And yes, we both promised to never tell Ruby it was by someone else. Haha.

Oh! And to ‘Dave Draws’…(I found out it was your work.) So sorry for the re-credit. Haha. I kinda just went with the Mr. Doodle vibe.

Gossip or Brows?

Nothing could be a better combination that ultimate gossip, vodka and henna brows. That was my Tuesday evening…and with the doll that is ‘Hustle Barbie.’ 

I kinda just rocked up on her doorstep, looking like a troll, knackered from Pilates, in the rain, like food someone had just spat out. 

If you’ve followed this blog, you’ll know that I’m really good friends with ‘Hustle Barbie’ and I absolutely used to work with her, I’d say a couple years ago? I’ve lost track of time. She’s beautiful. I think she’s still vegan. She’s fun. 

We have some amazing memories of debauchery. She loves a good time! She is THE FUNNIEST once gin is added. But now, she’s all brand new, with a…. ‘split up from her old boyfriend/now have a new boyfriend & also a brand new house, job and business.’ 

BOOM! 

(…with creepily delicious bedroom gossip.) 

Me: ‘What!?! Wait!!! Where the hell was Double B & Firmonnell? Haha. Did they not think, hey we’ve left a really drunk Hustle, with a homeless guy, sat on a pavement? Yay! Free shots! Let’s go! ’

Hustle: ‘I just looked around and everyone was gone!?! Haha. Then up came….’

Me: ‘OMG!!!!’ 

I knew straight away…. Haha. She didn’t even have to say it.  I literally cried with laughter!!! She has properly excelled herself. I’m still not over it. I am crying!!! 

Hustle: ‘Have you ever…?’ 

Me: ‘Well, when I was 20, I…..’

Hustle: ‘Oh. That’s not so bad…’

Me: ‘Oh shit! Wait! I forgot about….Haha..He was…’

Hustle: ‘Hahaha…We’ve all done that. What is that NAME!!! I can’t believe you’ve been with someone called…’

Me: ‘I can’t believe you did that!?!’ 

Hustle: ‘Has Mr. Chow pooed? I think he’s pooed. Has he pooed?’

Me: ‘Why am I fat now!!!??!!! I looked in the mirror and I look like a jelly baby! What’s going on with….?’

Anyway, we’ve had fun times and great gossip for sure, in the past. However, we also have these weird memories where I simply sat opposite her, with a barrier between us and glared at her face all day on an orange swizzle chair. 

That’s true friendship.

But back to brows. 

It was really really lovely when she swung open her door and I saw her stood there, fresh from work. It had felt like such a long, yet once I was there it was kinda like everything went back to normal. We were slumped on her giant sofa with a vodka talking life.

I really wanted to support her new business because I believe in people being brave enough to start new ventures that gravitate around the things that they love. 

That way you’re happy…not just existing and getting by. 

This is a good start and there I was laid on her brow bed. In fact, we’ve all been in the name of support. 

The more love you can give a friend when it comes to new work chapters, the better, I think? She deserves it…and she’ll be juggling a lot. I know what that feels like. She seems really happy! That made me smile.

But more importantly my brows turned out beautifully. She did and exceptional job. 

If you didn’t know I have ZERO brow game. No brows. They’re not here. Where are they though? No brows ever!?! 

I have no brows!!! 

I lifted myself off her brow bed, looked in the mirror and there they were…actual, perfectly shaped, dyed, trimmed and waxed BROWS. 

They looked AMAZING!!! I was so pleased. I’ve never had my brows done before! She could probably tell!!! 

Hustle: ‘They’ll last for 6 weeks. They’re henna. They’ll actually encourage brow growth. Wipe around them, not over them so that they last longer. Try not to get them in water.’ 

It felt really great to just lay there and be pampered after the longest day, that began with Pilates and it’s only £25. 

I had no clue what she was doing??? But when it comes to beauty. You kinda just trust ‘Hustle.’ She’s got this!! She’s beautiful & has perfect brows. I mean the first thing you do before you get brows is check out the ‘brow masters’ brows! Right? Her brow game is on point!!

The whole entire evening was just so lovely. I needed a bit of brow love. Any love! Gimme! Gimme!! 

Hustle: ‘When can we do drinks?’ 

Me: ‘Whenever now. I can’t go anywhere. I need to message Mel.’ 

My brows were amazing, yet the catch up just made it divine.

This is what I learnt…

‘Fairytale’s trying for a baby.’ 

‘Double B is….Hahah.’ 

‘Firmonnell is going through some tings.’

‘Shizzle, is still Shizzle.’ 

‘Ham Sandwich is still there.’

And, ‘Mel is really happy now and not grumpy.’ 

Me: ‘Yeah, I’ve seen Mel. I’ve done drinks with her.’ 

Then I called a taxi, with my new brows and went home. 

Hustle: ‘What did you like better? Gossip or brows?’

@sarahvictoriabrows

Pilates Filled Tequila

 Right! I don’t join stuff. I don’t do pottery clubs, slimming clubs, collect stamps or anything like that. I don’t have the gusto for things that don’t involve well shaken cocktails or just me, me, me. Lol. 

Yet, it seems, that during the last 6 sleeps, where Junior was absent, ALL I wanted to do…was JOIN. Join everything. Start a revolution. 

Join! Join! Join! 

I didn’t want to talk to anyone whilst joining. (I think someone tried to ask me a question and I replied with, ‘I don’t know??? I’m filled with tequila.’ Haha. ) I just wanted to join and get on with it. Do the things that terrified me. Be a joiny person. 

In a weird way, I kinda wanted to go back in time and BE who I WAS. Who I used to be? I don’t understand the trigger, (I’ll leave that to the experts) but something happened??? Haha. 

Cue: Being nuts 

So, something happened where I just felt that the only way to get through this ‘dodgy old week,’ was to firstly OCCUPY myself with all sorts. THEN decide that I’m fatter than normal. (Like we do.) THEN commit to total enlightenment AND THEN (after turning Vegan) do a million things that would make me both happier and skinner immediately. Y’know, do a million things that would make me a BETTER & healthier human being. 

Tuesday morning…I showed up at the Santosha Studios, @santoshayogapontefract for the 9.30am Pilates class in Pontefract. 🙂 (All my friends cried with laughter, because as I stated on my Facebook page, I’m Half Asian/Half Tequila. I don’t lunge and stretch and certainly not on a mat around other people.) 

I’d drank a decent amount the night before. 

I do know Meli who teaches the @west_yorkshire_pilates_yoga class. Ruby & Dexter (her son) are in school together. I’d been planning to check into her Pilates shindig for ages. I just never did due to circumstance, time…excuses….court….all sorts. 

Yipppeeee!!!

Tuesday morning…Day 3 of being vegan. Day 4 of Junior ‘being away,’ there I was…early, for Pilates, in bare feet . (I’m always early.) 

Meli: ‘I’m so glad you’re here!’ 

Me: ‘I can’t actually believe I’m here. Wait!!! I need to film it for Instagram.’ 

There I was in some silver grey, Aladdin sweats because my new Pilates leggings that I’d bought still had the flipping security tag attached to them, when I got them home. 

Annoying!!!!! 

I was proud of myself for being there. But I was definitely terrified. I felt like I was committing to an ‘out of my comfort zone’ experience, so I knew it was good for me. I had an updo in. This was serious shit. 

However, because I’m ridiculous and never done pilates before, I weirdly thought that it would be chilled and easy…like a stretchy nap, mixed with a soft mellow breeze. 

Holy HOG!

I had never been so intensely worked out in my life!!! I couldn’t even breathe or walk afterward. I almost puked!!! Haha. I’m that unfit!!! 

I was fine at first. (I haven’t worked out in years. Maybe a decade?) But before class, a lady was going on about head stands against walls and that was me done!! 

I don’t stand on my head. My head wears tiaras & takes selfies. It dunt do that!!! 

Meli: ‘I’m actually really impressed, it’s like you’d done it before. You’re brilliant.’ 

 Me: ‘I don’t know how? I can’t even see??’ 

(Chick friend: ‘The thing about Chrissie is, that she pretends she bad at everything, when she’s actually really good at everything. She wouldn’t have gone if she thought she was going to be rubbish at it. Especially in front of people. Oh! And she REQUESTED pictures for her ‘socials.’ Haha ;)’ ) 

I’m not being funny or anything, but I NEED photographic evidence that Pilates actually happened!!! 

Anyway!! 

The ‘jollies’ kicked in, 10 minutes into it all…and I was like ‘what the hell is going on!?!’ I was sweating, trying to balance on a hog, my legs were stretched out, my bottom half was in a bridge, I was baking in a window of sun, my arms were over my head…I didn’t even know what was happening to me & Meli’s sating ‘do 10 on each side!!!’ Haha! 

It was like being pissed, but I was sober!!!???!!!

In fact, there was a moment where I just laid on my front, face down into a foam block, whilst everyone else was trying to do Pilates and I just quietly pissed myself laughing, whilst uttering swear words.

It was Tuesday MORNING for crying out loud. I was so exhausted. I’d had 4 hours sleep. I was half an hour into class and I figured if I moved one more muscle, I’d either puke or die. Like I had to choose? Haha. 

Only I would LAUGH in that moment. 

 It felt like every alcoholic drink I had ever consumed wanted to be puked out? 

But I got through it. The class was great. It was really thorough and intense on the old core. It was hard, but I wanted the class to challenge me. I’m not one to go to the gym, so I needed a more creative way to tone, burn calories and search for spiritual well being. Haha. 

It was perfect!! That hour was LONG though!!!!  

Class like environments are good for me. I’m naturally filled with pride, so i’ll want to do well. I’ll want to push and be all ‘look at me.’ I’m pathetic like that. 🙂 I can’t do a trainer because I’m certainly not bothered about having someone shout at me, whilst making me do things I dislike. Lol 

I can’t wait to pilates again!!! Literally couldn’t walk the next day AND I had to take two naps. I even took a day off my ‘socials.’ (Oh Lordy!!) However, that night was the first night I had actually slept like a baby! 

I’m still deciding if I can make this Tuesday morning (i might have to alternate through Summer) because I have Dance class at Koby Studios, (Haha…Hello Joiner….) in Leeds Tuesday evening…and also this week is my Junior week, so I want to spend as much time with him as I can. 

It didn’t end there….

That evening….after Ruby laughed her head off at the fact that I was dying after Pilates….I went to see a good chick friend of mine ‘Hustle Barbie.’ She’s started her own business and so ofcourse, I let her whop our some Henna and tackle the brows of Wunna Land….

Ruby me this…

Okay, so to get over my ‘Junior’s gone for 6 sleeps’ anguish, i decided to become a joiner and join things, to take my mind off his absence.

I was all empty. So empty, I rattled. Where was he? What was going on? Is he okay? What? What? Where? Where? I cried the first night! No sleep. No settle. No calm. It was delightful! Haha. 

If you didn’t know…I’m super emotional. (Really?) People always think I’m the opposite for some reason? (They really do!)

It all just felt mental, because I’d never done it before. It was like something was missing. It felt like a breakup. I was still up at 4am in the morning …just wondering? Just pottering. Just being all weird in a kimono. (Yes! I am a lunatic now. )

If you saw me in public…and lots of you did, I opted for ‘laugh it off/all smiles’ thing that I do. But I assure you, I was mental. My insides were lost & ouchy. I wanted to feel full, but couldn’t. 

Feeling full is always better than feeling empty. 

However because I had Ruby I stayed POSITIVE through it all. (She always saves the day! And she was a DREAM!) We figured we were all in it together. Ruby and I were gonna miss Junior madly, but we needed to ‘man up,’ and enjoy the best ever time. Y’know, Quality Mummy/Daughter, time that we wouldn’t get back. 

We decided to be excited for his return, rather than be sad that he was away…and  therefore we spent the best time together.

 Junior left us with  ‘don’t have any fun without me’ instructions.We didn’t obide. 

I mean, he will have had fun with his Dad, yet it will have been mixed in with The Bible…It’s not Junior’s favourite, yet i guess it’s life. He hates missing out on fun.  However, this is a new coaster… Coaster? Haha. Chapter!!! This is a new CHAPTER for him! and to be honest, he seems really happy! (He’s back now.) 

Anyway Ruby and I just did our thing. We lunched, loved, played, influenced shopping centres, toys and stores. We basically just got on with it. 

Ruby: ‘You’re the bestest mum in the world. I love you. Do you think he remembers me?’ 

Me: ‘Ofcourse he does baby. Don’t be silly. You’re his favourite person in the world!!! I love you.’ 

She was just as lost as I was, at first…Everyone noticed…Everywhere we went. Even Kenny at The Mallard, bought her a Barbie Egg to make her feel better…and it did. She beamed. Even security *paused* and said, 

‘You’ve lost your gusto little one. He’ll be back.’

 She loved that everyone cared. We’re both dramatic like that. I’ve learnt to hide it better than her. Haha. 

Ruby: ‘This feels like the longest week! I love time with you Mum, but I’m missing him.’ (She found the last few days difficult.) 

But then Pete (Her Dad…Again who I co-parent with) decided to get his knickers in a twist. I don’t know what’s up with him right now, but he’s constantly ‘knicker twisty,’ and it winds us both up. 

Basically, Pete’s gotten all weird over the fact that Ruby would rather spend time with Junior over him. He got upset that she was missing Junior, but not him??? Eh? Haha. 

So he made the executive decision that day to resent Junior for it? The number one person in the world that Ruby loves. Not a good move. 

Right now Ruby never wants to do her Daddy day. (She’s meant to go every Sunday.) She just wants to be with her brother all of the time …Even more so than ever now, due to circumstance. 

Again…do remember that I usually co-parent extremely well with Pete. Yet i’ve noticed that the more successful Wunna Land is getting…the more annoying he’s getting. Like he’s missing out or something? Like he thinks Ruby will only love me because I’ve created this magical world of boujiness, love and ‘ooh laa.’

He’s……bitter?

Surely he should be happy that she’s happy and half Wunna? Lol. Surely he could create his own land, that she will love tooo? 

Surely? Surely? Surely? (That’s what I’m going to name my co-parenting book. Haha.)

Anyway…Instead of being cool, calm & confident that Ruby would venture back, when she’s ready…because she will. He kicked off. 

BOOM!!

Unfortunately, I was downstairs & Ruby was upstairs watching ‘The Norris Nuts’ on my phone…and in pops Pete’s ‘kick off’ text…That SHE READ & brought down to me…TO READ!!! Haha. 

Awesome! Yippeee! Let’s do a conga line! 

*Rolls Eyes* 

It began with… 

‘Right. She needs to learn that they can’t be attached at the hip all the time . They BOTH do…’ (It got mean then…) 

Even before she had marched down the stairs and pushed it in front of my face… like she was Beyoncé…I KNEW she was furious. I could feel it in her stair stomp. 

Then when I read it…Right from ‘She needs to…’ I KNEW Pete (with zero Ruby skills) had messed up. She’ll see that and then that’s it. It’s game over…

Say, if there was a book on ‘How to deal with Ruby’…i’m on Page 4987…and he’s on Page 2. 

Ruby can be a nuisance, but Ruby and I are the same human! I know her, I get her, I raised her, I am her. She annoys me just as much. But everything she feels, I feel. Everything she is! I am. Everything she likes, I like. Everything I hate, she hates. We even have the same scowl. 

Everything! Everything! Everything! 

Pete’s too innocent to even nearly try to have a stab and tackling the loin fruit. He’s got no chance. Like no chance in juicy hell. 

Ruby will wipe the floor with him. The only battle she ever comes up against that she finds tough…is ME. 

So I know, that she’s read the text and is now filled with a stubborn dash of anger, where she’ll now do absolutely nothing he says & quite possibly the direct opposite, simply to teach him a lesson. 

He thought he was being authoritative. (Ouch.) 

But because he had a go at Junior…I’m all angry too (Haha.) 

I’m all ‘How dare he be jealous that she loves her brother more than him, when we’re going through his 6 sleeps away!!! I raised them to be this close!!!’ 

Mum: ‘Why didn’t you tell him it because they’re blood..’ 

Me: ‘…because he’s adopted and it’d make him feel…’

Mum: ‘…exactly!!’ 

(Haha. My Mum’s so evil. She’s literally the nicest human in all the world, but if you come at her Grandbabies..that is IT!! Lol.) 

I didn’t express any of that anger to Ruby, when she showed me the text. I didn’t play ‘high.’ I didn’t play ‘low.’ I went straight down the middle and instead I looked at Ruby and calmly said, 

‘How do you feel?’ 

Ruby: ‘I’m SO angry. I’m never speaking to him again!!!’ 

To this day….(Junior’s even done his 6 sleeps away and is back home and comfy…) Ruby is STILL refusing to speak to Pete or see Pete, because of that text. Haha. 

She’s THAT stubborn. But I told him she would be. He just doesn’t get it? So now he’s trying to do the ‘be lovely’ thing…But she’s having none of it. I feel bad for him because now he’s pinning after her love & she knows it.

Ruby: ‘I will see him when I’m ready.’ 

Pete: ‘Will she speak to me if I call?’ 

Ruby: ‘Mum! I said tell him NO!’ 

Anyway…All that malarkey made her grow strong. It ignited her inner fire. 

We only had a few sleeps left…It had felt like an eternity, if I’m honest. I was anxious the entire time, but weirdly with a smile. I do that. It’s creepy. 

We went around and bought Junior loads of ‘Welcome Home’ gifts from The Entertainer. It kinda made US feel better, more than anything. Like we we’re doing something for him. I’m so used to fussing over him, I was lost? It was weird.

Me: ‘I’ve lost his blankey. Should I get him another one?’ 

Ruby: ‘No. He already has Ellie. (His teddy thing.) It’ll teach him to be more independent. We need to buy him less things that comfort him.’

Me: ‘Are you saying that because of what ya Dad said?’ 

Ruby: ‘No.I don’t need my Dad to think for me. Junior doesn’t need a blankey. He needs me.’ 

She was hardcore!! 

Me: ‘How are you so grown? I don’t get it? You’re like an adult.’ 

Ruby: ‘I’ve been through a lot Mum.’ 😉

Then we belly laughed, like nothing else in the entire world mattered. 

3pm that day… Her brother arrived home. 

Court, Co-Parenting & Being Mama

Right. This wasn’t easy.

So Junior’s now back. He did 7 sleeps away from home, with his Dad, Keiran. (Who’s my ex-husband. We’ve been going through mediation & court etc… between haven’t been able to see eye to eye.) Juniors actually really happy and because of that so am I!! 

 Nothing has been ‘on paper’ solved, for Keiran yet. Therefore, as a good will gesture, (I say it in that manner, simply because it’s away from everything official and annoying…) a personal contact arrangement was made, for Summer. 

It’s a build rapports in the sunshine, than in the rain. 

I believe that two grown adults, responsible for a child should be able to communicate without the use of a court room… I believe that, because those two grown adults, should be able to put everything negative aside & listen to the needs of their little one. A third party, who doesn’t know you, the other parent or the child in question….A STRANGER, shouldn’t have to make a parenting decision for you. ( I’m laughing because I find that nutty.) 

Plus, I also dislike that in such situations (and ours isn’t serious, it’s simply an adjustment of contact) some officials believe that a child, can’t have feelings or rights for themselves. My children have nothing but feelings…and I give them the respect,  strength and opportunity to express how they feel and to not be afraid to speak their mind. Out of school they often have no filter and I’m okay with that. As they get older, they’ll understand their own use of ‘filters.’ 

Anyway… I’m getting distracted, it actually all worked out for Junior and I’m happy. We all are now. Bottom line, Keiran should’ve called me and asked to speak to me, to arrange something more appropriate, instead of thinking he was all clever and that mediation or a courtroom would help. I’m not a disagreeable person. We’ve never had a problem with co-parenting ever! (That goes for both Fathers.) When you have a co-parenting problem it’s because internal feelings of your relationship have not been closed or resolved. 

Obviously, he didn’t get what he wished for in mediation. He didn’t get what he wished for in court. It’s not even over yet…and i’m personally having to spend £700, a go. That’s £700 each court visit & surely that wasted money? Surely, he realises that that’s money that should get spent on the children & not wasted on a solicitor? Surely he should stop sending me to court, right? Surely this is burning a hole in his pocket? Surely, he’s grown up enough to make it all stop?

Surely! Surely! Surely! Haha!! Lord help me! 

(Do note: This isn’t a ‘hate on’ blog. At 38, I wouldn’t do that. It’s a moment of much needed expression, so nobody has to ask me about it anymore. And I want this particular situation to inspire others. Keiran actually had lots of great things to offer. Underneath a bundle of ‘all of a sudden’ religion & a heartbreaking childhood, he’s a good man and a decent father. I wouldn’t have married a bad human. Junior’s actually very lucky. He’ll never go without.) 

I feel like I ‘Mother’ Keiran. For some reason, he had to meet me in his life…and he’ll know me forever due to Junior. But my Mother & I are the only two people, to actually ‘yo’ him out. Junior is the only person in the entire world that he’ll do anything for. Literally anything. I always say, Ruby is just like me. Junior is just like his Father. 

Me: ‘Y’know, if you both actually did stuff together that you BOTH naturally loved. You’d have the most wonderful relationship.’ 

I mean even the agreement that he has in place now, over the Summer Holidays has been personally made…WITHOUT the use of a court. So, that means we’ve wasted so much money already & our solicitors are back in on August 7th. It’s something that a chat could’ve arranged. 

To me…that’s irresponsible parenting. 

Anyway….

I listened to everyone involved…both Keiran and Junior and felt  it was positive that they both bonded during the Summer Holidays, & did more Daddy/Son stuff…to build a better rapport & balance. Y’know, do child appropriate stuff, that doesn’t  involve religion. (Keiran is a die hard Jehovah’s Witness now. He used to be what I call an ‘Ibiza party boy’ and ‘in the Army.’ Junior loves his Dad. But just wants to do ‘normal Daddy stuff’ with him.) 

I admit that the Baby Daddy’s have it hard, because both Ruby & Junior are SO close and so happy at home, that having to do ‘Daddy visits’ as they’ve grown up, has become less of a priority to them…and well…I think they compare lifestyles. They compare Wunna Land to ‘Daddy Land’ and because at 8 & 6 it’s not as appealing to them…they don’t prioritise it. I don’t encourage that. Their relationship with their fathers is really important. Yet, their Father’s need to step up their game. 

Ruby: ‘Why would we ever want to leave here when we have everything we want?? It’s so fun!!! It’s like some kind of weird chore you make us do!! Do your homework!!! Go see Dad, or he’ll be sad.’ 

Me: ‘You’re both gonna need your Daddies one day. You’ll appreciate them. You’re so lucky that they both want to see you so badly. Some children don’t have that.’ 

Ruby: ‘I’ve watched you. You have me and Junior by yourself and it’s great. I can do that too when I’m older. I don’t know why we even need…

Me: ‘I don’t have a husband….I don’t need one. You’re right. BUT I have a really great Dad. ;)’ 

Ruby: ‘I should see him when I want to & not just because I feel bad. He should respect that….’

Anyway… you get it! It’s nuts. Ruby is so grown emotionally. 

Both Dads have lovely things to offer. Pete’s rubbish with money, but kind & respectful. Keiran gets lost in phases, but is extremely thoughtful. 

Back to the tale…

Junior started to feel devastated when he had to go to his Fathers. because well Junior’s 6 & not a Jehovah’s Witness. He’s been raised in Wunna Land for crying out loud. He’s the opposite. And having the ‘Jehovah’ beliefs forced upon him wasn’t his favourite. 

But it wouldn’t be would it. 

I mean, no-one loves birthdays, parties, Christmas and everything in between than Junior. No-one in the world! Celebrating Christmas is his favourite thing!!! He’s already doing a Christmas countdown. Obviously that goes against his Fathers beliefs. But I want to underline ‘Fathers beliefs.’ Juniors beliefs are different. 

Keiran hadn’t been able to see Junior since January…as I guess, he had put religion before him. But I think that time…did everyone good. Junior (who was behind) excelled in school, won the scroll, became confident. I was happy that he was happy. The teachers were happy. We were all happy. 

I was summoned to mediation etc…I fought for my son’s rights and won. I stuck by the fact that I believed their bond & contact was important. I never stopped it. 

However, non-religious, child appropriate time needed to occur between them. Go to the park. Watch a movie. Ride quad bikes. Build a castle…Y’know whatever! Make happy memories with each other, that you’ll both remember, when he’s older. Keiran will value that because of the problems he has with his own Father. Junior will value that time with love! Ruby never does, but Junior will always ask me to show him old pictures that have him, his dad and I on. He loves it. Juniors an emotional boy. He loves love. 

Junior: ‘When I marry, I’m going to love her forever.’

Ruby: ‘I don’t believe in marriage. It’s not about real love.’ 

It’s so weird how differently they see things. 

Anyway…

Ruby & Junior are used to doing so much with me, that the transition to Daddy’s world and then back to Wunna Land was too much on Baby J. It was like he was forced to lead a double life. He loves us both madly. Yet he withdrew from opening up. He withdrew from being confident. He lost his independent streak. 

Something needed to change. He needed a clean slate & a reboot. 

This is instead of teaching him the Bible, about how scary Satan is and other ‘I’m 6 and do not need to be filled with fear, because I’m not lost’ stuff. 

Anyway, long story short…Junior has never been away from me for that long, with no contact. 

He did his first ever big stint with Daddy… I tried to stick by the ‘Everything Happens for a reason’ motto. I have faith in life and people.

He came home yesterday at 3pm… Keiran was happy as can be. Junior was happy as can be. Ruby was happy as can be. I was happy as can be….

It was in that moment that I knew everything was going to be okay. (It made me fill up. I’m actually sat in Ego, writing this blog trying not to cry. Haha! I’m pathetic.) 

It was in that moment that I knew everything was going to be okay….

It was like an entire burden had been lifted. It was like Keiran & I had finally ‘got it.’ Junior was smiling. That’s all that mattered. 

We found a new respect for each other… So yes, everything seems okay right now. 

But oh my gosh…those last 6 sleeps sent me bonkers….

…and let me tell you what happened!!! 

Paddling pools, Auditions & Heartbreak…

I’m over the moon. Life is just a miracle. But I’ve obviously been distracted by wonderful weather, good times, a missing Junior, my awkward expanding waistline and the basic delicious wonders of life. 

I’ve noticed that if I’m feeling emotionally uncomfortable about something in my life…I can’t blog. I can’t blog at all??? I withdraw!!! It used to be the other way round. I needed to blog to release the stress! I used it as an ‘empty.’ (We all know how that feels. ;)) Then I’d be much better & have a pina colada. I’d have five! Tally ho! I’d have six! 

However as my life changed…and Wunna Land started creeping up the success ladder A LITTLE bit more..and I began to creep myself OUT emotionally, a little bit more. (Now that I’m old, ‘changes’ seem to terrify me. I’m not as ‘Slick Rick’ with them as I used to be. I’m fine once they’ve happened and the glitter has settled. However, at first, I like to panic. QUIETLY though.)

Ruby, Junior & I enjoyed the 34 degree heatwave, in our paddling pooled garden. I cancelled all work on those 3 days, to just be with them. We lived it in for 3 whole days. I made a rubbish BBQ on a disposable thing because they demanded that such a task should occur…

‘Kids! This is not okay. I’ve never bbq’d in my life!! This is so hillbilly.’ 

‘It’s wonderful mum!!!’ 

 No-one could eat the sausages because I burnt them so ‘wonderfully.’ We tried to feed them to my little Burmese Dad…who came to sunbathe in all his clothes. (He’s not like Mum, who’d just tell us to ‘GET LOST.’ He’d try to be calm, loving and supportive…over the fact that I’d burnt all his lunch. Hahaha.) 

I was left in charge of the WHOLE of Wunna Land…because my Mum had vanished off to Optical Express for 3 days for laser eye surgery. She took my brother. All I had to do was feed & nurture my Father. 

We lived off toasted marshmallows for a good few hours…until the sun went in. It was actually bliss. 

(I even did an emergency acting audition, on tape, straight out the paddling pool. I didn’t get it. I knew I wouldn’t. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for intense emotion. I had a neon pink octopus attached to my bikini and inflatable stars around my ankles. Haha.) 

I learnt to always be on the ball. I could get called at any second. I need to be ready…and not in a paddling pool, dancing to 90’s pop tunes with a Michelob light in my hand. 

Ages ago…when I booked Ann Summers…Nicki the Queen of organising AS talent, called me… 

Nicki: ‘Hey! Where are you?’ 

Me: ‘I’m in a hot tub.’

Nicki: ‘Who with? Do you have pants on?’ 

Me: ‘Yeah.’ 

(I actually didn’t. Don’t know how she was so psychic? I even told the other human to put their swimmers back ON, simply because it was rude for me to talk to Nicki on the phone whilst they were undressed. Haha.) 

Nicki: ‘I need you to be at Ann Summers tomorrow for filming. I need to book your travel. Where are you?’

Me: ‘I’m on holiday… in a forest. The cabin.’ 

Nicki: ‘Send me the address. I don’t care if your driven, trained or flown. I need to get you here, for the day…for work…by 9am tomorrow.’

This always happens to me. I never turn down good work or an opportunity. I’m not in a position to. So I’m always then left in a really lovely position, where I have to tell the human and/or humans I’m chilling with, that I have to leave, cancel or disappear for 24hrs…literally from that precise moment onwards. 

That’s why I prefer it to be family, good friends or other peeps in entertainment, because they’ll forgive me & get it, without me having to feel bad. 

Anyway, I enjoyed the sunshine. I’m working hard. I’m influencing quite a lot. I went to acting class at YAFTA. We’ve broken up now for Summer until Sept. I thought no-one would show up because it was the ‘hottest day on record’ for Britain. Nearly everyone did. It showed me how dedicated everyone is to the things that make them happy.

I was early. But I’m early to everything. Everyone made it though. Even newbies. I mean, maybe they got there with one minute to spare, a little more tanned than usual, after a sunshine wine and like they’ve suddenly shocked themselves away from garden sunbathing because ‘shit, we have acting class.’ But they got there and the people who got there are my kinda peeps. Innit. Haha. 

‘Honestly, if no-one shows up…I’m gonna be well annoyed because I could’ve had evening cocktails in my garden!! If I’M here, then everyone should be!!!? Haha.’  

Anyway…. The babies & I have literally done everything. Lunched, played, adventured, worked, filmed, loved and lived. I can’t even tell you all the things we’ve done. There’s been that much. Plus, we’re settled now, ready for ‘Welcome to Wunna Land.’ 

Y’know Ruby has been pestering me like CRAZY because she wants to start a YouTube channel. I’ve said ‘no’ for YEARS and she’s hated me for it. 

I let her start an Instagram last year, provided I ran it and she shared it with her brother, because she begged me so much and performed well in school. 

Ruby: ‘Insta’s fun, Mum. But it’s just pictures and they’re easy. I want to do videos more.’ 

(She wants to feel challenged.) 

I said ‘no.’ You need to build a following…a reach. You don’t have that yet. 

Ruby: ‘But we have you… You don’t even use your YouTube and you have people subscribed.’ 

Me: ‘Only 900.’

I stopped posting things on YouTube because I never used it properly like a channel. I just posted 10 second clips of bits & bobs. I did try once. But I had too much on my plate & I can’t edit videos etc. 

Infact, I had used my YouTube  so little, that I couldn’t even remember the email account that I’d registered with it.

So I checked last night. Had a little look. A play. Found the registered email address. Read through old emails. Just over 14,000 people had subscribed. I read my email telling me that I had reach my 10,000 subscription rate. The last one I had read ages ago, was my 1,000 subscriber thing. 

I never use my YouTube correctly so I kinda felt bad that so many people had subscribed and I’d done a mixture of nothing or rubbish stuff…when I actually love shooting video! 

Then I saw the email where my video monetisation had been disabled because I didn’t update something on my Adsense account or I hadn’t posted in a while so they closed it. 

Sooooo, I went through the procedure to relink my AdSense account (which you do need to be able to be paid) it takes 48hrs. I’d already qualified for the payment scheme thing. There’s a requirement before you earn. I think you need at least 1000 subscribers and a certain amount of watch time to the channel. 

And well, if that comes back smoothly (it may not…if I haven’t used it in ages, they could ‘no no’ me.) But if it’s a ‘yes,’ then I’ve agreed after watching things like ‘The Norris Nuts,’ and ‘Morgz.’ It’s All family, silly and fun. Anyway, I’ve told her that WE as a family can start vlogging on da tube. 

If it’s a YES. (I’m only doing it, if I get paid. Haha. It’s not a joy for me. But I’ll help them all the way. The kids want to do it regardless, for kicks.) 

However, weirdly, whenever I tell anyone that she wants to start YouTubing…she gets embarrassed and starts crying, whilst saying, ‘I don’t!!! I don’t!!’ 

Hmmm…? So that makes me feel like she’s not confident enough to do it yet. She’s still trying to act ‘cool.’ 

Me: ‘If you can’t admit to wanting to do it in public, you’re not ready yet. It’s not about trying to look cool or thinking about a watch count. It’s about doing something you enjoy? Plus, you’re making me look silly, by begging me to say yes, but telling everyone else no!’

Ruby: ‘I want to do it…I don’t want everyone to ask me about it though!!!!!’ 

Me: ‘….you have 4 MILLION views on a video of you being BORN…If you’re gonna do it, do know that everyone will be talking to you about it? You need to be 100% ready, before you start jumping in.’

Junior: ‘I’ll do it. I love it. I’ll dance like this…’ 

Waitress: ‘I have a rare steak, with peppercorn sauce and….’

Hahaha. 

Welcome to Wunna Land! 

(Then Junior went away for 6 sleeps…and a crazy feeling of loss filled our entire glittery world.)